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What the fuck is wrong.

K

-Kitten

Bluelighter
Joined
May 23, 2011
Messages
283
So I have not been here for ages. Anyhow I have been in a fucked up on and off relationship for years with my fiance. I just fucking love the fuck out of this man and I have learned to accept SO MUCH for him. I changed my life for him, I had my own issues mentally and sexually and fixed them all. Him on the other hand has never tried to fix any of his sexual issues:

He can't cum ( only from masturbation )
He can't fuck for a long time he will lose his erection
He never wants to have sex and I get rejected 98 percent of the time
When I'm lucky and can have 5 min+ of sex it's still boring, he has no reactions, says nothing, and just I feel like I'm fucking a fuck doll.
There is no kissing in the full relationship.
No fooling around at all.
If he somehow wants sex he won't do anything to try to help me get in the mood or ready. He expects me to touch him with one hand and my self with the other.
He thinks it's okay to jack off next to me after sex so he isn't frustrated yet does nothing for me to get off.

So thats a little list of shit I go through sex affects the FULL relationship and I know some people say it shouldn't and sex shouldn't be the center of everything. But it does. I have no self esteem or confidence anymore, always frustrated, and thinking making love to him kills me inside. Just sex over all makes me want to punch everyone thats near me. I try to not think about it.
There are times where I will not try to have sex with him or try to kiss him or do anything with him. These are times where he might try to have sex with me him self. If I say "no" because I have no self esteem he says shit like " then i have no reason to be with you if we cant fuck "

He says he hates sex. Then he still wants it if he doesnt get it for like two weeks or something. But it only lasts for 5 min almost never more and its really..... awkward as fuck.

I tried doing all his favorite things and new things to try to get him wanting sex. It never works. I told him to fuck another woman, he won't. I said we should watch porn, he won't. I asked him to try viagra or something, he said never.
Only thing that seems to get him hard is him talking about another woman ( the ever so famous on is my fucking twin sister also his ex ) and I DEAL WITH IT even if it hurts me.

Pretty much we have a horrible sad sex life and I need new tips to try to fix this shit. Either a medicine, or something for his dick, sometimes he says he isn't sensitive and thats why.. does anything exist to make it more sensitive? The only thing I find is to make it less sensitive. What makes men hard and want sex? Like seriously I tried everything I know and I'm very open,Yet he doesnt care but says it isnt me.

Or maybe I should just give up and find someone new?

I'm only twenty I feel like im missing out on so much
 
Hi Kitten, Have you spoken to him about this issue? Maybe he has a condition of some sort?
 
You should never engage in something that hurts you emotionally. Ask him to seek therapy. If he refuses then maybe you need to re-evaluate the relationship.
 
Sounds like a classic case of low T, and the attitude/anxiety that develops around the problem.


I used to never get off from sex. I developed the same issue. I'd just keep a clock in sight, and make sure that I fucked for at least 20 minutes, then would stop. I'd still try to get her off though. I've always loved eating pussy.

After I stopped drinking excessively, and starting working out religiously, my sex drive is through the roof.
Here's a question that might help you diagnose it, if low T is indeed the problem: How often does your BF wake up with an erection? Do you either of you both consistently use drugs or drink? Diet?

Personally, I'd suggest sitting down and talking with him about this. Make him as comfortable as possible so that he is more receptive. Explain to him how important this is to you, and what you fear the problem might be. Then, ask him if he would see a doctor to get some labs done. TRP works, if not all that great, it works. I'd try to get his ass under some weights asap if you really want to see that sex drive kick up though.

Also, remember, this has nothing to do with you. Your self esteem shouldn't be affected by HIS problems. Remember that.


Hold on. You're only 20? How hold is he?
 
Kitten, you need to spend time on your own in the company of a positive support system. The questions you should be asking is why do I put up with this? Why do I feel unworthy of a loving relationship? We can not change people only ourselves, so please do not marry this man it will only get worse. You deserve a loving relationship
 
Animal Mother: I don't know if it's low T does sports make T higher? He does martial arts and etc. It's true when he works out more he wants more sex but this last year he barely does anything near a workout and eats junk. And yes he wakes up wwith a erection and has one like all night most times. I really don't know. :(

To everyone else I have spoke to him. For two and a half years I have been been talking to him I have cried over it I have talked nicely I have yelled I talked in every way possible like every sngle feeling i felt about it has gone out and he says i shouldnt feel this way.

Also he is 27 years old.

We tried having sex two times today ( shocking he tried a second ) and it was such a fail i was so hurt and ended up bawling my eyes out when he tried to jack him self off he says its not me but i feel like it is even though i know all the other girls he had went through the same shit.
 
I think you need to seriously consider ending this relationship. You may also benefit from some therapy (as can most of us).

-Kitten said:
he says shit like " then i have no reason to be with you if we cant fuck "
Click to expand...

To be honest, the sexual issues are the least of your worries if he's saying things like this. Statements like this are completely unacceptable IMO, and tend to be quite damaging.

You have been pushing him to change for two years, but his life continues to stagnate. You are unsatisfied and unfulfilled, and inevitably there comes a point where you have to stop flogging the horse. Do what you need to do and go and find what you need.

Sort out a game plan ASAP to get this relationship to a point where it's healthy, or bail out quickly.
 
Every few months you post a thread like this. How about taking the advice we have all given you in every other thread? I don't want to sound like a dick but it almost seems like you are just fishing for sympathy. You post a thread, you ask what you shoulddo , you ask if you should leave, 90% of the people say get the fuck out, you disappear for a few months and then start another thread asking if you should leave.

Just stop the nonsense and leave for good.


http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/606648-Sexless-Relationships

http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/612113-Going-for-it-again

http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/660667-Pathetic

http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/651156-Advice-please

http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/634692-Not-sure-how-to-take-this
 
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Have him go to the doctor and check his testosterone levels. Maybe be low and he may require an extra boost (shot). no drugging people please- its very unethical
 
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I'd suggest HE go for therapy. His sounds like a classic case of sexual abuse survival. You may want to leave him, or if he goes for therapy, you may want to be there for him, but I suspect it will take him considerable time to get over whatever he's been through. He definitely needs to work on his issues.
 
Pretty_Diamonds said:
Have him go to the doctor and check his testosterone levels. Maybe be low and he may require an extra boost (shot). Another thing you can do is slip a viagra in his drink.
Click to expand...


And maybe he sneaks into the restroom, and does some Coke without telling her, and goes into Cardiac arrest.



Usually consistent nocturnal erections are indicative of healthy T, but not always. T dictates sex drive. But, like Lugo said, if you've brought this issue up several times over the course of months and months. Well, you know what you need to do.
 
Just tell her to explain that to the investigating detective on her manslaughter case, I guess.

Consent? You're worried about consent after advising somebody to sneak drugs into their S/O's drink?
 
Sounds like he's just not attracted to you and you're trying way too hard to make something work that won't. Why would you want to be with someone who basically shows you no physical affection?
 
NO DRUGGING PEOPLE!!!!

its completely unethical and not within the guidelines of SLR or the hard reduction ethos of bluelight

anyway maybe the boyfriend is gay. the whole thing reeks of gay to me...
 
pofacedhoe said:
NO DRUGGING PEOPLE!!!!

its completely unethical and not within the guidelines of SLR or the hard reduction ethos of bluelight

anyway maybe the boyfriend is gay. the whole thing reeks of gay to me...
Click to expand...

thats what i said earlier but i didnt beat about the bush like someone else;)
 
Zombywoof^-if you think something is breaking the rules of human ethical conduct/encouraging harm then report it with the little triangle button. we mods cant be everywhere at once.;)

op-the whole thing reeks of gay.

just my 2 cents
 
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