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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT

What does rock bottom look like for you guys ?

Despite being 6'4" (192cm), being so underweight and malnourished that my tiny, elderly mother could lift me out of bed to put me in a wheel chair to go to the bathroom to shit blood so she could wipe my bloody ass, and then feed me orange juice so that I didn't go into hypovolemic shock. Rinse, lather repeat approx 25 times a day for approximately 3 months. No home care. No treatment, no cure. Wrote my will, had end-of-life conversations with my close friends, 100% expected to die. Everyone else (most people) I knew ran away because it was just too disturbing. Just opiates for the pain and internet research to try and save myself.

Which I eventually did, no thanks to the POS medical system. Some version of this repeated once a year for the next 6 years.
 
Foreigner said:
Despite being 6'4" (192cm), being so underweight and malnourished that my tiny, elderly mother could lift me out of bed to put me in a wheel chair to go to the bathroom to shit blood so she could wipe my bloody ass, and then feed me orange juice so that I didn't go into hypovolemic shock. Rinse, lather repeat approx 25 times a day for approximately 3 months. No home care. No treatment, no cure. Wrote my will, had end-of-life conversations with my close friends, 100% expected to die. Everyone else (most people) I knew ran away because it was just too disturbing. Just opiates for the pain and internet research to try and save myself.

Which I eventually did, no thanks to the POS medical system. Some version of this repeated once a year for the next 6 years.
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I don't get why Americans think we have a great health care system here it's fucking pathetic. Then again the US has like the worst healthcare system in the world so anything looks good compared to that. The fucking Congo probably looks good compared to the US.

Again this is something that Communist countries do way better at with the prime example being Cuba
 
xxxredpilledxxx said:
I've seen my rock bottom, have you?
Is it sleeping on the floor with a backpack full of all the belongings I have using said backpack as a pillow?
Is it begging and lying to every good friend I know for a few dollars for “gas” or “food” but turning it around to buy drugs?
Is rock bottom just the lies that can't be unsaid or is it a physical place id spiral into almost like fate?
Is it not remembering the last time I saw my kid?
Is it crying every day wishing for death to finally get me?
Is it not having hot water?
Is it being afraid to answer the phone?
Is rock bottom forever?
Is it being so unfit you need a stretcher just to get to the detox center?
Is rock bottom not having food in my stomach for weeks at a time?
Is it throwing up in the back while you're at work?
Is it not being able to sleep the whole night through ?
Is it the thought of suicide?
Is it not remembering how I got to the hospital?
Is it never wanting to see my family because of how guilty I feel?
Is losing my spouse for good rock bottom?
Is rock bottom being so socially out of balance that I can't even talk to people in public?
Is it developing a new drug induced mental illness?
Is it not having your own clothes because I am in the psych ward?
Did I lose things or did I give them up voluntarily to addiction?

Does rock bottom to me sound like rock bottom to you?
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It took me going through most of these things to actually get to the point of desperation to want to turn my life around. The simple fact is that I got to the point where I had no other option but to do better.
 
paranoid android said:
I don't get why Americans think we have a great health care system here it's fucking pathetic. Then again the US has like the worst healthcare system in the world so anything looks good compared to that. The fucking Congo probably looks good compared to the US.

Again this is something that Communist countries do way better at with the prime example being Cuba
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This was in Canada. I am Canadian. I did have health care and it still failed miserably.

In the U.S. if you have money or a good health insurance plan, you can get amazing, immediate care. In Canada, everyone is stuck using the same shitty system and the same shitty, know-nothing doctors. No appeals, no second opinions. It's barbaric.
 
If you don't have health insurance in America, just go into the ER for whatever reason, if you have a job or whatever, just lie and say you have no employment and they'll put you on Medicaid. I'm dead serious. No reason to not have insurance. It's astronomically unaffordable and doesn't cover much, but there are loopholes. Just get on Medicaid.
 
This and other heavy acts like Rob Zombie and Meshuggah you name it behemoths of metal freak music blasting on a binge I often feel like I am going so hard on I make myself sick and afraid to death I did too much but unable to stop



I mean this is a sheer f*ing hell chasm of gorging on intoxicants to no end wasted and mad like a demented critter that would be safer in a lab cage underground

I could go on but that is enough of a sickly vivid portrait of the maniac who knows no bounds lost it all burned it all to hell been to more rehabs than were necessary

And he thinks a secular solution will solve his puzzled delirium

He better find a way to get off that carousel before those dastardly dementors chain his ass to it keep him at that insane carnival until he has to find a train to hop before midnight because he is a hobo on the lam

Jesus Xrist just get off the ride already pal before you are the guy with piss on his pants at the Grey Hound bus terminal on your final destination to alleyway living in Dark City because the Crow drove you over the edges of insanity so far this must be a circus they run globally to control their minds make them think they are stuck in a box degrade them into a chemical puppet who is the jack in the box asking for another rodeo so soon he doesn't know if the bull will knock him down for thr count but he tangos his way deeper into a pit of magma the price he has to pay to play

Such a sad spectacle to behold he should restore his mind and body in the forest if he survives this carnival lucky to not be in jail he could be technically how many bottles he shoved in his crotch walked right out of there like no one would stare below the belt hell he cracked another inhaler out of the package right in another aisle left it empty knowing they won't fingerprint it
 
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Shooting fent last year, was alone and having a hard time and didn't care if i lived or died and i almost died. Today i still struggle with addiction but i met a wonderful person who makes me feel like the greatest thing since sliced bread, makes me want to be a better person. He helped me grieve my mom and we haven't spent a day apart.

To anyone thinking it won't get better trust me it will when you least expect it
 
I don't believe I personally sank to literal rock bottom. our perception of the bottom gradually changes as we venture deeper into the rabbit hole of addiction. I have at multiple times thought rock bottom had been reached but in retrospect many of these instances I was fairly comfortable compared to what was to come. For me, a point of such intense distress and pain had to be achieved, such a situation of depravity that the only option was to make a change was required for me to to start creating a positive switch in my existence. Destroyed veins, shooting into my muscles just to abstain from withdrawal. Homeless, living in one filthy females outfit, whether rain or sun, which I had acquired out of a bin behind a charity shop. Begging outside Aldi, regularly bumping into people of my past, who glance at me with a clueless, worried expression as to wonder what had became of me. Having exhausted every avenue of begging, stealing and borrowing from my family and peers.

A completely helpless, selfish, chaotic psychosis was my general constant state of mind... From which a very brief period of sanity shone through the dark clouds for just enough time that allowed me to reach out for relief from my demons one last time. I begged my addiction this would be the end of my troubles.

I received a miracle as a gift that day from a higher power. Currently 30 days clean. My D's OC were heroin, crack and Xanax.

Keep going people, a better life after addiction exists, no matter your previous situation.
 
Jennn said:
Shooting fent last year, was alone and having a hard time and didn't care if i lived or died and i almost died. Today i still struggle with addiction but i met a wonderful person who makes me feel like the greatest thing since sliced bread, makes me want to be a better person. He helped me grieve my mom and we haven't spent a day apart.

To anyone thinking it won't get better trust me it will when you least expect it
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I hope to find someone like that one day. I’m happy that you’ve found your person.
 
Psychotic, cold turkeying off yaba (impure meth/caffeine pills common in SEA), benzos and Lhao Khao (Laotian rice wine moonshine) in a Laotian prison with my friends/family not knowing if I was dead or alive. Weighing 45kg at 178cm tall and convinced the CIA was after me. I was being held for visa-overstay and for being clearly psychotic. Pretty sure that was my rock bottom.
 
Northerngyal said:
I hope to find someone like that one day. I’m happy that you’ve found your person.
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I hope you do as well. I was first looking for red flags but couldn't find any. Once you're hurt so much it's almost a shock to find someone who's actual a good person. And it happens when you least expect it. We met right around the time my mom was dying and most people wouldn't want all that heavy stuff and sadness at the beginning but he was with me every day, making sure i was eating and taking me out to distract my mind. I'm not a religious person but my dad passed 3 years ago and it was like the universe sent me an angel. Before i met him i didn't care if i lived or died but now i'm reminded every day just how lucky i am.
You'll meet yours i'm sure
 
BK38 said:
Psychotic, cold turkeying off yaba (impure meth/caffeine pills common in SEA), benzos and Lhao Khao (Laotian rice wine moonshine) in a Laotian prison with my friends/family not knowing if I was dead or alive. Weighing 45kg at 178cm tall and convinced the CIA was after me. I was being held for visa-overstay and for being clearly psychotic. Pretty sure that was my rock bottom.
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I hope you're having a better day with your anxiety
 
Jennn said:
I hope you do as well. I was first looking for red flags but couldn't find any. Once you're hurt so much it's almost a shock to find someone who's actual a good person. And it happens when you least expect it. We met right around the time my mom was dying and most people wouldn't want all that heavy stuff and sadness at the beginning but he was with me every day, making sure i was eating and taking me out to distract my mind. I'm not a religious person but my dad passed 3 years ago and it was like the universe sent me an angel. Before i met him i didn't care if i lived or died but now i'm reminded every day just how lucky i am.
You'll meet yours i'm sure
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Awww, that is so damn sweet! Yeah, I do believe in angels and stuff like that too. It was probably your dad sending him to you. 😇 He sent a good one!

Every relationship I’ve ever been in has been toxic AF. So Idk anymore. I’d love to find someone silly and quirky like me. I’m like “Is it even too much to ask” or “He doesn’t even have to be that good looking as long as he’s kind” 😅
 
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