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threesome woes

InHerOwnWrite

InHerOwnWrite

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 26, 2006
Messages
1,064
Hey guys, I'm in a rough situation and really need some advice.
I'm a 27 year old female bisexual, in a relationship going on 2 years with my (also bisexual) boyfriend. In the past I was involved in a lot of threesomes with my circle of friends at the time. I'm talking like almost ten years ago... I feel like that part of my life is over and I'd rather just be monogamous with my boyfriend.
Unfortunately, my bf is kind of jealous about the threesome experiences I had, mostly cuz he never got the chance to have any himself. Last year for his 30th birthday he wanted me to arrange a 3-way for us, as in find a girl to have one with us. I tried looking on craigslist, replying to posts and making one myself, but nothing came of it and he was disappointed I'd failed. I've continued to look but still haven't found anyone, and now his 31st birthday is just 2 weeks away and I'm panicking. Sometimes when we're fighting about something, he'll bring up how I've not found a girl and how long he's been wanting this. I'm so scared I won't be able to make this happen.
I really want to give him this gift. Does anyone know a good site I could look on? Or have any advice in general? Thanks!
 
Would he be into escort services? I don't particularly know of any site but there are escort services online you can call etc.
 
That's my first thought. Spend a bit more than minimum wage and you will get exactly what your man wants. He doesn't even need to know it was paid for unless he thinks this will be a regular thing from now on
 
why can't the gift be you taking him out somewhere and together looking for someone you both are into?
 
It seems very selfish that he's getting angry for this.

You're putting the effort into it. If you can't find a girl, then that isn't your fault!!! It isn't exactly EASY to find someone who's up for a threesome. Oh, and maybe HE should try looking? Just saying.....

Anyway, all I can say is, keep trying. If you find someone, awesome. If not, then keep looking AFTER his birthday and give him a normal bday gift. Well, it doesn't have to be something "normal". It can be something unique still of course lol, but it can be something besides a threesome.
 
Do you have any friends that you trust enough that might be into it for fun but won't need it to be a regular thing? If it were me, I would look at all the people I knew to see if there was someone I could ask.

I also like token's suggestion of going to look together. It is a bit strange that he is throwing such a fit over this if you are not really into it...I mean, my partner has had a ton more sexual experiences than me, and I couldn't imagine demanding that he commit an act that he was not entirely down for just so things can be "even"
 
In the past I was involved in a lot of threesomes with my circle of friends at the time. I'm talking like almost ten years ago... I feel like that part of my life is over and I'd rather just be monogamous with my boyfriend.
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have you expressed this to your SO?

Unfortunately, my bf is kind of jealous about the threesome experiences I had, mostly cuz he never got the chance to have any himself.
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your partner being jealous about life experiences you had almost 10 years ago, and almost 8 years prior to you being in a relationship together is a little unreasonable, dont you think?

Last year for his 30th birthday he wanted me to arrange a 3-way for us, as in find a girl to have one with us. I tried looking on craigslist, replying to posts and making one myself, but nothing came of it and he was disappointed I'd failed. I've continued to look but still haven't found anyone, and now his 31st birthday is just 2 weeks away and I'm panicking. Sometimes when we're fighting about something, he'll bring up how I've not found a girl and how long he's been wanting this.
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based on the first quote of my reply, have you ever agreed to an open relationship with your SO?

I'm so scared I won't be able to make this happen.
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is he concerned about how all of this is making you feel?

I really want to give him this gift.
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have you considered how you will later feel toward both him and your union together if you fulfill this promise? or are YOU genuinally wanting this for him also?

...kytnism...:|
 
He is being a bit unreasonable, don't you think?

It would be like me getting upset that my wife won $10,000 10 years ago before we met and then me demanding she gives me a cut now.
 
Girl, I know you realize he is sounding like a complete A-hole, right? :\

I would for sure let him know (if you haven't) that though you agreed to this because you care about him that you aren't 100% comfortable with it because your feelings toward him in a committed relationsh ip is a world of difference from your life 10 years ago. He's lucky that you are willing to do this as most females would not be.

I agree that you should offer the 2 of you go out and maybe find someone together. I have been made offers like this numerous times over the years while out at a bar and it wasn't even something I was looking for. I would also tell him you are doing your best and throw out the idea of hiring someone. If that's not ok with him I would let him know the deal is off the table if he is going to continue to throw it up in your face. He needs to appreciate you a bit more IMO.
 
missmeyet? said:
Girl, I know you realize he is sounding like a complete A-hole, right? :\

I would for sure let him know (if you haven't) that though you agreed to this because you care about him that you aren't 100% comfortable with it because your feelings toward him in a committed relationsh ip is a world of difference from your life 10 years ago. He's lucky that you are willing to do this as most females would not be.

I agree that you should offer the 2 of you go out and maybe find someone together. I have been made offers like this numerous times over the years while out at a bar and it wasn't even something I was looking for. I would also tell him you are doing your best and throw out the idea of hiring someone. If that's not ok with him I would let him know the deal is off the table if he is going to continue to throw it up in your face. He needs to appreciate you a bit more IMO.
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woahhh nice avatar lol
 
It's actually pretty difficult to find women who'd be up for it, because girls like us are few and far between, and so won't normally need to go online (I'd help btw but I'm in London)!

If you're both bi what's the issue with having a man join you? That'd be dead easy using CL, and I've met some cool hot men that way.

If he's insisting on a girl you might have to pay, make a proper friend on a site like OKCupid or go together to a swingers/sex/fetish party. Swingers nights are actually good fun, pick a good quality one and you can play with a good looking couple. I think that'd be a great present!

And yes, he sounds like a whiny asshole for demanding something you don't want then blaming you and not putting any of the work in. But I don't know him so will give him the benefit of the doubt...
 
He does know I'm not entirely comfortable with it, but somehow it always ends up being an issue that after "all this time" (since he's asked to have this experience) I haven't found anyone. I've already considered asking everyone I know, it's really just that I don't have the same friends I had 10 years ago, and even the ones that I do still have contact with... we just don't want each other sexually anymore. This was all a long time ago when we were still figuring out our sexuality, and now we've pretty much all got it established. We don't need or want to experiment with each other anymore.
I am still doing other things for his birthday, I'm just anxious that this is going to come up again, that no matter what I give him at some point he will express dissatisfaction and anger that I haven't pulled this particular thing off.
As for the escort thing, I don't know. I've never wanted to contribute to any kind of monetary exchanges for sex. Thanks for the idea though.
I am looking to contact people through dating sites to see if they might be interested in a one-off thing like this, it just hasn't turned up anything yet.
Thanks for all the replies everyone.
 
he's being a dick about this.

he's pushing you to create this threesome scenario but do you want that yourself?
 
I don't particularly want to do it in that i'd rather just continue our relationship as it's been for almost 2 years. He's made it clear tho he only wants to do this one time, just to have the experience. And i wouldn't mind doing it one time if he's going to really enjoy it, i'm just having a hard time making it happen cuz the circumstances are so different from all the times i engaged in threesomes years ago. That was back when i had a really close group of friends including a guy i was in a relationship with, so the sexual activity the three/four of us were doing came naturally and didn't require any set-up or planning. I feel lost trying to make it happen again, and when i try to explain how difficult it is, he always says "well it's been over a year since i told you i wanted this, you should have been able to find someone by now if you really cared about doing this
for me."
And i do want him to be able to experience it, i just don't particularly want to do it, if that makes sense...? I want to be able to fulfill his sexual desires, i know it won't lead to an ongoing 3way relationship and would just be a one time thing, i'm just having a really tough time finding
someone to participate. Especially since he wants me to do it on my own and won't help me look. It's like he wants me to deliver a girl as a gift
 
i think he's being really rude by bringing it up when you get into fights, and expecting you to do all the work

what's he going to do if you stop searching anyway?

i wouldn't be doing anything for him if he isn't taking the initiative at all.

idk if that would cause more fights, but i dnt get why a 3some is so important to this guy..
 
You might have better luck getting a couple rather than a threesome. You said he's bi too. Why not suggest that to him? It might be a way to not have to participate. Just let it start naturally and quietly hang back unless you want it too.
 
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