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The Suicide Support Thread

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Yes, I am so grateful… Thank you Herbavore,
He is also a harm reductionist. He is on the list for suboxone maintenance… in Sf :)
 
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Someone posted today (not on this site) that there are just 2 months until 2015. And I had to stop and think about that. I really... just don't want to make it to 2015. All it will prove to be is a reminder that I made it through a whole year. Again. And that makes me feel like I've...failed. I don't want another year of time to waste. I don't want a future.
 
Smoky said:
Captain Heroin..
Are you okay?
Click to expand...

I am going through hell

I keep having intrusive thoughts

I don't want to share the details out of respect for my fellow brothers and sisters out there who are struggling too

Thank you for asking. <3
 
hang in there jjust ride it that;s what i am doing.

i would have killed myself already if it had no effect on anyone else.


but time and then you will enjoy. patience is what it takes.
 
I don't think I can make it today. I'm sick and depressed and lonely and suicidal. I don't think I can do this anymore I'm not strong enough I have to let these emotions win. It's been too long. I can't fight this battle with myself anymore. I just want to close my eyes and be done with it. I'm so tired already.
 
badfish45 said:
I don't think I can make it today. I'm sick and depressed and lonely and suicidal. I don't think I can do this anymore I'm not strong enough I have to let these emotions win. It's been too long. I can't fight this battle with myself anymore. I just want to close my eyes and be done with it. I'm so tired already.
Click to expand...

That's how I have been feeling this last week

Try to focus on any thing you can to keep your mind off those thoughts - go for a walk, play some video games, download a movie

You're always welcome to PM me too :)
 
background: 2 years, 9 months@135mg/ml , 4mg clonazepam, 1mg alprazolam

situation: i am going to OD today, 2160mg/ml (2.1 liters) methadone and 40 1mg ksalol xanax, 5 2mg rivotril. please pray/wish me luck, i really beg of you, who understand my situation.
the reason? i failed already once at 810mg/ml methadone, 300mg 40% vodka, 600mg xanax, 50-70mg rivotril, 10mg ativan!

my 0.02.
 
I will have to do it soon. There is this scale in my head, balancing between a hospital visit or suicide. It is more accessible to visit the hospital, but I will only be sitting there waiting to get out so that I can drink again, relieve my thoughts and memories, and get back to where I am now. Because unless they put me through some kind of frontal lobotomy or shock treatment, I have no idea how this is even remotely possible.

Death is the only option available. Every dream and hope is crushed. All of my hope is dead. There is no chance. Unless I have substances running through my blood, there is only immeasurable pain. Something has happened here. A threshold has been crossed somehow, and now this. Something has happened to me and I don't understand it.
 
tyler5 said:
background: 2 years, 9 months@135mg/ml , 4mg clonazepam, 1mg alprazolam

situation: i am going to OD today, 2160mg/ml (2.1 liters) methadone and 40 1mg ksalol xanax, 5 2mg rivotril. please pray/wish me luck, i really beg of you, who understand my situation.
the reason? i failed already once at 810mg/ml methadone, 300mg 40% vodka, 600mg xanax, 50-70mg rivotril, 10mg ativan!

my 0.02.
Click to expand...

what are you saying here, man? you are going to OVER DOSE today? why would you say/do that? unless I am reading this wrong or just happened to misunderstand what was being said but I hope everything is OK.

just be safe, man. I hope things went good for you and you got HIGH and feel GREAT but will continue to FEEL HIGH AND ALIVE AND WELL!
 
I am having really intrusive thoughts

Even though my withdrawal is not as bad

I hope someone can relate, maybe let me know if it got better for them
 
Captain.Heroin said:
I am having really intrusive thoughts

Even though my withdrawal is not as bad

I hope someone can relate, maybe let me know if it got better for them
Click to expand...

Intrusive thoughts are something that I can definitely understand. They can be beyond overwhelming. THESE THOUGHTS ARE NOT YOU. The resulting feelings are you. Withdrawal drills it into our hearts.

I cannot tell you now if it's gotten the better of me. Madness, self-blaim, everything; it gets far deep. But I am still here.

I know what you mean by intrusive thoughts. But they are not you. You are suffering, and I wish you weren't. Take care, as best you can. You've been a helpful force on this forum, so it is very difficult to see you go through that. I swear, I know where you're coming from. It is a form of total pain.
 
Thanks blahman. <3

I didn't even get 5 hours of sleep last night

I keep having awful flashbacks

Trying to ignore the thoughts and feelings. Thank you again <3
 
Suicide survivor here. Tried to OD on a combination of benzos, alcohol, sleeping pills, opiates, and some other shit a couple nighta ago. My parents are making me go see a psychiatrist... what should I tell / not tell the psychiatrist. Id like to get beettter but I dont want to screw up my medical record for whatevee this guy puts down on my life.

I suffer from anxiety, depression, and panic attacks. Im also addicted to benzos.
 
Detroit, I am so sorry that you felt compelled to do that, that you felt your choices had narrowed to that point. I am glad that you still have a spark of hope and faith in you. Do not worry about suicide attempts affecting your chances in life. What you say to a psychiatrist is completely confidential. Only in the most extremely scrutinized job can anyone actually have access to your medical records. Concentrate on finding a psychiatrist that is open minded and will not just start you on a poorly thought out regimen of drugs. Making an appointment with a therapist might be a good alternative or at least a complimentary way to go while seeing the psychiatrist.
 
DETROIT*edm*JUNKIE said:
Suicide survivor here. Tried to OD on a combination of benzos, alcohol, sleeping pills, opiates, and some other shit a couple nighta ago. My parents are making me go see a psychiatrist... what should I tell / not tell the psychiatrist. Id like to get beettter but I dont want to screw up my medical record for whatevee this guy puts down on my life.

I suffer from anxiety, depression, and panic attacks. Im also addicted to benzos.
Click to expand...

I would be rigorously honest. Herbavore has a good point, your work needs to sign a release for any information, and they wouldn't necessarily need to unless warranted.
If you receive a new doctor in the future, he/she under obama care, universal h/c (if you have it) as well as in accordance with the recovery act for electronic medical records, the doctor can pull up any diagnosis you may have been given, but can absolutely not see any in session communications between you (patient), and your psychiatrist. It will always remain completely confidential.

Good news is it doesn't matter either way unless you have a private insurance provider under the former law, or are seeking one that is not under Health Reform.
Under new law … there cannot be any judgment of records for preexisting conditions. Since January 1, insurers are prohibited from imposing pre-existing condition exclusions of medical records under the Affordable care Act.

Smoky :)
 
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