Violent thoughts on LSD ruin my trips

[Rolodoggy]

Hey guys, so I recently started experimenting with psychedelics and I appear to be having some issues. I'll try to keep this short for the reader's sake.

When I first took a single tab of acid (around 110ug), I expected to be somewhat in total control of myself. Now I understand that this is not by any means a strong trip but as a first time dose I believe this is about right. I thought that it may smooth out the come-up of the acid by smoking copious amounts of weed. I feel as though this was maybe my first mistake. I've never particularly enjoyed weed and nor have I understood why it is so popular, so it probably wasn't a good idea to mix a drug that I hardly liked with a drug I had never taken.

This trip began quite nicely, however, and I was beginning to enjoy it. About and hour and a half into the trip, I have a sickening thought. I actually have an auditory hallucination of the sound of my neck being slowly crushed by a car tyre and the mental image to accompany it. I instantly sat bolt upright and attempted to get the image and sound out of my head, but they kept replaying over and over. It really affected me and I have no idea why this happened. It ruined my trip that night.

My heart rate began to increase from what I would imagine was fear. I was scared the images would come back and I wouldn't be able to cope. I began to have mental images of my heart being turned inside-out/exploding. Needless to say, that's a fear of mine and I hope I speak for everybody when I say that it's a natural fear. Having your heart explode isn't something many people opt to experience.

Eventually the trip ended and I was glad. I said I'd not touch acid again for a while so that I had time to sort myself out. During this time I made some particularly strong weed brownies. I am enjoying sitting with my girlfriend whilst we giggle away to a film on the TV. Suddenly she sits up and says "Your heart is beating really fast, it sounds unhealthy". I give her my pokerface and tell her it's probably nothing to worry about. I am worried. It takes me back to my LSD experience and I don't enjoy it. Is this what is called anxiety and paranoia?

The second time I took acid, I decided to do it during the day time and do it alone to see if I could concentrate on what I'm doing. I played with my cat, listened to music, thought happy thoughts and thoroughly enjoyed myself. It was beautiful and I was upset I had doubted the drug. I put the weird, sickening thoughts down to the weed and decided I shouldn't ever mix LSD and weed again.

My most recent acid trip, I took a tab with my friend when his trip had finished and he was ready to sit for me. Shit got intense fast and I had to sit down. My thoughts started to morph into horrible, violent thoughts again of my neck being torn to pieces (my neck and heart appear to recurring themes). I managed to fend the thoughts off and try to enjoy the remainder of my trip. It ruined the peak for me though.

So my question to BL, what is wrong with me? Do I have a mental health concern? Has anybody else experienced this and is it possible to get around it? Sorry it's a long post. I felt I needed to cover some things.

 

[Ballz_Trippington]

There is absolutley nothing wrong with you! I also, often have disturbing thoughts on LSD. The single most important thing to remember is that anything and everything that bubbles to the surface during a psychedelic experience is something that your subconscious has been grappling with even if you were totally unaware.
Shit dude, I often even have really disturbing thoughts AND I often even see demonic faces when I'm meditating. This does not in anyway mean that deep down inside I'm possessed by demons. These are representations of conflicts within your subconscious. They often come forth as really bizarre thoughts or even as disturbing mental images.
You MUST try to remember that the language of the subconscious is that of metephor. It does not communicate directly but attepmts to form a dialogue with your concious mind through symbolism. This is exactly why you are confusing matters worse by taking what your subconscious mind says to you in a literal sense.
Now the tricky part is decoding the subconscious language of symbolism. What you have experienced is highly normal. Just don't take the message literally.

 

[sailor bugg]

Well for your first trip I'd say that smoking weed probably moved it into a negative space. The few times I've smoked weed on the comedown from acid it made the diminishing acid visuals become way more intense and much more sinister. Also taking a drug that you've never taken before and combining it with a drug that you don't really like isn't that great of an idea. You should get a feel for what acid is going to do to you by itself, before compounding the effects with other drugs. As for the bad thoughts, they don't really seem to me like a psychotic break or an underlying mental health issue surfacing. Perhaps you just got stuck in a bad headspace and kind of bad tripped a bit.

 

[Rolodoggy]

You MUST try to remember that the language of the subconscious is that of metephor. It does not communicate directly but attepmts to form a dialogue with your concious mind through symbolism. This is exactly why you are confusing matters worse by taking what your subconscious mind says to you in a literal sense.
Now the tricky part is decoding the subconscious language of symbolism. What you have experienced is highly normal. Just don't take the message literally.

I never actually thought of it like that but it makes total sense now. I have had one recurring CEV that involves one of those small emperor monkeys with the moustache accompanied by the nonsense word 'Kathuthsisar'. The human mind really is something.

 

[Rolodoggy]

As for the bad thoughts, they don't really seem to me like a psychotic break or an underlying mental health issue surfacing. Perhaps you just got stuck in a bad headspace and kind of bad tripped a bit.

That's a relief. I now feel as though I'd be happy to give it another shot.

 

[jason7]

Not trying to frighten you but it's a possibility that you were seeing, or feeling, your own future, or possible future. It seems too specific and unusual to be a simple drug effect. The LSD may have opened a part of your mind which is able to see future events. You may be able to use this to your advantage though, because now you can be extra wary of circumstances where you could be hit and run over by a car. You may be able to avoid that particular timeline playing itself out, due to you being tipped off about it in advance.

 

[Rolodoggy]

Not trying to frighten you but it's a possibility that you were seeing, or feeling, your own future, or possible future. It seems too specific and unusual to be a simple drug effect. The LSD may have opened a part of your mind which is able to see future events. You may be able to use this to your advantage though, because now you can be extra wary of circumstances where you could be hit and run over by a car. You may be able to avoid that particular timeline playing itself out, due to you being tipped off about it in advance.

Oh god, maybe you're right. I wonder what other future events my incredible mind can predict.

 

[jason7]

Oh god, maybe you're right. I wonder what other future events my incredible mind can predict.

Probably only ones involving your own violent death or injury. That's the only thing that would be important enough to warn your conscious mind about. Pooh-pooh my theory if you want, but stuff like that does happen sometimes. Why else would your mind even think such a weird thing up?

 

[Flickering]

I frequently have experiences like this on acid, ayahuasca, and even just weed on its own. In my case, they centre around thoughts of being eviscerated, decapitated, impaled or, most commonly, having my beating heart sliced out of my chest. At higher doses, fear of these things does become quite real. I too once spent an entire trip trying to escape from the viciously vivid sensation and image of having a katana slice through my neck, parting the flesh, muscle and veins from one side to the other, leaving me for an instant in a state of total pain and disorientation as the weight of my body vanished and my head fell to the ground. Over and over again for hours this vision came. Sometimes LSD is not gentle.

I do not interpret these as past or future events. These are extraordinary claims and they require extraordinary evidence. I first look to simpler, more workable explanations. Where does it come from?

I've gone into the experience repeatedly to find out. It was at its most vicious on ayahuasca, where I could basically feel the utter sharpness of the knife and how my mortal body, the nexus of my radiant consciousness, was just another object that could be punctured, tortured, killed in the coldest, most deliberate manner. I recalled that the Aztecs had sacrificed 80,000 people in this way during a single ritual. I remembered that the Incans had even done it to their own children, the younger the better, so as to feed the sun with the agony of innocent blood. At this, I got the image of a young boy crying and struggling and begging for mercy as he was held down by larger men, one of them drawing a blade and looking down at the child's bared chest. This has happened in real life more times than I can imagine. I sat upright in the ceremony, clawing at my face and hair and pleading with the astral world for these visions to stop. It was the senseless horror of existence, the unbounded suffering where there could have been light and peace instead, the way mankind adapts to the terror of the world by becoming even more monstrous. The solemn faces of the men and women around me were of the same genetic line that had gotten the crazy idea into their heads that they ought to sacrifice their own kids to the fucking sun. It hit me in full force at that moment: we are in hell. This is it, right now, and we are creating it for ourselves.

If Mother Ayahuasca was telling me one thing, it was, "You create what you see."

Now that particularly baptism of hellfire, an all-weekend drinking session punctuated by a double shot at one point, had many other nasty things in store for me. But as this one is a recurring theme in my trips, I kept coming back to it. What does it say about my mind, that these thoughts compel me? Clearly I have a deep need to understand the nature of evil in this world. Clearly I am coming to terms with the implications of being in a body. I am scared, because these things could happen to me, but will they? Is it rational to dwell on them, or is my mind just projecting? One thing the ayahuasca showed me for sure was that I am in a very high, high state of anxiety and stress all the time simply due to the way I see the world. There is a form of OCD in which the person is obsessed with being as clean as possible, and finds the very idea of the body partly consisting of bacteria and other microscopic horrors nauseating. Perhaps this is something similar? Your mind grappling with something that scares you, in creative ways that become especially vivid when you trip?

Yes, what you are experiencing is anxiety and paranoia. If you are serious about your pursuits, the thing to do is to face it, carefully. Know that what you are dealing with could wreck your brain, and show it the appropriate respect. No, your fast heart rate is not an issue. I had the same thought as recently as last night, while stoned. I breathed, cleared my head, and observed that I was totally fine, and had been the entire time. That is the trick to it. Look at the people around you. The substance they are on is physically safe. Your state of agitation is all in your head. As you learn to control these things, you will develop emotionally. That's what the experiences are really for.

 

[blistersinthedark]

The few times I've smoked weed on the comedown from acid it made the diminishing acid visuals become way more intense and much more sinister.

Same here. I've decided take extra caution not to mix the two again after recently ruining an otherwise uneventful low-dose LSD comedown with just a few tokes. In my case it was mostly disturbing visuals (I tend to see eyes everywhere when shit goes bad).
I find that weed will exacerbate any paranoid/negative thoughts and will easily make your thoughts loop.

Also - I've had corrective eye surgery some years back and still have a slight case of dry eyes. While on mushrooms last summer, my eyes felt a bit uncomfortable and I had quite unpleasant thoughts about gouging them out (LOL). And I had most definitely smoked weed.

 

[sailor bugg]

Same here. I've decided take extra caution not to mix the two again after recently ruining an otherwise uneventful low-dose LSD comedown with just a few tokes. In my case it was mostly disturbing visuals (I tend to see eyes everywhere when shit goes bad).
I find that weed will exacerbate any paranoid/negative thoughts and will easily make your thoughts loop.

Also - I've had corrective eye surgery some years back and still have a slight case of dry eyes. While on mushrooms last summer, my eyes felt a bit uncomfortable and I had quite unpleasant thoughts about gouging them out (LOL). And I had most definitely smoked weed.

Very good idea. I tend to find weed does not mix well with a lot of other substances. This is probably because of weeds broad range of effects. It always seems like the worst effect weed can have in conjunction with the other substance always happens (ex. visuals on a psychedelic, paranoia on stims etc.).

As for the person who says you have premonitions now….. maybe you should play the lottery?

 

[Ligaturd]

Not trying to frighten you but it's a possibility that you were seeing, or feeling, your own future, or possible future. It seems too specific and unusual to be a simple drug effect. The LSD may have opened a part of your mind which is able to see future events. You may be able to use this to your advantage though, because now you can be extra wary of circumstances where you could be hit and run over by a car. You may be able to avoid that particular timeline playing itself out, due to you being tipped off about it in advance.

Ok...no...no stop here, you're fucking kidding right? Yes I have decided that you are trolling, if you aren't then please stop using psychedelics for a bit and remember the world we are living in. I laughed pretty hard when I read this, good job.

 

[sailor bugg]

Ok...no...no stop here, you're fucking kidding right? Yes I have decided that you are trolling, if you aren't then please stop using psychedelics for a bit and remember the world we are living in. I laughed pretty hard when I read this, good job.

Play the lottery!

 

[Rolodoggy]

I frequently have experiences like this on acid, ayahuasca, and even just weed on its own. In my case, they centre around thoughts of being eviscerated, decapitated, impaled or, most commonly, having my beating heart sliced out of my chest. At higher doses, fear of these things does become quite real. I too once spent an entire trip trying to escape from the viciously vivid sensation and image of having a katana slice through my neck, parting the flesh, muscle and veins from one side to the other, leaving me for an instant in a state of total pain and disorientation as the weight of my body vanished and my head fell to the ground. Over and over again for hours this vision came. Sometimes LSD is not gentle.

I do not interpret these as past or future events. These are extraordinary claims and they require extraordinary evidence. I first look to simpler, more workable explanations. Where does it come from?

I've gone into the experience repeatedly to find out. It was at its most vicious on ayahuasca, where I could basically feel the utter sharpness of the knife and how my mortal body, the nexus of my radiant consciousness, was just another object that could be punctured, tortured, killed in the coldest, most deliberate manner. I recalled that the Aztecs had sacrificed 80,000 people in this way during a single ritual. I remembered that the Incans had even done it to their own children, the younger the better, so as to feed the sun with the agony of innocent blood. At this, I got the image of a young boy crying and struggling and begging for mercy as he was held down by larger men, one of them drawing a blade and looking down at the child's bared chest. This has happened in real life more times than I can imagine. I sat upright in the ceremony, clawing at my face and hair and pleading with the astral world for these visions to stop. It was the senseless horror of existence, the unbounded suffering where there could have been light and peace instead, the way mankind adapts to the terror of the world by becoming even more monstrous. The solemn faces of the men and women around me were of the same genetic line that had gotten the crazy idea into their heads that they ought to sacrifice their own kids to the fucking sun. It hit me in full force at that moment: we are in hell. This is it, right now, and we are creating it for ourselves.

If Mother Ayahuasca was telling me one thing, it was, "You create what you see."

Now that particularly baptism of hellfire, an all-weekend drinking session punctuated by a double shot at one point, had many other nasty things in store for me. But as this one is a recurring theme in my trips, I kept coming back to it. What does it say about my mind, that these thoughts compel me? Clearly I have a deep need to understand the nature of evil in this world. Clearly I am coming to terms with the implications of being in a body. I am scared, because these things could happen to me, but will they? Is it rational to dwell on them, or is my mind just projecting? One thing the ayahuasca showed me for sure was that I am in a very high, high state of anxiety and stress all the time simply due to the way I see the world. There is a form of OCD in which the person is obsessed with being as clean as possible, and finds the very idea of the body partly consisting of bacteria and other microscopic horrors nauseating. Perhaps this is something similar? Your mind grappling with something that scares you, in creative ways that become especially vivid when you trip?

Yes, what you are experiencing is anxiety and paranoia. If you are serious about your pursuits, the thing to do is to face it, carefully. Know that what you are dealing with could wreck your brain, and show it the appropriate respect. No, your fast heart rate is not an issue. I had the same thought as recently as last night, while stoned. I breathed, cleared my head, and observed that I was totally fine, and had been the entire time. That is the trick to it. Look at the people around you. The substance they are on is physically safe. Your state of agitation is all in your head. As you learn to control these things, you will develop emotionally. That's what the experiences are really for.

It's incredible how similar your thoughts are to ones I have experienced recently. I often look at the world around me and ask myself why there is so much suffering at the hands of other human beings. I understand that some suffering in the world is unavoidable (natural disasters, cancer and disease etc.) but why create more for ourselves? Some people actually set out to hurt others deliberately without cause and I ponder the meaning of it all on a daily basis. Mainly I think about the innocence of animals and how we are more often than not, negatively impacting their lives. I mean some people actually beat and kill defenceless animals simply because they can. It troubles me often to the point where I ask myself if I actually want to exist in a world where these things happen, but then I realise that if it bothers me that much, surely I can dedicate some time to actually trying to eradicate the problem rather than avoiding it.

As for the sacrifices during the Aztec and Incan eras, I find it unfathomably hard to comprehend not only the amount of suffering that those victims went through, but also how one human being can physically do that to another human being. In my eyes, the possibility of a God that thrives on sacrifice of the innocent is not even close to reason enough to commit such monstrous acts. I fail to see the logic behind putting others through hell in order to avoid the possibility of going through it yourself at the hands of a hateful 'God'. You are actually creating hell by trying to avoid it.

I certainly feel as though I am on track to a reform in how I think of the world and where I see myself in it. I will continue to use psychedelics as these few experiences just appear to be the tip of the iceberg.

 

[pupnik]

Man struggles with fear, some try to master it with tricks, it usually goes badly.
In "heart of darkness" which was turned into the great movie "Apocalypse Now"
Kurtz turned fear management into a matter of forced torture random violence hideous cruelty - resulting in the total domination of his corner of the world - a jungle monster of the worst kind.

Rather than trying to best fear aggressively, my insight is to learn to sit with it quietly, and to sit with a frightened person, listen and remain calm.
Avoid escalating, interpreting, trying to tell the future, just be there with your friend.

here is a shot from that movie:

 

[Bagseed]

Not trying to frighten you but it's a possibility that you were seeing, or feeling, your own future, or possible future. It seems too specific and unusual to be a simple drug effect. The LSD may have opened a part of your mind which is able to see future events. You may be able to use this to your advantage though, because now you can be extra wary of circumstances where you could be hit and run over by a car. You may be able to avoid that particular timeline playing itself out, due to you being tipped off about it in advance.

lol get a grip on reality. while it sometimes seems that you experience future/past events or even "past lives" while under the influence, there is no evidence whatsoever that it is something outside your own subconsciousness. psychedelics certainly don't give you any psychic power and everybody who claims to have those powers while tripping is just kind of delusional.

OP, to me it seems that you might have unresolved fears / angers and the psychedelics made you experience them. but do not worry, everybody has those. go inside yourself and try to find out where these feelings come from. I have lots of underlying aggression within myself, and I also need to find a way to deal with it...

and btw, regarding the heart thing after eating pot brownies, elevated heart beat is a common side effect of high dose cannabis (and of course anxiety itself causes it as well), I wouldn't worry about it, if your heart is otherwise healthy. But I would ask myself, why I consume it, if I don't really like the effects.

 

[Ligaturd]

Play the lottery!

What does this even mean?! You have mind fucked me! AHHH!

 

[jason7]

Ok...no...no stop here, you're fucking kidding right? Yes I have decided that you are trolling, if you aren't then please stop using psychedelics for a bit and remember the world we are living in. I laughed pretty hard when I read this, good job.

Oh, you mean because nobody has ever been able to foresee future events? And there's no such things as ghosts or space aliens either, right? Please, my belly is getting sore from your naivety.

 

[jason7]

lol get a grip on reality. while it sometimes seems that you experience future/past events or even "past lives" while under the influence, there is no evidence whatsoever that it is something outside your own subconsciousness. psychedelics certainly don't give you any psychic power and everybody who claims to have those powers while tripping is just kind of delusional.

OP, to me it seems that you might have unresolved fears / angers and the psychedelics made you experience them. but do not worry, everybody has those. go inside yourself and try to find out where these feelings come from. I have lots of underlying aggression within myself, and I also need to find a way to deal with it...

and btw, regarding the heart thing after eating pot brownies, elevated heart beat is a common side effect of high dose cannabis (and of course anxiety itself causes it as well), I wouldn't worry about it, if your heart is otherwise healthy. But I would ask myself, why I consume it, if I don't really like the effects.

Oh yeah, I see what you mean. Me thinking that a person feeling and hearing his own neck being run over might be glimpsing his own future was just way off base. That happens to me every other trip, as IF! That po' boy has a date with Goodyear and he doesn't even see it coming.

 

[Rolodoggy]

Oh yeah, I see what you mean. Me thinking that a person feeling and hearing his own neck being run over might be glimpsing his own future was just way off base. That happens to me every other trip, as IF! That po' boy has a date with Goodyear and he doesn't even see it coming.

Your mother's name is Goodyear?