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Feeling miserable is different from sad it sucks.... One you can cry away and one just persists. Life stress causes misery and it's hard to cry about it as it doesn't get better. Losing someone special though that's sad and left me with a few tears this morning.

Hope it gets better for you
 
Thanks.
It's a little better this morning. I actually did end up crying myself to sleep so there was a little release of some pain. And yes, it's apparently going to be a situation that hurts for the rest of my life.
 
Runningfox said:
Very cool shroomy did you get a video of the session?

If not that's a good excuse to get together again soon. Post it up on YouTube channel.

I'm so sad.
Family dynamics.
I made a post n deleted because I felt it was too personal (*and I'm not trying very hard to be anonymous w my own pic as an avatar . I don't wanna humiliate anyone or "air our dirty laundry ")

Let's just say my heart got ripped out tonight by a family member. Things CANNOT ever be ok there, again. And if my (dead now) parents knew this happened, IT would kill them.

I need to cry n haven't.
I need to cry n can't
I'm Stunned.
Click to expand...

You could always write a blog and restrict who is able to access it to just BL friends. I've been considering that for awhile as I understand how it's therapeutic to get it out and written down without leaving it out there for just anybody to see.

Sorry you're having a rough time of things atm but being able to process it, even slowly, is progress.
 
^ That's really a great idea Jekyl, thanks for suggesting it!

You should definitely consider opening a Blog Runningfox. You can control who accesses it, and it can be such a healthy/cathartic thing to do to let out a lot of issues that are bothering you and to feel able to get a little closer to others who may understand what you're going through :)
 
I also want to do this. I am angry and sad a lot, and end up writing too long posts in the forums. Is it easy to do this? Sorry you are feeling this way Runningfox.

Fucking fuck. Today has been shit. I passed out last night and woke up randomly at exactly 4am for my 4am shift. Was like 4min late and didn't have time to wake up and work was just bad. I am so slow in the mornings I like at least 2 hours to wake up before work, have a nice breakfast get hydrated and drink tea and stuff. My spine hurts like hell. I am depressed as fuck, to the point I was going to cut my arm with scissors I haven't done that for months.

Tacodude we have more in common than you think dude. I can't handle shit when I'm not high. Maybe for a while... anyways, I also fucking realized I have a "backup" ER oxycodone script and wouldn't have to bother cold water extracting shit. Could just get high as fuck for a cheap price and pick em up legally from around the corner, have that euphoric energy, relief and stimulation today instead of feeling mentally and physically like shit. Can't say I'm not tempted today.
 
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This is not your first rodeo so you knew one of these days would come along but at least it's almost over. Can you chat with your new lady friend about how crappy the day was and try to get yourself back to your guitar? You are the king of long posts as well but to everyone who knows you this is not a bad thing as you are a proficient writer and also consume some great books which can influence your writing style and content. I remember someone else who wrote long posts, I think "Ilove2nod", but to be honest you seem to convey info quite well along with your setting and backstory to the situation but not in a disjointed fashion. Hope your night gets better as you've climbed a long way up the mountain to just turn around and jump off. The Blog function is not that difficult and can be restricted or open for all, your choice. Hang in there buddy.
 
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Dunno bout the blog thing. I think I clicked it once and all I got was an error message. I only access BL via my Android phone. So. ......I can look at it sometime. My eyes are bad so tying anything Long is a huge long struggle for me. I just feel so goddam awful about EVERY thing tonight. Too many things to even List but here's top 3 :
That family drama.
The jury I'm on its a serious (bout the Fuckin worst ) crime the dude is on trial for ..... very hard.
We have vehicle trouble now double what we were told for an estimate so there went the rest of my Christmas money.

I'm so upset I am physically sick.
 
Hey Jekyl thanks buddy that was actually a really nice compliment. Best one I have received since "dude is so chill, you don't realize you JUST met the guy." (from my friends boyfriend). I agree with what you're saying and can see what you mean, but I didn't notice that before so it was really chill to read that man.

I am never quite certain if my writing is too scattered, going off on too many tangents and losing touch with my root content. It is in part an anxiety outlet that I keep up with, but I also love to write; particularly in my journal with cursive. It is ridiculous to me how they don't teach that in elementary school around here anymore. I plan on writing a book though, and beginning that process in the new year. I wasn't sure if I was any good at guitar either until my friends started complimenting my playing. Particularly when I play with friends, it tends to tone down the chaotic nature of my music and renders myself able to create something much different than if I'm playing alone.

My brother last night finally confirmed it. He is very critical of the arts and wouldn't say my playing with him was great and creative if it wasn't, as we would both know and have the same opinion. Friends have brought up my writing before, but this was the most concise explanation of why it isn't so bad. Thanks by the way! I needed something to cheer me up too man, just in general it was a bad day today.

I feel pretty shitty too man, today hasn't been the best day. Depressed as fuck. I hope that you peeps are having a better night than I.

Runningfox, that sucks, especially about the jury I would think. Family drama is getting on my nerves too. I hope that you feel better soon.

Oh check this out ladies and gents! http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-5175235/Oumuamua-alien-probe-BROKEN-engines.html
 
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Thanks Shroomy. Sorry your day has blown as mine has.
It's 50/50 on the stressors. The jury duty is Nasty. The family drama hurts me more. Both weighing largely on my heart .... damn trial will likely take about a week. Oh God.

Just please don't let the Blues talk you into filling any scripts.
 
That's freakin cool Shroomster. Although at 196,000 miles per hour it's going to be tough to pull up along side, roll the window down and wave. Some more spectral studies would be cool or better yet if the thing changed direction.
Hopefully tomorrow you'll feel better but at least you have your bro and lady friend.

Sorry it's piling on for ya RunningFox, it's too bad a voice to text like application can't be used for posting or blogs (or maybe it can and I'm a dunce?).

Here's a shortcut to blogs if you guys want to check it out: https://www.bluelight.org/vb/blog.php
 
Frankly I'm too Fuckin lazy n cynical and wallowing in my self pity tonight, to do any serious writing if I wanted to.

Something's weird too; I'm CERTAIN it's just all the stress . But I have fainted twice this evening. That's always freaky n I'm home alone except my cats are here. My husband works nights so I'm on my own til 6am at which time I'll be up, dosing my Imodium for nervous belly n gettin ready to go back to the courthouse AGAIN. This trial is messing with my head .... I am afraid to lay down tonight because some of today's testimony will most definately gimme nightmares.

But-- I'm already fainting ffs; I cannot physically afford to pull an all-nighter. I would feel completely sick by morning.

I wanna cry.
 
Runningfox said:
Frankly I'm too Fuckin lazy n cynical and wallowing in my self pity tonight, to do any serious writing if I wanted to.

Something's weird too; I'm CERTAIN it's just all the stress . But I have fainted twice this evening. That's always freaky n I'm home alone except my cats are here. My husband works nights so I'm on my own til 6am at which time I'll be up, dosing my Imodium for nervous belly n gettin ready to go back to the courthouse AGAIN. This trial is messing with my head .... I am afraid to lay down tonight because some of today's testimony will most definately gimme nightmares.

But-- I'm already fainting ffs; I cannot physically afford to pull an all-nighter. I would feel completely sick by morning.

I wanna cry.
Click to expand...

I love cats

just give your cats a pet <3
 
Slow_Mobius said:
I think my brain needs an extended absence from all technology and modern civilization
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I watched some R&M-Mr. Meeseeks and some Borat with a Republican Representative and that fixed me up rather well after our crane lost a hydraulic line on an outrigger and dumped a gallon of Hyd. fluid everywhere. Fun Day..

 
Hello fellow BL people. Hope you're all okay today n making progress-- POSITIVE PROGRESS-- in your pursuits.

Today was a better day for me, mood-wise . We are nearing the end for the trial I'm working on.
All testimony concluded today. First thing in the morning the Judge will give us Instructions, we'll hear closing arguments and can begin deliberations. Lord let it all be swift n painless. Please!

My other personal woes have taken their proper backseat, to daily do-in's and the needs of others. I feel much better and so much more like Myself, when I'm.not wallowing in self pity or bitching about the Unfairness in my life. Yuck! I DESPISE having those feelings.

I imagine making it thru this very stressful week & getting things I *can control* taken care of, I'm hoping any way , that I'll feel Back To Normal n not so damned sad inside.

I wanna catch that Holiday Spirit which makes everything about the season Fun and Bright again
Here's Hopin' eh ?
 
Jekyl Anhydride said:
I watched some R&M-Mr. Meeseeks and some Borat with a Republican Representative and that fixed me up rather well after our crane lost a hydraulic line on an outrigger and dumped a gallon of Hyd. fluid everywhere. Fun Day..

Click to expand...


I was so disappointed they didn't bring back Mr meseeks in season 2.

Sounds like a crazy day. Im guessing hydraulic fluid spills aren't a good thing haha
 
^
"Is he keeping his shoulders square? Ooooh he's trying! Look at me." I would luv a lot more Meseeks as well..

Yeah the client had this beautiful, newly slurried/ painted parking lot and we got to leave the first big blemish on it, Diatomaceous earth and powdered tide laundry detergent doesn't touch the stain unfortunately.
 
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