your right and I know the steps work if you put everything into it and be honest, i just don't see the point if there's nobody i can trust
When I stopped doing the work and failed to go to regular meetings, I fell down and tried to get back several times, but because I wasn't serious about it my fellow alcoholics saw this and weren't 'there for me' to pick me up each time. They weren't supposed to be, they did the right thing and let me fall. I wasn't ready at the time to committ (even if I thought I was).
When you want to achieve a huge change but you grapple with commitment, fear of failure is usually the stumbling block. Fear of failure is probably the one thing that trips us up as human beings more than anything.8)
The way I look at it is this: If I am stuck because I am afraid that I won't be able to unstick myself, I remain stuck without possibility of any other outcome. If I try, and fail, I am unstuck simply by the act of trying. Then there is that other pesky problem, though. When I fail, I look bad in my own eyes and I see myself looking bad in others' estimation of me. That is a source of great fear and makes us crave the familiarity of staying stuck. This is obviously crazy logic but we enact this every single day in so many areas of our lives, from addictions to relationships to life goals.
Be bold. You have everything you need inside you to change. Failure is a terrible word, but trying is a wonderful word. Say, "I'm trying" instead of "I am failing" and lots of new doorways open.
I feel the same way. I finished inpatient treatment beginning of april. I still feel like a loner and feel like my life will never get better. Im still drowned in debt and have to deal with it everyday.
PAWS is one of the worst things I've gone through. I got clean back in November, and it took almost three months to start feeling normal and somewhat happy again. I felt good for a couple of weeks and then it came back with the worst depression I've ever felt. I felt empty. Listless, joyless, I had no interest in life whatsoever. That lasted on and off for the better part of a month. By February I had many more good days than bad. I felt good enough that I thought, I can use again because my head feels straight, and I can control it this time. Thankfully it only took me a few months to realize I was wrong, versus the years it took in the past. I'm several months clean again, and the PAWS isn't as severe this time. I'm enjoying things I haven't in years, because when I was high all the time I wasn't happy with life experiences like I thought, I was happy because the drug told me I was. It will get better. It feels like it won't, but it really will.
I experienced the same, however i have resigned myself to Subutex 16mg, maintainance or i would use.....are you totally clean??