I suck.. I keep feeling better/ blah, then getting butthutt (jokeee ffs people!), and it sets me back.
It's weird nor having drugs to control emotions, right? Being clean feels like a (fucking) forced life lesson!..
.. Seriously, how the fuck do sober people (continuously deal with uncontrollable things?!) Howww?!
Society = so much pressure!!
Worse when you are forced to be around other individuals who use self-destructive things? to deal with.. life? meh..
I need to GTFO of my living situation. Things are fine physically, it's the best physical living environment I've ever had. But.. I don't have my own space. I just want to get on with things, without being bothered. The ability to make cups of tea without getting an ear full of BS. Having no alcoholholics/ addicts/ violent people around would be= the most awesome, money-can't-even-buy!- thing ever. It would be a life of no additional stress... Ahh... Hopefully one day I'll have my own room/ + living space!!! without any self-destructive/ nice person but totalassholetoeveryone types/ being annoying to everyone when intoxicated.
(I'm not angry at people for having problems, btw, just .. when they make it everyone elses problem, and don't let others get on with things..
Ahhh. I've lived in many places, and have seen so many other addicts (including myself!) do it. Even normal people do it.. (I thought it was just me doing this for ages till I became clean/ sober- haha). Lol.
Meh.. One-fucking- day!
I'll have my own fucking space!! :D
(And maybe my own ps4, haha)
This thought is helping me stay clean.
The people I'm around don't know.. my history.. (thank god, they can't use it against me/ hurt me with it! :D)
I am not an ass/ don't bitch at others for their self-destructiveness. (I just whatever to gto from any bad situations). Why do someee many people get off/ use personal things to hurt each other?! (Sorry, I learnt this year- don'tttt trust people with your substance abuse history!!-- espec if it's heroin -- if you're young, are presently clean!!).
My last house.. I became the "landlord" for it + properties over summer, when crazy landlord went to China, to see a bird (and give her thousands!!).
Anyway, they found out about previous addiction (heroin) from my ex.. (He was a well known addict in a small town, where everyone knows everyone).
Everything was fine. I was clean and happy.
But, then I got robbed (there was a coke head thief in the house!), and man handled (untreated violent schizo),
and.. the landlord/ my boss went mental at me..
(When it happened, someone heard me shouting when man handled thing happened, I was defending myself).
They didn't see what was going on (me being flung around/ etc by someone going nuts!)
They just messaged the landlord, who was in China.
He assumed I was arguing with my ex partner he didn't like (who I wasn't even seeing, not that it should matter!)
-- So, meh.. Long story short: Don't tell people who you don't 100% trust about substance abuse problems. They will talk shit + be an asshole for no reason/ not even listen let alone help you when you're in genuine trouble!!
(It freaked me out (especially not having a lock!) so I left.
Arrghhhhhhhh. People suck.