Your comment about the brand new chair was funny lol. No he definitely isn't. At least not on my dime. I don't care what he spends his own money on. That's another thing he said to me which has annoyed me that I want to remember and document - he said that the dentist probably thought I was smoking ice (I think that's what they call meth here) to get the cavities! What a thing to say to your younger sister who has never even done ice/meth! I've never smoked any drugs besides weed or shot anything up. Also don't they say it's not anyone's business what other people think of us? How would he even know the dentist thought that? Him (and my father who died last year) are the sort to ring places I go to (as in doctors, etc) and talk to them about me in a bad way. To say this is just putting bad vibes on me as I felt like crap after he said that. I'm 46 and it's my first dental work - not like I'm in my 20's and it happened quickly. It's age PLUS I have had several weight loss surgeries in my life including a gastric bypass which is known to cause deficiencies. I have had to have iron infusions twice now due to low iron. These things happen.
Sorry you have been sick. If you feel it would give you peace of mind then it is a good thing to put affairs in order but don't do anything drastic. You have pets who love you and rely on you and that is worth sticking around for. The love of an animal is everything. That is good you cooked. I need to cook today and eat something relatively healthy instead of muffins and bread.
I saw you said you took lope. Is that for opioid withdrawal? I know it helps that. I started taking it for IBS as I was doing a class that I left the house for and with the weight loss surgeries it has left me with issues. But I also have a past opioid dependence and I do notice even a slight withdrawal coming off that. It scares me how it takes hold. I was feeling off yesterday and I think it was the loperamide wearing off.
I watched a good series on Netflix the other day called Painkiller about oxycontin and stories (acted/dramatised) and how they took the pharmaceutical company down. It was very interesting.
Take care.xx
Omg your brother. That's funny that you laughed about it but yes I am imagining that a fat arse would need a chair. You know and then 8 months later he would probably be saying he needed another one and sipped over to one side and the arm caved in lol. Or it hurts his back because it's not firm enough . . . anymore. Or wide enough for his
arse. Too narrow. lool. Sry. And that another one would be so much more durable. Then after that one probably will need something more ergonomic. And then finally the throne lololol. Believe me those computer chairs are never enough for those . . . Big buttz. omg
Yes, and it was so tragic about the neighbor's kitty. It was like a main road and she wandered and somehow it was awful. They lost their kitty.
So I watch my animals and my dog always. They did too, I'm sure, but you just have to watch more. Always. Just make sure that your kitty is priority one and if you don't want to put her on a leash, don't. I mean some people probably have diarrhea of the mouth
and it runs too much and they don't know what they are saying. Oh I probably do too . . . . but not when it comes to watching my animals. I watch over them and do what I have to do to take care of them. Duh. Oh sorry, but I watch out for them and care too. Really care so it involves being careful. . . I would guess. But my dog, I watch over her
now because I know how things can .. . .and do happen.
So yes I probably shouldn't even write about this but it was kind of funny how you were laughing. Too. So omg families you know. I mean what are you supposed to do when they are so arse backwards that they have to resort to being buffoons or whatever, when they should absolutely know better but somehow they choose
unhealthy and rubbish behavior instead but then don't understand when everyone else can't act right and aren't perfect, type of antics. Just wow. And bickering . . . .oh how I really can't take it. It makes me regurgitate. Now.
Well see my family has finally grown a brain or they can act right if they want to. They learned. Oh they can. They needed to be reminded, actually, to please, catch on. lool. And way too often. They are just awesome somehow though. Really.
But I remember when we were really young okay again and my brother just got married to his first wife . . . . well let me put it this way x wife. omg. And his buddy, both of ours, came crying to me. And he
said why won't your brother tell your Dad where he lives. And I almost stopped breathing. And I think I tried to make a sound but just tried. He looked so confused. Yeah.. . Duh. And I didn't know . . and I wanted to die laughing but couldn't. It was just too . . I donno dumb. Okay so then I thought ah ha. My Dad's probably pressuring him to find out
where his son, my brother lives. Loool. And I really didn't even know. Ugh why would I want to at that point. I was kind of moving on at that point and time or in the process. Oh and I remember finally confronting my brother about it somehow and . . . he and his wife just laughed. Me too. At least we all had his number though. lol. Yeah thank goodness for voice mailboxes.
And then eventually he (they) found out. It was definitely over a year though !!! Looolzz.
Oh they find out don't they.
Then they all got together again.
And omg I don't even want my mom to know my doctor's name. I tell her his office is where I just go to get the blood work. Lol. But how could they not know.. . But it's good they don't. And they really do have a little lab that I do get to go to in house sometimes. Loool. No way is she finding out. One time I accidently said his name in front of her
and I Know she heard me. And then I realized what I had said and I started saying oh that's his
nickname you know and yeah sometimes they call him by his first name and then I started saying all of these names so that she wouldn't hear the correct name.
Not that she would ever call and say anything about me that's dumb or anything, uh ummm . . . . but she's been known to pull those . . . . . dysfunctional . . Oh I am blah blah and over state line and I can't get a hold of anybodyyy or a friend or neighbor and I think I left the stove on and burn house oven bun forgot if I left it on or not and I don't want
the house to burn down. Unplug toaster. Window left open. ffs.
And it wouldn't even bother me except I would shit my pants aggravated and went through all of the nonsense to find out that the house wasn't even on fire and was still there. And hot curling iron. And then the dr's office, dentist, hospital would be trying to do a shift and be like oh can this biochee be on hold puleez. She uptight. wtf ever. Bring back
some horseradish, calamine, yeah did I leave my glasses I can't find them. They really are Einsteins though is what I don't even understand I promise you. And they do know better.
Oh yeah and I am sure she has called stores too and anything she could find, mcdonalds and . . . the gym is one of her fav's. This is the gym, how can I help you call on the other end. For some thing or another.
I mean when I was in the hospital for surgery they all thought my co worker was my mom because she was so worried about me and my real moms stormed out of there and said don't ever talk to me again and then she wouldn't take any of my pleadinggggg phone calls loooool. Ever, for the whole time. So they kept thinking my co worker was my mom and saying how
nice she is and she's so worried and feels so bad, and they would say your mom's here to see you again. looo. And the sad thing is my co worker said they called me your mom and she was all good with it loool. Omg. I got a few co worker flowers and things so that was nice too. And my Dad just hid. Right, like my brother. I get so ashamed. I just do. But not at work.
I just cringed though when she got the wind of my work number. But I didn't die too much or anything when she called, feisty, or sarcastic because I worked with very compassionate and empathetic workers that were able to handle all situations in a most healthy and appropriate way as a rule. And with total understanding and acceptance on
a daily basis and whenever. With smiles and some little fun giggles . . . always.
I mean . . . when or if she ever does find out my doctors name I am going to feel looooool so bad that I could do that to my own mother. Omg I will feel so bad. I just will. I just can't. But so for right now it is so all good.
I mean she even said . . I want your doctor. I don't like mine !!!!! I think No no no no no. She has her own. No !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
just no
I am going to see if I can try to find out more about that netflix series Painkiller. It sounds awesome and something I would be so interested in and would like to find out more about.
I have to try to learn to be healthy and I can't take much dysfunction anymore. I'm too weak. And it could and did get extremely dysfunctional but it is an extremely good test and a way to become much more healthier and stronger and have awareness to become even better than possible. I think so. Teehee. Yes. Seriously.
And I feel so bad that I have to say and tell things like this but . . . . lool. . . . duh. I just don't want to be dysfunctional. Forever anyway.
But yes I would like to find that netflix series and learn from everything whenever possible. So thank you ???? So much Again. !!
Oh I
hate dislike dysfunction sometimes so much. So I slowly found out or maybe there is no way out. But we have to cope, no doubt.
So I guess. . .
" Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it. ". . . maybe
And . . .
See the good.
So . . .
Dare to Begin
SMILE SPARKLE SHINE.
I am really embarrassed but this is really how we made things better and really tried our bestest.
Sorry for all of the silly laughs. I sincerely AM.
Success is not Final;
Failure is not Fatal:
It is the courage to carry on and continue.
That Counts.
Ya'll everyones needs to just learn . . . . and just be Nice. Right.
I mean Do Your Best.
Huggie Wuggies Okay.
Now I feel a bit embarrassed. But it was horrible and awful trying to grow up and be an adult. And it still is.
I have been feeling so well on Loperamide lately. I don't completely understand. It just helps.
Apparently I am done with real opioids. But I am on the good to go . . . . if I choose to use Neurontin and Lyrica.
You know . . . some days I don't know. But will not give in now because I keep praying ? But I DO.
K. I hope you are alright and doing better and stay well also. !!!
~~~~~~
late entry. edit: Oh I am having severe middle side lower back pain. Ouch. Not good. So if you don't hear from me it might be something serious. Real.
Don't worry, promise though. My brothers got me. Yeh.
Hurts. not good.
I donno yet. k.
I don't know why I am stricken with this horrible pain right now, Oh do you. Bad. What did I do now. Ow.
edit2: It's okay. We know I'm suffering. I'm good.
