I love the title. "Mourning Codeine"? You have a knack for satire that would make Voltaire retire in obscurity to plant cabbages. I would mourn it too. Dope, my by-word for Opioids of all shades is always gonna be my Jodi Arias. That chick who you know factually to be insane, but satisfies your lifelong fantasy of dating the dirtiest of gutter whores, then one day, your poor friends find you blue, stiff and possibly, molested.
What you're going through is extremely common, but not frequently discussed in medical/psychological literature about addiction. We are all led to believe that withdrawal is a trial by fire, like a gauntlet we have to walk, but if we steel ourselves, it will be over after 72 hours and we will emerge from our bedrooms rested, recovered and ready to take on whatever life can throw at us.
It's callled Protracted Withdrawal Syndrome as opposed to Acute Withdrawal Syndrome. Unlike some other drugs, namely, sedative-hypnotics, Opioid withdrawal is very linear. Think of it like a wave where you will reach the crest and start heading toward the trough. The wave's height is going to be smaller and smaller in relation to you and you will enter a period in which your acute symptoms are mirrored by a longer-lasting more mild form. This typically lasts for a couple of months if you're not a heavy user, but someone withdrawing from chronic, high-dose Methadone could easily expect 6 months of bullshit. I really don't like being a pessimist, but I feel not being real about the situation sets people up for failure.
I'm a lover, a fighter, a writer of poetry, but first and foremost, I'm a filthy, amoral drug addict. So, my approach to withdrawal has always centered upon the use of other drugs. This is not an original idea on my part, but it has always "worked" for me.
Clonidine - Gabapentin - Cannabis
With these drugs, I can make even that 6 month Methadone hell bearable. Do you have a doctor? Are you willing to connect with someone who will sign prescriptions? We can totally talk about the use of these drugs if you're interested.
You definitely need to understand that an Opioid is an Opioid in this instance. Whether you discuss using Loperamide, Codeine, Kratom or Tramadol, they are all just Opioids. The actual drug is much less relevant than the relative potency of each. Like we discussed already, Opioid withdrawal is typically very linear, so whatever Opioid you choose to use, you're likely just tailoring that relative dose to fit your needs.
At this stage, you can choose to remain on Opioids or get off of them. The longer I live and the more I learn from myself and my peers, I come to see Opioid addiction more and more as a treatable condition, in which society is the primary driving force in most folks' devotion to the idea of complete abstinence. I've seen a lot of people get on Methadone and kill themselves with other drugs, I've seen folks get off Heroin who were basically ruined by the process. Being sober is one thing and being sober, functional and happy are two completely different concepts. When I got off Methadone ( 3 separate times), the idea of getting out of a hot shower and being cold for 30 seconds could have been my Mt. Everest. Every problem, negative emotion, magnified to grotesque proportions. I was clean, but I fucking hated my life, everyone and everything in it.
I'm not going to question your reasons or rationale. If you want to be completely abstinent, we will help you get there. I just don't want anyone to ever give up their chance at a normal life simply because they are pressured into it. I don't personally see anything wrong with being addicted to Codeine for the rest of your life. What is it, a few dollars a box and the potential for intermittent constipation? If it makes you feel alright and you don't hurt anyone in the process, I say go for it.
