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What kind of addict am I?

J

Jarryd

Greenlighter
Joined
Sep 21, 2012
Messages
18
Just wondering if some of the old heads on here can give me some advice. I'm just wondering what kind of addict I am. Im not necessarily addicted to anything I mostly drink and take gabapentin regularly. But mostly I do anything that will get me high if its around me. Funny thing is I can say no I just like being high on something. Mostly out of boredom pot videogames and beer are my friends. Well anyways what do you guys think?
 
You're on your way to oblivion like all of us if you will try anything you come across. What happens when you find a connect for oxy 30s or fire coke? Just saying no after your first crack hit isn't that easy. Trust me nobody takes one hit of crack and walks away. NOBODY.

How old are you? Early twenties? Wait until 10 years from now and report back onnthe living hell.
 
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I think you probably need to find a hobby which interests and engages you, lest you fall into the gloomy pit of despair which is a life of substance use for no other reason than nothing better to do.

Definitely not the worse reason to use drugs and not the most self destructive by any means.

But not conducive to a productive and meaningful life.

Also, dont get caught up on referring to yourself as an addict. I've had a IV meth and heroin/opiate habit on and off for 6-7 years plus a decade prior to that growing substance use issues during my teen years and I would never refer to my situation as a drug addiction or myself as a drug addict. I have a behavioural addiction to being self destructive and drugs are a conduit to this goal. It's why I substituted other just as self injurious behaviours in place of drugs when need be, and whyi can go long stretches without touching any drugs.

Being referring to and calling myself an addict made me think I would never get better. I will, once I get to the bottom of my issues. Because as the rehab counseller said, 'you don't have a drug problem, you have a life problem'

I almost certainly have a substance use disorder, but almost definitely not an addiction.

Food for thought. I don't like the idea of being 5 years sober and still referring to myself as an addict.
 
F.U.B.A.R. said:
Sorry mate, but you may be a little deluded there. Drug abuse has no respect for semantics...
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Ah, yes. Yet another who doesn't understand my experience doesn't have to equal their own.

Addiction infers that I can't go without drugs for any period of time. I can, and often do. I don't sell possessions,. I don't miss work. I socialise, and I have hobbies I enjoy. My use would barely be deemed recreational.

However, I use substances in a very negative way when I do engage with them, and have a long term entrenched reliance on utilising them as a coping mechanism, hence the substance use disorder as I do not have a healthy attitude or relationship with drugs or alcohol and likely never will.

I have travelled interstate and overseas just after joining intensive rehab 3x per week 2.5 hours a day and legitimately forgotten I ever had a substance use issue, and didn't struggle with cravings at all. I had no concerns when I was removed from the triggers which cause me to use. No self harm, no deliberate starvation. Nothing. Upon return, all of those behaviours immediately flooded back.

I have no preference. I use a substance currently I don't even like, because it's the method of use that is addicting to me.

Perhaps it does not make sense to you, but it does to me and I've made more progress since coming to terms with this then I did for 5 years of referring to myself as an addict with an addiction. I felt completely powerless, I don't anymore.
 
Eligiu said:
Ah, yes. Yet another who doesn't understand my experience doesn't have to equal their own.

Addiction infers that I can't go without drugs for any period of time. I can, and often do. I don't sell possessions,. I don't miss work. I socialise, and I have hobbies I enjoy. My use would barely be deemed recreational.

However, I use substances in a very negative way when I do engage with them, and have a long term entrenched reliance on utilising them as a coping mechanism, hence the substance use disorder as I do not have a healthy attitude or relationship with drugs or alcohol and likely never will.

I have travelled interstate and overseas just after joining intensive rehab 3x per week 2.5 hours a day and legitimately forgotten I ever had a substance use issue, and didn't struggle with cravings at all. I had no concerns when I was removed from the triggers which cause me to use. No self harm, no deliberate starvation. Nothing. Upon return, all of those behaviours immediately flooded back.

I have no preference. I use a substance currently I don't even like, because it's the method of use that is addicting to me.

Perhaps it does not make sense to you, but it does to me and I've made more progress since coming to terms with this then I did for 5 years of referring to myself as an addict with an addiction. I felt completely powerless, I don't anymore.
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That is brilliant mate. Good luck...
 
F.U.B.A.R. said:
That is brilliant mate. Good luck...
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I honestly cannot tell over written medium whether you're being kept ironic and I've had several irritating people dig at me for being an 'addict in denial' or some other such nonsense. I have zero issues with people identifying as a drug addict. Heroin/opiates are the absolute only substance I would lean towards admitting and acknowledging an addiction to, which is why I use long term opiate replacement therapy. So I know what an addiction feels like - it's me being heroin free for almost 4 damn years and still thinking about it almost every day because I feel ripped off I didn't get to use it as much so I buy some and use it and relapse then wonder what the fuck I was thinking.

Meth? Man if I don't have money I just don't buy it. No skin off my back.

But I *cannot* get past intravenous use. I am deeply, deeply addicted to that.

So addressing the cause of these issues, rather than any one of them individually is the solution for me, given I had a 5 year stretch where I barely engaged in any IV use at all, but self harmed constantly.

And unfortunately I honestly do not see injecting meth as being much less harmful for my life than a significant 3rd degree burn, which I am guaranteed to do once I decide I'm done with meth for the time being.

I'm hoping to address it before then, because getting dressing changes once a week is tiresome.
 
Gabapentin seems entirely pointless to me from a recreational perspective. To me, doing gabapentin is simply dabbling with addiction. Same for benzo's and pregabalin but those are worse in terms of side-effects (blackouts, potential injuries, reckless behavior and bad treatment of others). One might call it self-medication for anxiety but i do believe sedative drugs aren't a valid long-term treatment for psychological pain, unlike psilocybin mushrooms and similar.

If you have no taste for stimulants, that's a good thing. Stimulants are especially good at facilitating chronic irrational behavior and poor health decisions.

Not gonna lie, you aren't in the clear from addiction. Addiction doesn't have to be a trainwreck, however.

One advice for you is to think through your reasons for doing drugs. Just getting randomly fucked up sounds like a weak reason. You should at least desire the high you're going for, or it seems a waste, no?
.
 
Eligiu said:
I think you probably need to find a hobby which interests and engages you, lest you fall into the gloomy pit of despair which is a life of substance use for no other reason than nothing better to do.

Definitely not the worse reason to use drugs and not the most self destructive by any means.

But not conducive to a productive and meaningful life.

Also, dont get caught up on referring to yourself as an addict. I've had a IV meth and heroin/opiate habit on and off for 6-7 years plus a decade prior to that growing substance use issues during my teen years and I would never refer to my situation as a drug addiction or myself as a drug addict. I have a behavioural addiction to being self destructive and drugs are a conduit to this goal. It's why I substituted other just as self injurious behaviours in place of drugs when need be, and whyi can go long stretches without touching any drugs.

Being referring to and calling myself an addict made me think I would never get better. I will, once I get to the bottom of my issues. Because as the rehab counseller said, 'you don't have a drug problem, you have a life problem'

I almost certainly have a substance use disorder, but almost definitely not an addiction.

Food for thought. I don't like the idea of being 5 years sober and still referring to myself as an addict.
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I get your point but i wonder if perhaps it could be possible to casually accept the term "addict" while not beating oneself down over its application or neglecting deeper personal causes...
 
Mjäll said:
I get your point but i wonder if perhaps it could be possible to casually accept the term "addict" while not beating oneself down over its application or neglecting deeper personal causes...
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Perhaps, but I don't subscribe at all to 12 step theories of addiction whatsoever. I believe that I can be recovered, once I address the root causes of my behaviours. And my behaviours are so varied and different that uniting them under a common label of 'addiction' honestly seems bizarre.

I have addictions. But I don't at all identify with being an addict. I'll throw the word junky at myself all day long (myself mind you, I don't enjoy others using it for me) but I do not like those types of labels. I am not bipolar. I have bipolar. I have complex PTSD and ADHD. I AM autistic, but that is a neurotype and a fundamental part of who I am. Being an addict is not. Addiction is just part of my life.

However, this is just one man's opinion.
 
Eligiu said:
Perhaps, but I don't subscribe at all to 12 step theories of addiction whatsoever. I believe that I can be recovered, once I address the root causes of my behaviours. And my behaviours are so varied and different that uniting them under a common label of 'addiction' honestly seems bizarre.

I have addictions. But I don't at all identify with being an addict. I'll throw the word junky at myself all day long (myself mind you, I don't enjoy others using it for me) but I do not like those types of labels. I am not bipolar. I have bipolar. I have complex PTSD and ADHD. I AM autistic, but that is a neurotype and a fundamental part of who I am. Being an addict is not. Addiction is just part of my life.

However, this is just one man's opinion.
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Okay. I wasn't thinking 12 step or anything specific really, just the general term.

"Junky" is pretty much the same but worse so i guess we agree after all.
 
Mjäll said:
Okay. I wasn't thinking 12 step or anything specific really, just the general term.

"Junky" is pretty much the same but worse so i guess we agree after all.
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Me referring to myself as a junky is more of an ironic joke as I do not fit the description whatsoever.

Addict to me is loaded from my time spent in 12 steps. I just don't like it.
 
I am not really an addict BUT I have had some major habits. The most recent thing that I want to change is when I stay in bed all day. It's so disgusting but when i go out and do things I get so sick. I am really high right now too and am really getting knocked for a loop. So I just came out of a nod. Maybe a hot shower next. Sure would help though. I guess habits are more annoying than addictions but addictions are much more serious. I think drugs are very helpful at times, but too much of anything could cause despair.
 
Eligiu said:
Me referring to myself as a junky is more of an ironic joke as I do not fit the description whatsoever.

Addict to me is loaded from my time spent in 12 steps. I just don't like it.
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Respectfully, ive read your posts and It seems like you have some growing to do.

Don't like AA NA "addict" lingo? Try western medicine then. I'm not going to call you an addict but if you use drugs for the feeling they give you or for a reason other than medical treatment....there's a word for that.


I could he clean for 20 years and I'll still be an addict. Because I will still want that feeling of drugs even if I never go back to it.
 
i would say an addict of opportunity. get that checked is my reccomendation. :p
but seriously... i feel ya. i rarely go chasin shit these days but back when, it didnt matter long as there was a possibility of geetin a buzz i ate or consumed it by other means.
kinda on some other shit atm. more into feelin good if my family feels good. nothing worse than a hungry wife and pets to kill a buzz, yeah? ;)
best wishes and welcome to bl.
peace
 
LucidSDreamr said:
Respectfully, ive read your posts and It seems like you have some growing to do.

Don't like AA NA "addict" lingo? Try western medicine then. I'm not going to call you an addict but if you use drugs for the feeling they give you or for a reason other than medical treatment....there's a word for that.


I could he clean for 20 years and I'll still be an addict. Because I will still want that feeling of drugs even if I never go back to it.
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Your last sentence summarises it all my man. That's you. Not me. I've done a hell of a lot of growing and I've realised the reasons I use drugs. I must, yet again, profusely apologise that they do not fit within your paradigm of experience of substance use. However, all of my treating team and my drug and alcohol counsellors, including the head addiction medicine psychologist at my intensive outpatient programme even told me that I don't have a drug addiction and I'm not an addict. It doesn't have to make sense to you. All that matters is that it makes sense to me and it improves my life, which it already has.

I no longer sit, miserable, after shooting up alone in my room full of shame and self hatred. I accept that my drug use is a direct result of my life experiences and that by being more compassionate to myself, as I have in the past when my substance use issues and my self harm has vanished from my mind only months after the end of a 9 month long almost daily meth and heroin relapse, I can make the decision to not engage in the behaviour.

I've done it before, and I will do it again.

Respectfully, I think its absurd when people tell other people that they need to 'grow up' when they have been using for most than half their life and in recovery for a decent period. You sound no different to the older members of my rehab group who judged me for coming in at 21 and laughed at what they thought my use would be. Was a bit awkward for them when I revealed being an intravenous user while they smoked.

I think it's a far more respectful and intelligent, and considerate thing to do to perhaps understand that people have entirely different experiences which lead them to do different things. I am utterly ecstatic for you that your drug use seems not to be interconnected with trauma. It's a very difficult task to unpack that.

Treating a drug addiction is much easier than treating a behaviour which results from an emotion. Just don't buy drugs, hang out with drug users, or do drugs. How do you work with someone to process whatever experience is causing them to want to punish themselves or another self injurious behaviour?

I've dealt with addiction. My attitude towards opiates would border on being such. However, my use of any other drug would not. And I find it absurd that you can state that you think *I* am the one with growing to do, when you ended your comment with 'in my experience this is what happens to me'

Yes well in MY experience, I don't have a drug addiction because I'll stop, and just swap something else in instead. My life, not yours.

Call me an addict I'll end you man, get your shame filled special lingo away from me. I will recover after a period of time. I've even told my close friends that if I am still identifying as an 'addict' after 5 years sober they have my express permission to shoot me in the head because I would consider myself (not another person) utterly ridiculous to do that and I would move the hell on with my life.
 
Eligiu said:
Your last sentence summarises it all my man. That's you. Not me. I've done a hell of a lot of growing and I've realised the reasons I use drugs. I must, yet again, profusely apologise that they do not fit within your paradigm of experience of substance use. However, all of my treating team and my drug and alcohol counsellors, including the head addiction medicine psychologist at my intensive outpatient programme even told me that I don't have a drug addiction and I'm not an addict. It doesn't have to make sense to you. All that matters is that it makes sense to me and it improves my life, which it already has.

I no longer sit, miserable, after shooting up alone in my room full of shame and self hatred. I accept that my drug use is a direct result of my life experiences and that by being more compassionate to myself, as I have in the past when my substance use issues and my self harm has vanished from my mind only months after the end of a 9 month long almost daily meth and heroin relapse, I can make the decision to not engage in the behaviour.

I've done it before, and I will do it again.

Respectfully, I think its absurd when people tell other people that they need to 'grow up' when they have been using for most than half their life and in recovery for a decent period. You sound no different to the older members of my rehab group who judged me for coming in at 21 and laughed at what they thought my use would be. Was a bit awkward for them when I revealed being an intravenous user while they smoked.

I think it's a far more respectful and intelligent, and considerate thing to do to perhaps understand that people have entirely different experiences which lead them to do different things. I am utterly ecstatic for you that your drug use seems not to be interconnected with trauma. It's a very difficult task to unpack that.

Treating a drug addiction is much easier than treating a behaviour which results from an emotion. Just don't buy drugs, hang out with drug users, or do drugs. How do you work with someone to process whatever experience is causing them to want to punish themselves or another self injurious behaviour?

I've dealt with addiction. My attitude towards opiates would border on being such. However, my use of any other drug would not. And I find it absurd that you can state that you think *I* am the one with growing to do, when you ended your comment with 'in my experience this is what happens to me'

Yes well in MY experience, I don't have a drug addiction because I'll stop, and just swap something else in instead. My life, not yours.

Call me an addict I'll end you man, get your shame filled special lingo away from me. I will recover after a period of time. I've even told my close friends that if I am still identifying as an 'addict' after 5 years sober they have my express permission to shoot me in the head because I would consider myself (not another person) utterly ridiculous to do that and I would move the hell on with my life.
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You will kill me, an internet stranger, if i call you an addict?

Thanks for reinforcing my statement that I think you have some growing to do.
 
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