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  • EADD Moderators: axe battler | Pissed_and_messed

Tell a shit joke

A jelly baby and a polo are mates, but the jelly baby won't go clubbing because he's scared:

JB: I'm all soft and squidgy, I'm scared because I wouldn't know what to do if things start getting aggy:

Polo: Don't worry about it, man, I'm hard, I'll protect you"

So they agree to go out. They're dancing, having a good time.... Then, up walks towards them a locket. The polo scarpers, leaving the jelly baby to be pounded to a pulp. When they get outside:

JB: What happened there man, I thought you were supposed to protect me?

Polo: Aye, I might be hard, but he was menthol.
 
What have Michael Jackson and Santa Got in common?





They both enter your room at night and empty there sack!
 
2 paedos at the beach, one turns to the other and says "excuse me, you are in my sun"
 
What is brown & sticky?

NSFW:
A stick


How's that for a shit joke eh :D
 
What do you call a man with no arms or legs at your front door?

Matt

Same guy hanging on your wall

Art
 
did you hear about the man who had the whole left side of his body chopped off?


hes alright now...
 
One day at university, a lecturer falls in the campus lake. Two rugby players drag him to the edge and someone rushes through the crowd, shouting "Let me through! I'm a third-year medical student!" The medic kneels down alongside the lecturer, checks for a pulse, and then begins CPR. As he pounds on the lecturer's chest, water fountains up from his mouth, and someone in the crowd says "You're doing that wrong!" The med student bristles a little but is not deterred, and again compresses the lecturer's chest. Again up comes a spurt of water from the man's mouth, and again comes the voice from the crowd, "You're doing that wrong!"

After several repetitions of chest compression, water fountaining and "You're doing that wrong!", the medical student turns to his harasser, gives her a withering look, and says, "I am a third-year medical student at this university. I am fully familiar with basic first aid including CPR. Who are you, and what do you think I am doing wrong?"

The young woman in the crowd says, "Well, I'm just a first-year physics student, but I can see that if you don't move his bum clear of the water, you're just going to drain the lake!"
 
fuckin lol. i now need to read entire thead and find out if the only joke i know has been posted
 
2 packet of crisps walking down the road

a man stops and says would you like a lift

"no thanks" they replied... "we're walkers"
 
Lol god right here's mine even tho posted it in the other thread ages ago.

There's this little lad called James. As a kid he was obsessed with tractors, had his room decorated with posters, wallpaper, bedspread, toys, the lot. His love never really went away so when he was older, his parents thought it'd be a good idea to take him to a farm to actually drive one for his birthday. Obviously he was stupidly excited weeks beforehand, and when the day finally came, he took to it like a natural, biggest grin on his face ever. Until he turned to wave to his parents and veered into a ditch. The weight of the tractor badly broke his legs and James spent an age recovering, slowly losing his love for tractors until he was completely rid of all traces. Cut to a few years later, he's in his late teens out at a bar getting on really well with this girl. Only problem is, she couldn't stand the smoke in the bar. Not wanting to lose his chance, James stood up, took a deep breath, inhaled all the smoke in the room, walked to the door, and blew it outside.

'How the hell did you do that?' asked his prospective lass.

'I'm an ex-tractor fan' he replied.
 
disgusting but had to done-....... How do you know your sister is on?







Your dads dick tastes funny
 
How do you know when your girlfriend is too young?






Because you have to make airplane noises to get your dick in her mouth!
 
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