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The Moment You Realized You Were Addicted

Yeah... She's always bloody gyring and gimbling all about the place too.... Stop looking shocked at me.
 
wirkdy said:
Yes I'm now addicted even though I just snort it, I have serious withdrawals symptoms (the symptoms when you don't use it, right?) when I don't have it/can't use it, last year they were very light but they increased very much with longer heroin consumption even though I guess I'm not a heavy user with 0.3g/daily, I had two serious withdrawals this year and I'm in the second right now, I am a vegetable, can hardly move, it's summer and I wear as if it was winter, weight goes down and I'm already severely underweight, can't sleep, mind/though confusion mostly trying/during sleep, yeah pretty bad but nevertheless not interested in stopping using heroin at the moment, just waiting for the new batch coming hopefully soon.
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Damn.... Hate to hear that. I was going to comment on the other post too. Seems opiates get everybody.

In my opinion there are several types of people that try heroin.

1. Those who try it/don't like it or get sick=in the clear.

2.Those who try it and say I liked that way too much never again=in the clear.

3.Those who try it/ love it and say I'm going to just do it every now and then= addiction soon to follow.

4. Those who try it and say I've arrived. I always want to feel like this= already fucked.
 
@somnilicious yeah, I started basically at #4 even though I just started it for pain stop and don't plan to inject ever, it's just probably the best thing that came into my life...little sad but hey it could be muuuuuuuch worse! and atm I got no reasons to stop it.
 
nznity said:
Back in 2012, after my first few oxy binges. I'd start feeling cold N like something wasn't right. Until I realized I didn't feel like that when I'd gobble 3-5 pills. I was like oh fuck, this little bastards are holding a grip on me.
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Wat mg oxy were you taking , takes about 90 mg of ir a day to get sic when I think back to my oxy dayx , I was oxys for years , 15s opanas , and then a lengthy perk 5 habit after a terrible hip surgery from a car crash , 512s by malinkrodt and Endo Pharmaceuticals, lol claims with both
 
carbonhalo said:
I always suspected I married wrong
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Hahaha yea it was all sunshine rainbows and pornos until she turned crazy AF , then she got popped selling to a Ci and that was 3 years of fun down the shitter ha but then I hit a parked trash truck shattered pelvis dislocated hip we were back in business 😭😂😆
 
Hey we are all in the same boat here I'm 26 and have been addicted to hard opiates to be honest Oxycodone it started when my neighbor and I were smoking a blunt and he mentions that right down the road is a guy he cuts grass for that would sell his script of oxys so of course with that type of connect that is I placed a order through him and he came back the price at the time was 20$ a piece. I was in heaven had no worries happy at times nodding in and out was pure bliss but little did I know that bliss would come back to bite me. So fast forward a few weeks and the new quarter began in the IT field and it so happened to be the busiest month of the year as all county's & City's that we sell to (DSS Departments, Sheriffs Departments, Department of Deeds etc.) have to spend their entire IT budget by the end of that month if not all spent by then the next years budget will be cut. But as you can see every county, City, company etc. we do business with on the E. Coast are pounding the phones we are one of the largest resellers for Dell are a Gold partner so we have tons of business all over north and South Carolina this began to become so over welcoming to me as this was my first as I would say "Real" job not like working any other place is bad but has a position and over credit lines that extend well into the 2 million dollar range every piece of euiomeng I have to log for example how man units, the price of each taxes (tax exempt so not a big problem unless the item needed is not carried by one of our vendors), freight, the order number logged so finance can go and see the order to keep our books right. This is a very demanding job onto of working on all PCs that come through for services by you guessed it me, I am a very chill guy and not aggregated much but when you have a order of 50-60 laptops or what ever other orders come through for whatever services need done such as different hard drive, ram, digital software the OS on the PC you name it I do it and am very good and proficient as have always been great with tech (from J-Tagging my Xbox 360 at the age of 14) besides the point there, but after unboxing & services all PCs inside and out wipe over with microfiber as I use tech gloves and a shock absorber while performing all services after all is perfect I wipe repackage the PC as if new wrappers the whole deal and put it with the rest to be re-shipped. You will find out my job as the technical manager also come with the title of being the Buyer (only buyer for company) which Consist of personally purchasing ever last item that is order by any and all of our customer shipping direct shipping here for services then back out spending 22K at one time in one order it's nerve racking knowing one wrong click 22K or whatever the amount goes somewhere else. THIS RIGHT HERE IS WHAT KEAD UP TO THE ADDICTION! I could not quit because it is the best job paying wise could get but have no back up just me and the Sells Rep. and company owner. I started thinking I'm never going to be that guy after that tough period at work I was up to 4 or 5 30s a day I make alright money for myself but keeping that addiction up was hell on top of the guy raising prices because he could and knew I would pay it with out even saying a word because I need sucked then he's out no more Oxy shit all I have is what have on me which is 90mg Oxy and this addiction everyday 8 plus months in. THE CHANGE - I was in a panic as never really was a drugie exempt weed and had no connects for thus except some family when I remembered in my closet in my jacket pocket was a bag of 15 subutex pill forum oral banged it up after the last of the Oxy and a way different high nothing like the Oxy but it worked snooting a whole 8mg pill not as intense if an Oxy high but was pleasant. I switched to taking this to this day but have downed myself to snooting 1/2 if a 8mg subutex sublingual pill I'm still spending $ but if as much bug helps me perform all day everyday at work. I'm going steady now have skit going on in life and work but have acquired some 30mg Addie's and is a lovely combo please do not attend unless have a tolerance as high as I do. But that is my story and first ever post honestly made this account to get out some thoughts opinions things I do without the judgment from family etc. and anonymity - Can Call Me Matt - PS. please share your thoughts 🙂👍🏻
 
hwbush336 said:
Wat mg oxy were you taking , takes about 90 mg of ir a day to get sic when I think back to my oxy dayx , I was oxys for years , 15s opanas , and then a lengthy perk 5 habit after a terrible hip surgery from a car crash , 512s by malinkrodt and Endo Pharmaceuticals, lol claims with both
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After a month of using doses ranging 20-50mg oxy was my first experience of opiate wds.
 
When I'd go mad waiting for friends to hit me up every weekend to drink and pace around like it was the number one thing on earth I needed.
When I thought I needed kratom to achieve more. When I started raiding medicine cabinets for whatever I could find. But damn, when I first had kratom wds, not expecting full blown opioid withdrawal (I'd bought into the "it's just like coffee" shit that was so common in 2016-2017), I was going mad. I dug through my trash to find index cards where I'd put my wet kratom spoons to scrape shit, I was licking bags, scraping up spilled kratom I'd find around. It was horrible, made worse by the fact that my grandfather had suddenly died. I was desperately feening for it. I was out of wds after around 48 hours but it was hell on Earth.

Although my only real addictions now are weed, DMT and kratom. Yeah, DMT... imagine being addicted to a substance that's mostly terrifying. Mentally of course, but still. My booze addiction I broke out of thanks to kratom, I guess it was a worthy tradeoff. I don't take massive amounts of it or anything.
 
I had a feeling in the back of my head that drugs would be a problem for me just because I started with them so early. Distinctly with stimulants and opioids it's just that on top of the world feeling that you know you'll need more of. Once I really had my first buzz on Dexedrine, or oxycodone I knew substances could be a problem. It only become readily apparent around when I was 19 when I started drinking and using benzos heavily which caused a lot of self destructive behavior. This was my first attempt at moderation or sobriety.
 
CallMeMatt said:
Hey we are all in the same boat here I'm 26 and have been addicted to hard opiates to be honest Oxycodone it started when my neighbor and I were smoking a blunt and he mentions that right down the road is a guy he cuts grass for that would sell his script of oxys so of course with that type of connect that is I placed a order through him and he came back the price at the time was 20$ a piece. I was in heaven had no worries happy at times nodding in and out was pure bliss but little did I know that bliss would come back to bite me. So fast forward a few weeks and the new quarter began in the IT field and it so happened to be the busiest month of the year as all county's & City's that we sell to (DSS Departments, Sheriffs Departments, Department of Deeds etc.) have to spend their entire IT budget by the end of that month if not all spent by then the next years budget will be cut. But as you can see every county, City, company etc. we do business with on the E. Coast are pounding the phones we are one of the largest resellers for Dell are a Gold partner so we have tons of business all over north and South Carolina this began to become so over welcoming to me as this was my first as I would say "Real" job not like working any other place is bad but has a position and over credit lines that extend well into the 2 million dollar range every piece of euiomeng I have to log for example how man units, the price of each taxes (tax exempt so not a big problem unless the item needed is not carried by one of our vendors), freight, the order number logged so finance can go and see the order to keep our books right. This is a very demanding job onto of working on all PCs that come through for services by you guessed it me, I am a very chill guy and not aggregated much but when you have a order of 50-60 laptops or what ever other orders come through for whatever services need done such as different hard drive, ram, digital software the OS on the PC you name it I do it and am very good and proficient as have always been great with tech (from J-Tagging my Xbox 360 at the age of 14) besides the point there, but after unboxing & services all PCs inside and out wipe over with microfiber as I use tech gloves and a shock absorber while performing all services after all is perfect I wipe repackage the PC as if new wrappers the whole deal and put it with the rest to be re-shipped. You will find out my job as the technical manager also come with the title of being the Buyer (only buyer for company) which Consist of personally purchasing ever last item that is order by any and all of our customer shipping direct shipping here for services then back out spending 22K at one time in one order it's nerve racking knowing one wrong click 22K or whatever the amount goes somewhere else. THIS RIGHT HERE IS WHAT KEAD UP TO THE ADDICTION! I could not quit because it is the best job paying wise could get but have no back up just me and the Sells Rep. and company owner. I started thinking I'm never going to be that guy after that tough period at work I was up to 4 or 5 30s a day I make alright money for myself but keeping that addiction up was hell on top of the guy raising prices because he could and knew I would pay it with out even saying a word because I need sucked then he's out no more Oxy shit all I have is what have on me which is 90mg Oxy and this addiction everyday 8 plus months in. THE CHANGE - I was in a panic as never really was a drugie exempt weed and had no connects for thus except some family when I remembered in my closet in my jacket pocket was a bag of 15 subutex pill forum oral banged it up after the last of the Oxy and a way different high nothing like the Oxy but it worked snooting a whole 8mg pill not as intense if an Oxy high but was pleasant. I switched to taking this to this day but have downed myself to snooting 1/2 if a 8mg subutex sublingual pill I'm still spending $ but if as much bug helps me perform all day everyday at work. I'm going steady now have skit going on in life and work but have acquired some 30mg Addie's and is a lovely combo please do not attend unless have a tolerance as high as I do. But that is my story and first ever post honestly made this account to get out some thoughts opinions things I do without the judgment from family etc. and anonymity - Can Call Me Matt - PS. please share your thoughts 🙂👍🏻
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Good post but you could get more people engaged if you broke post into paragraphs for easier reading.
 
somnilicious said:
Damn.... Hate to hear that. I was going to comment on the other post too. Seems opiates get everybody.

In my opinion there are several types of people that try heroin.

1. Those who try it/don't like it or get sick=in the clear.

2.Those who try it and say I liked that way too much never again=in the clear.

3.Those who try it/ love it and say I'm going to just do it every now and then= addiction soon to follow.

4. Those who try it and say I've arrived. I always want to feel like this= already fucked.
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I tried it and thought it was interesting but didn't like it that much. Used it once some 15 years ago, went through a bun in a day somehow, but i knew it was real because i hooked up an addict with the same stuff, which after shooting he apologized to me for turning me onto it. Never did it again. :no:
 
realized i was addicted when i was stealing triple Cs (dxm w cpm) in november 2018 when i was 16 and my parents found out x_x they opened ny drawer with all my empty sheets and boxes and chewed me the fuck out. spiralled after that and kept doing dxm eventually leading to a rehab visit in late 2020 when i was 18.
 
LucidSDreamr said:
You won't be able to stop even when you want to.
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People do eventually stop when they genuinely want to. Depends on how you define want.

Generally when somebody swears they want to stop they merely WANT to want to. You get to the point where the bad shit outweighs the rewards and you wanna stop the bad shit... buuut you still wanna do the actual drug. In other words you don't, as a matter of fact, 'want' to quit.
 
When I first smoked weed and got drunk at like age 10 and gotta into hijinks my entire adolescence I knew it was issue. I think I was 19 when I first seriously attempted to quit alcohol. Meetings and all that. They've never taken for me. I've read all the literature. Couldn't get past step 4, and I've tried a couple times and have had multiple sponsors.

Idk. I feel comfortable I know whats right for me at least some of the time and I've made a lot of progress.
 
For me it was in Colorado when I lived there for a short period and I purposely hurt my back to obtain some pain medication while simultaneously already having a 90 mg a month Klonopin prescription

after about three days of smoking heavy amounts of pot like always and taking hydrocodone 5s more then recommended

I was funnaly enough watching Rick and Morty on about 15 mg and decided to get up and throw Klonopin in the mix which almost landed me in the hospital luckily I find the medical field fascinating so I got myself together

And the next day I went to the doc and said I was still in pain and they reluctantly gave me oxycodone fives

I got home smoked like 7 joints and ate 10 mg of hydrocodone and 10 mg of oxycodone and .25 of clonazepam SL

And as soon as I sat down in my chair waiting for the come up it just kind of all hit me at once

The reality of everything that I did the past couple days and what I was willing to do to get the medicine and the fact that I didn’t care that I did those things at all

I sat back in my chair lit a cigarette and thought (I’m gonna be in for a ride)

And promptly popped another oxy to stop thinking about it and lit a joint mainly because I knew I was gonna be powerless for a certain amount of time and that I didn’t feel guilty at all or care as long as I could still get high

I didn’t even have to rationalize it to myself or bargain with myself I knew exactly what I was doing how bad it could be and how bad it was and at the time I just didn’t give a singular fuck at all

Anyways that’s my story
 
Mr.Downer said:
For me it was in Colorado when I lived there for a short period and I purposely hurt my back to obtain some pain medication while simultaneously already having a 90 mg a month Klonopin prescription

after about three days of smoking heavy amounts of pot like always and taking hydrocodone 5s more then recommended

I was funnaly enough watching Rick and Morty on about 15 mg and decided to get up and throw Klonopin in the mix which almost landed me in the hospital luckily I find the medical field fascinating so I got myself together

And the next day I went to the doc and said I was still in pain and they reluctantly gave me oxycodone fives

I got home smoked like 7 joints and ate 10 mg of hydrocodone and 10 mg of oxycodone and .25 of clonazepam SL

And as soon as I sat down in my chair waiting for the come up it just kind of all hit me at once

The reality of everything that I did the past couple days and what I was willing to do to get the medicine and the fact that I didn’t care that I did those things at all

I sat back in my chair lit a cigarette and thought (I’m gonna be in for a ride)

And promptly popped another oxy to stop thinking about it and lit a joint mainly because I knew I was gonna be powerless for a certain amount of time and that I didn’t feel guilty at all or care as long as I could still get high

I didn’t even have to rationalize it to myself or bargain with myself I knew exactly what I was doing how bad it could be and how bad it was and at the time I just didn’t give a singular fuck at all

Anyways that’s my story
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Thanks for telling it 🤌
 
deficiT said:
Thanks for telling it 🤌
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My pleasure I’m glad I have a place that I can speak on such things without being judged

Every time I tried to tell that story to anyone else they looked at me differently like I was a monster not somebody having a human experience that 99.9% of people don’t know how to handle or manage
 
Mr.Downer said:
My pleasure I’m glad I have a place that I can speak on such things without being judged

Every time I tried to tell that story to anyone else they looked at me differently like I was a monster not somebody having a human experience that 99.9% of people don’t know how to handle or manage
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Trust me, I have been, and in some ways still continue to be a monster of my own creation, so I have no capacity to judge on the shortcomings or struggles of others. That's why I'm here.
 
Probably the most meaningful moment when it really sank in is when I was 14.

I was playing in a chess tournament, which I was obsessed with for the previous 2 years and loved deeply... but all I could think of was getting high on heroin again in that moment. I purposely threw my game and decided to forfeit the tournament. I walked for 3 hours back to my neighborhood gas station to score. My coach was supposed to drive me home, but I left without saying anything.

That was a very depressing and long walk of shame. That was the first time I thought to myself "what am I doing?", "I know this is wrong"... but the monkey telling me "get heroin, you'll feel better".

I sort of knew at that point that drugs were going to be a big problem in my life, and that I was addicted.
 
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