Mental Health Why do I miss feeling like shit

[demonapocalypse]

A few months ago I had the worst depressive episode of my life which was exacerbated by adderall/focalin withdrawal where I had no energy and anxiety that would cripple my ability to enjoy anything. It was probably the worst month/2 months of my life but thankfully when I went back to school (this was during break) I was really able to change my outlook on life and things ended up working out really great for me and now I have a few pretty good things going for me. But for some reason I usually have this nostalgic feeling towards how shitty I felt. I don’t miss feeling like that at all, I would think to myself every day that I would do anything to not feel the way I did, but for some reason I think of the period as very serene and sometimes feel like I want to be back in that situation.

Am I alone in feeling this way? I’ve had other instances where I’ve wanted to relive the worst/most traumatic time periods of my life despite being in a much better place and I still don’t entirely understand why. Maybe so that with the insight I gained I could “fix” myself quicker and show myself the situation wasn’t as traumatic as I made it out to be? I don’t really know.

 

[n3ophy7e]

Well firstly let me say that I am glad you're feeling better. I know that type of darkness and anxiety and despair you described all too well and it's fucking horrible.

It is interesting, how you speak of the nostalgic feeling of it though, of reminiscing back on it. I have Complex Trauma (which is PTSD but multiple instances of traumatic events), and I can definitely relate to what you said. I particularly relate to the part where you you think back on it and wanna show yourself that it wasn't as traumatic as you made it out to be. I do that A LOT with my C-PTSD, especially from my abuse, (which is obviously very different to what you mentioned in your post above), and I suspect a lot of other trauma victims do the same thing.

Sorry kinda going off on a tangent there, but YES I can relate! And no you are definitely not alone in thinking this way. I think a lot of people would do this, for a whole lot of different reasons.

 

[December Flower]

Well that's how our brain works to some degree.
Imagine something poking you in the side, at first you don't like it, but it just doesn't go away, so you grow accustomed. As soon as it's gone, say after a month or two, you will "miss it", in a way, like a phantom limb.

Another example is the weather. Here in my home we have 2 warm months, July/August, the rest is cold, and often has snow, June can be one or the other. Because we have only so few warm months, I absolutely hate the warmth. I hate it, it's just too much for me. I just want everything to be cold again so I can feel good Our brains easily grow accustomed to things, taking a bath for example you see exactly how fast this works.

My last example is the Owl in Ocarina of Time. I hated that motherfucker, and as soon as you're old, the Owl is gone and that made me sad. But I hated that Owl!

"Like" and "Dislike" are of no use to our brains, they just accustom themselves with what we give them. A crashed thyroid is also something your body will accustom itself with, and after some time it feels like normal. Your thyroid going back to what is ACTUALLY normal, will feel to your body & brain like something weird and abnormal, at first.

 

[n3ophy7e]

Well that's how our brain works to some degree.
Imagine something poking you in the side, at first you don't like it, but it just doesn't go away, so you grow accustomed. As soon as it's gone, say after a month or two, you will "miss it", in a way, like a phantom limb.

Another example is the weather. Here in my home we have 2 warm months, July/August, the rest is cold, and often has snow, June can be one or the other. Because we have only so few warm months, I absolutely hate the warmth. I hate it, it's just too much for me. I just want everything to be cold again so I can feel good Our brains easily grow accustomed to things, taking a bath for example you see exactly how fast this works.

My last example is the Owl in Ocarina of Time. I hated that motherfucker, and as soon as you're old, the Owl is gone and that made me sad. But I hated that Owl!

"Like" and "Dislike" are of no use to our brains, they just accustom themselves with what we give them. A crashed thyroid is also something your body will accustom itself with, and after some time it feels like normal. Your thyroid going back to what is ACTUALLY normal, will feel to your body & brain like something weird and abnormal, at first.

That is a very interesting perspective on it DF, I love it, thank you!

 

[tweakerguy]

That comfy, nostalgic feeling is one I know all too well. It followed me for 13 years (my longest clean streak) and if anything its a testement to the powerfully reinforcing effects of this drug's high.
It hands you a pair of rose-lensed glasses that you're never able to take off.