TO EVERYONE, IF YOU HAVE TO, ARRANGE IT TO WHERE YOUR PHARMACY DISPENSES MEDS ON A DAILY BASIS AS OPPOSED TO MONTHLY TO KEEP FROM GETTING SICK. ON DAYS YOU FEEL LESS PAIN, TRY AND SAVE THEM, BUT I KNOW THAT'S NIGH IMPOSSIBLE, BECAUSE YOU'RE JUST TRYING TO FUNCTION, AND YOU FEEL YOU NEED THAT MAX DAILY DOSE + MORE A LOT OF TIMES.
I'm sorry, cause I'm always a whiney little bitch in here, but it's the only way I can truly vent. Regardless, it's disrespectful and selfish. I would like to respond to every new post I read just now individually because I can relate to them all. Sorry if I'm a bit chatty, my psych just started me on Provigil and I'm still getting used to it.
AND I'M NO MOD, BUT I SAY VENT ALL YOU WANT. THIS THREAD IS DESIGNED FOR PEOPLE THAT GO THROUGH HELL ON A DAY TO DAY BASIS. I KINDA WISH THERE WAS A SUB-FORUM FOR CHRONIC PAIN OR DUAL-DIAGNOSIS + CHRONIC PAIN (DUAL-DIAGNOSIS = PSYCH ISSUES + DRUG ABUSE) AND HAVE A MENTAL HEALTH SUB-FORUM SOLELY FOR THOSE WITH CHRONIC PAIN, BUT IT WOULD JUST TURN INTO AN OPIOID SUB-FORUM, UNFORTUNATELY (THOUGH RULES COULD BE SET TO ONLY DISCUSS MEDICINAL THINGS IN THE SUB-FORUM) (SORRY - MIND AND MOUTH GOING 90-NOTHING RIGHT NOW)
I'm so damn frustrated by my pain and the situation it has led me to. I've been on daily opiates for years, and I've finally hit the point where I just want/need to be done with them. They do very little for my actual pain, but make me somewhat "forget" it for a while, but even that is becoming less and less. I started out on Hydrocodone about 7 years ago, and now am on a daily fairly high dose of both Opana IR and ER. I constantly run out of my script early, and feel that my addiction is the more immediate concern over my pain. My doctor tried me on Methadone once before, but to be honest I wasn't ready at that point and almost immediately asked him to switch me back to Oxy/Opana. At this point I'm finally ready to be done with it, and plan to ask him to try the methadone again at my next visit. It's scary to think about, but I need to be honest with myself and realize that the opiates are impacting my life in more and more negative ways as time goes on. I know that methadone has its own set of problems, but I think if I can get to the point of just swallowing a few pills a day, then that is an improvement over snorting multiple pills every few hours throughout the day. Lately I've been waking up in W/D's, and that just sucks.
For my actual pain, the end game is that I need double lumbar fusion surgery. I don't even want to think about that at this point, and first want to get my addiction in check. In a perfect world I would just take the Opana as prescribed until I have the surgery, but I've proven over and over again that I just can't do that. Such a frustrating situation!
Thanks for letting me vent.
Harrisment: I'm in the same boat you're in except I'm not being Rx'ed opioids because I can't find a doc that will take on a pt. that's attempted suicide 12 times (a lot of them being pill overdoses; and that makes sense). Be careful with the methadone. If you can, try to limit it to 45mg if possible - 60mg if needed - (15-20mg daily and hopefully you won't need breakthrough) daily if possible, because you don't know what you're gonna need post-op. I need a two level fusion, as well, in my lumbar, and I'm trying my hardest to get it done because I've spent the past 3.5 years in a recliner on bluelight or facebook (and not really posting) or reading up on pharmacology. Get the surgery. If you're in TX, go to the Tyler area, there's a surgeon there that has had the procedure himself (a two-level Transforaminal Lumbar Intervertebral Fusion (
TLIF) and he himself has an 85% success rate with that procedure. He was going to do mine, but I fucked it up and tried to off myself a couple weeks before the surgery.
Hello everyone, I'm new to blulight and just read every post in this thread and I wanted to thank everybody for posting their experiences. It's great to know I'm not alone in suffering the indignities of pain management, the insults of pharmacists, doctors, and receptionists. It's unreal what we have to through just to live another day and not be sick(from under prescribing) or in intractable pain. I just wanted to say I love all of you, we are all kindred spirits and great people with so much to offer the world if given the chance. My background is- I suffer from chronic pancreatitis brought on from alcohol abuse in my teen years. I've been on 15mg oxycodone 3xday for 5 yrs now. This no longer works at all and I run out very early so I buy subs to avoid wd and I'm in pain during that time. I've lost 80lbs , due to severe nausea that is part if my illness. The only thing that helps that is weed. Weed just became ok for medical usage where I'm at but docs are afraid to prescribe it so the law is useless. My doc is moving me to pain man. Cause he says the law is just becoming to much for him to deal with. He was allowing me to use weed on my own from my own sources which was really cool, he's a good man and he's helped me ever since I met him through a local er. But now I'm waiting for that call about pm so I've had to stop using the weed and I'm down from 130lbs to 108lbs. I have lots to say and I've been through the ringer over the years but I just wanted to tell you all that I feel like I've known you all my entire life and I wanted wish u all my best and I hope you all find some relief...
Sorry I forgot this, I used to use the herbal incense(synthetics) as an appitite stimulator as a way to get around ua's but they've been banned in my state and I've been robbed trying to purchase online. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated. I've been on just about all of the nausea perscription meds zofran, phenergan, compazinr etc etc. none of works one bit.. I just want to regain my weight. My ideal weight is about 165/175. 130 on weed, 105-110 and dropping without
Cliffy: I understand how the nausea works as well. When you have any type of chronic illness like anxiety/severe depression or chronic pain (the former and the latter in particular) the first thing to be affected physiologically is your GI tract. You get nauseated, heartburn, IBS (that can switch between constipation and diarrhea (sorry if that was too graphic), peptic ulcers...the works. I'm on Zofran 8 TID (doesn't do shit), and phenergan 25 TID (doesn't do shit either), as well as a slew of other stomach meds, and they don't work for shit (only thing that works is a shot of phenergan in the ass for me). I roller coaster in weight though. I'll go through spells where I binge eat, then I don't eat at all and I go from about 285 (the heaviest I've ever been and what I am now (I stuff myself cause I have a hiatal hernia and puke up a 1/3 of what I eat most meals because part of my stomach is in my chest cavity) to 220 from not eating (though this is somewhat aided chemically). I've been through the ringer as well and can relate, I've been to neurologists, rheumatologists, pain management, physical therapy (including aqua), TENS, trigger point dry injections (like acupuncture except they go into muscle and send electrical waves through it (it hurts so much because it makes your legs/whatever spasm harder than they ever have (like a seizure x 3 ) but relieves the muscle pain for 1-3 weeks), chiropractic care, massage (both of those are very temporary), internists, psychiatrists, etc., etc.
And like I say, sorry I'm so chatty from the Provigil. The psych was more concerned about my weight/adhd than he was my depression/anxiety/insomnia/wanting to off myself because of dealing with the latter three. I'm glad the weed was helping you, but am sorry you had to cut it out for the PM doc. That really does suck when you find something that works, but can't use it. I'm one of the few people that, while it helps with nausea from a hit or two, I get super paranoid, anxious, muscular rigidity, and increased pain when I use it, so I try to stay away unless I have high dose benzo's to combat the negative side effects.
Hi guys, I started taking Neurontin for my fibromyalgia, it helps a lot but not all the way...I've read that Tramadol is the only opiate that really works for this condition, and it's true...I was taking oxycodone before and it never helped the general aches and pains, just my back condition, which seems to be responding better to epidural steroid shots (I've had one and I'm due to have another in a few weeks.) I downgraded to codeine for the back pain, which is sufficient, and from there I'm hoping to downgrade to kratom and then off. My favorite place for poppy pods is out of stock, so by the time they come back into stock I'm hoping to just use it occasionally for fun, not for pain. But I'm wondering if I should ask my rheumatologist for Tramadol, with him knowing my history as an addict? (I'm upfront with all my doctors, they can see my prescription records anyway and will know about my use.) I've ordered tramadol online, I plan to try it in conjunction with the neurontin and see if that does the trick. I just want to feel normal again, you know? It's been so long since I've been out of pain completely that I've forgotten what "normal" is. What do you guys think?
xtcgrrrl: If Neurontin and Tramadol work, go for it. You came down off of Percocet which is oxycodone to codeine. Tramadol isn't even a controlled substance. He might be willing to do the codeine/neurontin/tramadol. Do what works for you. You deserve it. You deal with this pain and you keep your family going. I'm a waste of life that sits in the recliner/couch moaning all day. I completely understand what it feels like to not feel like normal is. I had a psychiatrist rip me off of a dangerous dose of benzos which made me feel more normal than I've felt since I got drug by a car, but even on them it wasn't the same. I wasn't sedated or anything like that, but it didn't feel normal - which is what I think all of us want.
Responding to hermione danger....yes, I did and do tell my doctors about everything, including kratom and poppy. That way they know how much pain I'm in! If I'm resorting to supplementing my legally prescribed meds with these substances, obviously I'm in quite a bit of pain! If you use your kratom only for recreation I can understand being hesitant. But I'm ACTUALLY USING everything at my disposal to cope with chronic, moderate-to-severe pain.
Sorry for the double post! Mods please feel free to merge them as I don't know how.
xtcgrrl: You've responded to my posts so you definitely know where I'm going with this. I'm pretty sure I was ripped off of the benzo's because of my IV meth use, but the 30mg of norco and the 8mg of tizanidine I was taking a day wasn't doing a damned thing for my pain. The benzo's kept me calm most of the time, but I would still get panic-y when my chronic pain would flare up and it felt like someone was stabbing me in the back with a knife, and I had burning/numb/tingling sensations going down my legs, and I'd have my feet feel like I was stepping on needles the whole time. So I was doing way worse than you. I was buying HIGHLY illicit substances and administering them directly because it killed the pain better than a shot of morph or hyrdomorph at the hospital would. That was a great idea telling your doctor just what you were having to do to get pain relief. It gained you a lot of respect because you were honest with them. Doctors appreciate honesty more than anything. But it seems, you can be too honest. Being labeled an IV user has fucked me over so many times. "Eating 150 pills to kill yourself, you don't have a drug problem" "Shooting up meth for pain, you're an addict. Every time you go to the doctor you're trying to get drugs out of him to get fucked up on." Shit, if I was a drug seeker, I'd be asking where the nearest Qualuude lab was....
Hi xtcc, I've read all your posts and I feel your pain about judgmental people in your life, I've got a stepmom/fathers gf who swears she's a god when it comes to meds and pain just cause she's a rn. I just wanted to say be careful with the neurotin, I've got some mental health issues and a shrink gave it to me for my pancreatitis pain once(rotfflmfao)! The neurotin gave me a funny numb feeling in my hands and made my brain all fuzzy(not in a good way) and dumbed me waaay down. Just wanted to share my experience with that drug with u and just let u know that I'm pulling for u and I look forward to your posts. Take care Hun and stay strong
Cliffy: I understand how you feel, because my sister is an RN, but she refuses to talk about my meds with me because I'm a chem engineer major and was helping her through med surge. She'll talk to my parents though and talk about how I don't need to be on this or that even though I get a day's worth of pills at a time from my parents in a baggie (god forbid I get pulled over with 20 different pills; good thing most are taken in the morning). Neurontin can be very helpful, especially in visceral situations you're in with the pancreatitis. If you were on a high dose like 600mg - 1200mg TID or 800mg Q6H it can make you loopy, though that usually only lasts a few days (sorry, like I said, Provigil got me goin). They now make pills as low as 100mg if you ever wanna try it again - the lowest dose when I first started it was 300mg.
Yeah I use for pain, too. I think I just get uncomfortable thinking about telling a doctor because on the face of it, buying something unregulated off the Internet and drinking it is kinda unwise, but I get your point about how it helps them realize what u need to do in order to cope.
hermione danger: I know how you feel. Read what I said to xtcgrrrl in my second post to her about the IV meth use. Doctors hear anything about needles, it's impossible to get tramadol it seems.
hi Cliffy78, thanks for the support! It's tough when others don't understand what you're going through, how hard it is to push through just one day, even if you do nothing. Today I sat around in the dark because the electricity here is fucked up and I still feel exhausted now (going to bed soon, but I won't be rested when I wake up, that's life when you have fibromyalgia. It doesn't matter if I go to bed earlier, because I'll just lie there being uncomfortable until about 1 or 2 which is when I finally fall asleep and then I have to wake at 7 for my kids. It's not enough sleep but I can't seem to get to sleep earlier even though I feel exhausted. I just nap during the day which my in-laws bitch about. I try to only do it when the baby goes down for his nap but sometimes in the morning I just can't seem to get out of bed. My husband takes over then and he's not happy about it. What the hell. Nobody's happy with me anyway, they're all sick of me being in pain. I do what I can but some days that's not very much. I made the bed and tidied the room today...in the dark...which was the most I could do. And I watched my son for the afternoon, until his nap, but I couldn't nap today for some reason. Anyway, sorry for going on and on, I just wanted to say THANKS! I don't want to be all "oh I have a tough life" but yeah I kinda do. Fortunately we're moving out in July and I'm trying to slowly pack one box each day because if I wait til the last minute I'll be overwhelmed. Oh, in the dark too. We need an electrician!!!!
good night, BL! I'm out.
xtcgrrrl: I'm sorry that you're powers out. That's some rough shit to deal with - kids/chronic pain/fibromyalgia or not. I wish you the best of luck on your move and I hope you get as far away from your in-laws as possible (lol). They create way too much extra stress for you to deal with and should only be seen on the two major holidays of the year: turkeyday/xmas lol. I also understand the judgement. I did carry it a bit too far and got my tolerance way jacked up, but that's also partly some of the doctors' I've seen faults (who puts someone on 150mg of tramadol a day on 16mg of buprenorphine?!?!?!?!?! - was in a psych ward, so couldn't exactly just quit). I've had people that I thought were my ride or die, best friends to the end drop me because of my drug tolerance even though they were using and buying the same amount of pills as me on the streets - theirs just last longer and I took breaks.
Hi xtcc, geez that really sucks about your electric, sry to hear. Idk wtf I'd do without tv. I know what u mean about napping during the day, I used to get the same shit, "stop being lazy", "why don't u sleep at night like the rest of the world". Meanwhile doing all the cleaning for everyone cause I wasn't working and I was living at their house at the time. You gotta get outta there girl, you must feel so trapped and constantly walking on eggshells just to avoid confrontation, I'm the same way. I've got some peace now that I've got my own place . I wish the same for you when u move Hun. As far as sleeping goes, have you ever tried temazepam? Nothing worked for me, not ambien, trazadone, Tylenol pm etc etc. but that temazepam is no joke, 1 pill and that's a wrap. I guess it's a benzo but it doesn't really feel like the benzos I'm used to like k-pins or xannies... That fibro must really suck cause there's really no reason or cause to it, that must be so frustrating. Well I hope your electric gets fixed ASAP and you at least get some sleep and few hours of some relief . Have as good a day as possible and know that your not alone. Take care
Cliffy: I understand the insomnia man. the only thing that works for me, is high dose instant/intermediate acting barbiturates or estazolam - temazepam don't even do it for me. I'm just wired weird that I respond best to the Triazolobenzodiazepines (the ones that end in -azolam). No clue why. Might have been because of how long I was taking Xanax at high doses (I switched to it when I was having panic attacks sporadically because they helped the pain better than the norco did at the same price I was getting them - and they helped the anxiety. Just wish I still got my 6mg a day and my 4mg estazolam a day. I'd be going through exposure therapy then trying to lower doses and possibly get completely off of them - well, I still dunno what to do for sleep.
Sorry everyone for chatting and chatting and chatting, but it made my day so much better. And I know a lot was venting, but I hope that possibly some of the advice I've given might help the people I've addressed it to, as well as future readers. if they dare read this long ass post lol.
Hope everyone has a "valley pain-level day!"
~Doug
