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The Moment You Realized You Were Addicted

Joey

Joey

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Dec 22, 2015
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Do you remember a distinct time you identified yourself as having an addiction or as being an 'addict'?

There is a night in 2007 or 2008 somewhere I was visiting a friend over the weekend. I was in grade 11. I told him I was an alcoholic. This is the first time I said anything like that and truly believed it that I can remember. Alcohol continued to be my DOC until 2016 when heroin, and then in 2017 meth took over. Now I juggle múltiple habits to varying degrees and rarely maintain any clean time

There is a phase which began at the start of 2020 when I became much, much more hardcore. Between January 2020 and now I've been in the worst crescendo to pattern the level an degree of drug use of my entire life. It slows or stops briefly and occasionally but never beyond that. A glimpse of dedication or hope between many extended periods of complete absolution.

So a moment I identified myself this way half a lifetime ago and here in this moment still. The realization doesn't stop until I do. It is up to perspective, as able to wisely decide what is best to consider as either being substantial.. or someone who is totally eclipsed by the substances I use. My rationale in approaching these labels is in what I'm learning or trying to accomplish this time.

Sometimes it's not much use kicking the can as an addict. Sometimes its mandatory to the foundation of what's giving me hope to move on. It depends.

Dependant is indisputable however. I depend on a lot of stuff from within myself, to others, to substance and a lack thereof across any number of metaphors or philosophies to live by. I depend on drugs absolutely.
 
Aaaaa.....don't remember.ye forgot.....like many other thingsThe memory not always helpin' us
 
I smoked tobacco, weed and hash more or less heavily in my teens never get addicted.
I drunk alcohol also in my teens even alone, didn't get addicted.
Did LSD also in my teens, was good, didn't get addicted.

Now experimenting with opioids, can't say I got addicted yet, hopefully that day will never come? :)
 
If you continious to use opioid you will get addicted,probably even not often,if you do it for fun.Red Zone.Be very very careful(better not take it at all)
 
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The moment I realized I was addicted to meth would have been around 2017. I don't remember the exact moment though. There's too many to list that I could solidly put down as that bottoming point where I've now taken a serious misstep into a hell of all its own. I almost can't believe that it's been a full 5 years now. It's escalated me to a level I can't articulate no matter how much I write things out and get better at that sort of expression. It's become too difficult to sort out.

Meth use has a way of making insignificant things become extreme and at the top of your world for a time before it all comes crashing down. Some consequence to then finally sleep it off and it's like, 'whaa..?'

It has ways of allowing for some really extreme and chaotic events to happen in life too which are then completely unbelievable because the way people perceive you is about the same as you perceive any jib-head who's inconceivably out of his mind. Not worth even bothering with. It really is left to slim chance that this kind of insanity would be possible, or at the very least it would not be brought to Project Orange level conspiracy without the drugs.

I really wonder if there's some substance that could replace crystal without some of the level zero hell that comes along with it. Is it possible to be amped without 40% of dependent users becoming a suscept paranoid wonder.
 
Probably through the lockdown we had in the UK. I was popping pills every other day (alp, diazepam, tramadol) and I realised after a while wtf am I doing?
 
About two weeks after first trying weed in highschool. I noticed all I thought about all day was getting high and indistinct remember sitting in class 23ish years ago telling myself I understand the phrase "monkey on your back."

I knew I was am addict that fast...it took much longer to realize how big of a problem being an addict actually is though and that it's not really ok.

The monkey has never left me and likely never will even if I stay clean forever
 
wirkdy said:
I smoked tobacco, weed and hash more or less heavily in my teens never get addicted.
I drunk alcohol also in my teens even alone, didn't get addicted.
Did LSD also in my teens, was good, didn't get addicted.

Now experimenting with opioids, can't say I got addicted yet, hopefully that day will never come? :)
Click to expand...
You literally just described a weed addiction then said you weren't addicted. Smoking weed heavily and alone is an addiction.

Almost all of us with such a background that try opioids do have issues. They are just too fucking good. The most comfortable and quickly physically addicting drugs there are. You won't be able to stop even when you want to.
 
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The moments when time started slowing.
Penetrating the skin without feeling it.
The long dark curl of blood.
Anticipation of my tinnitus doubling in volume....and knowing it's working.
(Anyone else get that?)
 
Yeah...... I remember it like yesterday. I was standing out back of this pizza shop I helped manage around 1998. I started feeling a bit off when I turned to my friend and remarked to him that I hadn't taken the morphine pills that I had been playing with of late that day. By 2001 I was a full on oxycontin/heroin addict.

Unfortunately I didn't know much about addiction, specifically physical withdrawal. I just thought addiction was that you liked the feeling and wanted to keep doing it sorta ala' cocaine. Boy did I fuckin' learn something.
 
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When dope was the first thing I thought about waking up and a bedtime shot the last thing I did before going to sleep.
 
wirkdy said:
Now experimenting with opioids, can't say I got addicted yet, hopefully that day will never come? :)
Click to expand...
Depends how you define 'addiction'. You needn't necessarily get addicted as in mentally fixated, but you absolutely will get addicted as in physically dependent if you use with any regularity. Only way to prevent that is to space out your using days with very generous margins.
 
Oh absolutely, I decided to fake the addiction thing in 2014 to get Suboxone to sell it only and ended up taking it , first time I took it it was called zubsilv a minty fresh sublingual tab . I took a half of 8mg I was higher than I'd ever been ever , I hever really did pills but in Ohio at that time they were selling for 20 bucs a pop and I knew alot of people that wanted them! But I took that first half and it was over I kept taking them and at the time I had no idea Suboxone was addictive lol after the month was up I said screw paying 300 cash for the script and appointment and 3 days later I found out the hard way that I was dope sick , I woke up one morning so weak stomach fucked up nose running yawning constantly like I had a cold and was so spacey I couldn't see straight.hot cold chills Was like wat the fuck is wrong with me dammm I couldn't even eat this went on for a week , I finally broke down ate another sub and my gf was getting 120 oxy 15s and g74 opanas 60 count a month I was switching back and forth from that and subs until I hog a trash truck in 2017 , dislocated hip shattered pelvis, that's when the pain pills and drs got real!!! Talking thousands of pills and I have case against malinkrodt and Endo Pharmaceuticals I mean why not lol but the subs wax the first thing I ever got hooked on CRAZY
 
Back in 2012, after my first few oxy binges. I'd start feeling cold N like something wasn't right. Until I realized I didn't feel like that when I'd gobble 3-5 pills. I was like oh fuck, this little bastards are holding a grip on me.
 
Joey said:
Do you remember a distinct time you identified yourself as having an addiction or as being an 'addict'?

There is a night in 2007 or 2008 somewhere I was visiting a friend over the weekend. I was in grade 11. I told him I was an alcoholic. This is the first time I said anything like that and truly believed it that I can remember. Alcohol continued to be my DOC until 2016 when heroin, and then in 2017 meth took over. Now I juggle múltiple habits to varying degrees and rarely maintain any clean time

There is a phase which began at the start of 2020 when I became much, much more hardcore. Between January 2020 and now I've been in the worst crescendo to pattern the level an degree of drug use of my entire life. It slows or stops briefly and occasionally but never beyond that. A glimpse of dedication or hope between many extended periods of complete absolution.

So a moment I identified myself this way half a lifetime ago and here in this moment still. The realization doesn't stop until I do. It is up to perspective, as able to wisely decide what is best to consider as either being substantial.. or someone who is totally eclipsed by the substances I use. My rationale in approaching these labels is in what I'm learning or trying to accomplish this time.

Sometimes it's not much use kicking the can as an addict. Sometimes its mandatory to the foundation of what's giving me hope to move on. It depends.

Dependant is indisputable however. I depend on a lot of stuff from within myself, to others, to substance and a lack thereof across any number of metaphors or philosophies to live by. I depend on drugs absolutely.
Click to expand...
I was 18 years old and I had just started stripping at Spearmint Rhino lol I popped a norco ar work and it was off to the races
 
TheUltimateFixx said:
Depends how you define 'addiction'. You needn't necessarily get addicted as in mentally fixated, but you absolutely will get addicted as in physically dependent if you use with any regularity. Only way to prevent that is to space out your using days with very generous margins.
Click to expand...
Yes I'm now addicted even though I just snort it, I have serious withdrawals symptoms (the symptoms when you don't use it, right?) when I don't have it/can't use it, last year they were very light but they increased very much with longer heroin consumption even though I guess I'm not a heavy user with 0.3g/daily, I had two serious withdrawals this year and I'm in the second right now, I am a vegetable, can hardly move, it's summer and I wear as if it was winter, weight goes down and I'm already severely underweight, can't sleep, mind/though confusion mostly trying/during sleep, yeah pretty bad but nevertheless not interested in stopping using heroin at the moment, just waiting for the new batch coming hopefully soon.
 
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