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Synchronicity

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^ my point precisely. especially when the connections are so tenuous.

alasdair
 
My idea of synchrinocity isn't really numbers and things like that but more when things happen in your life to correlate with and influence other things.

Like, two years ago I got into my first physical benzo withdrawal, I was in delirium and shaking, etc. and both my dad and my landord showed up at the same time, who didn't use to be there, and gave me a really hard time even though I should have been hosptalised.

After that, there were a lot of meaningful synchronities that went on for a really long time. I took it to mean I couldn't go on with the life I was living or it would get worse, and it did get worse.
 
^I'm not sure that is synchronicity (dad + landlord thing) as much as actually coinciding unconnected events. Its the after-the-fact colouring in that makes these events seem more profound then they may be.

Nin said:
...and it did get worse.
Click to expand...

...but did it then get better? You seem to be doing well these days :) <3 I hope you are. :)
 
willow11 said:
I think that 'true' synchronicity would be that which arises without being sought...?
Click to expand...

I think most look for meaning in their lives. If you think that I'm seeking to force something with these experiences, or that I'm forcing it, then you don't get it. I experience them, and remember certain things, and go over them later, often. Although, you don't ever seem to get it, and neither does alasdair. He can't even seem to process why me with my history with 23 might say "hmm" when the only fire engine I saw had this number after I read basically "fire engine" of him. That I hadn't seen any other fire engines in awhile. That it came in certain timing, and also with certain thought.

You/many seem to lack a certain way of thinking, or something. I don't know, but it is as if something is missing. I don't know. You (or alasdair in his way, or some others) don't process it.

Ninae, its not always numbers with me, either, that I know of. And numbers themselves can be other symbols perhaps.
 
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I didn't seek out being hit by benzo withdrawal, my dad, and my landlord at the same time.
 
i get it. i process it. i understand it.

i just disagree with it.

pretty straightforward.

alasdair
 
Considering your examples that you often write in referencing mine, no, its obvious you don't get it.

As said, the reason may be my fault in part. Maybe I'm not communicating as best as I can. Another is that what is missing is first hand experience-- It is difficult revealing the whole that I am, the background.

You "disagree". You don't have enough information. That you feel like you have to get a word in on everyone's personal experiences... I don't know, but frankly it seems arrogant that you think you're even qualified. Even if I was in your shoes, having said the bit about fire-truck and a guy-me or you said guess what number was on the fire-truck I saw (say 23)? ...If that happene I would think it would be enough to say "hmm. Ha.". But you, as always, refuse anything that might work against your agenda. Everything with you is an argument, or you have some choice word or phrase to add to things. Hammer nail. Mundane... What else...
 
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Wow. Just wow. What an insight the dopees of bluelight have provided me with. Diagnosing me with mental disorders again. Assuming my recall is false. Yes. Its obvious that's the reason. I'm 32 with an IQ of 125-130, and have better memory than most. I remember my credit card numbers, social security, etc. I don't have fucking dementia.
 
So you are able to recall all your personal #s but cant remember your own IQ score? 5pts is a pretty significant spread...
 
IQ fluctuates. It can change through the day, and through life. Testing accurately is difficult, and controversial, what it is good for. I've had scores ranging from 115-145. I'm looking toward the average. Once again, someone who is obviously not qualified to make any judgments is using his mouth... Or hands. Ya see what I deal with. Buncha fucking professionals I tell you.
 
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And yes. Haha. It must be frontal lobe damage. There are just massive amounts of football and 'futbol' players claiming to see numbers and synchronicity.

Wait-- What? You're tempted to? Golly-gee. How about that?

Let's be fair. I did play soccer from age 9 or so to 19. I headed the ball multiple times, which probably killed some brain cells-- in fact it is a concern over soccer/football. I was also kicked in the head a couple of times. I had two surgeries where my head was cut into behind the ear to remove a tumor, which was in the mastoid. Then I received radiation. On my head.

Anyways, through life I've sustained some damage. But I highly doubt that you could diaganose me with anything over the internet. Even if you were a doctor, you would if you were any good, know that you needed to make a good assessment, and even doctors only call things certain things as part of the diagnostic to treat them. I don't need treatment. What I need are non-assholes in my life, and open minded people. Often times those who would actually be qualified to make such an assessment as you suggest are some of those more open minded people. IME. Plenty of highly educated people experience synchronicity. There's a Jungian psychologist dude in the other forum that I post on, who has written books on the subject. And others. High functioning people, many of them. But here, bluelight is a place where we can speak of astral projection with a straight face, but subjects like this? Go see a psychiatrist you brain damaged, demented person. Your perception is all wrong.
 
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I never suggested you were a brain damaged, demented person. The fact you had a tumor removed from your brain might however help to explain some of the intense feelings of oneness, or sychronicity, you have experienced. Brain surgery to remove a tumor certainly qualifies as brain damage, the brain scan suggestion was simply that, a suggestion. Maybe it might help to shed some light on these experiences you are having.

No one is diminishing you personally so dont take insult where there is none. You are obviously an intelligent kid looking for answers, I would encourage you to continue to do so.
 
It wasn't in my brain. And I'm actually not one of those "all is one" types, even if I am. I mean I don't really see another way. According to the most popular model(s), we all began as one. And in order to witness things, I think that they need to be in accord with and within the same system as me. They are part of the same.

But I'm also really divided... And as those in CE&P know, a racist. I desire for Africa not to flood into Europe. I don't consider the populations-- the natural populations to be equal at all points.

I do feel a certain oneness, but also as if I'm piloting this body. That I am just kind of a tenant, or that this is simulated, sort of.

Perhaps oneness and separation can exist simultaneously. My ex and I broke up... I wanted to have a race realist conversation with her, and she like any liberal leftist and social justice warrior automatically assumed I was being hateful, and a white supremacist (what else can a white guy with questions about race and family groups be?). An argument occurred where she then claimed Blacks were more evolved than Whites. I hated where it had gone, as I simply wanted an honest discussion, like the kind why African Americans get 230 points credit for SAT scores on admissions to schools where East Asians get docked 50 points, is answered, or discussed openly. Why they commit more crime, disproportionate. But no. Avoid. Suppress. Run away. Its too darn uncomfortable.

Anyways, I was stung by a bee that Friday, before (argument was Saturday) while building a fence at a defense training facility. I'm hypersensitive to bee venom, which means my body's defenses went hyper and I had a big reaction to a foreign presence. The next day I was to build her fence at her house. My arm was super swollen and my heart was beating funny. That night I talked about race. For the first time. The diversity of humans exists because of natural boundaries. We broke up around race, fences, defences. That argument. To me it all fits together. It fits that I brought a movie when I first met her, where the guy wears a mask, and falls in love with a girl who mimes and wears masks. And at her the initials of first names of girls I had been with, with her, was MASK. I didn't know it then. And when I did know it later-after, it resonated with my facial pain that I had experienced for years, and other things. ...That I later found was symptoms of hypersensitivities to food, mainly milk at the time (defenses). And the girls resonated with my mom/whatever my mom resonates with (milk), with me.

But, oneness, the concept, needs separation. True diversity needs separation.

We build fences to keep things out/in. Masks keep things out/in. Also act as disguise. Or to evoke fear.

...Then it is synchronicity to me that we broke up right around labor day... It perhaps being the first day apart. From mother, as they resonate (perhaps, yes). And I had sex with someone that night- first person with in over a year, besides the ex, and she started her period, bleeding on me.

Labor day. Mother. Period/reproduction.

Speaking of memory, we began to see each other on memorial day weekend, the previous year, my ex and I. The next that I'd meet in person that I'd fall for after her has a birthday of May 30th (labor day-ish-- I may have met her--My ex on her birthday), and also had certain resonance for me with mother..

And those as MASK, those were all who I had relationships with and considered marriage to. The first one's birthday is July 2nd (K), and the last ones is July 1st (M). I've considered this--Wondered. One night say nothing. But at least I'm going to open and say at best, I don't know, but it interests me, and it among other things I still look at.

This isn't all information, that may pertain to synchronicity.

Ahh... The ex. I guess I can add this without branching too far. When I went to see her the final time to try to just talk (she always avoided anything difficult-- I wanted to fix things/try to work through... She wanted to talk about it "later" which never came), she wouldn't talk. She made excuses. Her excuse that she couldn't talk was that she needed to go give keys (lock, and unlock, boundaries/limitation) to her dad.

What I had when I was younger was a cholesteatoma, and the operation was a modified wall down mastoidectomy, I think. The disease set itself up in spongy architecture that exists in the mastoid (behind ear) bone, so that part of that bone needed to be removed, along with the ear drum, much of the canal, and two out of three of the bones. Later on I had things reconstructed. It was very close to the brain, but wasn't in the brain. The radiation I've wondered if it could have effected the temporal lobe or something, but it was a very controlled dose(s). Even still, I've seen how injury/illness ties in, and to me having radiation effect me in some way, or other trauma, wouldn't invalidate my experience.
 
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But I'm also really divided... And as those in CE&P know, a racist. I desire for Africa not to flood into Europe. I don't consider the populations-- the natural populations to be equal at all points.
Click to expand...

Okay...
You're a self-declared racist, now, too?
Or, was that a joke?

...

Re: all the synchronicity stuff you've been going on about... You clearly don't realize / can't admit that you have an altered perspective of reality. Just so you know, you come across like an atypical toothless lunatic pushing a shopping mall around a train station parking lot. Your long rambling posts about your past littered with numerological conspiracies, that you justify posting publicly by (either consciously or sub-consciously) framing them with "magic" are about as interesting as a morbidly drunk person who doesn't watch the news discussing international politics...

You come across as though you are experiencing some form of psychosis, honestly.
That is not an attack. I've been there. I've experienced what you're experiencing.
I urge you to consider this and consider seeking help, before it gets out of hand.

On a another note:
You need to get over that chick that you're going on and on about.
It's really sad... and bordering on creepy (elements of internet stalking).

...

I suspect - unfortunately - that there's no point saying any of this to you.
For your sake, though, I hope that a part of you hears me... and this resonates.

You've got close to a dozen people, in this thread alone, concerned about your mental health.
Maybe that's a sign that something is wrong?

(It's funny with all your pattern recognition abilities that you, seemingly, can't recognize the pattern in this thread.
Either that, or you chose not to see this one... and, instead, chose to see others.)

If you're taking drugs, I urge you to stop for a while.
Just stop and see what happens.

-FEA
 
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Honestly... You're going to tell me what is real? Really? Since when was that figured out?

You can't even prove to me that you are conscious. I can't prove to you that I am.

My pouring over details of my past, my love life, I understand how it can sound. Even I have trouble with it-- The desire I have for some. Desire. My telling/admitting is, or can be embarrassing. To post a picture, to show a picture of a crush/love and say, unabashed, "I'm in love with this girl/these girls/I have a crush and I don't care what anyone thinks", with a smile. To admit that I am weak. You think I should follow the insecure thoughts. The ones that say "well- wow, I'm just crazy", or "I'm just obsessed", for having these thoughts, considerations... Attention paid.
I can see how my speaking of these females, my desire, can make one squeamish, or embarrassed for me. I understand.

I still face many things like they are problems to be solved, or puzzles. Something to figure out. A way to connect/place myself, obviously I would factor in what I... Pay attention to. What has captured that attention. I ask why. I use examples. I cross reference... Yada. Trying to find my path, or where I want to go. Trying to learn.

As for drug use, I don't use many drugs. I use marijuana, mainly. Very occasionally-- it has been a long time-- I use psychedelics. I have long periods of sobriety, and I enjoy them. I've considered the states of consciousness in sobriety to be interesting on their own. I love to dream (and the recall of them is better without drugs like marijuana). Multiple people on this forum over the years have accused me, numerous times, while I have been sober for many months, of being on a meth binge. May be the often high/fluctuating dopamine and other neurotransmitters, due to COMT, MAOA, VDR, and perhaps the involvement of other mutations, which may cause elevated levels, and sometimes drops. But it is my dragon to ride. It has advantages.

Please, don't tell me you care. Please. It is bullshit. We are all totally selfish, and you have nothing invested in me to care. You're only stroking yourself/others here. I may have issues, but they are deeper than you know, or that your words show respect/consideration for.
 
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