SickOfBeingHere
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Aug 14, 2016
- Messages
- 13
There are Twenty-six letters in the alphabet. I am Twenty-six years old. To me, that's enough time spent living.
I have never been accepted into society nor have I really had any friends, mainly because I have a brain injury (I had it since birth) which presents many challenges, such as socializing. I can get upset easily and stand up for myself because I don't like being treated like dirt, and people don't like that. I have done impulsive things that have gotten me in trouble (and most of the impulsive things I did I felt bad about; the only time I wouldn't feel bad is if someone had been continuously harassing me and nothing would be done), even at my current age. I try not to and tried to control this but it seems no matter what, I will always do something bad. I have also tried to get help but no psychiatrist or psychologist will see me unless my mother is there; as soon as I tell them I have a brain injury (and had it since birth) they cut me off and won't see me by myself. This angers me; I have not had this problem when it comes to other medical professionals - I have gone to my physician (who does not treat or know anyone in my family), the emergency room, the dentist, and the optometrist by myself and never had an issue when I was by myself with any of these professionals.
The brain injury I have is a cyst that covers the entire right side of my brain - it impairs my analyzing skills, communication skills, problem solving skills, I have no peripheral vision on my left because of this cyst, I have no sense of smell, and I am epileptic. This cyst cannot be removed because it covers the entire right side of my brain.
I am not in a wheelchair and I graduated college with a 96% Average in the Administrative Specialist program, but if a potential employer finds out I have a disability, I am not hired. I am not the only person with a disability with this problem; it seems there is a general reluctance to hire people with disabilities - I even have friends who are hearing impaired and, because of that, they can't find jobs either.
Anyway, I have attempted suicide many times but I am sick of living a life that seems to have no purpose; I am constantly reminded of my wrongdoings - even when I did nothing wrong at all. My mom will just bring something up out of the blue, or she will remind me how people don't like me because of the fact that I have a disability. I know it's the truth, as I have lived it and been told it by not only her, but others as well. She even reminded me today that when I was five years old and in Sparks the leader would not allow me to participate in the collections because of my disability and challenges. Because of all of this, I have made the choice that I am not putting up with this anymore. I have endured it for Twenty-six years; I don't have anyone else to live with nor can I afford my own place. I have decided that I will soon be killing myself in a very painful way but to me, it's worth it since I feel that emotional pain hurts more than physical pain. And to those who say I will be making my mom upset: She has told me SEVERAL TIMES that her life would be easier if I wasn't in it; she's too embarrassed to bring anyone home because of me. So she can now bring home whoever she wants and finally have the freedom she has been wishing for, since I won't be around to hinder her from it anymore.
There are twenty-six letters in the alphabet and I am Twenty-six years old; therefore, I am on my final letter and there is nothing left for me. It will soon be goodbye and I can't wait. I don't care if I have to be completely sober (I don't drink or do drugs recreationally) when I end my life; to me, it's worth it.
I have never been accepted into society nor have I really had any friends, mainly because I have a brain injury (I had it since birth) which presents many challenges, such as socializing. I can get upset easily and stand up for myself because I don't like being treated like dirt, and people don't like that. I have done impulsive things that have gotten me in trouble (and most of the impulsive things I did I felt bad about; the only time I wouldn't feel bad is if someone had been continuously harassing me and nothing would be done), even at my current age. I try not to and tried to control this but it seems no matter what, I will always do something bad. I have also tried to get help but no psychiatrist or psychologist will see me unless my mother is there; as soon as I tell them I have a brain injury (and had it since birth) they cut me off and won't see me by myself. This angers me; I have not had this problem when it comes to other medical professionals - I have gone to my physician (who does not treat or know anyone in my family), the emergency room, the dentist, and the optometrist by myself and never had an issue when I was by myself with any of these professionals.
The brain injury I have is a cyst that covers the entire right side of my brain - it impairs my analyzing skills, communication skills, problem solving skills, I have no peripheral vision on my left because of this cyst, I have no sense of smell, and I am epileptic. This cyst cannot be removed because it covers the entire right side of my brain.
I am not in a wheelchair and I graduated college with a 96% Average in the Administrative Specialist program, but if a potential employer finds out I have a disability, I am not hired. I am not the only person with a disability with this problem; it seems there is a general reluctance to hire people with disabilities - I even have friends who are hearing impaired and, because of that, they can't find jobs either.
Anyway, I have attempted suicide many times but I am sick of living a life that seems to have no purpose; I am constantly reminded of my wrongdoings - even when I did nothing wrong at all. My mom will just bring something up out of the blue, or she will remind me how people don't like me because of the fact that I have a disability. I know it's the truth, as I have lived it and been told it by not only her, but others as well. She even reminded me today that when I was five years old and in Sparks the leader would not allow me to participate in the collections because of my disability and challenges. Because of all of this, I have made the choice that I am not putting up with this anymore. I have endured it for Twenty-six years; I don't have anyone else to live with nor can I afford my own place. I have decided that I will soon be killing myself in a very painful way but to me, it's worth it since I feel that emotional pain hurts more than physical pain. And to those who say I will be making my mom upset: She has told me SEVERAL TIMES that her life would be easier if I wasn't in it; she's too embarrassed to bring anyone home because of me. So she can now bring home whoever she wants and finally have the freedom she has been wishing for, since I won't be around to hinder her from it anymore.
There are twenty-six letters in the alphabet and I am Twenty-six years old; therefore, I am on my final letter and there is nothing left for me. It will soon be goodbye and I can't wait. I don't care if I have to be completely sober (I don't drink or do drugs recreationally) when I end my life; to me, it's worth it.