Violent thoughts on LSD ruin my trips

[jason7]

Your mother's name is Goodyear?

Yes, my mother's name is...wait a minute. Never mind my mother, there's a Firestone out there with that boy's name on it. The signs are all there.

 

[phuckingnutz]

Oh god, maybe you're right. I wonder what other future events my incredible mind can predict.

lotto numbers?

As for your impending doom themes....nothing to freak about...the thing is...the more you try NOT to have these thoughts the more they'll fuck with you...it's the axiety loop dilemma...try giving your brain a different place to go....like inside your girlfriend.

orrrr...try to out do yourself...think of the worst bloodiest goriest shit you can untill your brain isn't freaked by that theme anymore...i think maybe thats a little like what Pupnik is talking about...?

 

[sailor bugg]

What does this even mean?! You have mind fucked me! AHHH!

lololo you quoted the person who said he could see future events, I was just saying if he could he should play the lottery, I suppose I should have quoted him to, guess the lack of sleep made me a bit careless.

 

[phuckingnutz]

lololo you quoted the person who said he could see future events, I was just saying if he could he should play the lottery, I suppose I should have quoted him to, guess the lack of sleep made me a bit careless.

Guess i did rip off the joke, but in my defense, i rarely read all the previous posts and I NEVER think about what i'm going to say at any given time...going off half cocked and talking out my ass are my stock in trade brother.

 

[sailor bugg]

Guess i did rip off the joke, but in my defense, i rarely read all the previous posts and I NEVER think about what i'm going to say at any given time...going off half cocked and talking out my ass are my stock in trade brother.

hahah it's all good^^. TBH I don't really read a lot of replies to threads and just post my opinion right away even if it's been stated already or the topic is different.

 

[Xorkoth]

Hey guys, so I recently started experimenting with psychedelics and I appear to be having some issues. I'll try to keep this short for the reader's sake.

When I first took a single tab of acid (around 110ug), I expected to be somewhat in total control of myself. Now I understand that this is not by any means a strong trip but as a first time dose I believe this is about right. I thought that it may smooth out the come-up of the acid by smoking copious amounts of weed. I feel as though this was maybe my first mistake. I've never particularly enjoyed weed and nor have I understood why it is so popular, so it probably wasn't a good idea to mix a drug that I hardly liked with a drug I had never taken.

This trip began quite nicely, however, and I was beginning to enjoy it. About and hour and a half into the trip, I have a sickening thought. I actually have an auditory hallucination of the sound of my neck being slowly crushed by a car tyre and the mental image to accompany it. I instantly sat bolt upright and attempted to get the image and sound out of my head, but they kept replaying over and over. It really affected me and I have no idea why this happened. It ruined my trip that night.

My heart rate began to increase from what I would imagine was fear. I was scared the images would come back and I wouldn't be able to cope. I began to have mental images of my heart being turned inside-out/exploding. Needless to say, that's a fear of mine and I hope I speak for everybody when I say that it's a natural fear. Having your heart explode isn't something many people opt to experience.

Eventually the trip ended and I was glad. I said I'd not touch acid again for a while so that I had time to sort myself out. During this time I made some particularly strong weed brownies. I am enjoying sitting with my girlfriend whilst we giggle away to a film on the TV. Suddenly she sits up and says "Your heart is beating really fast, it sounds unhealthy". I give her my pokerface and tell her it's probably nothing to worry about. I am worried. It takes me back to my LSD experience and I don't enjoy it. Is this what is called anxiety and paranoia?

The second time I took acid, I decided to do it during the day time and do it alone to see if I could concentrate on what I'm doing. I played with my cat, listened to music, thought happy thoughts and thoroughly enjoyed myself. It was beautiful and I was upset I had doubted the drug. I put the weird, sickening thoughts down to the weed and decided I shouldn't ever mix LSD and weed again.

My most recent acid trip, I took a tab with my friend when his trip had finished and he was ready to sit for me. Shit got intense fast and I had to sit down. My thoughts started to morph into horrible, violent thoughts again of my neck being torn to pieces (my neck and heart appear to recurring themes). I managed to fend the thoughts off and try to enjoy the remainder of my trip. It ruined the peak for me though.

So my question to BL, what is wrong with me? Do I have a mental health concern? Has anybody else experienced this and is it possible to get around it? Sorry it's a long post. I felt I needed to cover some things.

Early in my weed smoking days, I had a period of about a month where every time I smoked, I had similar thoughts/sensations, I would imagine horrible ways to be maimed or killed, often by being impaled, and I would seem to feel the sensations, minus the pain... it was really intense, really unpleasant, and disturbing. For whatever reason I kept smoking every day anyway (also after a while I would usually end up focused on something else, but it happened almost every time I smoked for at least a period of that high, usually the beginning). Eventually that stopped. Psychedelics (and weed) can really cause you to explore some new places and feel new sensations, especially when it's all new. I think it's a natural place to go, though a disturbing one. Don't worry!

I frequently have experiences like this on acid, ayahuasca, and even just weed on its own. In my case, they centre around thoughts of being eviscerated, decapitated, impaled or, most commonly, having my beating heart sliced out of my chest. At higher doses, fear of these things does become quite real. I too once spent an entire trip trying to escape from the viciously vivid sensation and image of having a katana slice through my neck, parting the flesh, muscle and veins from one side to the other, leaving me for an instant in a state of total pain and disorientation as the weight of my body vanished and my head fell to the ground. Over and over again for hours this vision came. Sometimes LSD is not gentle.

I do not interpret these as past or future events. These are extraordinary claims and they require extraordinary evidence. I first look to simpler, more workable explanations. Where does it come from?

I've gone into the experience repeatedly to find out. It was at its most vicious on ayahuasca, where I could basically feel the utter sharpness of the knife and how my mortal body, the nexus of my radiant consciousness, was just another object that could be punctured, tortured, killed in the coldest, most deliberate manner. I recalled that the Aztecs had sacrificed 80,000 people in this way during a single ritual. I remembered that the Incans had even done it to their own children, the younger the better, so as to feed the sun with the agony of innocent blood. At this, I got the image of a young boy crying and struggling and begging for mercy as he was held down by larger men, one of them drawing a blade and looking down at the child's bared chest. This has happened in real life more times than I can imagine. I sat upright in the ceremony, clawing at my face and hair and pleading with the astral world for these visions to stop. It was the senseless horror of existence, the unbounded suffering where there could have been light and peace instead, the way mankind adapts to the terror of the world by becoming even more monstrous. The solemn faces of the men and women around me were of the same genetic line that had gotten the crazy idea into their heads that they ought to sacrifice their own kids to the fucking sun. It hit me in full force at that moment: we are in hell. This is it, right now, and we are creating it for ourselves.

If Mother Ayahuasca was telling me one thing, it was, "You create what you see."

Now that particularly baptism of hellfire, an all-weekend drinking session punctuated by a double shot at one point, had many other nasty things in store for me. But as this one is a recurring theme in my trips, I kept coming back to it. What does it say about my mind, that these thoughts compel me? Clearly I have a deep need to understand the nature of evil in this world. Clearly I am coming to terms with the implications of being in a body. I am scared, because these things could happen to me, but will they? Is it rational to dwell on them, or is my mind just projecting? One thing the ayahuasca showed me for sure was that I am in a very high, high state of anxiety and stress all the time simply due to the way I see the world. There is a form of OCD in which the person is obsessed with being as clean as possible, and finds the very idea of the body partly consisting of bacteria and other microscopic horrors nauseating. Perhaps this is something similar? Your mind grappling with something that scares you, in creative ways that become especially vivid when you trip?

Yes, what you are experiencing is anxiety and paranoia. If you are serious about your pursuits, the thing to do is to face it, carefully. Know that what you are dealing with could wreck your brain, and show it the appropriate respect. No, your fast heart rate is not an issue. I had the same thought as recently as last night, while stoned. I breathed, cleared my head, and observed that I was totally fine, and had been the entire time. That is the trick to it. Look at the people around you. The substance they are on is physically safe. Your state of agitation is all in your head. As you learn to control these things, you will develop emotionally. That's what the experiences are really for.

Great post man.