METHOXETAMINE + SALVIA + MUSHROOMS -- GRAVEYARD SHIFT & A BOND FORGED BEYOND
My friends, I've been away and then some! For the past month and a half I had family staying over at my home unexpectedly due to illness in the family that resolved, but boy did it suck! My home is my castle but it was no longer. In my efforts to be as hospitable and accomodating as possible I ended up at the bottom of the monkey rock in my own house and this while I need my home to be my castle and be top dog in my dominion. Personal power dwindled by the day and there were so many days.
It was my own doing, I wanted to be as accomodating as possible in their time of need and trusted on them to curb their own behavior. This however led to scenes such as me waking up way too early, going downstairs and finding my 73yo father there, in his underpants, watching the discovery channel on a set cranked way too loud because of his hearing trouble who immediately unloaded a lively technical talk to me while I was struggling to wake up. Ya dad, I love you very much, do tell me all about that engine :lol:
The illness resolved and they left. What I was left with is that I felt taken down a couple notches and knocked out of my personal power. I felt drained but satisfied that I had helped them to smittereens.
I decided I was going to go on a journey, a BIG journey, to go look for myself and whatever is out there and reclaim my place as King of My Hill. It was going to be stress on stress but regaining personal power was more important than mental stress levels: I been through a lot, so I can take a lot.
I'm on disability, mentally and physically, and trust me, rightfully so. This gives me all time in the world and given that I want to explore the entheogenic shamanic/witchdoctor path, my psychedelic sessions often span several days in duration. Envy the free time I can devote if you must, but you won't envy what got me the free time in the first place and what little options are available to me, I've had and still live a very challenging life. Psychedelics are medicine for me, much much needed medicine.
The session ended up lasting six days, three days of methoxetamine, one day of methoxetamine, salvia and mushrooms and two days that had a session with mushrooms only in them. And on the seventh day he rested or rather, wrote this trip report.
I'm not going to recount it on the clock and the scales, just a birds eye view of the sequence of events. It's going to be LONG and WEIRD for most people, I hope you stick around for the duration.
My friends store my MXE for me because after a winter of using MXE daily I felt it would be good to bottleneck the usage pattern I think is best with what they think is best. We are all intuitive people, we believe God moves us to important things, so it works like a combination lock: if two people sense its a good idea I use MXE, open pops the vault and I get mine, this without having to worry that I'm motivated by addictive motivations. They'd notice and love me too much for that to happen. If I deluded myself, they'd see. So, I got my groceries and then dropped by to receive my MXE.
It started with a couple EPIC bad trips on MXE. I felt like I was under demonic attack and struggled hard with it. I felt a strong urge to stop dosing and return my MXE ration the other day. I remember that I lay in my bed, in black satin sheets, and felt that the black satin was the lining of my coffin and how it all was a demonic plot to steal my soul.
Baaad shit, not just "eek I feel awkward"
I realized returning the drug would be a copout and would accomplish the reverse of what I came for, restoring my personal power. So I gathered all the courage I had left, I prepared myself like a martial artist for the ultimate full contact fight and dosed up to face the demons head on.
I WAS GOING TO DO THIS, DEATH OR GLORY.
And that did it, it was enough. That courage dispelled all fear and doubt and I felt great with insights a plenty. I had been fighting *my own* demon, and that is to finally get serious and go change my life by losing weight, about 150 lbs of it. My higher self said: "You would have rather taken on a Demon than deal with your life problem, but now we are finally going to do this." I took my shirt off and let my higher self have use of my voicebox and arms.
It started petting my sizable belly and speaking to it, and to me, full of love and forgiveness. It told me repeatedly that
*touching my forehead* "We are going to change THIS"
*touching my lips* "so that we change what enters HERE"
*touching my belly* "so that we change what is HERE"
it sounded very reasonable to me and I was assured that if I truly listened to myself and my urges that it would not just be accomplished but it would also be EASY, like quitting smoking had been, as directed by my higher self after 20+ years of hard nicotine addiction.
I had leafed through a book regarding the
Voice Dialogue Technique and my higher self urged me to do it differently, to combine it with the
Animist worldview I experiment with as part of my spiritual path of entheogenic shamanism.
It told me to enter dialogues with my internal organs and lend them my brain and voicebox to enter dialogues with it, to ask and listen. It told me it wasnt required to believe it was happening in the real world, just to heed the messages given. It also explained to me that my obesity and almost every health complaint I ever had were caused by me not hearing or ignoring the signals from my body, that I had alienated far from my body and that this needs to restore. It told me that if I asked my body, it would lovingly reject the bad foods, the plus size portions, the excesses of sugar and fat and nutrient poverty of the very foods that caused me to become almost twice as heavy as I would have been if I had been in harmony.
That was something I wanted to do, and wonderful dialogues with organs, or symbolisations thereof, ensued, that lasted throughout the days.
My higher self created a spectacular conversion moment, like it had done when I quit smoking, and said that this could be my bus to a new life if I truly wanted to hop on it and stay on it, like I had with smoking.
"So.. want to come with me on that journey?"
"Yes. Yes, I will come with you."
Let's hope that that which happened with smoking will happen with food. I have been minding my intakes since and felt much better since.
After this episode my
Nkisi contacted me and asked me if I wanted to engage in the deepest dialoge we had so far in our 3 years of cooperation. It asked me to put a chair in front of it, to dose up and it would call me to sit in the chair, close my eyes and channel. And so it did.
It began telling me about or working relationship and exactly how it felt about me and my activities in loving but very strict honesty. It then told me about itself, its origins and nature. Then it went, one by one, methodically by all my relatives, friends and acquantances that visited my house and gave me full disclosure on whether they were Good People, on whether they meant me well, on whether he liked them and what I shold look out for in my dealings with them. Not all passed the test but my Nkisi said it would "tolerate them as long as they are not harming you"
Really, very revealing and eye opening, it said some things that really ring true. Symbolic or literal communication, the message appeared spot on. It asked me then for a nail, for me to drive a nail into its wood for the first time to seal our cooperation and his position as my Nkisi. I said I had intended to take a nail and have it gilded for the purpose. It told me no. I had in my possession an item my father had made when I was a young child, that held a rusty nail. It wanted me to, when the time came, extract that nail and use that one, as he put it, "struck by the father, nailed into my wood by the son, my owner". It said it really wanted my nail in it because it would increase its power to aid me and increase its rank among the Minkisi, "and I will wear it with pride". After that I put the chair away and fot seated again, tripping substantially.
As it all went on I asked at a certain point, still on methoxetamine, to be taken to the Spirit World.
My Nkisi got serious and asked me if I was willing to do what he called "the Graveyard Shift". I asked what it was and was told this:
Apparently, some souls of the dead, who have died by violent illness or violent attack, need to have their suffering witnessed by "someone pure of heart" (telling it like I was told) and that seeing them, even just a tiny glimpse of them in a fraction of a second, was enough to "set them free" to be reborn, and I was told "The ones you would set free would be born approximately in the coming week".
I was lovingly prepared for something truly awful and distasteful, this was clear. I felt an instinctive, mounting sense of ominousness. This was going to be a Big Thing and it was not going to be pretty. This was no lovy dovy newage middle earth legolas shit, this was actual souls stuck in the peril of their violent death.
I was told, "You don't have to do this. The number of Earths is neverendig and so the flow of the dead is neverending. There are mediums, shamans, spirit workers from all worlds who take on the Graveyard Shift in their trances and dreams so if you won't do it it will be fine, others will do it, but if you do, it would be truly magnificent and there will be Karmic reward." I told that I didnt want to do it for any reward but to set those souls free. I was given ample preparation and opportunity to bow out.
I was told that these souls did not see themselves in their perilous condition and that they couldnt see me, or reach me. (I'm omitting mentioning details here, on request) I was told I wouldnt get in psychologic problems for it, beyond doing something very unpleasant but good.
I was so filled with ominous feelings as I weighed that 30mg methoxetamine dose, it was supernaturally eerie. Like the kid from Sixth Sense, I was going to "see dead people", but this was no movie, this felt for real, and not just a few, I was told "if you do it you will free thousands this night, to be born mostly in the next week" and I understood that this was a metaphor that meant, very soon or very shortly ago, because out there spirits can move forward or backward in time.
I swallowed the dose. I was going to do this. My Nkisi told me that what I was going to do was "not unlike the work of a paramedic, except you'll do it for thousands and you release them from death onto life." My Nkisi also offered to talk about other things with me while in there to distract me and cheer me up a bit as "only witnessing it is enough, no need to get too deep in their suffering though some will get to you more than others."
And then.. it happened. I knew immediately what it was though I never consciously experienced it.
I went in Trance.
How to explain.. I was in a roaring MXE trip. This completely snuffed out on the spot and was replaced by another altered state of consciousness. One of lightheadedness and strange clarity. Know how your eyes either look close by, and the distance is a blur, or far away, and close by is a blur? Well somehow all ranges of depth were crystal clear at the same time and colors were super vivid. I did not know what to do with my eyes, I struggled to focus but everything was focussed at the same time, very awkward yet liberating.
I closed my eyes and It Came.
(details removed on request) Picture a dimly lit world of gray dust, fine ashes. It is stardust, the ashes of stars that everything we know is made of. It was constantly morphing to buildings, nature scenes and people (well souls/spirits) which rapidly showed a scene, then crumbled apart, dust to dust, to give rise to new people and the scenes surronding them. As I got deeper it lost its ashen structure but the people and scenes became photorealistic, going fast forward and freezing frame in spurts. That was how the Spirit World manifested, in my Trance.
I saw thousands of people writhing in agony, convulsing, vomiting, getting cancer, gangrene, drowning in a thick river of glistening slime, head exploding by a bullet, so much, so much. At one point I saw a large flock of laughing children of all races in all sorts of clothing styles run up a grassy hill. This moved me. "Are they.. all dead?" "They are." "Why are they laughing?" "They are running towards being born, you are setting them free, if they reach the top of the hill they will reincarnate." It went on and on.
"What do you see?" "Can't you see what I see?" "I cannot unless you invite me, but I see your responses." "I think it's over, I see cattle running.. no wait.. wait they are.. people crawling on all fours.. Oh yukk now they.." "Dead right?" "All of them." "I told you some would get to you more than others."
(again, there's stuff I'm not telling here, on request, as it would be too descriptive of what is out there. The Spirit World chooses to remain obscure, I'm amazed I'm let to write this and hope I get to put it online without it glitching into oblivion)
After a looong time, hours, suddenly two heavy steel doors closed over the scenes, they locked, turned to sand and normal methoxetamine like visuals returned.
"I can tell-" my Nkisi said "That your Graveyard Shift is over. That's relief if ever I saw it. Now, take 30mg more and we're going to throw you a little victory party for the great work you have done for so many tonight. I am very, VERY proud of you." "How many did I free?" "Approximately over six thousand and all will be born this week because you have set them free." "Wow." "You don't look overly exhausted." "I'm not, I knew I'd be setting them free." "Then you will probably be asked to do the Graveyard Shift more often. How do you feel about that?" "I'd be honored to do it, I would be making myself useful." "ASANTE! (substitute real name) DON'T EVER THINK YOU ARE NOT USEFUL! Precisely the one you are, just being in the world and doing nothing at all in itself would be useful. So, would you want to do it, with that out of the way?" "I would, yes." "Then that is how it will be. You can take this night as your birth as a shaman, or witchdoctor, or spirit worker. You truly did something magnificent and selfless this night. Now take that dosage and go deep!"
I did and indeed it was all very festive and educational. I was told that now I used Methoxetamine to go in Trance but thay, if I truly chose to, I could learn to go into a trance that is even deeper without any drug involvement, that I could learn to to that over time, but I had to want it as it was not for the faint of heart, especially for one who had been very afraid to go mad and stay there, like I had been. I decided that I really wanted that, I always gravitated to this path and now I was going to do it at last.
I went to bed, woke and had breakfast MXE. Many many wonderful and above all educational things happened that day, for instance I slipped into trance and discovered that no booster dose, oral, rectal, would penetrate the mindstate unless you explicitly let it in. I'd take sizable doses and they were without any effect, then I let it in and was super sensitive to very modest doses. This was something else than getting high. Trance really is an altered state beside the ones I knew and the thought it can be brought about without drugs is exciting as that would mean I could do work as need arises without having to set aside whole days for sessions. Trance has no tolerance, hangover, ascent or descent, you can slip in and out of it if you know how.
I want to learn!
In the evening, the final dose of MXE, it was an epic, cosmic explosion where I went deep into the realm and learned great things, and also the prophecy was repeated that apparently, within 3 months from now I probably will meet someone very special, like I reported on in the last trip report.
The next morning I woke early.
I decided to chew 5 Salvia leaves (about 0.75gr) to a pulp, keep this sludge wrapped around my tongue and in my cheeks for 10 min, then swallow. After that the experience came on and the spirit of Salvia introduced iself to me.
It showed itself in the guise of bright green snakes with a colorful diamond pattern on their backs, and as a vortex, the body of the snake, that wanted to suck me up and transport me places.
Salvia's spirit voice was somewhat childlike and hyper, yet it was wise and ancient. It started like this:
"Happy to see you again! You have grown stronger since last I saw you! Want to come with me? Come, come, I have much to show you!" "Take me with you but, not too wild. Don't scare me or I will leave you behind. We have to get reacquainted." "I won't scare you I promise, you are too important! Lets go!"
The vortex started coiling and it pulled and pulled on me but.. I stayed where I was. Salvia, in its enthusiasm to show me things, got frustrated.
"What is this! What IS this? I can't move you! Asante I am not being a jerk about your weight here but somehow I can't move you! It's not your weight, it's not your body I'm moving. It's not the child either.."
"The child?"
"There's a young child's soul clinging onto you, he loves you very much, it's quite adorable. Sometimes he whispers things in your ear which you then pick up on. It's an African boy, his name is Salim."
"My past life?"
"He is not your past life, he is a separate spirit who clings onto you because he loves you so much. The story of that past life, that was his past life, it's not yours. He whispered that in your ear. You don't have to worry one bit about him, he adds to your strength and does not hinder but benefit you. If you stray off the path of righteousness he may leave you prematurely, but he intends to stay until you die and then reincarnate together with you, maybe as friends or siblings, perhaps twins!"
"Aww that IS adorable."
"Some rare people can see him cling onto you, others sense it without realizing. It's a good thing, he won't draw your death nearer. He also won't hinder your movement because he always wants to go where you want to go, but that's the weird thing as I still can't move you. Can um.. Can I look inside you?" I gave that a good think and consented, Salvia slipped inside me. "Thank you so much for the trust. We do it this way because you address me as a spirit and so I will answer as a spirit would." "Just be careful, wild one!"
(I now omit a piece that is very personal. Salvia allegedly found what blocked me, very personal, and with my permission removed it. It was very moving)
"Yes! Yes! Now I can move you! Let's GO!" Salvia exclaimed and pulled me in the vortex and took me to a place in nature. The vortex was an elongation of the imagery of the surroundings, kind of like you expect a wormhole to be, and it was decorated with leafy branches of the salvia plant all the way around. From inside this foliage it took me to places in nature, including a very strange looking one.
"Ha! See this! Ho! This isn't even on Earth, Ha ha!"
"Is it far?"
"Nooo! Only about 800 lightyears! Come, I take you back!" It took me back and the effect faded.
I was deeply impressed by all of this and, still in Salvia, got behind the computer and wrote a trip report to you guys. It was beautiful, it was long. And when it was just ready in all its glory and I pressed Continue to post the topic.. Poof, it vanished without a trace. Gone. I pressed the usual buttons, nope, gone-gone.
My higher self butted in. "Asante (always real first name) its not the website or your computer glitching, this was me. You gave too much details of the Spirit World for public release, and the importance of this report was not for others, but for you yourself. Also, the whole story is not yet written. Can you forgive me?" "ugh, you, always!" "Then now grab your phone and go tell your story to your friend who also is on the shamanic path. Visit her. Some things must be told in person, especially to the right person."
I called, she picked up immediately. I could come right away, it was as if she had been expecting me."
Combination lock.
I told my story to her and it was very impressive to her, we talked further about it. My higher self urged me to discuss with her me taking a 100mg MXE supplement home with me. I brought it up, she felt it justified.
At home I discovered it was 120mg and proceeded to use it.
and BAM! On the first 30mg I didnt just get high, I slipped into a trance just as deep as the night before on a mountain of drugs. I was being prepared for an experience of great importance and of an intensity that trumped any drug experience I had had. On the final MXE dose, it was going to happen.
And oh boy it did. Trance merged with MXE, both deepened. Bright undulating golden light, like the heart of the sun, undulated behgind my closed eyelids. I was fully taken by the massive experience. Perhaps it was being within the sun itself, it felt like it could be. And at the summit of the most powerful experience ever, that I had to muster all my strength and courage for, I received the crucial insight:
"Everything is exactly right the way it is."
So simple, yet so all important, not just for anyone but for particularly me in the coming time.
I came down mostly and then I got invited to take some shrooms, and in fact a bit more than I had taken for a long while.
"The time has come to get reacquainted with the Mushroom, and to do this together with the spirits of Methoxetamine and of Salvia. It will be a great challenge but there will be a great reward."
Shrooms lately tended to give me very bad physical trips, which mostly frightened me away from it. Now having taken up the practice of animist voice dialogue and having had such a powerful experience, I felt it was time to again take on my fear.
I dosed, I got high. I got OMG High! The rock-solidness of MXE joined with the endless patterning and warping of Mushrooms and snakes of Salvia coiled all through it as I was in communication with the group of spirits.
I got crushing pain in my heart. I got scared, very scared. A panic attack. I was SO HIGH and my heart hurt BAD.
I asked the drug spirits to please ease off a bit. They did. I asked my heart if this was a physical emergency. It said it wasnt, that it simply was hurting so bad from all the times that I ignored the messages from my body and that it was so afraid that I'd do that again now. I promised I wouldnt. The pain went away. I reassured my fear until I was calm while tripping balls on three potent entheogens.
I went back in bed. And there humm.. wow. yeah. Well I got hornier than I ever had been in my life and I put that into action several times, with a vigor as if I wasnt 41 but 14 again. That subsided and important dialoguing resumed. I took one more dose of mushrooms. Again fear, again pain, but less so and easier subdued.
But now, I was filled with the spirits of the Mushroom, of Salvia and MXE, and it was at this point that my Nkisi asked me, very clearly, if I would drive my nail into its wood and with it seal our bond and working relationship. I knew - It Was Time.
I was filled with the importance of the moment. I retrieved the rusty nail from what my father had made when I was just a little kid. I got the hammer. I stood before my Nkisi. It permitted me to touch it. According to Congolese tradition, Minkisi are not to be touched except by a worker of magic. I was permitted. I took it to my kitchen, placed it on the counter. I was alight with power. I took the nail, the hammer, in a stern but loving voice I pointed my Nkisi to its duties when working with me, and doing this, I hammered in the nail, and with it, made it so.
I put the Nkisi back and calmed down from the strange frenzy. I had mixed feelings about having spiked my Nkisi, a magical Bakongo artifact older than I am. It thanked me profusely. It told me that I had not damaged it, that I had not stuck a nail in it but had added to it, it now was greater and more powerful and by tradition, after about three years finaly truly mine and truly set to the task of protecting me, mine, and my interests.
I realized it was right. I did not buy an impressive, beautiful African antique, I deliberately obtained a spirit-filled magical artefact for the express purpose of using it for my work. So my nail, it belonged in there and now was part of the Nkisi, not separate.
The profundity sunk in ad I got sleepy.
I went to bed blissed and slept a full nights sleep.
The other morning I woke and decided to take a tiny bit of Mushroom for breakfast. This, my Higher Self assured me, would help me get ready for the main event of that day: there was a big party that I wished to attend. For someone with intense social anxiety, that's no laughing matter.
The Mushroom did what it should. No pain or fear but instead I was placed firmly into my personal power and was made ready in just the right way for the event. Salvia and MXE, their spirits stuck around without me taking any of tem that day.
The party was amazing ^_^ There was no social anxiety, none whatsoever, it was incredible. Apparently I had a radiant aura because people I never knew and some I know vaguely long ago came at me and interestingly enough, I could see so clearly that they all gave me pieces of the puzzle of my life and I gave them pieces of the puzzle of their lives that they needed. It was not just a party, recreational, good things happened there, spiritual ones that went beyond having fun.
My higher self encouraged me to enjoy not one but five beers. I hadn't been able to take that many in years, my heart would skip beats and cast me into anxiety. But I recognized it wasnt me being unable to take alcohol, it was my heart seizing the opportunity to confront me with ignoring the signals of my body. Now it was done in good communication and nothing but good things resulted.
After the party I went to bed and took just one tiny bit of shrooms in the morning, this, my higher self insisted, to let all things in my mind of the past 6 days fall into place in my mind, basically to "stitch me back up after the surgery".
And that's how it was. 6 days of epic Entheogenic Travelling and High Adventure. I did good, I learned, I grew, I overcame, I challenged my fears over and over and over and came out a stronger man, I feel, than I have been before in life.
God Bless, or may the Universe smile upon you, and thank you so very much for reading one of the longest trip reports I ever wrote.
Namaste!
It was really fucking intense, closest I've come to freaking out for a while. I'm just glad it became so pleasant when I laid down. It was a really weird trip though. Anyone else find it weird that with MXE everyone seems to have the same trip when you do it together? It's like the trip is happening externally and everyone just plugged into it by taking MXE.
