the quiet...late night drug fuelled discussions with your doppleganger

Drugs and drugtaking... Where does it fit in life? Why does it even exist. Pinger, I agree when you say that you yourself don't really know the reason. I am here, in a wonderful life, take away drugs and I will still live, I will continue to progress on my path, the journey of life. Drugs, what have they done for me, given me an experience, given me knoweledge beyond words. Today words are not enough, I want to feel what others feel, I want to touch and be touched without the use of a hand, a cheek. Drugs have given me the ability to see what a human can be like, we can be on speed all of the time. I hear people laugh. Why cannot we feel so high, so motivated, there are people out there who did feel like this. I know it! Or do I just wish. Do I seek an understanding through the use of drugs, do I seek a complacent position, devoid of change, a high that never ends. Or is that already life... If so then why do I seek more. Could it be a simple addiction, I am but a machine that eats, it has a taste and wants more. But then I think, if we are but a machine, why bother with the idea of GOD, why bother with the idea of SPIRIT, why ask? If there was no point to thinking about GOD I would never ask, perhaps the idea of god is a need for us to become closer? I am confused and upset at my inabilty to reslove my own conflict. Perhaps we are just mistakes, seen as mistakes in the eyes of society, a society that perhaps does not want us to have children, we will pass on our genes of drug use... A society that sees us as the failures in evolution, or maybe our society is more benevolent, I do think that my words are irrational, but then why is my search of self so evil.

I want to see all substance, people, material with respect, with appreciation, I want to correct my mistakes, I want to have the ability to be educated on drugs, and seek things that are beneficial for my body and my mind. Psychedelia, is this what I need. My do I feel bad when I see people disrespect drugs, take them to get FUCKED UP, why don't I ever say, "don't disrespect drugs, have fun, but don't FUCK YOURSELF UP" I have done it once, and I realised it quickly, and now as I understand more about drugs, more about how I feel, before and after, I learn more about people and myself. Maybe it is all so simple, but we are making life so complex. I want to love and be loved, sometime it is hard to love, WHY! Why conflict? Conflict is good, but there are limits. Balance, that sounds good. But if balance is GOOD, then why don't we feel GOOD, or is it just that, we cannot feel GOOD all the time, we need to find somewhere in-between, OK, perhaps I seek to feel just OK.

I don't know, I want to find GOD, my own GOD, not a religion, not a doctrine, but something that shows me what I seek, maybe I am just lost, with no goal of spirit, maybe I have only purely material goals... Now am I just rambling.

In conclusion... I love you all, and could not live without this place!
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"Drugs are an interest, not a purpose for living, never should it come to that."
 
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I fucking love bluelight
I fucking love the people who use it
I fucking love, love
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"Its great being anonymous until you want to be someone"
 
Why do we take ecstasy?

An excellent question pinger, one that everyone who takes pills should be trying to answer. It is so easy to be glib about this question, to answer it with: "Because it's fun". This, as Terry Pratchett puts it, is like saying Venus is bigger than a duck: true as far as it goes, but it could be taken further.
Of course, if you are the sort of person who takes E just for a laugh or two, then that is your prerogative, and you have my best wishes.

However, I have been trying to find the real reason that I take Ecstasy (as well as other drugs), and I have yet to come up with THE REASON; a be all and end all motivation that neatly explains my drug use. The reasons are so varied and legitimate that it is impossible to narrow it down to just one.

All my life I have been an experimental person, a Seeker if you will, seeking friends, respect, empathy, understanding (as do we all); and so far I have been fairly succesful and satisfied with my findings.

E is another tool in my search, as well as a realm to be explored in itself. It has shown me a way of life and a side to people that I never thought possible. It has also changed my values and view on life in general (for the better, I think). I am more tolerant of other people's shortcomings, less eager to just dismiss them; it has helped me realize I am far from perfect.

But when I am rushing with MDMA, dancing to an extent that the music is a part of me, or locked in an embrace that says more than words can express, I am at peace. Calm. Centred. All the things I hate about myself, all the things the intolerant and sometimes ugly world we live in forces on me; they are simply gone.

I am not saying that I am only happy when I am rolling, far from it. I do enoy life to the fullest, and try to live for the moment. But sometimes it is a necessity to just go where the music is loud, the lights are flashing, the people are good; and just be free, even if it is only for a few hours at a time.

Ecstasy is also a useful self-exploratory tool, not as effective and brutally honest as LSD, but useful nonetheless. Many a time have I had an epiphany whilst in a dancing frenzy, peaking like there's no tomorrow. It is easy to listen to yourself, without being too self-critical, when you are in what pinger accurately described as the 'void'. That sensation that every movement, every gesture you make is one with the music, and the people around you.
Ecstasy is also my way of giving a rousing "FUCK YOU" to the consumer driven society that we live in. All week I am constantly bombarded with images telling me what to wear, where to shop, what to eat. Always Coca-Cola, Generation Next, Only MacDonalds. These catchy slogans delivered by manaically grinning, golden-haired, tanned androids; the beautiful; the pimple-free; the flawless. If I buy their product, use their service, then I will be 'cool', I will be 'accepted', I will be 'popular'. What a crock. Do they really think that we believe spiritual elightenment can be bought fot the price of a cheeseburger? That is why my heart swells with pride when I am surrounded by people who are wearing what they want, dancing how they choose, and exercising their right to take whatever fucking drug they want.
This is not a perfect solution, hell no, but it is a start. It is a long road to self-realization, but with the right people, and the right tools, the journey is so much more fun.

And I would have it no other way.

PLUR.
the corinthian.
 
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"Drugs may be the path to nowhere, but at least its the scenic route."
Life is there to be lived. So live it. There is a very wide scope of human experiences. Some people are content with their day to day dealings, their two kids and a mortgage, brand-name clothes, etc...forms of conforming.
But, not everyone is like that, some people seek more, they seek a human experience on a deeper level. You may enjoy the abovve experiences, but you want to add to that. I mean, whats the point of being alive if you wont live? Drugs are merely a pathway to a more fulfilled human experience, they are not THE human experience. They are your gateway, you have to explore beyond the gate.
What am i saying? i dont know exactly, just that drugs can add to your life and make it a highly sensitized and happy existence, but at the same time they are not your whole existence. I hope thats the reason most people experiment, its the reason i do, because when you are old and dying, regret of wasted opportunities and of wasted lifetime will haunt you.
My two cents worth, SupaspeeD
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"I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs, and insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me."
- Hunter S. Thompson
 
I've been a bit of a lurker just absorbing everything, but Pinger, your post hit a note with me and I am compelled to write. The question of why you take XTC is a question that every user should be asking themselves because it really does reveal a lot about yourself, and since I've read your post I've been thinking more deeply about it, although I find it really hard to articulate.

There are so many points people have raised that have expressed what I feel in terms of using XTC to transcend ordinary consciousness (liquid ocean) into a world of your own. I really agree with what you said, Dangermouse, about XTC helping you communicate with things inside you that otherwise would not come out, because XTC (unlike what many people think about drugs) does not turn you into someone else- someone you'd rather be, but just brings out areas inside you that previously have not been given range.

As you can probably tell from my name, for me XTC is very much about escape, but in a positive light. XTC (as with many other drugs) transports me to another world where I am at one with myself, everything and everyone around me. A world unfortunetly I am yet to find through other means. It is the best form of release- nothing else matters when you're dancing to that thumping base!

To me this seems a 'truer' state, one where you are much more free. That doesn't mean to say that XTC means everything to me and I constantly want to be under its power, but I bring back with me to "reality" a better understanding that is helping me to become more than I was. Since I've started using XTC I am more at one with myself and my feelings, less shy and probably most significantly, it has helped me understand and value other people.

XTC allows me to transcend the mundane and connect with myself and other people, whilst rolling and in the everyday sense. I guess it is ultimately about escape and release, but in a strictly positive manner.

It has enabled me to find something more.
 
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Ok in light of all this inner discovery, self exploration and intelligent discussion on why we take e I will outline my reasons:
e feel good
make me happy
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I try not too look deeply into myself and my motivations as I am scared about what I may find
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[This message has been edited by DoC (edited 22 June 2000).]
 
Nobody is, so everybody belongs: the ecstasy of disapearence? You can draw some pretty interesting parallels from this...
 
I am content. I am in love. I have no financial problems. I have stability in life. I have an education. I have lots of great friends. I don't suffer from loneliness or depression. I have my health.
Essentially, some of these things are materialistic aspects of modern life. I'm aware of that.
That's a lot. But there is more to life, isn't there? We've seen and felt it. It's so overwhelming and all-encompassing. Trying to explain it to someone who hasn't been on that journey is difficult (and frustrating). We can try, but the unititated can never really know. We want them to know.
For me it's a journey into my own mind. There's so much to learn. And that's only MDMA! What about magic mushrooms? A completely different journey into the same mind.
 
hmm, i had more to add to this, but i lost it in my computer........
ummm, i'll be back soon
 
Just on Pinger's original post. Why do I take drugs?
Very simple. I enjoy it.
Sometimes it is to escape the mundane. But mostly, it's because I enjoy it - its fun.
Personally, I don't think we have to sit around procrastinating about how good MDMA is and empathy and all that. Once you come down and are off it, are you the same empathic person?
Sometimes I can't help but think that it's all a big farse. The amount of times I have met a nice person whilst both off our faces to later find out they aren't actually that nice - I'd be rich if I had a dollar for each one.
Then I hear you say, "Then you mustn't be going to the right places." In my raving career, I've been to a fair few different places with a fair few different crowds. Its all the same.
My very simplistic view is that people will be people no matter what - drugs or no drugs. We are all human. There are shitty people and there are good people. What I've found is that the majority of good people have discovered drugs and use them responsibly.
So lets not look down on people just because they don't endulge the senses. Lets try and take things a little less seriously. I'll stick to my simplistic view of all this no matter what. After all, I'm the descendent of simple farming people (Italian Calabrese)
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Have fun and stay good.
Dan
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The earth spins on its axis, a planet, revolving, thrusting forward through space, as it has been, and will be, for longer than we can comprehend.

Humans - a species that has grown out of natural evolution, and has surpassed it, moving forward in a cultural evolution, separating and constantly widening the gap between themselves and the animals, forming what we can term 'society' and obtaining a sense of achievement at the stage of each generation through conquering boundaries in the pattern that has been set previously, reaching new horizons.. speeding up now in order to set things for the next stage… next generation.

You could think of each generation as a spoke in the wheel….
I've had this picture in my head for some time. I have already decided that I don't really want to be a significant part of something like that. I think there's enough other people out there other than myself to be the doctors and the lawyers and the labourers and teachers and scientists..

I feel that I only have a particular amount of time here.. before ceasing to be or before moving on to whatever comes next (and I don't care to think of that now). I have my own ambitions. The magnitude of experience that lies out there ahead, so many chances and opportunities to be taken.. I need to go find it, take it.. I cant wait for it.. it needs to happen now.. I need to see it.. I want to live a life in which I can look back at any point and say I've done it. I'm seeking a life of unique experiences, of defining moments.. being so fulfilled by the atmosphere out there that I could cry out of happiness. I'm seeking to hold myself up, and to have love and help to give to others that can too hold themselves up, to further my own spiritual development and happiness.. to be a part of now.. to embrace my passions.. to be me. This is my aim.

I take E. And acid… and a few other drugs here and there.. They are a way in which I can slow down normal reality and all its accessories and implications, doing away with it, and creating my own.. you could call it escaping.. but im not trying to run away.. I'm creating small gaps in time, creating an environment in which to let go of inhibitions and inconfidence and feel a part of something higher and further.. with the rest of you guys.. at parties, in welcoming environments, with people I love.. with people I can connect with.. listening to music that I have a passion for, being part of an atmosphere that's hard to find in many other places.. and that you cant have with a lot of people out there because they just simply aren't on the same wavelength. These are some of the unique experiences I am searching for. Drugs are part of this. Drugs are certainly not in themselves the answer, and they are certainly not always necessary, but they are an aid in finding some answers, in reaching out to new levels, in accepting life the way it has been given to us.. as well as coming up with new ideas and new questions to think of, and then taking new approaches… learning to be a better person and living a rich life.

I too, as Pinger described, on occasion feel a projection into the void.. that brilliant silence, an all-encompassing aura of warmth and light and tranquility.. this can happen on a dancefloor when the music, the atmosphere and you all come together and rise, float, feel, fly.. it can happen on the top of a mountain, breathing in that amazing air, looking out over a panorama.. you're on the top of the world.. or when you're underwater and you float.. suspended.. reaching out and moving.. opening your eyes and seeing absolute blue beauty.. if you can reach that void, that silence, and get some of that brilliant energy… that's where there lies some of the best parts of life.
 
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ditto MikeySammy - we think so alike
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"Never trust a man who, when left alone in a room with a tea cozy, doesn't try it on" - Billy Connolly
 
How could such an amazing thread slip by without me seeing??
This needs to be seen by the new BLers coming thru...
***BUMP***
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I think of my life as a series of sketches; each one funnier than the last
 
does anyone else find that drugs often serve as a lens which speed up or slow down our thinking, and allow us to change our frame of reference, and thinking (for the better), to allow us to understand things?
the other day, after a big night, i took half a green cu, and took a book down the park. i ended up talking to an older lady for about two hours, and playings with her fantastic dogs, Kascha and Bert. Sitting in the sun, playing with the dogs and chatting to her helped me to assess and look at a lot of different things in my life. I realised that I have been working too hard and too long recently, and all my travelling was seperating me from my friendships i treasure and require as releases as a social animal (much like dogs are happier when they have a playmate).
signs from god? nope, just a moment of clarity when i was forced to slow down and smell the flowers.
and i've heeded it's warning well. i'm hearing the birds again, sitting outside and eating my breakfast and watching the sun come up. making sure i catch up with my mates midweek for a beer and bullshit session.
the next time your feeling blue, watch a kid for 10 minutes. everything in their world is new to them, and it makes you realise that it can be the same for you if you just slow down for a minute, take a deep breath and enjoy it, rather than tolerate it.
cheers for listening to my endless dibble
 
I am so glad I joined BL. I am just blown away, I think I need to lie down. I would have never guessed there were so many ppl out there that thought the same way. I feel so wonderful. Pinger you could move me to tear of joy. Yhank you cAmmAc for bumping it.
Dmac
^Smile and everyone around will smile back^
[This message has been edited by Dmac (edited 05 October 2000).]
[This message has been edited by Dmac (edited 05 October 2000).]
 
Pinger I totatly understand where you are coming from - I spend many hours with my son (when I have him), watching him and playing with him - his innocence and wonder at new things he discovers it a constant reminder how beautiful the world is. Through him I have been able to appreciate the simple things in life - nature and it's surroundings have become my playground.
I also used to take great pleasure in talking to a friends grandmother (who has since passed away) - just talking about the pleasures of a life gone by would take me to another plane of enlightenment. We often get caught up in the hussle and bussle of this life we live and forget the beauty that surrounds us. I thank my lucky stars that I am constantly reminded by my son the important things in life - it allows for a peaceful existence.
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Careful with that axe Eugene....
 
it's interesting you should describe it that way pinger - just recently i had the most deep (pathetic word i know but you understand what i mean) conversation with a very close friend about life and how we view it. although we were coming from different directions we both just completely clicked into what the other person was talking about.

just as an aside - i don't know if this happens to anyone else but i find that sometimes a few days after i have consumed various illicit substances (usually e) that my mind just seems to open up and the most nebulous, cerebral concepts become simple and i understand - i even find that i am able to articulate myself and my thoughts better and other people actually get what i'm going on about.

anyway i was talking about the way everyone views life - it's like the mind is a photo lens, when in captures something in it's view it must necessarily omit other things - we automatically exclude by including. so in a way everyone is walking around with tunnel vision - you can only see what is inside your lens and are in some ways oblivious to all the other realities and possibilities around you. this is your view - your personal paradigm. it is created through you living life and because of all the things that happen to you and influence you (that you may or may not be aware of - eg. parental views on life).

so i wanted to know how we can open the mind/lens so that we don't live our lives constantly believing that our reality is the only one/way. this is where drugs come in for me. for me, drugs allow me to shift my perspective or create a paradigm shift - i am opened to new ways of living and thinking, my points of reference are either completely tossed out the window or new ones placed aside the old - giving the old points of reference new meanings. and i also become aware of the mulitple truths existing in society - how there is no one truth, but each paradigm or lens or perspective has its own set of truths that are specific and relevant for that paradigm only. for me this is truely a glorious gift - my mind is ALWAYS going at a million miles an hour (and not always in the right direction) so to have it operate in ways different from the norm, or think about things i've never thought of before is one of the most enlightening expereiences.

and sometimes it just helps me appreciate the little things in life. lately i have been noticing all the times people are polite, nice or helpful to me (even little things like letting me get off the bus first) - these are the things that stick in my mind (rather than all the times i am slighted or someone pisses me off) and it puts me in the best mood where i just want to give and give back.

wow - sorry to ramble on ... i'll probably think of more to add

anyway!!!!
take care all
bluegirl
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we'll make great pets!
 
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