Who grew up in an alcoholic / drug addicted house hold?

[papercuts]

Neither of my parents drank and only smoked weed . I only found out they smoked weed looking for beer money in high school. My mom caused me alot of issues threw pure emotional neglect though, my oldest memory is trying to cuddle my mom and being told to "fk off and get away from me".

Did we have the same mum?

 

[jestersblood]

Parents didn't drink much, but my Dads brothers were both drinkers and drug users, they were close to my age, one only being 10yrs older than me.He took me to see Floyds Dark Side tour at the Gardens in Toronto when I was 5, he was babysitting me that night, From a early age I would spend the weekends at his place, get stoned see Rocky Horror at midnight was lots of fun,,,till it wasn't . I was taught from them it was ok to drink, use drugs, and lie to my parents, I own my part, was a addict/alcoholic for the past 45 yrs or so ,,,,but I was only 9 when it started , they thot they were keeping me safe by doing it with them,,they wern't always there

 

[papercuts]

My Dad drank a lot, my stepmother was an alco, my stepfather was a cunt and my mum was emotionally unavailable at all times.

Of me and my seven siblings, two of us got severely worse treatment than the other six. I don't speak much to my family, but as far as I know those six younger ones were always nil to moderate in their lives while my older sister and I excel in uncontrolled excess.

Of course we were basically told that was why they didn't invest much energy into raising us, they could see we were wrong-uns from the start.

 

[hylite]

It does leave an influence on you how you are treated and how you have to cope. Or learn to. (( The original post topic))

It takes a strong person to pull themselves out from destructive negative influence. Or it's like a gift or something that someone has that actually can overcome.

People are a great influence. But most definitely family especially when developing from an infant that does need support.

Please don't have children if you do not really want them. It makes it too difficult on us all.

Or try to understand your own life so you don't have to ruin the rest of life in the world. Yes, it's ALWAYS been that bad. IF you aren't that lucky.

Very relevant thread that's the truth.

 

[hylite]

My Dad drank a lot, my stepmother was an alco, my stepfather was a cunt and my mum was emotionally unavailable at all times.

Of me and my seven siblings, two of us got severely worse treatment than the other six. I don't speak much to my family, but as far as I know those six younger ones were always nil to moderate in their lives while my older sister and I excel in uncontrolled excess.

Of course we were basically told that was why they didn't invest much energy into raising us, they could see we were wrong-uns from the start.

it's tough being the elders. Especially in some situations. It's not easy in any order BUT !!
You know.

Thanks for your posts !

 

[TheLastUnicorn]

My entire family is full of ADDICTS, and I believe this to be true for every family. The so-called "drug" of choice is different for every person, but there is that ONE thing for every human that comes before anything else in their mind. Before their own health and safety. It can be the most difficult drugs to get off on that the body becomes so physically dependent on (heroin, opioids, meth, ect), the prescription pills, dope, cigarettes, alcohol, FOOD/SUGAR. Yes, that is a true addiction for more than half of the entire world's population, just look at the overweight/obesity worldwide epidemic and now childhood obesity and tell me it is a "choice" for those people and they cannot control their willpower. BS. The majority of the population now worldwide (except north korea and china and some places japan) is OVERWEIGHT/OBESE because their drug of choice is the easily available completely legal terrible for you but delicious to your taste buds FOOD and CANDY and desserts and now the larger than human sized portions that are the "norm." But it's all fine because it's LEGAL. There is heart disease killing more people than anything, also diabetes, also cancer, knowingly caused by our food choices and lack of exercise.

My mom's dad was an alcoholic. He was married to a nurse. My grandma had no "substance" abuse problems whatsoever, BUT she chose to marry and live with an abusive alcoholic who treated her and the 3 children terribly. My mom was a chain smoker her entire life until she died of lung cancer. My aunt was a heroin user and died from an overdose. My uncle is a food addict because he has always been very large for his age and now has an entire family of obese people (had very overweight kids who are now obese).

My dad did NOT abuse ANY substances, not even alcohol. HIS "drug" of choice was being in love with a narcissist woman his entire life (my mom).

My sister is the exact same, she never drinks, never smokes, BUT she immediately had four kids without thinking twice about it with an ALCOHOLIC. Stayed with this alcoholic narcissist for 20 yrs despite him treating her like the dirt under the doormat. HE is HER ADDICTION. HE comes FIRST before her kids, before herself. She did finally leave but now has replaced him with another MAN who lives in Ghana (they are supposedly in love). She sends him all her money before she spends it on herself for her own food. Her ADDICTION is having a MAN who treats her terribly.

My #1 love has always been food (ever since I can remember). I gained 80 pounds in one year. My weight has gone up and down like a roller coaster until I was 120 pounds overweight and felt the only way to stop myself from gaining more and becoming bedridden was to have stomach surgery. So I did, and that was over 10 years ago and I have maintained my weight ever since. Did I stop being a food addict? NO!!! I just cannot stuff myself anymore so I started using alcohol instead. Drinking to pass out every night even though I dont enjoy the taste of ANY wine or alcohol. This is called ADDICTION TRANSFERENCE and IT IS REAL. This is what most people do if they manage to overcome their #1 love and abstain from it, they simply replace it with the best replacement they can find. (food, cigarettes, vaping, ect ect ect).

Others will have their own addiction substance of "choice": SEX, PORN, MASTURBATION, VIDEO GAMES, GAMBLING, EXERCISE, EATING DISORDERS, ALCOHOL, VAPING, WORK, ANOTHER PERSON, ________________________ fill in the blank. These are all the same as a so-called "drug" addiction.

Honestly, my drug of choice is HEROIN even though I have yet to do it. It has been my "dream drug" since I first heard about it. Only downers appeal to me and being passed out to the point of cant be woken up, total euphoria. I used to be afraid of the sickness part and strong addictive quality, but at this point in my life, there is no reason to care anymore.

If you do ANYTHING to the detriment of your own body/mind health, and you cannot STOP, that is YOUR ADDICTION. Sometimes other family members can seem like they are not affected by a substance addiction, BUT I am willing to bet money that if you look closely enough, there IS SOMETHING (job, work, another person) that they NEED, just as much as any drug addict.

UPDATE: 5/27/22 - I forgot to say that I do not have any children. All of my family is deceased or we do not associate with each other. My four nephews who had the alcoholic dad, I am not close with but I know all of them almost did not graduate high school, all started drinking as teens, the youngest one got arrested for arson around age 20.

Since my mom was a narcissist (cigarette addict) me and my sister both come from very dysfunctional upbringing mostly (emotional and beatings with belt) being raised by just my mom (she divorced by dad twice). Both me and my sister have zero self esteem. My sister NEEDS a man, she will tolerate anything rather than be alone. I have had relationships but learned that I should live alone and have done so since 2015).

 

[Snafu in the Void]

There's this weird dichotomy in my family.

My father was a life long alcoholic, and that entire side of the family are all addicts. Uncle was a meth head, aunt was a pill junkie, grandfather was an alcoholic, all of them. Every single one was an addict.

My mother was not an addict at all, and her entire side of the family are all successful non-addicts. Almost like a model family...

It was honestly a bizarre marriage, seemed forced and regretted in many ways. It was not a happy household. I woke up and fell asleep to screaming and fighting every day for 10 years until they finally divorced. I have no idea how it lasted that long. My father loved to burst into my room at 2am and tell little 8 year old me all sorts of weird fucked up shit during drunken rants and then chase me around with a belt.

 

[deficiT]

BDD -----> TDS

 

[Crash Override]

Yes. My dad was a heroin addict and died from an overdose when I was 7. I was the one who found him in the morning. Generally I was mostly unaware of it, other than having no money all the time and lots of fights. I guess I was too young to understand.

But I must have inherited his genes though because my half brothers and sister are all pretty straight laced and successful and smart and "normal" and have been unproblematic children for the most part.

 

[papercuts]

Yes. My dad was a heroin addict and died from an overdose when I was 7. I was the one who found him in the morning. Generally I was mostly unaware of it, other than having no money all the time and lots of fights. I guess I was too young to understand.

But I must have inherited his genes though because my half brothers and sister are all pretty straight laced and successful and smart and "normal" and have been unproblematic children for the most part.

Half siblings can be treated very differently from the older ones with the wrong fathers, plus have you ever addressed the trauma of finding your dad dead? That alone can fuck up a kid.

 

[papercuts]

My entire family is full of ADDICTS, and I believe this to be true for every family. The so-called "drug" of choice is different for every person, but there is that ONE thing for every human that comes before anything else in their mind. Before their own health and safety. It can be the most difficult drugs to get off on that the body becomes so physically dependent on (heroin, opioids, meth, ect), the prescription pills, dope, cigarettes, alcohol, FOOD/SUGAR. Yes, that is a true addiction for more than half of the entire world's population, just look at the overweight/obesity worldwide epidemic and now childhood obesity and tell me it is a "choice" for those people and they cannot control their willpower. BS. The majority of the population now worldwide (except north korea and china and some places japan) is OVERWEIGHT/OBESE because their drug of choice is the easily available completely legal terrible for you but delicious to your taste buds FOOD and CANDY and desserts and now the larger than human sized portions that are the "norm." But it's all fine because it's LEGAL. There is heart disease killing more people than anything, also diabetes, also cancer, knowingly caused by our food choices and lack of exercise.

My mom's dad was an alcoholic. He was married to a nurse. My grandma had no "substance" abuse problems whatsoever, BUT she chose to marry and live with an abusive alcoholic who treated her and the 3 children terribly. My mom was a chain smoker her entire life until she died of lung cancer. My aunt was a heroin user and died from an overdose. My uncle is a food addict because he has always been very large for his age and now has an entire family of obese people (had very overweight kids who are now obese).

My dad did NOT abuse ANY substances, not even alcohol. HIS "drug" of choice was being in love with a narcissist woman his entire life (my mom).

My sister is the exact same, she never drinks, never smokes, BUT she immediately had four kids without thinking twice about it with an ALCOHOLIC. Stayed with this alcoholic narcissist for 20 yrs despite him treating her like the dirt under the doormat. HE is HER ADDICTION. HE comes FIRST before her kids, before herself. She did finally leave but now has replaced him with another MAN who lives in Ghana (they are supposedly in love). She sends him all her money before she spends it on herself for her own food. Her ADDICTION is having a MAN who treats her terribly.

My #1 love has always been food (ever since I can remember). I gained 80 pounds in one year. My weight has gone up and down like a roller coaster until I was 120 pounds overweight and felt the only way to stop myself from gaining more and becoming bedridden was to have stomach surgery. So I did, and that was over 10 years ago and I have maintained my weight ever since. Did I stop being a food addict? NO!!! I just cannot stuff myself anymore so I started using alcohol instead. Drinking to pass out every night even though I dont enjoy the taste of ANY wine or alcohol. This is called ADDICTION TRANSFERENCE and IT IS REAL. This is what most people do if they manage to overcome their #1 love and abstain from it, they simply replace it with the best replacement they can find. (food, cigarettes, vaping, ect ect ect).

Others will have their own addiction substance of "choice": SEX, PORN, MASTURBATION, VIDEO GAMES, GAMBLING, EXERCISE, EATING DISORDERS, ALCOHOL, VAPING, WORK, ANOTHER PERSON, ________________________ fill in the blank. These are all the same as a so-called "drug" addiction.

Honestly, my drug of choice is HEROIN even though I have yet to do it. It has been my "dream drug" since I first heard about it. Only downers appeal to me and being passed out to the point of cant be woken up, total euphoria. I used to be afraid of the sickness part and strong addictive quality, but at this point in my life, there is no reason to care anymore.

If you do ANYTHING to the detriment of your own body/mind health, and you cannot STOP, that is YOUR ADDICTION. Sometimes other family members can seem like they are not affected by a substance addiction, BUT I am willing to bet money that if you look closely enough, there IS SOMETHING (job, work, another person) that they NEED, just as much as any drug addict.

This hits home^^^ The alcoholic embers of my family are my preferred family, the rest of them are as compulsive as fuck and annoying bastards.

Edit, I was going to correct embers to members, but maybe embers is more accurate.

 

[Joey]

My house was full of 'grit' which was crystal meth in my area at the time.

 

[Crash Override]

Half siblings can be treated very differently from the older ones with the wrong fathers, plus have you ever addressed the trauma of finding your dad dead? That alone can fuck up a kid.

He wasn't a bad person or a bad father. I wasn't mistreated, other than maybe a little neglected at times. Mum would ship me off to my grandparents when things were really bad to protect me, I guess. I'm supposedly a lot like him in personality, temperament, looks, even down to mental health diagnoses, but yeah my step dad (HATE calling him that) appeared on the scene not long after and was always an abusive cunt to me right from the start. Nice as pie to his kids when they came along however. It's strange to think that I might have turned out better being raised by a junkie than him.

But yeah, I had plenty of therapy. I've also been told I was quite a sweet kid up until that point. Everyone tells me that I should be fucked up by it and they call it the pivotal point to explain why I'm the way I am now but I honestly think it was quite easy to process compared to the bullshit that came in the years after.

 

[F.U.B.A.R.]

I didn't, but my kids have...

 

[SoCalShordie]

Just was thinking about this. Personally I grew up in a alcoholic household. I always thought my childhood was pretty good and normal, I had what I needed (food, shelter) and most of what I wanted.. But reflecting more I was straight up raised on the bottle. My parents drank everyday and a lot of my childhood was spent with a babysitter. And when I say they drank everyday I mean 5 o clock hit 7 days a week, 365 days a year they were drinking. That cooped with drug addiction in my genes I never really stood a chance imo

Psychologists say environment is very important to outcome.

Honestly makes me wonder how anyone ever makes it out of a drug addicted den like a single mom on crack and is successful and sober I don't really get it

Out of my two siblings and me were all drug addicts

I’m really glad u posted about this. I’ve been kinda living in the past recently. Growing up as a little girl born to a teen mom, we all lived at my grandparents house for the first 7-8 years of my life. It was me, mom, grandma & grandpa, and my twin uncles who are about 10 years older than me. My grandmother was an alcoholic, my grandpa drank too. My Uncle E was a super super heavy alcoholic who went thru severe withdrawals. Uncle D loved his party drugs (shrooms, acid, mdma) & mom became an alcoholic too. My father’s mother was a meth addict, my father an alcoholic. I was heavily addicted to heroin from like 18-25. Heavy Xanax addiction from 25-28, & now I’m off H & benzos but I do drink every night.

 

[SoCalShordie]

Also I have 2 younger brothers (21 & 22) and a sister (13) who I’ve always been close with. They’re all 3 super straight laced. My father also has 2 sons who I don’t know. As far as I know im the only addict. But my upbringing was literally worlds different than theirs. Im at least 8 years older than all my siblings

 

[n3ophy7e]

Also I have 2 younger brothers (21 & 22) and a sister (13) who I’ve always been close with. They’re all 3 super straight laced. My father also has 2 sons who I don’t know. As far as I know im the only addict. But my upbringing was literally worlds different than theirs. Im at least 8 years older than all my siblings

Wow that is interesting hun, how much environment has an effect on our developmental outcomes.
I'm 1 of 5 siblings and I'm the only one with addiction and mental health issues. I still don't know why none of them have any problems and I'm the only one. We grew up in precisely the same household, same parents, went to the same school, were exposed to the same privileges as each other. I haven't worked it out yet.

 

[yubacity]

Addiction has not missed any generation of my family . My grandad two brothers were lifelong opium addicts in the Punjab my great grandad did not arrange a wedding for them said he not want to ruin a girls life and did not give them any land they were kept in opium for life by my grandad .

My dad and his brother we lived in a joint household and were both alcoholics that functioned my uncle also did cocaine on Friday and Saturdays. Weekends were down the pub come home when they shut in the afternoon and eat back out again. My old man was a violent cunt but only when sober and when my mom and uncle not home so we learned he has come home nobody about stay in ur room for hour wait until he had a couple of Punjabi shots which make a devil horn sign with fingers put sideways thats the size of shot.

He would take us, brothers, to Liverpool games with his pal driving from kent to Liverpool drinking shots all the way up and back best memories of him a funny kind fucker would not think he beat us like men but he was drunk he was good then. He and my uncle both died because of drink but no stigma in my culture men drink losers do drugs. My two brothers both functioning meth and alcohol addicts one looking like he starting to be on his way out we know the signs. My uncle's son my cousin but to me a brother died from the drink as well he also abused coke. My cousin on my mom's side was an alcoholic as well and coke head he hung himself one of my mom's brothers' same problem drink.

Me i never been into drink just not my drug but crank coke Heroin and pregabalin also crack are 31 out of 46 years been on it i thank my wife for giving them a normal home life shielding my drug use while they were young . We learn to try and not do to our kids what was done to us so have never laid a hand on my kids and tell not just my daughters but my son everyday i love him something my dad never did to us boys but to my sister spoiled her rotten cunt rubbed it in our face. We were lucky with my uncle a man i miss every day gave me my love of rock and was a surrogate for my cunt of a dad and the women of my family who give credit to the cunt he treated like queens .

We all functioned but that the problem in our minds makes it ok we provide for our families so what if we are addicts but if im honest missed so much with my kids and my wife . For me growing up drink made the old man normal we wish he would have woken up had his usual shot and carried on at least the beatings not happen. . Kids dont just need financial security they need stable dads or moms. So have decided to stay on the gear me and my wife are separated from kids because i have business in UK and need to be here on and of from the states and i go off the rails on my own my wife knows i be dead on my own.While on heroin i never had any health issues and was mentally stable no problems this cycle of relapse and wds are killing me so when here in UK will do heroin and in states pods . My old man when he found out im a heroin addict told me why dont you just have a drink i laughed thought all the death that has caused in my community im better of on Heroin in Uk . Addiction does run in families its been proven and i worry for my kids it all around them my wife's dad was a Vietnam vet he started a family late because he got addicted to heroin and had to get off before he said he do the family thing but he been clean since 70s so there is hope

 

[G_Chem]

Wow that is interesting hun, how much environment has an effect on our developmental outcomes.
I'm 1 of 5 siblings and I'm the only one with addiction and mental health issues. I still don't know why none of them have any problems and I'm the only one. We grew up in precisely the same household, same parents, went to the same school, were exposed to the same privileges as each other. I haven't worked it out yet.

I hope I’m not treading where I shouldn’t but if I recall right you’ve had some traumatic relationships in the past?.. Maybe that’s the key difference? I know for me addiction issues stem almost primarily from certain relationships in my life.

It is fascinating how environment changes a person, I’m of the camp nurture over nature. I look different than my brothers, act different, and overall think different from them. The best I can surmise is due to the very different ways in which we grew up, even something as simple as the things we eat (or don’t).

-GC

 

[TheLastUnicorn]

Wow that is interesting hun, how much environment has an effect on our developmental outcomes.
I'm 1 of 5 siblings and I'm the only one with addiction and mental health issues. I still don't know why none of them have any problems and I'm the only one. We grew up in precisely the same household, same parents, went to the same school, were exposed to the same privileges as each other. I haven't worked it out yet.

how are you defining "addiction"? How are you defining "addict"? anyone reading these can answer. Is just to refer to someone who has used and become addicted to illegal drugs?

I think the definition needs to be extended. Even on this forum. Am i wrong? If someone APPEARS to be "straight laced" and not have any addiction problems like you have had, is it not possible that their addiction is simply much more invisible? Like working WAY MORE than they should?? Like being a codependent and taking care of a narcissist full time? On the outside it looks like a so-called "normal" (I hate that word) family, but on the inside it is the exact same pairing that is what most romantic relationships end up being: a codepedent with a narcissist. If the codependent goes to work every day, doesnt drink, doesnt smoke, never done drugs, never needed meds, ect but they choose to remain with an abusive narcissist (the range of abuse of course will vary from low to extremely high but it is still one partner acting like a "nurse/caretaker" to the other partner who is the narc who is usually the full time SUBSTANCE addict. If the caretaker "loves" the narc, you say this is "normal" and therefore you are the only one in your family with addiction.....but what about the possibility that the caretaker role partner has a solid ADDICTION also that they cannot refuse or say no to?

If anyone reading this has not heard of the book, "The Human Magnet Syndrome" by Ross Rosenberg, I could not recommend it highly enough. He is also on youtube with countless informative videos. IF you think you are the so called "black sheep" of your family and somehow everyone else with same parents/upbringing turned out "better" than you, GET THIS BOOK!!!!!! This topic of CODEPENDENCY should be taught in EVERY school. It describes how to see these relationships and it explains why there is so much dysfunction in EVERY family system. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors and what secrets are being kept. We all have seen and heard the stories (or if you are too young, this will happen to you eventually) when the "perfect" looking family from t he OUTSIDE is nothing but a facade and horrible truths are happening underneath that no one speaks of but that can come out later and shock everyone. These "perfect" pairings of romantic partners simply do NOT exist. A functional "normal" family is a MYTH!!!! Every family is full of addicts, narcs, codependents.