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Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

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Squeaky, I hope the time has come and you are getting some relief!!
Very soon now if not now. Hang on.
It hurts me to know how badly you are hurting! I have thought of you often through this time of no medication.
That is such hell to go through!

My medication works much better with this ROA I am using. This has been the best winter I have had in a decade.
(A decade is ten years right?) lol! See, I can't remember stupid things that should be so easy. The memory problems suck but I'm just laughing those off. At least my pain is under control and I am feeling much better and am able to concentrate better and laugh and feel happy again. Just enjoying a cup of tea or hot chocolate is huge! I'm trying to find enjoyment in every little thing.

It is nice when you are feeling good enough that you can think of other things besides pain and sickness. This chronic pain sucks and is extremely hard to live with but we are still alive and we need to enjoy life as much as we possibly can. The support and encouragement we have found here is huge. Just to have someone else who understands helps so much!

Thank you friends for all of that! It has helped me more than I can express.

Hope you all have a good day today!
 
Trying to keep positive tonight. Pretty much I am entering severe benzo wd's from being in moderate ones all day and just double dosed so I'll be good. My hands are sort of shaking / twitching and well the worst part is the depression. It's never going to go away I don't think, I have a mood disorder. The key is in recognizing that. Wow, I feel like I'm having a fucking heart attack right now though I gotta find a way to chill guess I tapered too quick lately I've been feeling this build up since I dropped another bar. Starting to completely freak out over nothing, have very little weed but getting the fire tonight. I need both of those in order to feel normal, so it's important, like at least for now. Should be a nice weekend still, panic attacks really suck.
 
Think I'll be okay? I feel like I am having a heart attack. The fuck do these health problems have to interfere with my life for? The potential I would have without them I'd be a millionaire by now for sure. I was on that path in my early 20's and already had a lot of savings. My back hurts just enough to keep me indoors tonight, couldn't really go anywhere and the anxiety has kept me in bed all day and/or pacing. I'm just trying to get completely clean now and I don't know if it's possible anymore and I don't know what that means for my future. I don't want to die with regret but I've been addicted to one thing or another for 15 years it doesn't just go away if ya stop putting dope up your nose or decide to stop when you start hitting veins at least leave it dormant for a while and see if anything changes. Ugh it's like my brain doesn't know how to be happy anymore so being happy exhausts me and then I sort of crash it's weird I can't really explain it but like rebooting the part of my brain that makes me capable of smiling is exhausting somehow. Just gonna get really stoned and popped a bunch of xanax at least at the right taper time but it was still a stupid call. I gotta stop taking 4 bars at a time once a week like this on Fridays it trainwrecks me and it's definitely an addiction thing. Was seriously so exhausted from the withdrawal could barely drive around a few minutes today.


It sucks when you've been tapering for a while and then take a heavy dose one time like just cause ya can't take the torture anymore and then what normally would make you functional just makes you feel like mild shit not even normal-person baseline. These fucking drugs why. Why did I have to get into them I could have it all and for sure am going to die young like 40 the absolute latest that gives me 10 years and seems like a million to make it that far. I've got my early 30's if I'm lucky and if that. These stupid decisions really come back to haunt you that's the worst when you see the person you could be if ya know I hadn't gotten so caught up in heroin, it's depressing at times severely so. Still there are always things to be grateful for I just know the time is ticking and it's too late.

Fucking fuck I'm taking even more xanax that's 6 bars like it's just not cool. It doesn't really have anything to do with anything. My life has been happy lately. They call me BPD and that shit I need to learn how to control emotions better instead of turning them off or boosting the euphoria. Started with a panic attack over nothing but tapering then I start thinking wow people are normal and I'm not, then I start panicking harder thinking of the implications of that, and the severe dependency, how fucked I am. It's a downward spiral of negativity I need to climb out fast! Where the fuck is the weed man for fucks sake they have good shit!!!
 
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Hello friends - just checking in. I went down to 10mgs on my taper, which was quite an accomplishment. I was good for four days. However, as fate would have it, I developed a sore throat this week, and I'm assuming that, in part, it was due to my body reacting to the taper. So, after those four days, I decided to take more pills, and the sore throat seemed to get better. Dammit - it's frustrating! Not sure what my game plan is going to be, but perhaps it just need to be on an ULTRA slow taper. Or, perhaps I need to take advantage of my upcoming two-week vacation in a few weeks and just go COLD turkey. I just don't know; but in truth, things could be WAY worse. Overall, I guess I've done Ok on my taper ... I'm just a bit frightened of the grip opiates seem to have on me. Sorry to complain - I hope you're all doing well! It's busy-time at work - students turning in last-minute essays, final grades coming up in a few weeks. Anyway, Happy Holidays to all you good people - I miss interacting with you!
 
Hope I can get my life together. There are good signs and stuff but unanswered questions as well. Getting so much as a job is a big risk to take because of the back pain and how I know I can only really work full time if I do H. That's just how it is. Otherwise, I can't function as a human being because I am in too much pain. My back pain hasn't been bad but I've been on my own terms, as soon as I have to start being places all the time for like 40 or 50 hours a week it becomes unfathomable and then I have the money for the dope which is the only one that does it for me with the xanax. This is not how I envisioned my future when I graduated from that high tech shit. And I very nearly did cocaine tonight like there are good and bad signs. There is SO much change going on I feel like I'm going to freak but I'm trying to maintain my composure with the kush.

All that ever happened, is I have suffered. I have suffered in so many ways it's nice to have some happy days but like I'm scarred for life and anyone is going to notice that quickly. I can be pleasant but I'm on another planet. I think they call it derealization or something, but everything seems so different, like a dream. Completely lethargic. How am I supposed to sustain anything positive or constructive if I have nothing going for me and I am getting old relatively because of the drug abuse I feel twice my age and the health problems I'm going to live a short life so it's like am I going to sit here and die, or do something. It's hard not to be ambivalent sometimes. I am not too bad or anything I just sense irritation in the air tonight. It's my mood so I am staying in and popped 9 xanax bars, got a quarter to hit in the bong and tonight I am just fucking off. It's a mistake since I was tapering but if you taper too quickly you can freak out and do shit like this I feel?
 
Yeah Shroomy I think tapering too fast is a huge mistake. It makes me use more medication when I try and take any less than I am prescribed. You and I have some serious health problems and I think the goal for us should just be to keep stable.

Unless you think you would be better off without the medication? Were you better off before you started using it? I sure wasn't.
I was better off not using it before I got injured and living in constant pain. everything in my life went down one by one until I was not even eating or sleeping! Ended up overdosing on Tylenol, trying to control the headaches and pain.

Medications are necessary for some people. People who need them to function need them to function. I wouldn't stress yourself about it so much. You live with a bad mental health issue as well as the chronic pain. It is horrible for you. I think the goal for you really should be to get yourself functioning and feeling the best that is possible. Work on getting and keeping the dosage right to where your quality of life is the best it can be.

I think the pressure of being employed and money is too much for us. It is for me. I'm applying for disability benefits. There is no way I could work like this. It is a full time job to manage these health issues. You should consider applying for disability. You can get disability benefits and still work some if you are able which you probably are. I'm not.

Think about your situation. I know these are hard decisions and hard realizations but you have to be realistic about what you can do.

I notice that "relationships " put a lot of pressure on me too. If I don't have easy going, understanding people who can just let me be it really stresses me out.
 
Yeah that stability is important with my dosing. The medication stopped working I mean the opiates. It started having paradoxical effects I was addicted. It would still have that same effect on me. Before benzos I would binge drink a lot and I stopped that completely.

My problem isn't so much the meds anymore (apart from tolerance) it is a constant sort of fear well not fear - a tension - about running out. It is ignorant of society for this to even be a problem. I am scheduling important shit around prescription drug buys it is insane! Because I happen to have extreme anxiety and they have had a decade to help.

It's finances and work that are putting a ton of stress on me and have been all year because it is very hard to work with chronic pain. I have taken this year to detox and then I will see where I am in life.The holidays are typically a time of abundance.

That is true about the relationships. Well, part of relationship stress can come internally; from within myself that has no real basis normally it is delusional lol and I'm almost always very stoned aha. ahaha. Sorry its just true I'm an anxiety-ridden pothead. I don't mind a little motivation but yeah, you are talking about acceptance I think and that is really important. She has to be comfy to be around from the start is a good sign. I think they can put a lot of pressure on anyone and having some sort of illness or habit can manifest as stress in many different ways. They are complicated things and definitely a lot to watch out for I am just as picky choosy, if the anxiety isn't keeping me at home bedridden all the time like so I can't even have a relationship well that is different but it's not. I gotta stop dropping so much xanax like that though. I usually do it Friday nights. Otherwise it's back to my usual doses. Relationships have been on my mind a lot lately, since I guess it's possible I could have one. I think there are lots of good signs for that and that is one of my fave parts of this, the natural level of comfort, I've never felt uneasy unless it was myself like my own panic attack or if I needed a bong toke or to pop a xan or some silly, dumbass bullshit I got myself into lol. That girl is ambrosial and she still doesn't seem real I mean how can I be prepared for that though after detoxing for so long? I can't so I think the pressure in my case is a good thing because it motivates me to do things... by "pressure" I mean answering a question like "do you want to come over" lol not anything bad. I should be pressured by anyone to get my lazy ass in gear but not today haha!

There is a time and place for everything but it is good to have the other aware and not hold feelings back. The past is the past though nobody needs to hear my life story. I can't really talk about them much more haha but I think I've found a way to enjoy myself with someone, or maybe she found me. She likes me. She really likes me. It's nice like I've been stressed out enough for so long and this well is the opposite of that. Finding someone who complements you is hard and yeah like you are saying seriously just a lot of jerks too on both sides who just would run away it has happened to me many times well let them run. They are missing out on what someone else will find just right. I know what you mean in general though. The pain can make everything very frustrating and relationships well to me have always been frustrating to begin with... there is something different here unless I'm just a dumbass. Like I've triple checked the delusions of persecution and stoned paranoia haha! It's true there is someone who actually really likes me and is very foxy and well lots of things. I am going through some sort of great shift. The stars are aligning in mysterious ways. It will be interesting to see my fate. I could just be another burnout after all, still. I don't think I want that. I would like to do something with my life. All I know at this point is this doesn't hurt and feels just right. haha.

Anxiety sucks but I guess some girls find me cute anyway. Since, I shouldn't really have anxiety about anything at all I don't know why I would... it's gotta be something deep, profound, close to the source from which all things visit and return. Close to the meaning of my life. There are so many reasons I could have it. It doesn't matter. I have to live with it and extreme anxiety is a really horrible thing. But it doesn't mean I can't have a life I am clearly dealing with it reasonably well I mean apart from the meds which really are not everything at all when you are tapering. Another annoyance, really.

Well I hope you have a nice day my friend! I am hoping to as well. About to have coffee and morning breakfast. I really shouldn't take that much alprazolam at once I shouldn't again. It's just like, all of a sudden I have more things to do in a lot of areas of life and fast and like I'm realizing this it is overwhelming and I didn't get much of a break the past couple of weeks so one night like I was K/O'd within the hour and that's what I wanted I guess.
 
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cj said:
Feeling better today after going from 6 to 4. I've found every drop makes me sick about 4 days. The first day after the drop withdrawal is barely noticeable. The second day i feel a little anxiety. Day 3 I get the body aches, anxiety, and insomnia but it's still not that bad. Day 4 is the worst all the symptoms of full blown sickness but still muted to a tolerable level with Ativan. I used 7mg of Ativan dropping from 6 to 4. I could of used less and been ok honestly. Day 3 was the only night I didn't sleep.

Today I woke up feeling totally normal. So I'm dropping to 3mg today. 1mg this morning then 2mg tonight. Then I'm going to 2mg on Thursday.

I'm going to try to keep this momentum up. See how low I can get. Going out of town on for Christmas on the 21st being at 1mg by then is the goal. Then I'm going to quit completely after I get back. Well that's the plan now anyway lol.
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Very good man. Happy too see other people trying to taper.

Tomorrow will be 7 days at 2mg subutex for me. Although I'm quite worried as I have to get 2 wisdom teeth extracted soon, so I'm worried about pain. Not to mention I had a hel l of a time last time I got a tooth pulled while on subs. Not fun to hold it under your tounge with a massive hole in your gums. I'm just now getting over an infection from the last one getting pulled. I think sub getting inside it is to blame. No idea what to do this time :( hopefully since I'll be going to an oral surgeon they will stitch it up.
 
I think you have the right attitude Shroomy. There is no reason that you cannot have a life and a girlfriend while dealing with an anxiety disorder and chronic pain. It is just a bit different sort of life than what we have been used to in the past. We have some limitations and problems that we have to work around. It is not impossible though. We just have to find a way to work it out and not let our health suffer at the same time. Hold steady.

Lots and lots of girls do and would like you my friend. You have tons of good qualities. It should not come as such a shock to you.
It is just a matter of finding one that you feel comfortable with and doesn't put too many demands or pressure on you.

Have a good day and enjoy yourself!
❤️
 
uncle_jocko said:
Hello friends - just checking in. I went down to 10mgs on my taper, which was quite an accomplishment. I was good for four days. However, as fate would have it, I developed a sore throat this week, and I'm assuming that, in part, it was due to my body reacting to the taper. So, after those four days, I decided to take more pills, and the sore throat seemed to get better. Dammit - it's frustrating! Not sure what my game plan is going to be, but perhaps it just need to be on an ULTRA slow taper. Or, perhaps I need to take advantage of my upcoming two-week vacation in a few weeks and just go COLD turkey. I just don't know; but in truth, things could be WAY worse. Overall, I guess I've done Ok on my taper ... I'm just a bit frightened of the grip opiates seem to have on me. Sorry to complain - I hope you're all doing well! It's busy-time at work - students turning in last-minute essays, final grades coming up in a few weeks. Anyway, Happy Holidays to all you good people - I miss interacting with you!
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Hi Uncle Jocko!
Good to hear from you friend!
Sounds like you are doing really good honestly.
You may just want to hold steady for awhile and then slowly, slowly taper that down.
10 mg is doing great! I think a real slow taper would be better than cold turkey.
I think the tapering keeps you from getting the "post acute opiate withdrawal" and that lasts so long that it may cause you to go back and you may end up at a higher dose by just not being able to take it. One day you might snap.

You are holding steady on 10 mg and you have had a lot of stress lately. Loosing a parent is a big deal. You have done excellent.
Give yourself a bit of a break and when you are ready, slowly, slowly cut that 10 mg down. Listen to your body. You do not want to put too much stress on yourself and end up taking steps back. Sometimes it is best to hold steady for awhile.

You do what is right for you though. I'm supporting you through whatever decision you make. It is do-able either way.

I hope you are doing well. Have a great day and good job!
 
Well done CJ and mtop2036!

You guys are doing great on the tapering!!!
Really happy to hear of such great progress.
 
Painful One said:
Hi Uncle Jocko!
Good to hear from you friend!
Sounds like you are doing really good honestly.
You may just want to hold steady for awhile and then slowly, slowly taper that down.
10 mg is doing great! I think a real slow taper would be better than cold turkey.
I think the tapering keeps you from getting the "post acute opiate withdrawal" and that lasts so long that it may cause you to go back and you may end up at a higher dose by just not being able to take it. One day you might snap.

You are holding steady on 10 mg and you have had a lot of stress lately. Loosing a parent is a big deal. You have done excellent.
Give yourself a bit of a break and when you are ready, slowly, slowly cut that 10 mg down. Listen to your body. You do not want to put too much stress on yourself and end up taking steps back. Sometimes it is best to hold steady for awhile.

You do what is right for you though. I'm supporting you through whatever decision you make. It is do-able either way.

I hope you are doing well. Have a great day and good job!
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Thanks, Painful - the support means a lot. Yesterday, I got the "extra pills" my friend was holding for me, and I basically had a "screw it" day. I was popping them throughout the day, which ended up being 40mgs total. Funny, even when I think about 40mgs, it's not that much compared to months ago. Anyway, I'm going to try and get back to 10 today. For me, I don't mind the anxiety, etc. inasmuch as when I get a cold. For whatever reason, colds have always been able to "take me down" for a while - my body doesn't react well to chest congestion, etc. So, for the past week, I haven't been working out, etc. Anyway, I think you're right. I'm going to try and "level out" on the 10mgs for a bit. The big challenge, as most of you know, is the temptation to say "screw it" and just feel the euphoria. That, by far, has been my biggest obstacle. For not, that may be where going to meetings comes into play ... perhaps I need to consider that. Anyway, I hope you're doing well, Painful ... and the rest of you, too. Seems like we're all in this together - we're trying to get better!
 
Hello to everyone!!!


Shroomy, I hope you are doing well today!! Everything ok?

Squeaky, I hope you have your new rx now and you are pain free once again.

Painful One, I hope you are doing well, you really are the best!!!

Uncle J, I agree with Painful One, try to hold steady for awhile, no need to rush things, especially at this stressful time of year.

DJ, thinking of you, how are you doing my friend, haven't seen you around in a few days, hope the depression is gone, how is your taper going?.

CJ, great job on your taper, I think of you often, you are an amazing person, I hope you know that. You can do this and you know we are all here cheering you on!

Mtop, keep up the great job on your taper, you're amazing!! Much love.


I wish you all a pain free and happy day.

Love you all, here if you need me,
your friend,
Ash.
 
Hey EPL1, not everything is okay, thanks for asking. However, I have being seeing that girl a few more times this week and it's really nice like amazing but getting serious well it always was it seems and I wasn't expecting it or looking but yeah sometimes that's how it goes I've been swept off my feet. I am more grounded now. It's a confusing time, I'm definitely not confused about my feelings for her though I know when I like a girl I just had enough on my plate haha! It is all good though.

I'm really low on my meds so that is stressing me out. I exercised really hard today so there isn't much more I expect to accomplish today. I think I am falling in love tbh but that's just how it feels, I don't know, will have to see. Either way is okay but yeah like she's really on my mind and sometimes you just can't help that. I'm just really tired right now from working out and everything that has been going on and I wish I could pass out with a handful of xanax it would be really nice actually I really need to sleep but I don't have very many left for now. Drinking strong coffee (Im a fiend) and smoking bong tokes (I'm a fiend). I seriously can't wait to sleep just crash for 12 hours pop a bunch of xans like I need that tonight.

People are noticing I am changing in positive ways but I have a long struggle to go through.
 
Painful One said:
I think you have the right attitude Shroomy. There is no reason that you cannot have a life and a girlfriend while dealing with an anxiety disorder and chronic pain. It is just a bit different sort of life than what we have been used to in the past. We have some limitations and problems that we have to work around. It is not impossible though. We just have to find a way to work it out and not let our health suffer at the same time. Hold steady.

Lots and lots of girls do and would like you my friend. You have tons of good qualities. It should not come as such a shock to you.
It is just a matter of finding one that you feel comfortable with and doesn't put too many demands or pressure on you.

Have a good day and enjoy yourself!
❤️
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Thank you I can use all the advice possible from the world of females right now like I'm not clueless but she is very intelligent and okay I could go on and on no need to but very cute think before sunrise. If I can attract attention like that I am doing well enough it is about having the confidence no matter what. I had my shift today and the girls could totally notice lol just my vibe (they can sense that? haha. I wouldn't know... it felt like it though). Then I talked through some stuff with a few friends but one is fresh out of jail and rehab and I hope isn't using again but I fear might be.

I didn't even read your second paragraph to know that it is true, I pretty much wrote that ^^

I always end up with demanding women lol it's just how it is, I don't mind. It complements my stoner burnout energy haha that really just takes a little push to get me going full speed ahead. And it keeps me active, my last girl was when I was in full blown H withdrawals 2 July's ago and I recovered really fast and omfg she was demanding haha. There is very little pressure here. But there is also not any fucking around she knows what she wants. I think what I have to do and what my friend advised me today is not to get swept off my feet, not to forget about myself and my own life because with feelings this strong it can be easy to. It's still a matter of something I'm not used to at all right? Like I might have to date a bunch of girls not that I want to just saying... it's all really confusing to me I am listening to my heart lol.

Have a good evening / night! I will be messaging around I'm so fucking exhausting and I gotta get the xans. That isn't really an option tonight so wish me luck if you get this I need them or I could have a seizure I mean like in the middle of the night and yeah, like for example I can't be running out of benzos something that has never happened before getting caught up with a beautiful girl lol. Once I get em and the kush I'm praising the stars and getting my shit together or I'm going to lose this very special opportunity. lol. You can see what motivates me ahaha! Even if I am tapering and stabilizing and all that, I just can't be running out of benzos because I'm... okay I'll stop haha.


By the way I am in a better position than when I wrote that. I just have really good xanax and a lot of it like enough so that I don't have to worry for at least a week if I'm not stupid with it which I haven't been. By that I mean, not any dumber than I have been with them in the past which very nearly killed me as I started with raw xanax powder like with no filler for fucks sake with dope. What was I thinking, these dates with that girl never would have happened and they are like from a dream. I could have left everything and everyone behind. I have a girl to hang out with who is very sweet, smarter than myself and all these things. I will try to let that be and not concern myself too much with it because like you said painful one lots of girls pick up that vibe i could tell today they like me more when I'm in a pleasant mood like that. So I was even attracting random attention there. I'm not worried about that at all but thing is like I really like this one. Can see myself dating her but my present life situation has to be worked on. I can't really mess with her and I any more than my stupid pot habit and even that should not interfere.

I just feel better having the xanax and the weed again. Didn't have either really as I was too caught up with... to reup.. okay okay. So I gotta keep on top of my shit too now and take the dream girl when the stars align. I have so much shit to sort out but this helps indirectly with that too it's just been nice. People can tell haha.
 
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hello everyone.. my name is jamie. ive been using heroin for the past 9 years and i finally feel its the right time in my life to quit (also due to PTI). i have subutex and some xanax bars. can you guys please help me determine how many mgs a day of subutex i should be taking and how often? based on experience. its been a little over 15 hours since i used last.. trying to wait at least 18 hours... scared of precipitated withdrawal. thanks so much. i really appreciate it. i use a brick (50 bags) a day.. sometimes more.​






 
jamiebrookexo said:
hello everyone.. my name is jamie. ive been using heroin for the past 9 years and i finally feel its the right time in my life to quit (also due to PTI). i have subutex and some xanax bars. can you guys please help me determine how many mgs a day of subutex i should be taking and how often? based on experience. its been a little over 15 hours since i used last.. trying to wait at least 18 hours... scared of precipitated withdrawal. thanks so much. i really appreciate it. i use a brick (50 bags) a day.. sometimes more.​
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A brick a day?! Maybe you should be looking into methadone because I fear subutex will do fuck all for you. that is a monster of a habit and subutex shouldn't be used for something like that IME. How did u get them? Street? RXed? I would see the doctor and tell them your tolerance is just way too high for subutex. If you think it's time to quit at a brick a day then that's great, but you need to realize how much heroin you're actually putting into your system vs how potent subutex is.
 
And hey guys. I'm still 'alive'. Still hopelessly depressed and anxious but gin helps keep the edge off. The diazepam taper is a war of attrition lately. Depends who breaks first, me or the diazepam. Only now the diazepam will be out of my access within the next month and I'll be left to my own devices. Zopiclone helps take the edge off for sleeping some nights but I hate that shit.

How's everyone been doing? Seems you guys are doing well! If so then great job keep it up. And if you're not doing so well, then I'll use the old cliche "take it one day at a time". When you're struggling with addiction, just gettin a little bit ahead every day is where you wanna be. A small victory is still a victory.
 
Oh man can I relate to that shit, it's me against xanax. It one hell of a withdrawal, isn't it? Especially coming off 10 bars a day. I have never had a drug literally drive me into some sort of psychosis before apart from seroquel. Yeah like I get diaz man but I don't have enough to taper every month so that's why I'm just tapering with xan and building up a transition supply. Good to see someone else struggling with benzos I mean it's not good haha but it's like everyone with opiates and then me with a very heavy benzo habit.

I've had some larger milestones these past couple months. Things do get better but for me it is going to be absolutely measured in seasons and years. If it has been nearly a year and I still feel this messed up, but don't get me wrong I am happy and grateful to be alive because I should have died with my dad by my side that day...

I don't know how long you have been using benzos but this is year 6 and it is the year I started encountering really serious problems with them and disrupting my life so if you are not already fucked and have had addiction issues in the past, stop while you're ahead to save yourself the trouble man.

Our country doesn't do fuck all about this man. Like who wants to die in withdrawal for fucks sake it's actually a fucking war.
 
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