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Vent/Rant Thread vs. Don't get in my way

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I've become a complete disabled pussy.
I refuse to keep living like that.
I am going to be my real self, just with all these diseased organs and spine and artery problems.
I am aiming and planning so that in 6 months I will have enough money to make actual moves, and be able to afford to have a girlfriend. However, I can't continue to be a pussy and think I can just flip the switch when I have money and power. It's fucking up my whole persona. I can't feel comfortable anywhere. No more living life in the fetal position. Right now I feel a huge rage and I want to break out of my shell in a dominant way, but I also have to find a way to balance that with being myself while being a rational person.
 
worked out like crazy, I sweat like crazy when I work out.. showered up, threw on the aloe, deodorant, cologne, boxer briefs, socks, And oooh shit.. forgot to pack a shirt.. so the sopping thing that had been chucked into my bag was put on. reminding me of putting on a wet swim suit.. Ug.. smelly and nasty.. fuck.
 
That was awful.. I had no desire to do it, and have come to the undeniable conclusion that there is something wrong with you. I have not liked to be around you in a long time. It was even worse than I thought it would be. I never want to see or talk to you again. You have pretty eyes and face, but the rest of you is sick and broken.
 
All I do is give. I give you everything you ask for. As soon as you ask for it.

Then when I'm having a tough time. When I need your love and support. I get procrastination at best and a straight up "no" at worst.

I'm really done with it. I'm only good for my money and my car. When I need something I might as well ask the cats.

You're never going to see me again. One way or another. I'm not working 18 days in a row and spending every minute outside of work being your servant cuz it's fun. I do it because I care. You talk a good game but when it comes to action you don't do shit.
 
Grumpy people annoy me to no end. In addition agressive bipolar bosses drive me insane. argh!
 
Mariposa said:
I wish there was a way for me to feel comfortable posting more frequently. I'd love to be able to share photos and experiences. I'm no longer comfortable doing that (and it's not because of anyone in TDS). I have solutions, effective solutions at that, but what do I do when I'm afraid that people will make fun of me for their own sport?

:(
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I spend way more time lurking than posting, don't worry about it, post count, counts for nothing and you seem to have had a pretty good go at it already:D

As for people making fun of you.... we have ways of dealing with such folk :sus:
 
You're such a fucking dog cunt and I hate what you've done to me, this is never gonna stop hurting me and you just don't give a fuck. 10 years of friendship down the drain and you still try and tune her. Get fucked.
 
It does frustrate me to the highest degree that the media puts out information from everyone that is wrong, or a lie. All the people talking about what they think are nothing better than chickens running around cock-a-doodle-dooing to each other. For one, the darn medical association puts out extended release medicine for a chemical that in no way is safe for extended release. It is so bad, how the world of apathy extends out into the medical octopus. It is such a darn shame in the name of God, that people have evil intentions and lie continuously to the innocent world in order to trick them and keep them ignorant.
 
Boupstarnm said:
All I do is give. I give you everything you ask for. As soon as you ask for it.

Then when I'm having a tough time. When I need your love and support. I get procrastination at best and a straight up "no" at worst.

I'm really done with it. I'm only good for my money and my car. When I need something I might as well ask the cats.

You're never going to see me again. One way or another. I'm not working 18 days in a row and spending every minute outside of work being your servant cuz it's fun. I do it because I care. You talk a good game but when it comes to action you don't do shit.
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That is the world in a nutshell. They go out of their way to bother us. And when they figure out that one of their attempts to bother us actually works, oh my it is all over. If they find that there is anyway to push our buttons - press...press...press...press...They will not stopping pushing our buttons, every day it will be the same, there will be no end. People have nothing better to do than to create negativity. No matter how much you give, no matter how much you love, it will still be the same. All we can be is what we have learned to be - good people. Unconsciously they are jealous because they do not understand the spiritual world of good and evil. In that dumb experience all I have learned to is too separate myself from the world because it is the only way that people won't continuously try to bother me, everyday people trying their hardest to show that they don't care. I don't get it. To put extra energy into showing that you don't care.
 
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Some people are definitely like that. A lot of people also aren't. I have met a lot more people who are not like that than people who are. :)
 
Rox said:
That is the world in a nutshell. They go out of their way to bother us. And when they figure out that one of their attempts to bother us actually works, oh my it is all over. If they find that there is anyway to push our buttons - press...press...press...press...They will not stopping pushing our buttons, every day it will be the same, there will be no end. People have nothing better to do than to create negativity. No matter how much you give, no matter how much you love, it will still be the same. All we can be is what we have learned to be - good people. Unconsciously they are jealous because they do not understand the spiritual world of good and evil. In that dumb experience all I have learned to is too separate myself from the world because it is the only way that people won't continuously try to bother me, everyday people trying their hardest to show that they don't care. I don't get it. To put extra energy into showing that you don't care.
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I disagree with almost all of this.

In a nutshell though...you can't generalise all people as being the same because they're not, seperating yourself from the world will only cause yourself more pain, and putting extra energy in to showing you don't care does exactly the opposite and highlights the fact that you really do care and feel hurt. If you didn't care you would just go about your life exactly as you were before.

I would write a kinder/more insightful post but I need to go to bed now unfortunately. Tomorrow maybe.:)
 
Hey omen_owen mk2 thank you, I need to put myself in check. I am complaining so much about other people, and it can get to an extent where I am making some of it up (like it may not be real). I understand that my words are wrong sometimes - the same person that I thought didn't have any care was just having a bad day or I was taking it wrong. Maybe it's my personality, maybe I am expecting something that I shouldn't be. Or maybe it's a test from my own ego. But trust me you sound very nice compared to them.

I am going to show the world that I do care. The thing about the world is that the moment of now means we can't think about the past, so I cannot hold any type of grudge for the next person. Some of the world has fear because it doesn't understand love so in that case it is my job to show the light. If a person does try to show me that they don't want me to be around in public, I have to compartmentalize it and put it in the past, at the same time showing them care in which they lack - I believe that is the way to win in these situations, because when it does happen, they are testing us so we can't fail the test...
 
You are definitely over thinking things. In a way life is really simple....

Don't expect anything from anyone unless it is explicitly stated they will do it.
Cut out the people and behaviours who make you feel bad.
Proactively engage with the people and behaviours that make you feel good.
Holding resentments only hurts you, it's like drinking poison and hoping someone else gets hurt.

I'm not saying it's easy, but it can be kind of simple when you break it down.
 
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ffffuccckkkk! i need to get into more positive energy

My grandmother had a heart attack, but is OK at home now.
And then Friday some idiot hit my car when I was merging into traffic and bent the wheel, and yesterday my insurance determined I was at fault because of the general lay of the road and the fact that they have no way of knowing specific details.
I had a severe stress reaction friday(disassociation, crying), but now i'm basically alternating between being overwhelmed and being sane.
 
So I'm going on 3 weeks without any hydrocodone, and 2 weeks no weed. I'm just going to go into a little back story because I feel the need to rant for a minute...
I first started hydrocodone after a friend had a Rx, and I would buy about 200mg every month or so. My cousin used to be a heroin addict, so I had promised myself I would never get addicted or use any harder of a drug than hydrocodone (if it's even considered a hard drug). Boy I was wrong. After about 6 months of this off and on experiment with hydro, maybe using once a week, I started using more and more. I had always told myself I would never get even slightly addicted, and that I was "better" than addicts. Eventually, I built up a tolerance that was too expensive (50mg to get a good high). So i started experimenting with cheaper drugs. First it was molly, which I only used a couple times. I would then curve my want for hydrocodone by smoking a bowl or two every night, something that made me lazy as fuck for a month while in college. Eventually, I got my last supply of hydrocodone about 4 weeks ago, and went on a 4 day binge. Needless to say, it was heaven. But after I finished my stash and was out of money to buy more, it was back to the weed. Then that wasn't enough. I actually bought some cocaine to try, something I never in my life I thought I would try. Since trying it that one dreadful night, I can't drink coffee without getting minor chest pains and some anxiety. To add to that, all I could think about was hydrocodone: the process of CWE it, preparing various potentiators, and finally swallowing the concoction brought about a nostalgia that I could not curb.
Anyway, I've been sober for a couple weeks (except for a couple beers here and there). But I learned an important lesson. I am not better than anyone. I am just as prone to addiction as anyone else. One day I will once again get my hands on some of that sweet sweet medication, but I will treat it with more respect that it deserves.
 
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