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this girl i like...

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georgieroley

Greenlighter
Joined
Oct 12, 2013
Messages
16
Hey
So basically there's this girl in my college I like.
For the first 3 weeks of term we didn't really speak. Eventually I introduced myself to her and we got along really well that day. We shared music, talked about past relationships, swapped hats even. So I thought it was going really well.
After about 3 days (when others were trying to get us to go out) I told her randomly that going out would be cool and that I liked her.
She said she wanted to get to know me as a friend first but the idea of going out would be cute.
But now she hardly says anything to me, she's really quiet around me and its verging on avoiding me.
I didn't do anything wrong within that time.
What can I do to get her to be my gf?
What's the smart thing to do?
Thanks!
 
Hmm - it sounds to me like she might have been a bit intimidated by your asking her out so quickly. Maybe she just doesn't really know how to act around you now? My best advice would be to give her a little space, continue speaking to her and everything but try not to come over as too over-bearing or as if you're still really trying to get her to go out with you immediately...ie. just do your best to act like (purely) a friend. If she continues acting like this around you I'd advise you to ask her about it and try to work things out that way.
Welcome to BL by the way!
 
Give her some space. Agreed with Pagey, there is a good possibility she was very intimidated.
 
Fair enough, I'll try to keep my distance for a while and play it friendly.
I'll keep posted on how its going :)
 
So say if I saw her with her friends should I go up to her and chat or talk to her when she's passing by etc? Purely as a friend of course.
 
I don't see why not, just try to be as casual as possible :)
 
At least a few weeks...just see how things evolve and go with the flow but definitely give it some time.
 
its hard to say- from what i can see you got an excuse from her and now she is avoiding you. play it cool. she might have just wanted a friend because the interactions the two of you had that you have described dont sound hugely romance specific. in which case she might not be into you.

its things like eye contact and touching and flirting that make it obvious
 
The biggest mistake a guy can do with a girl Ive (painstakingly) discovered is that you will always f*ck the progress towards a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship if you TALK about it. That NEVER works. Like if you say I want to kiss you or I want you to be my girlfriend even before kissing or doing anything or saying how much you like/love/feel for her before actually again at least making out. People today are brainwashed by movies and pop culture and expect romance and big moments. So never ask to be your gf (unless youre 6 yo), just be manly (every chick anywhere will appreciate that) and ask her out and at an appropriate time kiss her. Never ever talk about how you would like to kiss her or... The moment you say that shes like 80% over you already, she knows she has you, there will be no sweet nervous first kiss etc..
Every woman likes the guy to lead, you IMO just gave her too much space.
You couldnt be more wrong by waiting. For what? Every single person on this planet wants love and happines and a partner. Saying she wants to "know" you is just distancing from you. Dont you think she would immediately go out with a guy she likes this very evening if possible. Of course she would. If that was you, shed go with you.

If you like her, go after her. Now. Think of something now and txt her today. That you have these tickets(or maybe something without a fixed date so you know if shes avoiding you) or xx... Think of something. And say you have no one to go with you and you thought of her. If she keeps rejecting you, its probably over. But dont drag it out, very little chance it will go anywhere if you keep waiting. Never ever wait. If some one wants to be with you they dont want to wait or you to wait.
 
Last edited:
placid space said:
The biggest mistake a guy can do with a girl Ive (painstakingly) discovered is that you will always f*ck the progress towards a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship if you TALK about it. That NEVER works.
Click to expand...

So true. I recently made this mistake. So so sad. Just stay in the moment.
 
Give her time :D she was probably just scared because she's know you for only 3 days!!! that's a bit fast even for college. Maybe on the next Monday or in a few days send her flowers or something do something small but cute. Where does she go for lunch maybe find out and "quinkadinkly" meet up with her there then sit down and have lunch. don't push for a relationship but let her get to know how great of a guy you are and if it really bugs you confront her about it that's what i do with guys when they start acting weird around me. Just be like hey so i was just wondering if everything between us is cool ever since i said that the other day you've been acting kinda strange.
 
I totally agree!! if a girl wanted to date you she would not take a step back. I think that maybe she was just flirting
 
It could be her friends' influence, shitty as that sounds. Sometimes we do that, especially if we are easily influenced by others. But generally, unless it's an extreme situation, I almost always take my girlfriends' decisions into account before I make my own. But, maybe you came on too strong as well. Everyone is different. Good luck, I hope it works out for you :)
 
Thanks for the tips so far, basically what has happened now is that I gave her a bit off space for a week roughly and a few days ago she stopped avoiding me and she's being cute around me.
Yesterday she randomly started texting me asking me about music tastes and we chatted for a good length of time.
I was thinking to chill with her and act as friends up until Friday and ask her if she wants to go to lunch with me?
I'm pretty sure she'll say yes, and then a few days after I'll ask her to go to dinner with me.
Let me know if this is the right strategy and if there's anything I can do in between this time etc?
Thanks
 
You could ask her to have lunch with you or something like that. Maybe coffee. It doesn't really matter as long as you are doing something together. Be sure to ask her questions about herself. People love to talk about themselves and it brings people out of their shell. If you are doing most the talking, you are fucking up.

I would kind of play it coy. I wouldn't be the one to text her, but respond to her texts from time to time. Its important that she thinks you got plenty of stuff going on besides her. Too much attention will most definitely scare someone off.

Whatever you do don't be needy and do not talk about a relationship. Just let things progress naturally. If she doesn't have lunch with you, she probably was never in to you. If she was into you and you ask her out, she will most certainly say yes. I mean why put shit off.

The whole "know you as a friend" thing. Usually when a woman drops the word friend it means not interested. I dunno what she means cuz the context is a bit off from straight up rejection. If she is asking you questions about your personality and stuff, maybe she just doesn't date much. She might be interested. I cannot tell because I don't know her or you or the situation. I can only guess.

Don't get played. Do you think maybe she is playing games?

But yeah long story short, have lunch and take it from there. When the time is right, put the moves on her and have sex with her. Pretty simple really. Don't make things more complicated than they should be.
 
Haha cheers.
In full honesty I don't think she is playing games I just think I was in the wrong to let her know about my feelings so early.
Im not giving to much attention, I'm letting her do most of the talking when I can, like at the moment I'm holding back replying for about an hour or two so I don't seem keen.
I do see what you mean about the whole friend thing. That did put me off a bit, but I'm pretty she legitimately wants to get to know me first.
Usually I'm good with these things, but she's so hot and amazing and we share everything in common so I just don't wanna fuck up at all.
So I may be over thinking this haha.
I think I just need to play my cards right.
But I'll ask her for lunch whenever the time feels right to be honest, I don't wanna set a time from now...that's keen.
What do you think?
 
I think lunch is just lunch mate. The thing is you already asked her out to lunch.

Its best to set a time when you ask her out to lunch to begin with. I dunno, if it was me I would go ahead and have lunch with her.
 
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