• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT

Where im now..

Hello my dear friend 3!

Sorry I haven't been around much, I have been struggling with chronic pain but things are getting better now that I realized I have to do what's best for ME. And YOU need to do what's best for YOU too.

Big hugs honey, I hope you and your dad are hanging in there. Please keep me updated.

Love and support,
your friend,
Ash.
 
At home, horny as hell downloading porn while cruising bluelight so 2 more mins then it's wank time, line time, Vodka time and then repeat untill Sunday evening then pass out then go to work. This is basically me every 3 days.
 
Hi.Hope you are doing better Ash.

Doctor wrote rx to Temgesic 0.4mg x2,Lyrica 300mg x1(night),Norflex 100mgx2.
She also promised that she will taper me off of those drugs when time comes.And i do believe her,she is one of the good ones.

Spine needs surgery,its worn out useless piece of shit.Those horrible pains was from that not from WD?s

Dad is doing some progress,slowly. He still dont get it that his left side is partly paralyzed.
I think he can visit home couple times a week.
Im going to write more to the thread when i have some energy.
 
Last edited:
You're doing great 3.

Take it easy on yourself though. I'm so happy you have a doctor that listens to you and that you trust,very important.

Prayers for your father. Glad he's making some progress.

Yes, please write when you're up to it.

We love you here, and want the best for you and your family.

Hugs and support,
your friend,
Ash.
 
^^^ I agree with Ash.

Really glad that you are being treated for your horrible chronic pain. I have the bad back also. It makes things really tough.
I'm glad you are getting some medical help now. How are you feeling on those medications? Are they working for you?
I hope the medications are making life better for you.

It took me awhile to realize that the horrible pain was not from withdrawal also but from the underlying pain.
Although, withdrawal on top of that sure makes things more miserable.

Take care of yourself and let us know how you are doing when you can. It is understood that we chronic pain patients go "missing in action" ALOT. At least it is understood by other chronic pain patients. Lol! Others , not so much.

Praying for you, your dad, and all of us living with these conditions.
Sending lots of love and support.
 
You good 3?

Thinking of you and I hope you're doing well.

Here if you need me,
your friend,
Ash.
 
Hi all.
Im doing good.Doc upped Temgesic dose by one and that is the max amount when used in pain.
Lyrica works great for sleep and nerve pain.
And alot has changed,i dont drink alcohol at all,take the pills exactly like rx says,eating healthy,go hiking and cabin when theres free time..but i still dont hold the pills,i get my daily dose every morning.


Those meds dont take pain away but makes me enough numb to not care about them.
Only thing that is gonna help is surgery so its pointles to start eat pills stronger than those.


Other than that,work,arranging things,get everything ready before i go and let them cut me up and fix the spine.Its gonna take some time to heal from that.


I hope you all are doing good and have a great weekend.
 
You sound like you're doing better. I was worried about you for a bit . You are going through some heavy stuff with your dad .Even though the bupe isn't helping the physical pain it sounds like its helping your mental pain ,which is just as important . We have to do whatever it takes to maintain our quality of life . I'm sending good wishes for your dad and you !!!
Your friend, hik
 
Hik summed up what I was thinking very nicely!

Agreed!

You are doing very good! You are going through a lot. I am praying for you and your family. Dad especially.
counting on a good outcome for you all! I have a positive feeling.

Let us know how things are going. We love you.
You are doing good!

❤️
 
Thank you for your kind words and support.
Without help from this forum i dont think i would have never stopped injecting all kinds of shit on my veins.

My days are quite packed now.Work and spending time with dad.We play chess,cards and watch WW 2 movies.
Best thing is i can spend time with him without going emotional wreck.

I will check back again when i have more time,just got breakfast and gotta go work..days are 10-15hrs but those meds help me get thru..and support from great people from here.
Thank You For That.
I Truly Hope All The Best For All Of You.
 
That's so awesome man! :) Filling your days with things to do that are good is so important when recovering from addiction. Great job, I'm proud of you. :)
 
Thanks man,hearing that means alot to me.
You are absolutely right about having things to do all the time,it makes really the difference how the day goes.
Now that im stable and have work to do i can see how miserably and disapointed i was when i was using.I know i still have a some kind of price to pay after i go thru surgery and she starts to taper me off of meds,but i think i have life now so much better that it wont be that bad.


I still get cravings to use if i just sit down and dont do anything,it kind of sneaks in to my mind that how good that iv rush felt,its not in any particular substance just for the rush.
But i have learned to say no to myself and i start to think where that chasing of that rush landed me.
 
Good work 3!!


Nice to hear you're keeping busy but that you're also taking time to relax and hang out with your father. Great memories are being made for sure!!!!!

Very proud of you as you should be of yourself, you've come a long way baby!! ; )

Continued support for you my dear friend!!!

Love,
Ash.



3m1l said:
Thank you for your kind words and support.
Without help from this forum i dont think i would have never stopped injecting all kinds of shit on my veins.

My days are quite packed now.Work and spending time with dad.We play chess,cards and watch WW 2 movies.
Best thing is i can spend time with him without going emotional wreck.

I will check back again when i have more time,just got breakfast and gotta go work..days are 10-15hrs but those meds help me get thru..and support from great people from here.
Thank You For That.
I Truly Hope All The Best For All Of You.
Click to expand...
 
Thanks for that Ash.
Support from you is always more than welcome,honey ;)
 
Anytime my dear friend!!

I'm happy you're doing so well!

Here for you always, love and hugs to you,
your friend,
Ash.

3m1l said:
Thanks for that Ash.
Support from you is always more than welcome,honey ;)
Click to expand...
 
I think i have to go see doctor.I have nerve pain everywhere.From top of my head to my toes.I can still do full day of hard work but its starting to be really hard.
Thing is i am really scared to let them do anything in my spine and nerves.I am afraid they fuck it up and i end up paralyzed or something else...cos they already butchered my shoulder.

I talked today to my own Doc and she said that shes not going to stop my current meds because my shoulder is broken.She was worried that if stopped the pains would start to radiate all over my back and neck and the muscle tensions would get worse.

Other than that i was thinking how much there is bupre in my blood.Dose is 1.2mg day sublingually taken.I only let the pill dissolve and im drinking coffee or soda no more than 15mins later,because i am trying to stay as low as possible.So i am hoping that theres no more than 1mg in my blood constantly.

Still working 10-12 hours day.Spending almost all my free time with dad..its something that keeps me going and we keep him going.i mean we watched Dunkirk last night...that time together was golden..we had non alcohol beers and junk food.

I hope you all are doing good and pain free.
 
HI 3,
Yes, if you're in a lot of pain don't stop your meds, especially since you're doing such physical work. I hope your pain gets better, but if not, be open minded and talk with your doctor about it.

Dunkirk is great, sounds like a good time!! I am just about to watch Operation Finale on Netflix about a nazi war criminal. I heard good things about it, maybe you'd like it too!

Hugs,
your friend,
Ash.
 
Thanks for that tip.That is going to be our next movie.

I didnt want to write this first because its gonna make me look weak and this is breaking my heart.
My cravings are really bad.I cant stop think how good 80mg oxy or Fentanyl injection would feel.Those would numb me out.
At times i dont even care that i would let everyone down.These nerve pains kicked cravings sky high.
And i dont know what to do.My Doc knows everything about my addiction and im scared to tell her.

And i really dont want to go to that surgery.I mean theres everything ready.I just need to go and tell that i cant take this anymore and they will cut me up right away.
Last time i was there i woke up in surgery room,they where just ending up.I woke up and asked did i just vomit,they said no,and then they knocked me out again.
I remember that so clearly.I dont want to experience that Ever again.
 
Fuck that, you're in pain, and you're acknowledging you're in pain, YOU ARE NOT WEAK 3.

It's actually very big of you to admit you need some help. I'd just be honest with the doctor about the nerve pain, that's no way to live man.

Hang in there and talk to your doc. You'll be fine.

Love you,
Ash.
Pm anytime.
 
I am going to call her when things slow down.Theres just too much work now.
Just had horrible day,we had to start 5 am and i forgot to take my meds with me.Needles to say i was in hell when we got back 12pm.
Took rest of the day free and heated sauna.I think it was Painful One who suggested aromatherapy.I have actually done that long time.
Heat sauna to 60-100c and ad water some tar oil or eucalyptus oil,when you throw that to the stove it makes sauna like steamroom that is filled with those scents.
I dont know anything that is more relaxing than that,besides drugs.

And thank for your support and advices Ashley.I hope you are pain free and life is as good.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top