• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT | paranoid android

Why Suicide Could Be the Answer

I wonder about that when someone says they are self destructive. I wonder if it is always self destructive or rather life affirming in a strange sense? I'm not convinced about people being just intrinsically fucked up in such cases as yours seems to be. I'd bet my money that both nature and nurture are behind those "demons" you refer to and your wanting to be dead is your internal acknowledgement that there is something mighty wrong with the world you are stuck in and it degrades and brings all that is best in you low to be here. And so you want out and that's what I mean by life affirming. If life cannot be basically spiritually good for you it would be a sign of health at a core level to want out.

Just a thought or two to add to the pot. Whatever the case I wish you well.
 
It's a sick pattern I can't explain and ultimately why I KNOW I must end my life at some point. The pattern is doing well and then once I'm doing well, I destroy it all again. The only way I know how to describe it is self-destructive. My own mind is fighting against me and wants me to ruin everything.

And yes, there is something very wrong with the world and wrong with my environment. I am far too sensitive for this life, always have been. Once upon a time I could wear a mask and hide me feelings with a smile, but I can no longer do that. There are no masks anymore. There isn't a place in this world for people who can no longer grin and play pretend. I am an outcast, not socially acceptable.

Being in a relationship only reminded me of this. People would talk about their job, husband, cars, kids. I had none of that. I desire none of that. I do not fit in around "normal" people. I'm stuck here now so I guess I have to try to fight again at some point, but honestly, I already know the end is coming eventually by my own hands. Life is too much to take. It's like playing catch without arms. If you're not strong enough, you lose. We all die in the end, but I'd rather not drag it out and end up homeless one day or something even shittier.
 
Once again I'd like to suggest that it might not be so sick that a part of you want's to quit hanging on to life. Consider what you said

And yes, there is something very wrong with the world and wrong with my environment. I am far too sensitive for this life, always have been. Once upon a time I could wear a mask and hide me feelings with a smile, but I can no longer do that. There are no masks anymore. There isn't a place in this world for people who can no longer grin and play pretend. I am an outcast, not socially acceptable.
Click to expand...

Very few may understand how you feel but I do and I consider it totally a valid POV. I don't consider it a sickness to feel like you don't want to live like this.
 
Your problem is not, that you do not fit in. Your problem is, that you are too lazy to change your environment. There are non-confused (that do not define their lives over bullshit like children and jobs) people out there. If you cannot find them in your current location, then fucking try to change your location. If you did not try this before commiting suicide, you will regret it one day.
 
I get what you mean about repeating the patterns even when you have seen the positive gains made when you break them. I do this all the time in small ways and large. I have tried to understand it rather than use it for one more thing to berate myself about but it still confuses me. Take exercise. I know it makes me feel better on every level--physical and mental--and yet I will find every reason possible in my head to avoid it. You would think that something that makes you feel good, produces positive results and makes the whole day feel better would be its own reward. So why do I continue to avoid it? The closest I can get is that I am afraid to commit to change. It's easier to stick with the inertia. Like you, I have had times when I did commit to a routine and while the rewards were great over time, I found it hard and somewhat boring in the moment. I'm thinking now that perhaps the best way to approach getting exercise back in my life is to not think it has to be all or nothing. If I only swim 1 day one month and 20 the next, that's fine.

As far as moving to another place...sure, sometimes it can be a great thing to do to get you out of your comfort zone; but when you are feeling as vulnerable as you are right now, the loneliness and initial isolation could be too much.
 
You understand perfectly. I also think it's good to not think of exercise as "all or nothing", I just know for me once I stop even a day or two, I'm ready to stop completely again. So at one point, that's why I was forcing myself every single day, but I also had more will and motivation at that time of my life. I saw a future for myself, then that went away.

My therapist has suggested moving away, but I really don't know if I can face life on my own. I have times of paranoia and times where I can't take care of myself or even get out of bed. How could I keep up with my own place? It's not just laziness like someone above mentioned.

Anyway, first thing's first. Getting back to a work out routine is mandatory. At least steady exercise can help me feel more capable of things mentally and physically. All of your replies have been enlightening. I would like to be able to get to a point where I can change my environment and be more in tune with nature. I envy those who just pick up and leave. I'm not that independent. Not yet anyway...
 
Ziiirp said:
I, for myself, will certainly choose suicide at one point, when the pain and draconian symptoms will be unbearable. Just the exact moment is still unclear. Could be 5 years or even 10 years from now on.

If you don't have an untreatable physical condition, there are still a few things to try, before doing the final step :

- hazard the consequences of a highly functional drug addiction
- leave the country and try to reset your life

If you do have a chronic condition and feel half dead anyway, suicide is legitimate in my opinion. Otherwise I would say, there a plenty options to get at least short-term relief from suffering.
Click to expand...

I would like to point out that it's not all about having an untreatable physical condition that can prevent you from things. What about having untreatable mental illnesses? I'm just saying don't disregard serious mental illness and just call it "lazy" like you did in another post. People with mental illness have severe battles just like those with physical conditions.
It's just that mental problems aren't easy to spot like if someone has a broken leg, etc.

I still appreciate your advice though.
 
The question is also : What do you expect from life ? Which feeling do you want to conserve ? If you have the impression, that you do not have the same expectations than the average Joe/Joan, you must have other ideas about personal "success".

If you are looking for mental and physical equilibrium I just repeat : Please visit a/several buddhist group. It is easier to get a instructed start with experts than trying everything alone.

My impression is, that you are feeling lonely after a long relationship and in my opinion you should learn to enjoy your freedom/soleness. That does not mean you should isolate yourself from society, though imho that also helps in the short-time window, because some/most people are thaaat superficial and confused, that it hurts to be around them for too long. :D
 
Last edited:
I understand you very well: my life the most part of time is empty, sometimes I don't find a true reason to go on. I have an incredible girlfriend that love me and a mom that always did/done everything for me, but I feel so lonely, isolated. I was addicted to opiates (fentanyl, oxy, morphine..) for 4 years, and now I'm done with a treatment of Suboxone that I had since 7 months, with the help of kratom.


I don't find the point of all of this, wake another morning and one day more, like the previous, to pass another day bored, empty, without emotions or feeling a intense sadness. I think I have an strong existential crisis, because I don't see any sense in nothing the major part of time. Sometimes I do sport, I have barely friends and I spend time days and days in home. Too I think this is caused by PAWS after so many time of opiates (I was in these so many years for chronic pain).


Sincerely, sometimes I thought in suicide, and the same reasons like you said, I feel that the life don't have to much more to offer me, I arrived to a point where I feel like I'm falling in a dark void.


Sometimes I think that if I don't kill myself, it's for the infinite pain it would cause to my mother and my girlfriend, they don't deserve this. And here I am, day by day, with fake smiles, to make glad people around me.

You're not alone in this, we're so many struggling the adversities of life, wearing a mask of happiness, but we're died inside. Stay strong and hang in there, I send you all my good vibes to you and to everyone that are going through something like that.
 
Let's all meet in a country with pristine nature and start a community there. Shotgun for me on the alpha palm tree with the most bananas. =D
 
it doesnt end the pain it just passes it to someone else, think of your family and people who truely love you
 
It does end the pain and if family and friends truly love you they don't want you to suffer so they won't have to.
 
But if you have no physical pain like the OP, then you can still get (at the very minimum short-term) pleasure in life, it may be meaningless at first sight but it is still pleasure. Who can guarantee you, that what comes after death is going to feel any better than the current incarnation ? I have the feeling many cases of suicidal tendencies are originated in the projected image, one creates about their role in society, the urge to kill oneself is often about the shame that is released, when someone did not play the game well to achieve the Western (former American) dream. That is very sad.

Even if one has psychological issues that prevent one from excelling in questionable paths like careers, there are still millions of ways to create purpose (even hedonism is a purpose) in life. For example by helping other people (refugees, orphans) getting by.
 
The fact remains it's a crap shoot and logically if life has felt shitty for a long time the odds are that it will remain so. Again the odds seem to suggest that there is nothing after death and the fact is you are going there anyway. So finally as the OP states suicide may be the answer. If my life seems unpleasant on a continuing basis then it's a true blessing to be able to opt out imo.
 
If you don't have ambitions to change anything, because your empirically acquired nihilism is that pronounced (I can relate at times), you can still choose the hedonistic path, i.e. experimenting with drugs, that recalibrate your mind and open it for new perspectives or just more hedonism. So yeah, it is very easy today to change the odds that leastwise superficial short-term relief is guaranteed.

Cosmic Trigger said:
... Again the odds seem to suggest that there is nothing after death and the fact is you are going there anyway. So finally as the OP states suicide may be the answer. If my life seems unpleasant on a continuing basis then it's a true blessing to be able to opt out imo.
Click to expand...

I never have seen a statement, that affirms this theory. And because of that, we cannot exclude the the case, that the energy, which currently keeps the self-aware cell colony going, that constitutes our bodies, will be transformed into/used for another process. How/where that transformation happens is the riddle, but it is certain, that there will be a transformation. Let's just take a look at the lowest signal (communication between cells) level and call this energy simply electricity. The fact, that you will face death anyway stands. You want to make sure, that your body as a signal network of electricity creates the most suitable overall oscillation for your environment, so that you are in sync (synchronicity) with the world. The easiest way to do that is not twiddling the signal amplifier button to max. by doing everything at your own will, but by reducing your influence and adjust your personal signal to the "world" signal.

If you kill yourself full of unwanted emotions and "amplified", the last thing you send to your environment is a rectified distorted signal, which will create more problems for the transformation process than a natural death.

And even if those last cryptic gibberish does not change your mind about "We are going there anyway", there is still the hedonistic approach as an alternative to suicide.
 
solidsnake77 said:
I understand you very well: my life the most part of time is empty, sometimes I don't find a true reason to go on. I have an incredible girlfriend that love me and a mom that always did/done everything for me, but I feel so lonely, isolated. I was addicted to opiates (fentanyl, oxy, morphine..) for 4 years, and now I'm done with a treatment of Suboxone that I had since 7 months, with the help of kratom.


I don't find the point of all of this, wake another morning and one day more, like the previous, to pass another day bored, empty, without emotions or feeling a intense sadness. I think I have an strong existential crisis, because I don't see any sense in nothing the major part of time. Sometimes I do sport, I have barely friends and I spend time days and days in home. Too I think this is caused by PAWS after so many time of opiates (I was in these so many years for chronic pain).

You're not alone in this, we're so many struggling the adversities of life, wearing a mask of happiness, but we're died inside. Stay strong and hang in there, I send you all my good vibes to you and to everyone that are going through something like that.
Click to expand...

I'm sorry you're suffering too. PAWS is a bitch. I also realized I'm a naturally HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) so going through PAWS amplifies that a ton. Try to take care of yourself. I'm trying to stay off social media because I notice certain things really set me off.

It's great you're sober now. I still feel like an empty zombie mostly and I don't have a purpose. My grandmother gets up every morning and sits there on her computer or watching TV or running her mouth and I'm like " What the fuck is the point of getting up?" My grandmother just got a dog so she gets up so he can go to the bathroom. It gives her another reason. I force myself to make sure the dogs have fresh water or to do the dishes or force myself into the shower. It just all sucks. But being in a psych ward sucks MORE. So I'm trying to manage the best I can because to me, that's the worst place to end up.

Anyway, I'm not going to be sober from benzos. Even though PAWS is horrible when I can't get a hold of them, Gabapentin helps a bit. When I finally get more benzos, I'm productive again. So fuck it. I have nothing left and I don't want to be here anyway so if benzos help in some way, I'm going to take them.

I'm diagnosed with anxiety and agoraphobia (amongst other things). I can't see my life without benzos. There wouldn't even be brief happiness without it.
 
Last edited:
Cosmic Trigger said:
The fact remains it's a crap shoot and logically if life has felt shitty for a long time the odds are that it will remain so. Again the odds seem to suggest that there is nothing after death and the fact is you are going there anyway. So finally as the OP states suicide may be the answer. If my life seems unpleasant on a continuing basis then it's a true blessing to be able to opt out imo.
Click to expand...

I agree with everything you say. I do not see myself getting much older. Life is like watching a movie and you know how it's going to play out if it hasn't been going well. It's all a waiting game now. I'm sure there will be some (brief) happiness, but the day will come when it's time to rest my soul. The only thing is making sure it's done right. What scares me is failing and ending up a vegetable, in a coma, etc.

Just want to say I also appreciate @ziiirp views. No one knows what comes after this life, but there comes a point, you just don't give a fuck. Hopefully there is absolutely nothing and I can be in the dark and done with having to try.
 
Last edited:
Ziiirp said:
If you don't have ambitions to change anything, because your empirically acquired nihilism is that pronounced (I can relate at times), you can still choose the hedonistic path, i.e. experimenting with drugs, that recalibrate your mind and open it for new perspectives or just more hedonism. So yeah, it is very easy today to change the odds that leastwise superficial short-term relief is guaranteed.



I never have seen a statement, that affirms this theory. And because of that, we cannot exclude the the case, that the energy, which currently keeps the self-aware cell colony going, that constitutes our bodies, will be transformed into/used for another process. How/where that transformation happens is the riddle, but it is certain, that there will be a transformation. Let's just take a look at the lowest signal (communication between cells) level and call this energy simply electricity. The fact, that you will face death anyway stands. You want to make sure, that your body as a signal network of electricity creates the most suitable overall oscillation for your environment, so that you are in sync (synchronicity) with the world. The easiest way to do that is not twiddling the signal amplifier button to max. by doing everything at your own will, but by reducing your influence and adjust your personal signal to the "world" signal.

If you kill yourself full of unwanted emotions and "amplified", the last thing you send to your environment is a rectified distorted signal, which will create more problems for the transformation process than a natural death.

And even if those last cryptic gibberish does not change your mind about "We are going there anyway", there is still the hedonistic approach as an alternative to suicide.
Click to expand...

I assume there is nothing after death because there is no evidence that there is. Nothing is known for sure of course. If you want to talk soul then I think you have to take every living thing into account including insects. Nothing is certain but I see no reason to assume anything before or after birth. And if we are just going to throw out pet theories then mine is that considering we are slaves to the cultural paradigm, having been completely or mostly programmed by said culture maybe, just maybe this is a test to see if you can recognize your enslavement and then come up with the courage to escape via suicide. The prize going to those who had the strength to refuse to live in slavery and take real action to escape. Forty virgins waiting for those few. And how many die a "natural" death anymore. In a hospital with tubes and drugs to dull the senses is hardly "natural" in the way you mean it. If you want to go natural better forgo all the drugs and such. Sorry about that.

The point in the OP seems to be that there is no hedonism that is working anymore and it's mostly all just suffering. So then there is the opt out option or continue suffering and hope against hope for some relief before the bitter end. Doesn't sound like such a good deal to me.
 
One thing is for sure, being in this purgatory state while you're actually alive fucking sucks! As long as I'm stuck here (for now), there has to be a definite decision to LIVE and work on myself or life is going to continue to be uncomfortable. So later today after I get some sleep, I'll start reading The Power and hopefully that sparks something and leads things in the right direction.
 
hey bro listen I'm in the exact same boat with the exact same feelings. Nothing left to keep me going other than fading willpower, drugs, and my sister with down syndrome. I know its hard bud, it sucks but use if you have to using is better than being dead. Every girl in my life has chewed me up and spit me out. I know how all of that is and the horrible feelings. I've developed paranoid delusions and PTSD from relationships alone. on top of add ocd generalized anx, panic, and extreme agoraphobia. you ever need any help feel free to shoot me a pm or anything. lost to many friends to suicide it really isnt the solution. I know every grueling second hurts like fucking hell but just keep going. I truly feel serious empathy from your situation and hope your still good. best wishes man.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top