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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT | paranoid android

Venting The Vent/Rant Thread Vs. You Silly KnuckleHeads Can Go Fly a Kite!!

Smiley, if he's trespassing to the point of getting that near you with multiple and easy ways to get inside or wait for you, I suppose you need to advise the police. You can't just go away from your home. That's not going to solve the problem as he will 'always' be there.

Even if you have to defend yourself you need to know how and telling the police will give you the advantages of being released if you would need to put him down.

I'm very sorry to hear that you are literally living in fear and that's not healthy. It's not safe. You can't handle this yourself and alone. It seems too dangerous from what you explained. Why don't you ask a lawyer what you could do?
 
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Listening said:
To the outside world, I seem fine. If ever I mention to anyone that I'm not happy in my life (which is rare), they are shocked. The truth is I fucking hate my life. Almost everything about it is wrong. If I stop to think, it's overwhelmingly painful and I think I might breakdown one of these days.

Nevertheless, here I find myself, and from here I must make my way forward. Fuck.
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If it's any consolation your not alone. I'm in a very similar boat so to speak. In my case I'm just so sick of waiting. Year & a half to 2 wasted by Pneumonia my Dr. never noticed or cared to listen to me or check for. Now more months going by, time just wasted, life just wasted. Yet more waiting.

Was so expecting & hoping for an increase in my pain meds & getting life going again. Got my disability, got into what I believed to be a good pain management, things working etc. Well besides finding out I basically have COPD & need to quit smoking & other bullshit but fuck all that. I was gonna quit when I get my meds stabilized but nope. My nice msg to my Dr. explaining it ain't cutting it & expecting an increase as he had implied that he'd work to get me to where I need to be. But FUCK NO still the fucking same, maybe next refill... Is it so hard to just want to be able to function, walk down the street without to much pain & be able to try to have a life? Is it really that much to ask. :(

Chances are I'll have to wait till next appt. I did there fucking DT, everything fine. YAY... So I get to blow all my check supplementing & waiting to get my life started moving forward with my girl again. Not sure how much more I can take. I've done this fucking circle for to fucking long. But I guess I just keep going & waiting. It seems like a short time but after years or waiting & bullshit & finally thinking it's gonna change...

Man does it ever hurt when it doesn't. Guess that's my vent. Fuck!


Can taper down to around what I should be taking, but then have to up it for an appt. Taper back down/be half ass sick, nother appt next week, repeat. Fuck this cycle. Fuck appts! Fuck the fucking system & all the associated bullshit. End rant...

Finally got my smartphone going so maybe I can post more, but otherwise sorry for lack of posting/responses as I'm mostly at my girls & no computer there. Anyways, look forward to talking to some of my friends here again more often. Maybe I can get that damn phone to work for me (still learning) & post on BL from that.

Anyways, hope everyone is doing well with there issues & wish everyone the best of luck.
 
I can relate to this waiting and getting negative results meanwhile. When I had to do my orthopedic surgery the doctors took more than 2 years to find out what was really going on. And during this time I was on heavy painkillers.

I had this feeling that my addiction was not my problem, not my fault but I know this is not true. Not in my case. I overdid it. I liked it and continued doing it knowing that was wrong.

The minute I felt the medication was making me feel good and decided to add and take more, that's when addiction took place. No one but myself to blame.

Now regarding the other things, like tons of appts and exams. Lots of missed working days etc, etc. It's very frustrating.

IS, nice that you got a smartphone and can be in BL more often. It takes a while until we get used to it, other than that it's great. You can't live without it with time :)

Hope things get better for you!!

Erik
 
I hope things get better for you Smiley. At least you know how to deal with him. Good that you can call someone.

Take care! Really.
Erik
 
Thanks for the concern, I needed to vent and to communicate with someone as I was pretty para/scared/panicky cause I was on my own. But don't worry It's all good now, I think, and I'm feeling better. Think the chances of him being free for long is slim too. I was out today and stuff. If he turns up again this weekend I'm gonnae have to phone the police n try to make out like it was the neighbours or something. Again hopefully it won't come to that. Hope you're doing well Erik buddy.
 
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Holy fuck am I anxious. Very minor problem so I'm not going to explain it but I haven't felt this insecure in a while.. Hope this anxiety goes away soon :(
 
I'm anxious most of the time. I guess I got used to feeling jumpy I guess. I'm sober so I was expecting this. But I did noticed that overreacting can be controlled when I realized it was totally counterproductive.

So I always try to breath in and out, count to 10 (and even meditate) before jumping to conclusions or situations generated from being nervous.

In other words once I know what it triggers me I get that thoughts have no power to harm you so I try to use them in the least harmful ways.
 
I really wish I wasn't so sensitive and get so easily offended. Today at work some of my decisions/things other people said just kept repeating over and over in my head. It increased my anxiety immensely, and I find myself in a terrible negative thought loop which makes my anxiety way worse. I start to get knots in my stomach and just wish I did things differently. I hate it.
 
I think most people reacts like that to some extension. See what you are good at and as hard as it might sound convince yourself that being nervous about something that's already done is only harmful to you.

Today I was supposed to work only a couple of hours due to the number of overtime I have been doing lately.
So when I get home this colleague of mine calls me every 10 minutes to double check about things incredibly easy.
Turn off the phone right? I did. But you know how things are. I had to check it few times. So, back to the routine again. Argh!!
Small things..
 
PerfectDisguise said:
I really wish I wasn't so sensitive and get so easily offended. Today at work some of my decisions/things other people said just kept repeating over and over in my head. It increased my anxiety immensely, and I find myself in a terrible negative thought loop which makes my anxiety way worse. I start to get knots in my stomach and just wish I did things differently. I hate it.
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Sorry to hear that. I get that too and it's fucking horrible. I try to tell myself that there's no point in crying over spilled milk - it's already spilt! But it is easier said than done when thoughts like that dominate your mind making you cringe and chipping away at your self-esteem. The worst thing I did was to avoid social interactions in order to avoid the cringe-worthy aftermath. Hope you and anyone else in the same boat feel better soon. We are all human and can only do our best. It's probably unkind to say but I take comfort in the fact that others feel the same.
 
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^Thank you for the response. Sometimes I wish I had a job that had minimal social interaction, but this is not currently an option. Hope you feel better too, and indeed all we can really do is try to accept what we do and say. I just hope I can learn to cope better.
 
^^It's tough PerfectDisguise but try not to feel down on yourself, sounds like u work hard. The world is a big place full of all types of people and It's frustrating when you can't communicate the way you want to (at least for me) but you know what "Fuck them!" in our minds we judge ourselves on how others see/perceive us, but if we say "fuck them" then why should we care? That's about the only crap advise I can offer if you have anything better let me know please, seriously lol. Good Luck pal.
 
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I agree with them Perrfectguise. Its hard when you find it difficult to communicate. I just learned that you have to find ways on how you can interact with different types of people and unfortunately most of the time we need to be able to be flexible.
 
"Human goals are like the numbers plumbed from the pipes of life. I'm a plumber, but what I plumb is the fruit of infinity. I'm deeper than infinity, so infinite I make infinity look like a four"
 
OK..

My girlfriend was on methadone, she stopped due to financial reasons. She went on subutex treatment, again financial reasons forced her to stop and be ill. I got her some pills to help then we went in a full blown using spree together. The money ran out, she went back to the methadone clinic while I suffered it CT and now she is on this pedestal pointing out everything that is wrong with me! Because she is well with methadone, she is treating me like shit and I'm about to lose my mind over it.

/FIN
 
When you are on Methadone life is easier to deal with as you don't really suffer from w/d and you can easily have a "normal" routine. I've been on Methadone for many years and I felt I was sober/ cured for life. Fact is I was really dependent on a very hard medication which was almost impossible to come off. In short words she's connected with something that prevents her from doing other drugs.

It's easy to judge when you don't have to go through all the steps to become totally sober. Can she manage life without Methadone? Doctors say Methadone is stronger than morphine and depending on the doses, it blocks the effects of heroin or Oxys. So basically she's trying to be sober like you. You could have chosen to use methadone, couldn't you?

But the feeling of being slave of this medication for the rest of your life is pretty scary. Besides at one point or another she'll have to deal with reality and all side effects plus accept she's addicted like most of us. In my opinion being on Methadone does not mean you are sober.

Don't let her put you down. That's not healthy neither good for the relationship. Ask her for her support. Could she go on without methadone or subs? I guess not. So you are on the same boat. And even if she had succeeded, everyone is different and we all have different timings. I suggest you tell her you are not comfortable with her attitude. Or/and that you are trying hard, need support etc. Besides, if you´d use methadone that would probably "solve" your problems too.

Good luck!!
 
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@ Erik


Thanks for the advice. I'm not usually so anxious but for some reason I'm heavily trying to seek someone's approval and I'm not used to feeling so insecure so its frustrating. Just gotta breathe...
 
Smiley91 said:
Sorry to hear that. I get that too and it's fucking horrible. I try to tell myself that there's no point in crying over spilled milk - it's already spilt! But it is easier said than done when thoughts like that dominate your mind making you cringe and chipping away at your self-esteem. The worst thing I did was to avoid social interactions in order to avoid the cringe-worthy aftermath. Hope you and anyone else in the same boat feel better soon. We are all human and can only do our best. It's probably unkind to say but I take comfort in the fact that others feel the same.
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This is actually very good advice. thank you :)
 
@Erikmen

She can't handle not being on methadone right now. She was on Subutex and we had financial issues so she stopped. Then I couldn't let her be ill and suffer so I offered to make a call. Sadly, I chose to do the pills with her and this is what we are dealing with after a month long run. Out of money, fighting and I'm just trying to get myself feeling well and back on track. She back on the methadone so she is okay at this point but I'm still dealing with everything on top of trying to get our relationship back on track.

To be fair, we have other issues that we need to address but doing pills together brought us to our most intense fighting as of yet. Such is life.

Thank you for your reply, I appreciate it very much. Be well!
 
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