Positive The Tapering Support Thread v 2.0

[Jnowhere]

I live there( Macomb County, in a boring middle class suburb) and I have cirrhosis of the liver and pancreas issues from 20+ years of alcohol abuse. In 2015 December, I was hospitalized for 2-3 weeks and told if I didn't get a liver transplant I would die in a year.
They wanted me to drive everyday for 6 months to piss into a cup, before I would be put on the organ donor list.
Drive to somewhere in Detroit.
I said screw that, I'll die.
Nope, here I am still alive.
60mg morphine equivalent and oxycodone is 1.5x as strong, according to Lansing.
That's weird cause, I lived in 4 places in PA, last century.
No, I get the straight oxycodone, no acetaminophen for me, because of my liver issues.
I was an alcoholic, but my body became allergic to alcohol, now I have more, but different issues, to deal with.

 

[Squeaky]

I live there( Macomb County, in a boring middle class suburb) and I have cirrhosis of the liver and pancreas issues from 20+ years of alcohol abuse. In 2015 December, I was hospitalized for 2-3 weeks and told if I didn't get a liver transplant I would die in a year.
They wanted me to drive everyday for 6 months to piss into a cup, before I would be put on the organ donor list.
Drive to somewhere in Detroit.
I said screw that, I'll die.
Nope, here I am still alive.
60mg morphine equivalent and oxycodone is 1.5x as strong, according to Lansing.
That's weird cause, I lived in 4 places in PA, last century.
No, I get the straight oxycodone, no acetaminophen for me, because of my liver issues.
I was an alcoholic, but my body became allergic to alcohol, now I have more, but different issues, to deal with.

Check out “Whole food, plant based” diet. Everyone thinks we NEED meat, but this diet leaves your organs with very little work to do. So your liver would have a better chance at healing.

The surgeon who did my last 3 surgeries has been on this diet for about 10 years. That bastard is about 80 years old now and rides his bike to work every day. He rode to the hospital, did 10 hours of surgery, and rode home. About 20 miles each way.

I would be on that diet but I like meat too much.

 

[Jnowhere]

I thank you for your reply. However, I have a horrible diet and there is just no way I could ever eat just plants. I really don't eat many vegetables except, French fries, onion rings and potato chips.
But, seriously thank you for the reply, but I am not all that happy now being alive, and honestly; I really am kind of a loner, and I will not be missed.
Then there is the issue of going senile.
Both parents did, and not much older than me. Besides, I have no, known, children. No wife, almost no close relatives and I am more concerned about, life after death.
But, thank you for the advice.

 

[kiely]

I live there( Macomb County, in a boring middle class suburb) and I have cirrhosis of the liver and pancreas issues from 20+ years of alcohol abuse. In 2015 December, I was hospitalized for 2-3 weeks and told if I didn't get a liver transplant I would die in a year.
They wanted me to drive everyday for 6 months to piss into a cup, before I would be put on the organ donor list.
Drive to somewhere in Detroit.
I said screw that, I'll die.
Nope, here I am still alive.
60mg morphine equivalent and oxycodone is 1.5x as strong, according to Lansing.
That's weird cause, I lived in 4 places in PA, last century.
No, I get the straight oxycodone, no acetaminophen for me, because of my liver issues.
I was an alcoholic, but my body became allergic to alcohol, now I have more, but different issues, to deal with.

 

[kiely]

I thank you for your reply. However, I have a horrible diet and there is just no way I could ever eat just plants. I really don't eat many vegetables except, French fries, onion rings and potato chips.
But, seriously thank you for the reply, but I am not all that happy now being alive, and honestly; I really am kind of a loner, and I will not be missed.
Then there is the issue of going senile.
Both parents did, and not much older than me. Besides, I have no, known, children. No wife, almost no close relatives and I am more concerned about, life after death.
But, thank you for the advice.

You know . . I really do hope that you can get better. Or at least the right medication doses to feel comfortable.

I say less is better. You still need to be able to feel.

~~~~ You are lucky that you are getting anything at all. And that you don't have to use kratom . . . like me.

Prayers. And you still sound strong. I bet you have more energy than me.

Anywhoo. Just sayi n hey ?

 

[Squeaky]

I thank you for your reply. However, I have a horrible diet and there is just no way I could ever eat just plants. I really don't eat many vegetables except, French fries, onion rings and potato chips.
But, seriously thank you for the reply, but I am not all that happy now being alive, and honestly; I really am kind of a loner, and I will not be missed.
Then there is the issue of going senile.
Both parents did, and not much older than me. Besides, I have no, known, children. No wife, almost no close relatives and I am more concerned about, life after death.
But, thank you for the advice.

I thank you for your reply. However, I have a horrible diet and there is just no way I could ever eat just plants. I really don't eat many vegetables except, French fries, onion rings and potato chips.
But, seriously thank you for the reply, but I am not all that happy now being alive, and honestly; I really am kind of a loner, and I will not be missed.
Then there is the issue of going senile.
Both parents did, and not much older than me. Besides, I have no, known, children. No wife, almost no close relatives and I am more concerned about, life after death.
But, thank you for the advice.

Sorry to hear all of that.

I have felt the same way plenty of times in my life. I even had a shrink want to hospitalize me “to protect myself or others”. Ironically….. opiate wd’s made me feel so insanely shitty every day that all I could was try to survive that one more day. I didn’t have much energy to think about how much I wanted to dissolve into the darkness.

Life just sucks sometimes.

 

[Jnowhere]

Sorry to hear all of that.

I have felt the same way plenty of times in my life. I even had a shrink want to hospitalize me “to protect myself or others”. Ironically….. opiate wd’s made me feel so insanely shitty every day that all I could was try to survive that one more day. I didn’t have much energy to think about how much I wanted to dissolve into the darkness.

Life just sucks sometimes.

Yeah, it sometimes sucks. I really can't imagine being put in the psych ward, while going through withdrawals. I had alcohol withdrawals so many times and being forced into a psych ward, would be a nightmare, especially when sick.

 

[Jnowhere]

You know . . I really do hope that you can get better. Or at least the right medication doses to feel comfortable.

I say less is better. You still need to be able to feel.

~~~~ You are lucky that you are getting anything at all. And that you don't have to use kratom . . . like me.

Prayers. And you still sound strong. I bet you have more energy than me.

Anywhoo. Just sayi n hey ?

Wow, this thing with doctors making people suffer, sucks. I am sorry to read that you can't get any pain meds.
I blame the politicians, they did this bs, because they want to look like they are fighting the war on drugs.
118,000+ people died from illegal fentanyl and countless millions of pain patients are now victims of political bs.
Let's see, fentanyl is being smuggled over the boarder with Mexico. So to solve the problem, let's open the boarder and go after people in legit pain. I have never hated politicians more.

 

[Squeaky]

Wow, this thing with doctors making people suffer, sucks. I am sorry to read that you can't get any pain meds.
I blame the politicians, they did this bs, because they want to look like they are fighting the war on drugs.
118,000+ people died from illegal fentanyl and countless millions of pain patients are now victims of political bs.
Let's see, fentanyl is being smuggled over the boarder with Mexico. So to solve the problem, let's open the boarder and go after people in legit pain. I have never hated politicians more.

There’s a rabbit hole I could go down for a few hours.

I have read stories of doctors refusing to give opiates to a terminally ill cancer patient who had been given only a couple of months to live because the Dr didn’t want him to get addicted….. WTF?!?!?

Fentanyl gets smuggled in through everything and everywhere, including the mail. Marijuana is legal in places like California, but the taxes are so high that it’s still a lot cheaper to buy it on the street. And we’re all stupid enough to elect president after president who can’t seem to do anything about any of it.

And homeless drug addicts all get free smartphones with unlimited internet.

 

[Jnowhere]

I pay almost $100 a month for my phone with unlimited internet.
Weed is relatively cheap in Michigan and anyone 21 or older can buy, possess up to 2 1/2 ozs recreational weed. Also you can grow up to 12 plants, unless you get a license to grow more.
There is a lot of competition and $79 an ounce is about as cheap as I have seen.
That is funny that it is cheaper on the street, in California.
That is messed up, about the doctors not giving terminally ill patients pain meds. If someone is dying and in horrible pain, they should be given medical grade heroin if they want it.
I got a great reward for voting, jury duty.
However, they gave me a one time yearly hold on that.
I will have to get a doctors note, next year. As a sort of Libertarian, there are a lot of laws I think are unconstitutional and will not convict, I don't care, they really don't want someone like me on a jury, anyways.

 

[kiely]

Wow, this thing with doctors making people suffer, sucks. I am sorry to read that you can't get any pain meds.
I blame the politicians, they did this bs, because they want to look like they are fighting the war on drugs.
118,000+ people died from illegal fentanyl and countless millions of pain patients are now victims of political bs.
Let's see, fentanyl is being smuggled over the boarder with Mexico. So to solve the problem, let's open the boarder and go after people in legit pain. I have never hated politicians more.

It's a propaganda campaign for sure. And a political media drama that's part of the propaganda campaign. It is theater performances at their best.

More and continuous lies. That's all. I guess we would get beat real bad and kicked and punched down to the ground in the political thread.

It's okay though. I am however just not going to chance it.


I don't care and I am just done with all of the fear tactics. Yes. F.E.A.R also. False evidence appearing real. I'm out though or definitely will be soon.

Because I am either going to the bunker lol just kidding or maybe not. Or with the daisies. I feel weak anymore and I don't know if my heart is going

to give out. I am comfortable though and planning on staying that way whenever possible and much. I want to rest today cause hurts and getting

anxiety.


But I want to microdose mushroom asap. Thank you for talking because I hate all of the media megaphone hype and political agitation. It's a

nice vent though at times. Bye. Will have you in prayers always.


Thank you for your heart and your inspiration. I know it's there !!



So yes and thanks for the time here and friendship (company). Contributions. And the sentiments and feelings shared.

 

[Iceman1216]

well on day 4 of no opiates Wow!!
this does suck , but not as much as I had feared.
I tapered down for a long time as well as Never took my full dose or more, for the last few years. So I sat in a constant state of low WDs!!
I just want to be done with this??
It is totally One Day at a time
some times just one minute at a time?
love being here!! Not being alone is a huge help, so easy to get on the Pity Pot , that I did this to myself, and deserve to stay here ??

 

[Squeaky]

I got a great reward for voting, jury duty

Someone wrote on the bathroom stall in the Juror’s men’s bathroom. It hadn’t been painted over in at least 60 years (there were comments about Richard Nixon, not kidding). It read:

“Jury Duty is incarceration for the innocent”

I just throw those jury duty notices in the trash. After about 10 years I usually get a registered letter from the court and I am forced to go.

“A jury of your peers? C’mon! It’s 12 people who couldn’t get out of jury duty!”

 

[Squeaky]

well on day 4 of no opiates Wow!!
this does suck , but not as much as I had feared.
I tapered down for a long time as well as Never took my full dose or more, for the last few years. So I sat in a constant state of low WDs!!
I just want to be done with this??
It is totally One Day at a time
some times just one minute at a time?
love being here!! Not being alone is a huge help, so easy to get on the Pity Pot , that I did this to myself, and deserve to stay here ??

Day 3-4 are the absolute worst days. However you feel right now, it only gets better from here.

Get outside as much as possible. Sunlight on the skin is the best way to deal with the depression that you’ll be feeling for the next week. After around week 3, your nervous system will start to get back to normal and you’ll see that your aches and pains go away (except for your ACTUAL injury).

Great job! Fuck those little pills!!!

 

[Iceman1216]

Thank you for all the time and effort you put in to helping me and countless others here! What a hard journey this has been, and the pull to return to the pills is so dam hard!! Having had a constant supply and cheap, was a fucked up situation for an addict!
Thanks
JP

 

[kiely]

Thank you for all the time and effort you put in to helping me and countless others here! What a hard journey this has been, and the pull to return to the pills is so dam hard!! Having had a constant supply and cheap, was a fucked up situation for an addict!
Thanks
JP

It takes such a long time. Just a lot of time and patience. But if you want to you really can. If there is a will it can be done. Keep going. Always remember.

Thank you for that !!!!

 

[jholden3249]

I know there's countless people in similar situations and I'm just one more drop in the ocean but, Idk, maybe I just needed to vent because it's extremely frustrating.

I apologize in advance for the long-winded post. I've just got a lot on my chest.

12 years I was sober. 12 years!!! I was taking suboxone but whatever. In that time I got a stable job, worked my way up to an engineer paid salary- mind you I'm an 8th grade dropout with no college degree, AND had spent all my time from age 16 up to that point as a hard-core drug addict... crack, heroin, whatever. Anything I could get my hands on. But the crack and opioids really had me in a vice grip.

Then one day I just decided enough was enough. I'd promised never to use needles and for at least a month or two that's exactly what I'd been doing. So I called a rehab and went the next day, and never looked back. Chucked my cellphone with all contacts so I couldn't reach them and they couldn't reach me, and after I completed rehab I went to a halfway house (all of this was in another city). There I got a job and started building a normal life.

And that lasted for 12 good, wonderful years. A few years back I moved back to the old town I was from- dad died and moved in with mom. Last summer an old friend- arguably best friend dating all the way back to when they were in middle school decades ago... they stopped by out of nowhere just to see if they could reach me... which they did. My mom was happy to see them as again, this person was a friend since a young age. He said he was doing good and on suboxone... so all seemed well.

Until he stopped by the following week and as we chatted I learned he was still dabbling (which didn't surprise me- this is the type of person I believe doesn't want to quit, at least not more than they want to use, and therefore never will).

Suddenly I start justifying to myself- ya know, I should get some dope in case I'm in a car wreck or something. It would be good to have in an emergency since no doc will prescribe me painkillers on suboxone, much less one's strong enough for my tolerance.

Of course deep down on a subconscious level I just wanted to get high but it seemed a logical conclusion, so we went to the city to score. Now, when I got clean back in 2011 it was all heroin and oxycodone. But all he could get me was fent or what he called "fetty powder".

I'd done the patches a few times but that's about it. So I get a few grams and as soon as we're on the way back I'm "sampling" it just to see. Of course that turned into doing an actual line and... well, I was off to the races.

That slip up lasted about a month when I bernese method back onto subs. And it worked!!! It was tough. I'd tapered down to a match head a day for 3 straight days while at 2mg suboxone. The next day I jumped to 4mg and did just a bump to kill the precipitated withdrawals and day after was 8mg, no dope. I didn't feel great but I wasn't super sick or anything. Happened to get some OCs also at this time and used to help feel better as I was acclimating to no more fent.

Week goes by and I realize I did it. That wasn't so hard after all! Maybe I can just take a little sniff of fent then. And the day after, and the day after, and... ya know what? Here I am back on fent again.

Only this time I never was able to get back on subs. I did eventually switch to heroin around New Years. I'd bernese method up to 16mg suboxone but when I tried to drop the fent it was too painful. So I said, "I need a more gradual ramp down". Plan was Switch to heroin and THEN do a bernese method onto subs.

So I think, "Hmm, I'm on 16mg suboxone which occupies 80% receptors give or take. So fent is only occupying about 5% I imagine. Fent is 50x more potent than H, but the stuff on the street is likely 20% purity at best. So let's say 10x. But... the H is also not pure. Let's assume 67% for 15x. OK then. I need H to occupy 15x as many receptors as the fent if I am to switch over with an even swap to not feel sick. If I drop my suboxone from 16mg to 1mg my receptors will only be 20% covered which frees up 60%, plus the 5% the fent was attaching to. That's 65% which is 13x more than the 5% fent- not quite 15x but close enough.

And... it worked!!! It worked beautifully just as the math had predicted. Only now I can't seem to stop the H. Furthermore, I failed to mention thus far but I'd also been snorting coke for the past 10 months. I used to smoke crack and I for SURE wasn't going back to that, but as it turns out when you're getting legit 97% pure coke it feels like a different drug- so much so I prefer it to smoking anyways. That's been a blessing because it's kept temptation at bay. Alternatively it's been a curse because my nose is getting absolutely rekt to the point I was waking up with pain so intense I'd get tears just running down from how much it hurt. I started using saline sprays throughout the day and that has helped a LOT. Plus using q-tip and Carmex at night and I got one of those machines that goes in both nostrils and one blows water out and the other sucks in so it's cycling water through your nasal cavity. You insert these saline pods or eucalyptus pods... NAVAGE!!! That's the name. That was gonna bug me. Except I can't seem to figure out how to use it correctly. I got it once where it wasn't feeling like it was sucking my brains out through my nostril and water was collecting in the lower compartment. But every other time Idk... it doesn't collect. I do manage to get water flushed through my nasal cavity but I gotta shake it and just do tiny bursts at a time. It's helping though.

So I bought a very large amount of cocaine and black tar heroin and heroin to last me as I endeavor to taper off and get back on suboxone. I feel like I need to focus on one drug at a time- opioids first, THEN I'll quit the coke.

But to be 100% truthful with you guys I started using fent again about 3 weeks ago and keep saying "I gotta get back on the H" but then every day I just do F. I only have a couple grams left so one way or the other it's GOING to stop. I'm not buying more. But I'd prefer to stop before exhausting the supply. I don't wanna wait. I want off ASAP.

Guess the good news is I don't use needles so there's that. And I don't smoke it. Exclusively a shorter (if you're wondering why I bought BTH it's because I pioneered a way to wash it with... Idk 80% or 85% yield depending on source, into a dry snortable powder. BTH is way cheaper so it was my attempt to afford this continuing habit. And honestly it has worked. But I digress. Just wanted to explain in case anyone was like "if you only snort why on earth would you get tar?"

So here I am. 3 weeks on fent again. Still using coke all day every day. Stockpiled plenty of heroin and oxycodones and dilaudids and morphine for tapering. Already had plenty of suboxone. Got clonodine and gabapentin and soon will have pregabalin also which I've heard helps with WD really well.

I have everything I need to do it... so why can't I just do it??? I don't even get high anymore. Haven't in a long time. Even being on H for the first 3 months this year my tolerance was STILL blown out from the fent and I STILL couldn't feel the heroin. Even using F now I don't feel it. So why am I even doing it???

Yet I can't seem to let go either? Wtf this is so messed up. I should've stayed on the subs when I switched back last summer instead of thinking I'm Superman and can switch back any time I want, then using that excuse to dive back in.

I'm only doing maybe a 0.1 of fent per day max. I have those tubes with a cap that screws off and has a miniscoop like a pencap but it swivels out 180°. I think that scoop holds 20 - 25mg and I'm doing 4, maybe 5 a day tops.

I don't know if I have the energy to do what I did last time- bernese methoding up to 16mg then switching to 1mg sub and replace F with H... maybe I should just switch to H and white knuckle it, then once stable start tapering the H to prepare for a bernese method. But would that even work?

Bernese worked with F because you can use a bit of F to break through PW. Would H be able to do that? Cause if not... that may not be such a great idea.

 

[Black_Amexxx]

Im starting a rock band. It’s all a bunch of recovering opiate addicts.

It’s called “Wicked Constipation”

With a name like "Wicked Constipation" it sounds more like a punk band!