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Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

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I got drunk last night. Not too much, but I couldn?t sleep at all. I wont be making that mistake again
 
Completed day 8 of oxy withdrawl. Took a mountain of Ativan to sleep, but I got 8 hours last night in two pieces. I definitely feel better today. My legs are still aching but it is less and so far that is all. I imagine as the day goes on Ill find Im lethargic as well.
So far best day yet.
 
Glad you got some rest ! So do you feel like the operations were a success and that you will be able to live pain free or at least pain pill free? Great job everyone.
 
Thanks Larimar!
I agree- good job everyone!

Squeaky, so glad you got some sleep and are making it! Completed day 8!! Wow!! Really proud of you for sticking in there!
Hope today is the best day you have had in a long time. Things are easing up. Keep going.

Well, I have a lunch date this afternoon. Haha! I am so nervous. I feel so socially awkward, to say the least. Pray for me friends.
At least I know this guy though. He is my little brothers friend (six years younger than I ) and grew up right across the street from me. So I know him and his entire family well. I don't have to worry about meeting some random psycho off the internet. I feel more comfortable. He told me that he has had a huge crush on me his entire life! I never knew.
Wish me luck friends.
 
I am really pushing myself physically now. It's remarkable how far I have come energy wise. I did power yoga last night and a core class today plus a shift last night that is a workout in itself. The power yoga is extreme to be doing when I had to do exercise work too that night. Passed out in about a millisecond. I feasted this morning cooked up a huge pasta for breakfast, got really hydrated so stoned had coffees, and ate like over 10 clementines lol. Feeling like myself a little more yoga is really good for me. It's a discipline I needed to get up and go in order to push myself today with another class. And even that has been tiring. I'm not just laying in bed when I wake up for long but I only sleep 5 hours last night. It's anywhere from 4 to 6 no matter how much weed I smoke.
Just telling myself I got this. I need a discipline like this in my life right now and the benefits are very noticeable.
 
You got this ShroomySatori!!!

The exercise does help ALOT! I am building up so much more endurance and muscles in my upper back and arms that help compensate for the extreme lower back injury and loss of spinal support. I have been concentrating on holding myself in good posture and to be aware of that. Sitting up straight, shoulders back, trying not to slouch to the left side in order to take the pressure off my tailbone injury. I even wake up in the night now and force myself to uncurl from the fetal position into a straight position.

You are doing great ShroomySatori and I really agree about changing your environment. I think places where extreme suffering happened do hold that energy but it can be cleansed. Cedar oil and white candles are great for that. Prayers. Brightening up the place with flowers and rearranging. Moving totally is the best but I would still cleanse the place. I would not want to leave that kind of dark energy around for someone else to deal with. Ya know?

SINGING has been helping me so much friends! Sing, sing, sing a song! I sing the entire time I exercise and I no longer have to moan and whimper through the exercise plan I have going. I actually feel- do I dare say it- Happy. Really happy and fun is on my mind.
Good clean fun. Well, okay maybe a little dirty lol! But not in a drug way, in a good, sexy way!

I feel like I am going to puke I am so nervous. I keep telling myself that if all else fails, just smile and let him take care of me!
Probably after this initial first time dating again, it won't be so bad. Social skills come back, I think, hope. No, they do!
I am going to overcome!

❤️ You all!
 
Too many responses to read. I?ve tapered myself down to .2 a day. .1 2x a day of subutex. I tried jumping but end up sweating, rocking, RLS, horrific body aches by 18 hours and by 26 hours (far as I?ve gone) I?m in bath tub rocking, in pain, throwing up over the side. So I decided to try a short acting opiate to ween off. I literally have done 1/5 of a rainbow sprinkle size of heroin every 13 hours. How many days should I do this? What can I expect with a short acting opiate? How should I taper? I plan on 5 days maybe? Anyone??
 
I have had multiple soine surgeries , the last a three level hybrid disc replacement. Pain was almost all gone but after 5 months it all came back. Tried a implant a spibe stimulator but it does nothing for the everyday pain i have. Been taling methadone for 10 years. I hate it and hate how bad it is for my body. Im always tored no matter what. Just had a spinal
Ablation and it helped reduce some pain. Want to try to get off this crap. Anybody have any suggestions or thinking of doing the same?
Thanks!
 
BobJohn1967 and PinkNarcotic: read up on Loperamide for opiate withdrawl. I jumped from 120 mg oxy/day cold turkey. Started Loperamide and it helped 90% of my symptoms . I recommend starting the Loperamide at least 24 hours before quitting opiates.
You can check my posts on BL for more info.
 
My wds are not over yet.... today seems worse when I?m laying down, but my back pain is worse when Im standing up.
 
Did not have a good time. Fuck, I give up on people. I'm just done. I don't think there is recovery for me.
Every time I try to get my self confidence back up I get no support from anywhere.
I just give up. I don't like this society and what people have become. I am different and I am glad.
I don't want to be like the people who are looked at as "successful ".

I'm just done. I wish you all luck but I think it is a losing battle. I don't even know why I am alive, injured so badly and living in so much pain. My "family" is a fucking joke too. Talk about kicking someone when they are down. There is no way for me to break free of this depression and I could if I had the tiniest bit of support, care, compassion, kindness. I see why I decided to never speak again and I think I'm going back to that.
 
^I sent you a message about that.

Squeaky man I still get withdrawals nearly 4 months later. My buddy wakes up with feelings reminiscent of withdrawal nearly a year later. I get this too, I still occasionally have classic acute withdrawal symptoms. However PAWS is way worse because it lasts so long. Years from a habit like this. I can't afford to be anhedonic for months to years on end and that is the challenging part now. I am not cravings the high. My energy is all over the place and I would like balance, which that stuff would very quickly stabilize at least if I could ever have enough. I've just accepted I have to go through feeling like a burnout. I wish I had used that energy I had before more wisely than blowing it away through euphoria and being functional in society but really not personally.

Positive reinforcement is good I'm always telling myself "you got this bro" like yesterday before my core class after power the night before; that is insane even for an athlete and I also hustled and bustled working my bum off for 3 hours. I feel healthier the more active that I am. I need to be more mentally active in different ways but at week 15 I still have anhedonia almost all the time. On and off though but I can't be happy or have energy it seems I'm still forcing myself a lot of the time. So I am dealing with that one way through yoga. You need a discipline like that and stick to it, whatever it may be. And creative outlet.

I met a yoga teacher this was idle and waiting to happen at some point and really it was cute how we met. I don't know if I can describe that part without doing it justice. This girl seems like she is tripping all the time (this is a compliment) but I doubt she trips. Her trip is yoga. I am really curious about her teaching style. How did I miss her until now? We like, sit beside each other in class all this time as I go to all the hard ones and it was like instant friendship. We have our spots and hit the same classes and it was like she was waiting to introduce herself all this time it was so uplifting. Beautiful, stunning yogini to junkie burnout in recovery lol she didn't know how to greet me but wanted to right away. That was the cutest part she was almost like boasting a little to impress me (she actually did though really impress me in a lot of ways) - when I should be the confident one! I'll hit up her class I am so curious how she would teach what she was explaining to me. It is hard to explain but I know she could help advance me spiritually and possibly vice versa but she seems to be doing alright, lol. Very uplifting girl full of spirit. Yet I don't think I've ever even checked her out until yesterday. If it would be an intense workout cause she is so fiery, or like really relaxed and moving energy through the body. I'll have to see next week.

I was really happy about that since now I am getting to know some of them personally and particularly this girl is exciting. I can learn a lot from her with her background and we could be good friends I feel. I already consider her a friend, I could not possibly think otherwise after yesterday.

But yeah the anhedonia has me drained all the time that's why I have upped the yoga and I'm really going at it now. Although, making sure to be safe and take time off when I need it. I wish I could afford L-tyrosene but I'll just let my dopamine go back to 20% normal from the current 1% over time. And drink a lot of coffee. I dunno I didn't mean to write about girls but this one is different. Whatever that means. Her teaching style is definitely a lot different and I haven't been to a class yet. The next step would of course be seeing how she teaches. I am so curious after all the esoteric wisdom she was throwing at me! She is def pretty smart too.

My sex drive is back that much has recovered. If only other parts of my brain were anywhere near normal. I know my depression and this isn't that. This is anhedonia. Straight up like I can definitely experience pleasure at times but I am burnt out nearly 24/7. If not that, then insomnia, or if you look up PAWS symptoms they seem to change every few days and I have had a massive number of them. 2 years they say. I better keep up with the healthy stuff to cut that timeline down by maybe 6 months. Since from day 2 I was working my ass of this time, fed up after yet another relapse.

And I still crave the damn stuff. Stupid drug cravings for dope. There doesn't have to be a trigger it seems, my brain has been toyed with and needs time. More than ever now really which is the dumbest thing. I just have to apply for some jobs and keep going to yoga and my life will fall into place. That was the happiest moment of my year so far though. Just the way she greeted me was so cute and adorable I was like what. the fuck. There is a cute girl greeting herself to me now and I was exhausted dragging myself to class a moment ago.
 
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Painful one btw emotional hurt like that can be worse than the damn physical pain when we are already stressed as fuck. Don't need people fucking with us this is why I say I am someone another man would not want to fuck with. I have a tendency to snap. Like you said before we are just sensitive it's cool just some prick guy it sounds like and some other stressors since it seems you have had bad luck lately it is better to be alone than to have bad luck I think.

Lonely is actually a good place to be. I could be stuck in a shitty long term relationship. All I see is potential, for you too.

I am very likely going to end up hanging out with this teacher. I want to get to know her so bad and she invited me to check out her class, then tells me she chills and was just on her phone before class when I caught her alone and it was refreshing so like, why not hang out with her sometime then. I see a friendship happening easily, and be cautious with the social media painful one. You are good at sensing people's energy so use that to your advantage. Just remember people like fucking with people for the hell of it like that guy might be frustrated or have ego shit going on or something and be like well I wonder if I could get with this foxy lady knowing in advance he didn't want to or might get in trouble or was seeing someone already or something or just changed his mind for who the fuck knows what reason. You know you are foxy besides. That definitely sucks who knows though either way I'd keep away and do some relaxing stuff will change your mindset.

The pain you can deal with you are good at that. You will meet someone when you don't expect it all the things you are doing are sort of what I am doing like healthy eating and exercise you screwed up way less than me and I will likely be reasonably okay you are good! You need a creative outlet I forget if you have like a specific one. But yeah chronic pain can absolutely fuck up all aspects of life as well. Seems to make most everything more of a challenge.
 
Thanks my friend. ❤️

It was not just that either. I need to stay away from my siblings. My sister is the meanest, most cruel person ever. I am done trying to have a relationship with her. She is such a materialistic, gossiping bitch! She has and continues to kick me when I am already down and the second she sees me getting any type of confidence back she destroys it.

The Lord was not kidding when he told us that our worst enemies would be those of our own household.
 
Hi! New here! it's great to find a place to be able to tell secrets about oneself where there will be no judgement!
Ive been using meth for 20 years and an iv meth user for 10. I'm a self medicator using only 10cents in the morning like coffee. I eat and sleep. I still look young for my age and I'm so good at keeping it under control, my 20 yr old Son who still lives with me thinks I've been clean since he was 3! But I know and desperately don't want to do it anymore. Everytime I quit, by the 6th day onward I cannot think straight. I don't want to get out of bed. It's an effort to even make a phone call. The longest I've made it off of it in 18 years is 42 days. I know it's due to damage in the dopamine and seratonin receptors. Has anyone tried Ibogaine, Velvet Bean, 5HTP or something that has worked to get through it?

Thanks!
 
PainfulOne- I disowned my whole family, one member at a time. Mom, dad, brothers, sisters. Every one for different reasons and at different times in my life. Ultimately the reason was the same for all of them. I realized I dont deserve to be mistreated by ANYONE. That includes my family.
I am blessed to have a fantastic wife and children. ANYONE else deserves one chance, but thats all they will get. I truly believe that a life lived alone is better than one lived being stepped on, lied to, or disrespected. Any time spent with a selfish loser is time wasted.
 
You are right Squeaky. The problem is that I cannot work and I feel like very soon, when our mom dies (dad already gone) that I am going to be at their mercy and they do not have any mercy.

You are lucky to have a great wife and kids. You can also work, although, I don't know how you are managing it. I cannot.
Besides the head injury, bad memory, anxiety, PTSD and back injury---

I get migraine cluster headaches so bad that my vision goes out and I am completely and totally disabled wherever I may be. I'm a very beautiful woman and I can't just be left on the side of the road or wherever these things hit me at to find by whomever may wander across me. So that makes me scared to leave my house.

I have so much to overcome and the utter nonsense and bullshit that my siblings have already done to me and continue to keep doing even when they can now see a physical debilitating injury ( huge hernia from the pressure of my back injury blowing out my stomach lining) they continue to deny I have any injury or pain and am just a drug addict. If I told you the shit they have pulled on me you would not even believe it. How am I supposed to live like this?

Disability continues to deny my benefits when I have worked myself to near death and paid into the system my entire life. I heard them say that "Her family has done this to her, let them pay for her." But that is going to mean a death sentence for me sometime in the near future because I will NOT be left at their "mercy". It stresses me out beyond what I can express and beyond what anyone should have to endure in this life on top of trying to live in chronic pain.
 
Got my script today. 30mg IR oxy x 90 pills. Im in pain and they are in the back of my sock drawer NOT getting used.
This is fing hard. I?m on day #who cares and my legs feel like a truck drove over them. My hips hurt like Im giving birth. And all I can think of are all of the legitimate reasons to get some pain relief.
I didnt though. Still clean 10 days clean.
 
Mystyrious- I dont know what ten cents means, but would it be possible to wean yourself slowly to zero? Perhaps a basic trick - add a little extra water to your mixture, but only inject the same amount as normal and discard the rest. Stabilize at that level and start adding a little more water. Inject the normal amount and discard the rest.
Keep doing that until you are mixing in a gallon of water. Shake well. Take only what you need to fill one syringe and flush the rest. At some point you will have undone some of the damage, you will be taking next to nothing, and you will have more success at jumping off.
Look up ?The Ashton Method?. It was designed for benzos, but a modified version could be your solution.
 
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