Transitioning into full adulthood and continuing psychedelic drug use.

[Hilopsilo]

I first started experimenting with psychedelic drugs (and drugs in general) when I was 15, and I'm now 23. My use has certainly changed over time, my interest in them now is just as strong as it was then (I've long since lost any interest in drugs like opiates, stimulants or alcohol). I've never had a drug problem, nor have they ever impacted my life in a negative way, and if anything I feel they have had a positive influence.

But recently I've been feeling a bit off when I trip. I'll be graduating university soon, getting a job, supporting myself entirely, etc. And I get these weird feelings of doubt; "should i still be doing this?", "should I have grown out of this by now?", "is this really necessary?". And it sort of impacts my ability to have an insightful experience. Even if I have no work or immediate responsibilities at the time of the trip (I always make sure I don't), I still feel this stress. I find it harder and harder to just, let go and have a good time. This feeling that I need to be an adult and be on top of everything at all times, and if I'm not my life will fall into chaos.

Psychedelics have just been a huge part of my life, and I can't really imagine them not. And as I leave university and get older, I feel I will be surrounded by less and less people who engage in this sort of thing or approve of it. It seems at this point there is a paradigm shift; everyone gets careers and works their lives away and the fun is over. I know its a bleak and negative way of looking at it, but I can't help but feel that way. And I fear soon I will have far too many responsibilities to have time to experiment, and being a product of my environment, I won't feel that its something I should do.

Any thoughts/advice is welcome. lol, tell me about how much of a (successful) old fart you are that still has a thirst for the beyond.

 

[nuube]

I'm getting on for my late 40's and stopped all drug use except for alcohol after my mid 20's. With the whole RC market I started using psychedelics and dissociatives again. I've no friends that are using with me, (although a couple still trip), and have found it has aided my own development. A reaction to ageing is to get shot of all our old toys but it is an overreaction and shouldn't be done in haste - imho anyway.

 

[Cream Gravy?]

I'm 25 and live on my own with my fiance. I find tripping more fulfilling now than ever. When I was your age, I was terrified of being thrust into a job and the real world (which does blow, btw ) and it adversely effected my trips. Now it's a lot easier to relax, as long as all my bills are paid and my apartment is clean lol. I fully plan to continue tripping for the rest of my life.

I must point out that i always trip alone now though. Everyone else 'grew up' and shit. To me, they just seem more like they've given up on novelty in life. Anyhow, I can still convince old college friends and the like to trip once every year or two, given the right setting.

 

[Xorkoth]

I'm 34, and I trip regularly, moderate a forum about psychedelics, and I have a handful of close friends I trip with to this day, in fact I have more people to trip with now than I ever did when I was younger (back then my friends who did it did it only once in a while and just liked the pretty colors and didn't get into the deeper aspects). I go out to shows and meet people in their 40s, 50s and even 60s who are still tripping. Of course I live in a pretty fucking cool place... it's a big part of why I moved here. And the friends I trip with, I met originally on Bluelight. Ever go to a music festival? You'll meet lots of trippy adults at those.

In any case, plenty of adults exist who trip. In my opinion, it's far more appropriate for adults to be tripping than kids.

And by the way, I have a career job, I'm a computer programmer, I make a salary, I own my home, and I have investments, a bunch of adult shit. You don't have to become dull when you "grow up", and you don't have to quit doing psychedelics to be responsible. In my opinion and in my experience, maintaining a connection to your inner child, remaining childlike in certain ways, is extremely important to fulfillment and remaining young and agile. You can be mature but still feel like a big kid, but I don't think a lot of people know that. Psychedelics have helped me to realize it, and they help me to maintain it, too.

 

[Hilopsilo]

Thanks for the sentiments guys, means a lot

Might just be the stress of a transitional phase in life on my trips. I think another way to put it is, not entirely sure how to phrase this but, when you're a kid tripping or engaging in recreational drug use, you feel like just that; a kid having fun and its all fun n games. But when you're an adult, there is this pressure to feel like a degenerate or something (even if you lead a perfectly responsible and healthy life).

Its probably also seeing some people around me as I've gotten older turn to more sinister and deliberate forms of drug use (doing drugs for the sake of doing drugs, indulging recklessly, habitually, etc.)

 

[psy997]

Exactly, so you're pushing up into an edge. Being an adult you feel like a degenerate doing drugs, because you were told so. Sit with that. There's some deprogramming that needs to happen. Whether you continue tripping or not, this is a great opportunity to grow.

 

[iamkeen]

I'm in my mid-40s and I have always had a love affair with acid. Did it for the 1st time when I was 15 and the last time was well over a decade ago. Once I embarked on parenthood, it seemed to go by the wayside. I miss it terribly and managed to find the most amazing pure w. coast liquid for the millennium. It was pure heaven and it lasted a few years, in addition to gifting I miss that feeling so it's nice to hear others still getting stuck in. The best feeling in the world to be in a deep hallucination telling myself to just enjoy the ride. I followed the Dead and used it with friends but when I got that liquid in 1999 none of my mates wanted to indulge, they were more interested in pill popping, never my thing. I ended up taking quite a bit of that acid by myself, it was a joy. I miss that old friend and would love to meet again someday.

 

[nuube]

Thanks for the sentiments guys, means a lot

Might just be the stress of a transitional phase in life on my trips. I think another way to put it is, not entirely sure how to phrase this but, when you're a kid tripping or engaging in recreational drug use, you feel like just that; a kid having fun and its all fun n games. But when you're an adult, there is this pressure to feel like a degenerate or something (even if you lead a perfectly responsible and healthy life).

Its probably also seeing some people around me as I've gotten older turn to more sinister and deliberate forms of drug use (doing drugs for the sake of doing drugs, indulging recklessly, habitually, etc.)

I think that is some serious bullshit we tell ourselves as a 'kid' (for kid please read someone who hasn't their shit together be they 11 or 111), that allows us to believe there is a cut off point for Childhood, (When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up), and that there are adults out there that know what's going on.

I told myself the same lies and stopped my drug use - while I watched many drink themselves into oblivion on the weekend, suck like mad on cigs and denounce the drugs the 'kids' were doing. All the while they never seemed to get what was going on.

I assume that us both being in our mid 20's when this comes up alludes to a maturing and desire to progress out of the rut of young adulthood. I know Cream Gravy feels the real world blows a bit but for me it was a freeing experience - never had to worry about money as I was always able to earn. I had my own place and space to grow as well as settling down with my now Mrs and all that has brought, (mind you the teens you can have back).

In my 'adulthood' I've learnt that most of what we are told are down right lies and the rest is mostly error. Using psychedelics reopened my eyes to the BS of the world and has left me content in not knowing shit about shit!!!

IMHO as long as your drug use isn't harming your physical/mental health, career, relationships or getting you in bother with the law then there is no real need to stop. I wonder if you approached family and friends who use alcohol, (arguably a much more harmful drug than most/all of the psychedelics) and asked them if they were giving up drink now they were adults you would get more than the odd funny look.

+1 on psy997's comment about it being a great opportunity to grow, my mid 20's to mid 30's was a very intense time of personal growth as there were many opportunities - some good and some pretty bad - that helped shake me out of aforementioned rut.

 

[Cream Gravy?]

never had to worry about money as I was always able to earn.

Ain't that nice.

OP, it's not the 20th century anymore, jobs are not easy to come by. In fact, I think you should worry very much about how you're going to make ends meet. There will always be time to trip later. Not that you should stop tripping, just that certain things are about to take on greater importance in your life and spending more time focused on them will be important. Best of luck to you.

Nepotism is very handy, it seems to be one of the only ways to get a decent job without a STEM degree nowadays. If no one you know wants to give you a hand out, it may be very difficult for you to find a salaried job.

 

[psy997]

I'm almost angry reading you tell OP they should be worried about making ends meet, CG. Why would you ever wish worry upon someone? Even if finding a living is tough, it doesn't mean you have to worry.

 

[nuube]

Ain't that nice.

OP, it's not the 20th century anymore, jobs are not easy to come by. In fact, I think you should worry very much about how you're going to make ends meet. There will always be time to trip later. Not that you should stop tripping, just that certain things are about to take on greater importance in your life and spending more time focused on them will be important. Best of luck to you.

Nepotism is very handy, it seems to be one of the only ways to get a decent job without a STEM degree nowadays. If no one you know wants to give you a hand out, it may be very difficult for you to find a salaried job.

Not completely as I was working my way through university and averaging 80+ hours a week working & studying but having come from a home where money was tight it was pretty good to be able to buy an album without having to worry about having enough to eat.

Worry wont get you any job. Nepotism is very handy but not something I have ever experienced - every job I had I worked hard for and at. You can spend all day worrying and it wont feed you and if you are spending 126 hours a week worrying it wont earn you as much as 1 hr working in McDonalds. Spend a little more time tripping and a little less worrying and you will have a better life.

 

[Xorkoth]

Attitude is everything. It's been said before, and it's quite a true statement. There's a fine line between planning for the future and focusing on making a career for yourself, and self-destructive worry. Anxiety destroys people, but it's also within your power to not indulge those thought pathways. I mean, of course experiencing anxiety sometimes is a part of life, but getting into a pattern of anxiety is a slippery slope that leads to great suffering and frustration. The funny thing is, you can train yourself to not fall down those holes and over time you get better and better at it. Remaining connected to the simple joy of the moment, the humor in life, the beauty of perception, and the joy of doing things you love, which we do so naturally as children, is essential to a happy and fulfilled life. And those are things you can only do yourself, and they're things that having money doesn't give you. Yes, a lack of financial stress can help you to be happier in a sense, because you don't have that stress trying to weigh you down. But there are shit tons of people with loads of money who have every material need met and then some, who are miserable, because along the way they forgot how to live right.

Some of the happiest people I know barely make ends meet, or don't really make ends meet, and live in shitty slumlord apartments with multiple roommates, are late on their rent and bills, and can't even pay for gas to drive around sometimes, but they fucking live their lives, and it inspires me. Not that they never worry, but they don't let it stop them from being who they want/need to be. They spend their energy on playing music and being immersed in music, and work whatever shit job they can get to supplement the musician income (which is abysmal, especially around where I live which is saturated with musicians). Since it's what they absolutely love and are inspired by, they feel fulfilled and excited about life even though I would imagine they worry sometimes that they'll not be able to get it all together this month or whatever.

Musicians tend to be good at being happy despite being broke as a joke, I've found. I know a lot of them, being one myself.

Give CG a break, though... financial stress, whether necessary or not, creates a lot of suffering. I spent most of my twenties descending increasingly into anxiety and self-loathing because I was trying to fulfill this ideal that had been imparted to me about what meant that I was successful. Ironically, once I accepted that I can create my own meaning in life, and my own idea of success, and fuck what anyone else thinks, everything started to fall into place for me.

 

[pupnik]

my daughter is 36 and was talking to me about the shamanic ages
and the age that denotes adulthood is closer to 27 in shamanic rites of passage
on a related tangent, I am quoting some website below about eye contact

Eye Contact

Infant souls do not make eye contact, too afraid.

Toddler souls make very brief eye contact because of suspicion and fearfulness.

Young souls make eye contact to dominate, not to allow someone in or communicate.

Mature souls enjoy eye contact unless they are disturbed or upset and then they will avoid it.

Old souls make strong, steady, open eye contact to connect and allow someone in.

Transcendental souls do not blink much if at all. There is love and compassion in their eyes, always.

Infinite souls are the same in this regard. They don’t blink. The cosmos is reflected in their eyes.

I think you are in the Mature category, so some changes are natural in your life and in your enhanced experiences in order to increase communication, rather than to demonstrate your command or dominance (which is common up to university and beyond).

good luck with your journey and your moderate healthy use of psychedelics.

 

[Hilopsilo]

Ain't that nice.

OP, it's not the 20th century anymore, jobs are not easy to come by. In fact, I think you should worry very much about how you're going to make ends meet. There will always be time to trip later. Not that you should stop tripping, just that certain things are about to take on greater importance in your life and spending more time focused on them will be important. Best of luck to you.

Nepotism is very handy, it seems to be one of the only ways to get a decent job without a STEM degree nowadays. If no one you know wants to give you a hand out, it may be very difficult for you to find a salaried job.

I'm fairly confident in myself to get a job and support myself (I've actually got a lot lined up, in a quite lucrative degree), its not so much that I'm concerned about such concrete things like that, but more of an unavoidable change in my lifestyle both environmentally and socially.

Sober I can certainly rationalize and be logical about these things, but the psychedelic state is much more abstract and vulnerable, its often not so easy then.

Exactly, so you're pushing up into an edge. Being an adult you feel like a degenerate doing drugs, because you were told so. Sit with that. There's some deprogramming that needs to happen. Whether you continue tripping or not, this is a great opportunity to grow.

This resonates with me a lot. When I was a teenager, living at home, drugs were taboo and this sometimes impacted my ability to relax and enjoy them with that pressure (my worst trip ever was triggered by a feeling of "I should not be doing this, wtf have I done", albeit I was only 15). Coming to university, they became very much not taboo at all, and this made it very comfortable to experiment, and you could be quite open about it. Not that I ever flaunt it, but its not something I must keep secret or pressured to feel ashamed of. And now, I fear they will become taboo once again, and on top of that I'll have much more responsibilities and there will be much more at stake.

Thanks for this, you're right, it is a growing opportunity. And a lot of the thoughts in this thread are helpful in understanding what my purpose for tripping is and why I have an urge to do it; possibly to interact with my inner child in a responsible way.

 

[Cream Gravy?]

I'm almost angry reading you tell OP they should be worried about making ends meet, CG. Why would you ever wish worry upon someone? Even if finding a living is tough, it doesn't mean you have to worry.

Because I don't want them to make mistakes like I did. If I had worried about how I was going to deal with a number of things my life would be much easier now.

You guys don't have to agree with me but please don't act like what I'm saying is invalid.

Spend a little more time tripping and a little less worrying and you will have a better life.

I really don't agree with that. Maybe you define worry differently from me. Worry always translates to action. How else are you supposed to alleviate it?

 

[Xorkoth]

Well, sometimes it doesn't lead to action and becomes really toxic, but as long as you're using it as a way to make changes, it's definitely a normal part of life, at least sometimes. I definitely worry, I would even say I'm a worrier. I'm actually having a pretty hared time with it right now because of a number of really intense situations with loved ones and I'm really having a hard time getting past it.

 

[psy997]

Because I don't want them to make mistakes like I did. If I had worried about how I was going to deal with a number of things my life would be much easier now.

You guys don't have to agree with me but please don't act like what I'm saying is invalid.

I'd only say you're invalid because worrying =/= foresight. It's a fine line, and, language is language for a reason

 

[PsychaStevic]

I've been going through some similar transitions/changes in my life and psychedelic outlook. I'm a bit younger than you, going on 22. I've had similar thoughts, especially my last trip on 200ug ETH LAD + 150ug ALD 52. I found myself thinking a lot on how my life can play out in so many different ways, as well as how it's transitioned so fast in just the past few years. I opted out of college after my first semester, and ended up doing well for myself between a few local construction jobs before landing a position working on powerlines; (I) had to learn the hard way that adulting sucks. I now pay for everything, and even though it's overwhelming sometimes I still manage to make due. On my recent trips I caught my self thinking 'when does the trip end'? Not that particular trip but as a whole, like when will this stop being fun and intuitive for me, when will I just put the acid away and forget about it? I've come to realise it's all in what you make it and the outlook you have on life. You and only you can make the transition to a person productive and successful, and you seem like a bright guy, finishing up school and already having a career lined up. The universe always has a plan, you just have to give it a little nudge and set it in motion sometimes. I never gave up my psychedelic use as I continue to this day, but I have slowed my use to a comfortable once every month or two. LSD still shows me parts in my life that I need to move on from and leave behind in my 'childhood' life, and has also brought to light what I need to work on in my near future to make that huge transition in adulthood. It's a great tool and teacher if you're willing to listen and keep moderation in mind. Sorry if any of this has been said already, a lot of this was tl;dr. And also forgive my terrible use of paragraphs, on mobile

 

[Beenhead]

Not many here know me anymore, But I was once a Moderator with Xorkoth, and unfortunately am now 34 too (we are getting old bud!).

I have been off and on for a while now. But this thread really struck a cord with me. I think what is meant by needing to worry about your future earning prospects is that you should make sure that you make decisions that will set you up best for a comfortable future, and you should think about everything you do in that respect. Whether it is tripping, going out to dinner, or applying for a job. The age you are at, the choices made in your 20s will affect your life for decades. And you should have this in the front of our mind, always planning and looking a few steps ahead so that you put your self in the best possible position to be successful (what ever that is to you).

Try to not be so melodramatic about being an adult. While there is now much that can go wrong, since you will be independent of the safety net of your parents or others, there is so much to gain. I took time off from Psychedelics because I wanted to concentrate completely on graduate school. I got married, and when I recieved my degree and started my career I found that I had stunted my spiritual growth at the expense of my career and family. Which is okay. I now have a baby, and am completely independent, have the house the picket fence, the whole domestic nine yards.
Starting a family brings about a whole new richness and purpose to life that is difficult to describe, and would be impossible to describe to my 23 year old self. Your path may not match with mine, but if you persevere, you will find that balance too, and that adult life is pretty kick ass.

While I do miss being able to trip or roll on pretty much any night I chose, and now I have a small child to worry about (constantly!) finding the time for my self and for my spiritual growth is possible, happens, and is even more rewarding now that I am older. My one issue is I dont know anyone anymore to partake with so its usually a solo deal.

Although, on second thought, I never thought I would have watch the movie trolls over 200 times in a few months...

 

[Xorkoth]

Hey Beenhead, what's up? Been forever! Shoot me a PM if you'd like to catch up or also we've still got the social thread going.

But yeah being an "adult" isn't like, okay I'm <insert age>, now I'm an adult". Life is a continuum. You grow day by day and eventually you look back and think, wow, I'm a lot older now. Hopefully you feel like you've grown and learned with that time. I haven't felt like what I always imagined an adult to feel like until recently, and even then it's nothing like I thought it was going to be. Trying to fit into some idea of an "adult" is basically what my twenties were about and it was a mindfuck. Until I realized, I am who I am, and that's okay, and it will continue to change.

To Beenhead's point, it is very true that the decision you make when you're younger will affect you when you're older. So it's certainly prudent to give serious thought to what you're going to pursue and spend your time doing. I did that, I decided to go to school not for music but for computer science, and it's been a good decision. It's certainly very important to think and plan and not just live in the moment entirely. But thinking and planning is one thing, and worrying about things you can't control or wishing for something else with no action is another.