• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT | paranoid android

w0w0mg's (once again) at home detox attempt. NEED YOUR SUPPORT!

Can you do mmt? I dont have insurance either and work plus have 3 kids So cold turkey was not an option for me. Too many responsabilities to be sick and out of commission for two weeks. I also need it for cravings. I lack the self control to be sober at this point in my life. Its 90 a week. Seems like a lot but after dropping 3000 a month on dope its nothing. Its not a perfect solution but it really beats active addiction. My life now is totally normal. for example I have to scrub in for two blepharoplasties on monday. If i were fucked up from the done do u think i would be able to act as surgical technician and work one on one with the surgeon? A lot of people give mmt a bad name but like anything else it is what u make of it. If you follow the rules and are honest with the clinic they get you on the right dose. Trust me it is much better than the out of control feeling you have now. 4 months ago I wanted to die. The burden and shame that comes along with being a heroin addict becomes unbearable. You are trapped and miserable and live your life right now to spare others the grief of your loss but for u, death is welcome right? You dream of getting hit by a bus so it all ends! Sound familiar? Look into mmt... it might be a feasible solution for now. Then again i dont know your history or how long u have been at it. For me it was 4 yrs with a 4 month sub stint in there in the middle. If you are a new user just disregard. I wont delete the post in case you are in the same boat i was in! Good luck
 
I was on methadone in the past and it was horrible coming off of it.
I was miserable waking up at 6am every morning to drive to wait in line to get dosed and having to pay around 400$ a month.
I have spent all my money on drugs and now I have just enough heroin to last me for today and tomorrow then I will be without it.
I only have 1 mg of xanax left, so I have been trying not to take until I run out of my gear. I am not looking forward to WDs again.
I have about 10 grams of kratom (bali) left that might help a little bit, but I am scared because I have been having xanax withdrawals and keep having to re-dose on heroin
to prevent most of the WD symptoms. I still have bad anxiety, and I feel so lost.
I tried to apply for insurance thru DSS and got denied. I still don't know what's going to happen with my probation, I am sure I will get served violation papers here soon.
Once I run out of heroin I will most likely make a new diary thread, it seems to help me mentally because of the great support everyone gives me.
I hate how powerful addiction is. This is not fun. This is hell.
 
Its only fun the first couple of weeks and then it just goes down hill! I'm not worried about coming off the done. I had insurance when i was on subs and lost it. I ended up relapsing before I was even weaned off so if i have to be on mmt a long time, so be it. It beats the alternative and I know that's what would happen again. Good luck! Hopefully you won't have to kick in jail. My friend had to do it a few Times and the picture he painted of the experience sounds awful. He said they put all the detoxing prisoners in one room and give you a shitty blanket and that's all. No cot or pillow no comfort meds just bright lights and a cold floor.
 
I have had to detox in jail so many times and it is no fun at all. I always felt bad for my cell mate because I would be puking and crapping my brains out in a tiny cell. This last time I was detoxing in a different county jail and it was open dorm and I literally could not get out of my bunk for anything, couldn't eat, or even get up to drink water. Everyone else seemed to be fine and I felt like I was the only one truly detoxing. Horrible experience. Luckily I got bonded out 2 days later. If I get locked up with time, I am sure I will be having to kick again in jail and I am not sure how this county jail system works.
 
That sucks. Well I guess a bunk is better than a concrete floor! The room has a special name in our county jail. I dont remember what its called. Pg chicks are the only ones that get to stay on mmt. They come to the clinic in shackles every weds. I wonder if they cut them cold turkey after giving birth.
 
I would hope not!
I came off 90mg of methadone CT and it was HELL on earth.
I would never wish that on my worse enemy.
People in my county jail that were coming off methadone would literally jump off the second story tier and break their legs just to get pain pills.
It got so bad they put a fence up.
 
Opiate addiction is hell you are not kidding...I have done stuff I would never do sober. Stealing pills from people dying selling everything I can sell, charging up debts I cant pay. Me and my wife have been down this dark road so many times. I was clean for a long time till I met her and I know its not her fault but I justified it in my head like ok well lets see what its like to be in a relationship where we both use wouldn't that be neat lol.You think ok well I will just do this for a bit, then you blink and 5 years down the road you are doing the same shit. The worst part is the way I romanticize it in my head like oh well everything is better with pills...Sad stuff..
 
I know where you're coming from Rufus.
All my previous relationships were just 'drug-bound' relationships.
Everything revolved around getting high, and when we were not getting high, we would be fighting and miserable.
Luckily, my current girlfriend does not do any drugs, and is just an innocent girl that is nearly finishing up school majoring in computer science and minoring in finance.
She has a successful future and I do not want to keep her down by any means. That is why I am trying to hard to get clean. I want to get clean for myself but I NEED to get clean
if I ever want to have a future with her. I love her and she loves me and she just wants me to not use drugs. I have been hiding my heroin use and telling her I have been just using kratom.
She wants me off all drugs completely, she hates seeing me sick every morning until I get my next fix. I need to stop as soon as possible or everything will come crashing down on me.
 
Yes we have been through all those things too. We are actually doing better since we moved and cant cop here because we dont really have any sources. The only thing we get now is she gets 90 a month from pain management. We go through the medicine so fast that its pretty much 3 weeks out of the month now we are sober which is a big upgrade for us. It sounds like to me you have something really good because anyone who loves you for who you are and just wants the best for you (not being dope sick every morning and seeing you in pain all the time and miserable) is in my book a keeper all day. There is not enough to be said about someone who you can share your good and bad times with and someone who will still be there when the drugs are gone. I can tell you get this by the way you talk about her to us. Your choices at this point are get clean one way or the other even if you end up flunking a drug test and going back and getting clean there. You have alot to get clean for I know you know this. I understand you trying to protect her if she does happen to find out I would just be truthful to her and explain to her you slipped and thought you could handle it/didnt want to worry her. Sure she will be upset but IMO if yall have been through all this she will understand.
 
I mean, I am so afraid that if she ever found out I was using heroin AND IVing it - my relationship would come to a complete end. It would break her heart and she would NEVER trust me. I need to stop. I would rather go thru cold turkey WD then her find out. So my plan is to stop tomorrow before this gets any worse.
 
W0w: I have not responded to your threads in awhile, but I do keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I don't know if you saw my post about my sister who is in state prison in PA right now, due to her opiate addiction. She was given several chances for probation, and then she got a chance through mental health court ( she says she bipolar, but a lot of her symptoms are drug related as well)... she supported her habit by shoplifting. So I don't know what she is in for, but I hope to God she did not have to detox in prison.
I think you know we are not spring chickens by any means, so withdrawal is BAD. I wish I didn't live half way across the country... I would visit her for sure.
It is a shame that addicts are treated as criminals, when treatment is the best option. I cannot understand how non addicts just do not get it.... clean and sober people would not do half the shit they do when they are in wd or craving badly that is criminal. The whole situation is so frustrating. However, please hang in there... you have been through a lot... you are resilient, and can get through this as well.
 
Thanks for replying p0ke, I was worried about you! I am going to be making a completely new thread - So if I moderator could please close this that would be great I will have a new detox plan due to the fact I completely messed up my entire taper due to the relapse and I have NO suboxone anymore. Please show me some support on my new thread. Much love everyone!
 
ALSO; I want to see if a forum administrator could give me a name change if that is possible! So if I can get a new name change I will make sure to mention who I am.
 
w0w0mg said:
I mean, I am so afraid that if she ever found out I was using heroin AND IVing it - my relationship would come to a complete end. It would break her heart and she would NEVER trust me. I need to stop. I would rather go thru cold turkey WD then her find out. So my plan is to stop tomorrow before this gets any worse.
Click to expand...
Understood..Well that said then you got this man you know that. It's never gonna be a walk in the park but you know we have tendency in our mind to build them up too. When I was having the worst withdrawals of my life coming off eating morphine for months absolutely cold turkey (no lope not even ibuprofen)I was here on this forum reading posts from you all and keeping my mind off of it and trying to stay positive....This forum was for me a godsend just all the support and no one judging you just people in your corner who been there. Never underestimate the power of not having to go through this alone. I'm all out today too so I'll be here to keep you company man. You got this and you got every reason to kick this shit..
 
Wow you're in a rough situation. Your taper plan seems like it could work. You didn't say for how long you've been dependent on xanax? Your lawyer should be able to tell you if you could get locked up before your VOP hearing. My son had a similar situation with violating. We arranged a rehab that accepted Medicaid and admission date set up so at court, the judge allowed this is lieu of jail.

I don't know if they have places like Salvation Army rehab where you live. My son used to have to test there. Several times, I had seen people bussed into the facility from jail because they were without Medicaid or insurance. Do you have family or someone who can lend you the money to pay the fines? If not, perhaps your lawyer could ask the judge if they will accept a payment plan.

I will be following your new thread and hoping you get through all this! <3
 
I had a public defender whom just wanted the case to be done with so they get a check..
They didn't care about me - They actually get money for a conviction, it just shows you how messed up our system really is.
No money = Jail
Money = Freedom

I fall under the no money group of people.
 
w0w0mg said:
I had a public defender whom just wanted the case to be done with so they get a check..
They didn't care about me - They actually get money for a conviction, it just shows you how messed up our system really is.
No money = Jail
Money = Freedom

I fall under the no money group of people.
Click to expand...

I've often heard many public defenders will just try to get a conviction. Or, I've also heard of other crimes where people are wrongly accused and not given a fair trial, followed by a conviction. That may not mean that they were out to get this individual but some will do anything to get a conviction so that it looks like they're doing their job right when they obviously aren't. Example: the Steven Avery case; you should checkout the Making a Murderer series on netflix.

Either way, its repulsive and corrupt as well
 
I ODed on a combo of meth heroin klonipin etc on thursday... Flushed my last gram of brown while the aid car was on the way.

They Narcaned me and gave me IV valium in the ER, but I've been cold turkey wding since friday... Basically just drinking pepto bismol and popping tylenol...

Im scared I might have hep c, angry I just threw away 15 months clean, and dreading callin my DOC Officer tomorrow... but I'm thankful that I have today clean.

Good luck all.
 
Yeah, I just hate that if you can not provide money you're stuck in jail because you can't afford bond and you're stuck with a horrible public defender because you lack funds for a good lawyer. It's a lose / lose situation because you just want to get out of jail and you end up getting screwed and taking the first plea even if you're innocent. They love to push your court date MONTHS ahead so you have to sit longer and make you finally crack and take a plea. It's horrible.

ThreeDayFry, I know where you're coming from I'm so scared to talking to my PO and telling her about my addiction and that I may need rehab. I recently just got convicted of a new charged..
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top