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Vent/Rant Thread vs I'll tell you how I really feel (Triggering Content)

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Why can i not find a fucking happy medium/normal mood state???
I don't even know what im doing anymore, i can't tell the difference between up and down and i dont even know what NORMAL really is!
I don't think people will ever understand me.
If im on my meds i cant function and struggle to think because im so sedated.
If i don't take my meds im happy, a better dad, more funny, feel better, more creative and feel as if i have a goal to reach..
But when i don't take my meds at the same time i feel good, i also feel like shit and am an asshole to certain people because my temper is so short fused.
I just wish there was a way i could be right in between all that and be myself, no matter which mood state im in most of the people in my life have something bad to say about how im acting.
The only ones who love it when im more energetic and fun are my kids and i love that.
But ive been trying different meds/med combos since i was 13 and no matter what im on it doesn't make anyone happy.
What's more important, what everyone in life thinks of me? or me being happy for me and being a better father to my kids?
I would give anything to be the best person i could be, but im either worthless or a pain in the ass to closed minded Hippocratic people.
Ugh, fuck life!

Now watch, in an hour ill feel ok again. What did i ever fucking do to deserve to be tortured mentally so bad.. i am not religious at all but if there is a God, he hates me.
 
Maya said:
hahaha exactly! Our shipper who I loathe the most quit without even giving enough notice to our company, and I am the only one who knows how to do her work so on top of a three man job I also did shipping today. Well I guess I better ask for a raise next month eh?
Click to expand...


haha damn right you better ask for a raise, I'm a manager and I still ask my GM for raises lmao, I do way too much for all the work that's not being done plus I'm managing the lazy fucks at my job.

*sighs* I do way too much and all I get is a gawd damn stress attack!
 
HdoubleODeezy said:
Why can i not find a fucking happy medium/normal mood state???
I don't even know what im doing anymore, i can't tell the difference between up and down and i dont even know what NORMAL really is!
I don't think people will ever understand me.
If im on my meds i cant function and struggle to think because im so sedated.
If i don't take my meds im happy, a better dad, more funny, feel better, more creative and feel as if i have a goal to reach..
But when i don't take my meds at the same time i feel good, i also feel like shit and am an asshole to certain people because my temper is so short fused.
I just wish there was a way i could be right in between all that and be myself, no matter which mood state im in most of the people in my life have something bad to say about how im acting.
The only ones who love it when im more energetic and fun are my kids and i love that.
But ive been trying different meds/med combos since i was 13 and no matter what im on it doesn't make anyone happy.
What's more important, what everyone in life thinks of me? or me being happy for me and being a better father to my kids?
I would give anything to be the best person i could be, but im either worthless or a pain in the ass to closed minded Hippocratic people.
Ugh, fuck life!

Now watch, in an hour ill feel ok again. What did i ever fucking do to deserve to be tortured mentally so bad.. i am not religious at all but if there is a God, he hates me.
Click to expand...

I know you you feel. Let me guess you have some form of bipolar disorder? I do and I hate the up and down. But on the other hand I realized long ago I can't do much about it other than deal with it. So I can either learn to deal with it or be crazy. Now learning to deal with it is tough. And I'm not there yet. But I feel much better now only taking clonazepam for my anxiety and avoiding all the heavy stuff (seroquel and celexa among other drugs kick my ass and I'm only stable cause I'm in a coma half the time).
 
I'm loosing my fucking mind today, I'm loosing medical in a couple days and that's fucking killing me. My meds are expensive!

So besides my meds are expensive without insurance I still have a opiate addiction that I need a fix for every day just about, so I'm thinking about hitting up the er with a lame ass excuse and get some killers before my insurance runs out. Buying that shit on the street is way too much money, so I guess I'm forced to quite painkillers here in a few days.

BRING ON THE FUCKING WITHDRAWS!!!! AND FUCK THE GOVERMENT FLITHY GREEEDY PIGS.
 
gr33n3y3z said:
I'm loosing my fucking mind today, I'm loosing medical in a couple days and that's fucking killing me. My meds are expensive!

So besides my meds are expensive without insurance I still have a opiate addiction that I need a fix for every day just about, so I'm thinking about hitting up the er with a lame ass excuse and get some killers before my insurance runs out. Buying that shit on the street is way too much money, so I guess I'm forced to quite painkillers here in a few days.

BRING ON THE FUCKING WITHDRAWS!!!! AND FUCK THE GOVERMENT FLITHY GREEEDY PIGS.
Click to expand...

hugs greeney <3
 
gr33n3y3z said:
I'm loosing my fucking mind today, I'm loosing medical in a couple days and that's fucking killing me. My meds are expensive!

So besides my meds are expensive without insurance I still have a opiate addiction that I need a fix for every day just about, so I'm thinking about hitting up the er with a lame ass excuse and get some killers before my insurance runs out. Buying that shit on the street is way too much money, so I guess I'm forced to quite painkillers here in a few days.

BRING ON THE FUCKING WITHDRAWS!!!! AND FUCK THE GOVERMENT FLITHY GREEEDY PIGS.
Click to expand...
Do you qualify for Medicare ?

I'm assuming you're in the US

I am wishing you the best <3
 
I am stuck in procrastination mode again.

I feel a lot of pain so I have shut down and am constantly trying to keep my mind off of my problems. Meanwhile my responsibilities go un-addressed and I am constantly stressed about my responsibilities and my problems(keeping my mind off is not working), and I hate my days as I haven't moved significantly towards where I want my life to be. My progress is paralyzed right now and I feel a ton of stress. I really hate this life. That hate and pain is crippling me and paralyzing me. I have to break out of this and start working hard towards making significant progress so I can have a somewhat decent life. I am so fucked up.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
Do you qualify for Medicare ?

I'm assuming you're in the US

I am wishing you the best <3
Click to expand...

Do you mean Medicaid? I was under the impression that Medicare is usually only offered to seniors.

Ughhhhh, I'm in the worst of moods today. I have an important test to take tomorrow, but all I've accomplished today is struggle through a hangover and force myself to drink some chicken noodle soup from a deli. I kind of fail at life.
 
i hate having to buy drugs cause dealers are so unreliable FUCK i hurt like crazy so i don't have any other options
 
^ I think she's talking about Medicaid, but I was denied again for it. They told me there was a freeze on new accepting new clients due to open enrollment with Obama care and they are steering people towards that. See what happens after April 1st.

@Carl Landrover, make sure your dog's paws aren't "knuckling" when he walks. (you would see the bending motion where the front of the paw is curled under) My dog was doing this with his rear legs shortly before he lost mobility of his hips. You can also give him glucosamine/chondroitin and that might help arthritis symptoms.
 
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I got healthcare through obamacare. Its only thirty seven a month but it only pays for fifteen subutex every three months.so I still pay 180 a month for the script. I guess that's my rant.
 
i am just dreading to go to work tomorrow, gotta psyche myself to get ready for another hellish battle. Oh man, what did I get myself into.:(
 
T. Calderone said:
^ I think she's talking about Medicaid, but I was denied again for it. They told me there was a freeze on new accepting new clients due to open enrollment with Obama care and they are steering people towards that. See what happens after April 1st.
Click to expand...

That sounds about right. Hell, I applied to Medicaid before Obamacare was a thing, and they still rejected me :/ Sigh...
 
Had to delete my fucking rap battle thread because of a fucking trolling ass BLer.. why are there people who are douchebags and need to ruin everything for others?
that was my outlet, it was therapeutic to me to rhyme.
now its gone.
people like that are the reason i left this site for 2 years before i came back a couple months ago. people gotta grow up.
 
yeah so did i and others but someone fucked it all up.. wasn't rhyming, just makin fun of people.. kinda like what hes doing in the other rhyme thread now.
except it was worse in my thread.
earlier today me and a few others in the post your rhymes thread started doing 8 bar verses in a row to see what we could come up with but he derailed that thread so i told him if he wanted to start shit with rhyming to do it in the battle thread,which is gone now by my own choice cuz it was ruined with shit talking :( he ran his mouth for a couple hours and never did anything but pick peoples shit apart yet wouldn't prove he could do any better.
he's a punk and he's following me around the site, i bet he'll chime in here with his tough guy on the internet attitude now.

EDIT: just deleted all my posts with this d bag.. no point arguing with someone like that.
 
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HdoubleODeezy said:
Had to delete my fucking rap battle thread because of a fucking trolling ass BLer.. ...
Click to expand...

That sucks, man.

Yesterday I started going crazy and could not call my son's mother even though I wanted to the whole day, and then I started panicking about the pain in my carotid artery, so I went and bought some alcohol because I felt like it was either that or go to the ER.
Then I slept for 1 hour last night. So I just had to cancel my appt with my counselor that I usually talk to once a week. Would have been nice to talk to her about these issues. I feel really aggressive and angry and want to force things to work(i guess that is better than being scared and procrastinating?) but I really need to somehow sleep some and lose this headache before I start kicking ass.
 
^ that's shitty.
i can't talk to my son and daughters mother because she's locked up, and my therapist/counselor is gone this week, though i do see my psychiatrist and his nurse in a couple days.
hope you got some sleep and are feeling a little better.
 
Don't know how to deal. The voice in my mind, not ok.

How do you deal with losing?
 
^ what did you lose?
i vent by writing or listening to music. that's how i usually deal with it.
we all have a voice in our mind, some just dont hear it.. not that that makes you a worse person because of it.. hell i hear shit all the time, kinda.. usually just self talk though.
 
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