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Vent/Rant Thread vs. Don't get in my way

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Oh yeh and the hills around me are raging with uncontrollable fires!

Worst of all I just lost it at my only friend left on the net.
I dunno I feel like im loosing everything.
Sick of keeping the place wet just in case I can save it from the fires. n Im just tired and need to take my pain meds.
 
Note to self: Bluelight and Facebook are not interchangeable.
 
I think I'm losing my mind and I don't know what to do about it!

What am I supposed to do when Love disappears?
 
I fucked up. I'm still fucking up, maybe I just don't give two flying fucks.
 
I once was sad but decided to be awesome instead.

True story you know.
 
Just got first test back. Moderate to high cardiovascular risk? Wtf. I am skinny, eat healthy and walk every morning. Aside from coffee/chocolate.
I wonder if it's post opiate problems. Great! :\
 
Everyone has past family history of cardiovascular disease or is at risk of heart trouble in the future smoky.

Every man on my dads side just seems to drop dead from a massive heart attack at age 50 so I have that to look forward to. My bastard father died exactly a year ago from the same thing.
 
They do? Well, that's a relief somewhat Train for me to hear that it's more common … but not for you, nor your dad. I'm sorry about that, and for your loss. My dad had a heart attack 2 years ago went into a coma.

My bp is extremely low.. not on the high side … but my numbers are really high. It's all messy. A really low bp is dangerous I guess. I just did some research. Like my heart could stop from beating to slow. Oy!
 
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Yea its quite common just get regular check ups and keep up with your healthy lifestyle:)

And no worries I didn't know my dad and he was a bastard ha hadn't seen him in years and he did some despicable stuff to us. Made my mom nuts with every anxiety and panic disorder out there and I watched my mother almost get killed at the hand of my father when i was just a young one.

The anniversary of his death was just yesterday but I didn't shed a single tear. He was a rich man from saving his money and abandoning his kids yet he cut us out of his will and left us nothing. I was the one who had to grow up at age 14 and become the man of the house since my mom was too frail and still to this day I support my mom and do basiclly everything for her. Its hard though seeing someone you love getting crazier and crazier and there's nothing you can do about it. My mom has stolen all my medications before and ran off down the road with them to take then all and kill herself but lucky I've stopped her every time.
 
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herbavore said:
Create it.<3
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If only I knew how...

Can you teach me?

What are the ingredients for Love?

It's been so long since I've felt it, how will I even know that what I'm feeling is the real thing?

Is it even possible to "create Love" from scratch?

I know we all have our own perceptions of it, but maybe they're not so different after all.

How does a flame stay lit if it's needs aren't met?

The human body doesn't last forever, it's fragile, it withers quickly.

Love(the kind of love I'm looking for) is like fire, it's dependent upon exogenous components. If it's conditions aren't continuously met, the flame will die.

What are you without your family?

Without your possessions?

If you truly possessed unconditional Love, you would have no problem giving them up.

Unfortunately this is real life, "unconditional"," internal", "self-derived love" is a fairy tale.

Love is about interaction with extraneous stimuli. Love is a selfish emotional attachment. Nothing more.

Even so, I still wish I could experience it.
 
There's no such thing as unconditional love, only unconditional need.

Love sucks
 
What the fuck is wrong with me? Why do I keep on making the same mistakes over and over and over? I know I'm fucking fooling myself as I do it and I know I won't really enjoy it like a certain part of my head tells me it will and I know it won't heal me like I want and I know the consequences, yet I do it anyway. That takes a particular kind of idiot and for some reason I like to think I'm quite clever. Clearly not.
 
The Doc. said:
Yea its quite common just get regular check ups and keep up with your healthy lifestyle:)

And no worries I didn't know my dad and he was a bastard ha hadn't seen him in years and he did some despicable stuff to us. Made my mom nuts with every anxiety and panic disorder out there and I watched my mother almost get killed at the hand of my father when i was just a young one.

The anniversary of his death was just yesterday but I didn't shed a single tear. He was a rich man from saving his money and abandoning his kids yet he cut us out of his will and left us nothing. I was the one who had to grow up at age 14 and become the man of the house since my mom was too frail and still to this day I support my mom and do basiclly everything for her. Its hard though seeing someone you love getting crazier and crazier and there's nothing you can do about it. My mom has stolen all my medications before and ran off down the road with them to take then all and kill herself but lucky I've stopped her every time.
Click to expand...

Yes, it's hard to shed a tear for a parent that is incapable of love, one that probably didn't love himself either. There is no need to, it's not your fault. My mother left my father for things like that. Once saw him punch my mother right through our car window, glass and blood flying everywhere when we drove away. Good times.
I became the parentified child when my mom became ill after he left when I was 4. My story is not yours of course but I DO relate. My dad has mellowed out … think he burned himself out with resentment for a long time, also amphetamines and alcohol. His parents were abusive also.. it trickled down.

Good thing we can break the cycle, and know there is another way to live <3
 
Going to breakdown soon… the 13th will mark a year since my friend died from an overdose (technically I say the 12th but the 13th is when they called it). I still can feel all the foam/liquid that came out of his mouth on my hands. I still can't shake that night. It was one of the most fucked up things I ever experienced/witnessed in my life. I just read some texts from my cousin that night and I want to vomit.
 
You really gotta stay busy right now stayfaded.. it's good to reminisce but don't over do it
 
ihearthemoose said:
You really gotta stay busy right now stayfaded.. it's good to reminisce but don't over do it
Click to expand...

That's all I've been doing, but it's hard not to think about it, especially when his sweatpants he gave you to wear that night are in your closet. I really need to find somewhere to put those, ugh. I wish I never came over that night or found xanax… which, led to the dope… but yeah yeah it's not my fault (I know and I don't at the same time). I almost died that night too, but I got lucky. I just wish I wasn't fucked up on xanax, vodka, and heroin that night because maybe I could have done more. Being that fucked up and the panic wasn't good :( I feel so bad for his three kids.
 
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