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  • AADD Moderators: swilow | Vagabond696

Speed – My journey to the dark side...

Thanks again guys.

Runner, your advice has been fantastic dude, actually it's been a godsend, thank you somuch :) I've managed to control one part of my problems - I can control the attacks now, like when my body says it can't get enough air I can handle it, keep breathing normally and keep it under control.

The thing that bothers me now is this cloudy feel in my head that just can't get rid of. It just feels like now these anxiety attacks can't happen because I can control them, but i get this pressure in the base of my head and I feel down. The strange thing is I'm generally a very happy go lucky person but ever since this happened a few weeks ago I've become quite the opposite. To put it bluntly, my brain just feels fried. I get this dry feeling in my head while it's all going on too. I talk myself through it though I do get the odd irrational thought pattern that comes through which just isn't me, and as I said it kind of brings me down. Sometimes it feels like I'm losing myself in it all, but then I snap myself back to myself. My mouth goes all dry when it hapens and my legs kind of tense up a bit too as well as my arms... to be honest it's like my body just likes reliving my hospital experience.

Did you go through this at all too? Is this a part of the anxiety too, that will go away with time?

Perhaps it wasn't the best time to quit smoking but I did today as well, I guess that will make me feel extra anxious for a few days but I swear the nicotine was making things worse...

All I can do at the moment is take it day by day, I just want to go to bed every night hoping that tomorrow will be better.
 
I just thought I'd add I tried St Johns Wort to see if I could releive the anxiety but it made me feel very weird. I was all clammy and my heart was beating not faster but noticibly the whole time after I had it until I felt asleep.

Basicially the feeling was like I had a pill and it was coming on, but it never did lol. I was feeling really clammy and weird for a few hours and eventually passed out and went to sleep and haven't really been game enough to use it again :(
 
Bump

Update for you guys... This morning was the first morning that I woke up and my head felt "clear". I actually am starting to somewhat feel normal today, which is bizarre becuse last night I went to bed, fell asleep and woke up at least 7 different times while having an "in sleep" anxiety attack. These in sleep attacks are new, they've really only started this week. It's almost like my anxiety knows it can't beat me while I'm awake as I can control the attacks so now it's getting me in my sleep! hahaha. But the strangest thing is that today my head feels somewhat clear for the first time since January 4th. I am still getting the chest tightness and there is the odd "pressure" feeling inside my head but thank goodness at the moment there seems to be no irrational or cloudy thoughts to come with the package, which is what has really been bringing me down.

I'm tired as all fuck from waking up so often last night, I have a slightly dry mouth and I have no appetite (I've not really had one for weeks now) but I'm genuinely excited today. Could this be the beginning of the end of my journey through meth's dark side? Maybe I'm speaking too soon. Maybe tomorrow I'll wake up and feel as bad as I did yesterday. Maybe, Maybe. Who knows, but I've finally found some hope of an end to this episode and I'm grabbing on to it for all it's worth.

I've avoided the diazepam and xanax so far, I've quit smoking and caffiene and have really been looking after my body since this all happened. I just have my fingers crossed that this is the light at the end of a dark, dark tunnel that I've been looking for all month.

*fingers crossed*

s77
 
Thanks for the update spoon_77, it sounds really positive! You sound very resolved to stick with it, good luck.

BigTrancer :)
 
ive suffered for the same thing now for aprox 8 months paranioa anxiety deppresion dizzyness . ive been a long time base user for approx 7 years untill not 8 months ago i over did it and now suffer from the above symptons (scuse my spelling) ...ive been to shrinks im on celapram (anti depressant ) and im now devloping a social phobia at times the best thing i could acheive was locking my self in my room and ignoring life as it passed by not good for me or my wife ..... things are a little better now after celapram but i not any thing like i used to be ............ hope fully one day it will go away but for now it looks like its here to stay only advice i can offer to pplz is be carefull when taking base is dont over do it because when you go to far it takes along time to come bak!!!!!:X :( :|
 
spoon_77: glad to be of help. I am glad you are getting a handle on things. From what you describe in your last post, you are definitelly over the hill and now its gonna be real easy. Trust me I know.

In terms of mood etc. concentrate on things that generally make you happy- is it doing something nice with your partner, is it catching up with good friends, playing your favourite computer game, seing an awesome movie or just getting pissed? - here is a good one - nothing BETTER than getting pissed (not totally sloshed - just tipsy) with a few mates to get rid of paranoia and anxiety whether psyco somatic or physical (more on this in a sec).

Sometimes it feels like I'm losing myself in it all, but then I snap myself back to myself.
Click to expand...

That's called "loss of identity" if what you describe menifests itself in a wierd concious split second dissociative feeling. Again, a text book symptom of anxiety. This WILL definitelly go away and I wouldn't think it will happen much more.

Ok, I now have to revisit unfortunatelly the time when I was smoking a lot of pure meth, and not really stopping until the weekend was over, and then getting back on next weekend. My symptoms began exactly as spoon_77's, but progressed into this anxiety attacks that got triggered by anything that gave me even a mild stimulus such as watching an exciting movie. I would start feeling really uncomfortable, sorta freaking out, beathing issues would instil and I kind of began to lose myself in a very scarry way. Now I would get this sorta symptoms when smoking meth at that stage too, but the goodness of meth would override EVERYTHING so I didn't care. So basically, a tiny surge of dopamine would cause this shit! Is this thre result of damaged dopamine system as I've read on here once? NO, because I am just fine now! (and normally would have smoko right now, but promised my girlfriend we are having a quiet one this weekend - amazing how strong one's will power can be trained :) YES it was the result of meth abuse and perhaps linked to the dopamine reward system, but again I learned to beat it by just chilling breathing normally, using rational thought approach and drinking cold water.

Now, if you experience this - drink water and follow advice already given and KNOW it WILL go away VERY SOON. If you don't experience this, mild stimuli that normally make you happy are a perfect solution for a mood lift. And again, nothing relaxes you better than a little alcohol with friends over a conversation to take your mind off anything.

Another advice: I am glad you haven't got on xanax etc. There is nothing wrong with it, but in your case, I would sorta see is it as a cop out since I've managed to destroy your issues in myself. HOWEVER, if you have a big day ahead of you, or you are really tired and want to get good sleep but know you can't, there is NOTHING wrong with taking sleeping aid. You don't have to start popping addictive benzos. Over the counter Doxylamine Succinate under brand names Restavit (coined Rest a Bit) and Dozile (this one is more expensive but comes in capsules that dissolve faster and knock you out more efficiently) works wonders. It effects you for 12 hours so you won't be waking up in the middle of the night. With a little (little not to get a hang over) alcohol, its even more effective. 1 - 2 tablets half hour before sleep. Don't make a habbit of it, but use it when you need to.

trippy_79: i honestly don't know if staying on antidepressants is that great of an idea even though i am not a doctor. If you have trully damaged your dopamine reward system, you need to be really sure of it which I am very much not. You need to try everything possible.... hell I thought I did when anything remotelly exciting would just cause a panic attack in me!!! But I ate that issue alive and now I am fine... and still use meth recreationally but on fairly regular basis - every one or two weekens.

On the issue of this base that spoon and trippy seemed to have taken - lets think what base really is? Freebase is an oil not soluable in water that is usually pure and more POTENT since per amount of FREEBASE, there is more actual meth in it then per the same amount of meth SALT such as ice since meth SALT is meth with HCL molecule attached and FREEBASE is just meth. NOW, in my extensive experience with meth, I have NEVER EVER come across meth that didn't dissolve in water and I've seen meth of all kinds. Is what you have taken REALLY FREEBASE? OR is BASE in your neck of the woods just uncut meth?
 
Okay dude Im hearing u loud n clear... When I read this it rang GIANT CHURCH BELLS...

A while ago in October I had a big weekend.

I was at home and had just bought a G of some quality Whizz I get. I broke it up for some mates. and I had double Cherries as well. Good MDA/MDMA ones.

Okay...

Friday:
Left overs on the breaking plate, licked it up, and licked the bag for the hidden treasures. Arrived at destination at 5pmish. Later, 4 Smirnoff blacks in .5 of n hour, some coke, dunked a pill and went out, had 3 bourban an cokes. got back at 4 slept.

Sat Afternoon: Drove back home again, had a kip. Went out to town after 3-4 hr kip. Dropped pill, and 1 point of whizz... Good night.

Sun Morn: Drove home and then off on journey back to destination and had 2 points. Buzzed like a MOFO all day well into the next nite...

Felt different for like 6-8 days after that....

SpecTBK=D
 
I dont mean to flame you TBK, but i think the other guys are saying that they had it one night and it took ages (months) for them to recover.

Not they had it over three consecutive night and it took 6 day to recover.
 
Hahahaha... I wish it was six days, next week it will be 6 weeks :(

It is slowly getting better though. I had a big improvement over a few days a few weeks back after I'd quit smoking and started new vitamins, they made a big difference and I was feeling much better.

I don't let myself think I am going to hyperventilate anymore, and the pressure feeling in my head is few and far between. I don't get the cloudy feeling inside my head anymore either, and the thoughts that I couldn't control are few and far between too. However, I still get the tight feeling across my chest on a daily basis, and I do get the odd "mini" anxiety attack where I just get a really big hot/cold flush, the muscles in my calves and forearms get all tingly and I lose my appetite completely (not good when you're out for dinner hahaha), and they last for about 30 minutes at a time.

I'm just hoping that the remaining effects gradually reduce over the next few weeks/months, I've completely detoxed myself in order to give my body the best chance of recovering as fast as possible.

Just a few weeks ago, anything that excited me made me anxious: i.e. listening to a good tune, watching a good movie etc. I can now enjoy those things no problem.

Taking Runner's advice I've come to really learn that anxiety (mind the pun) is all in your mind, and it can be controlled with a combination of looking after yourself and a strong will. You have to focus, look after yourself, eat well and treat your body with respect in order to give it the chance to recuperate.

I'm not out of the hole yet, but I believe that I'm well on my way. I'm being patient, hopefully a few more months of self control and self respect and I'll be back to the way I was prior to this incident - or at least as close as possible :)
 
six weeks woldf be nice im now going on bout 4 months ... the hole is deep and im bout half way out of it like spoon77 says control and belief that its all in your head (well at least i hope so) ive come along way and got a long way to go if i knew then what i knew now welll..........you know how it goes
 
also runner2 to be honest i cant even rember what it was exactely that time when overd did it bit of ice bit of base come to think of it prob almost evry from of methamphetmine
 
i never thought it will ever go away and stuck with it for life, for me its been like 5 months, it hasnt gone away yet, but it has gone away a very tiny bit. at least now i have faith it will go but i dont know when maybe another 6 months or maybe a yr, who knows. i just wished doctors knew about this cause and try to resolve the situation. other than that i been eating healthy, not taking any illegal substances nor any anxiety anti deppresents which was prescribed for me, cause i hear in the long run they are not good for you. i will keep updating this thread in future if i come accross any good info to help ease our anxiety symptons
 
The thing that I've learned from doing lots of reading is that you have to break the cycle. The anxiety attacks, if you can call them that, are nothing compared to what I use to get. In fact, they're almost completely different. I don't know whether that's because they've evolved in some sense, they've calmed right down or because I've learned to live with them? Who knows really. All that matters is I feel better, like I'm on my way back to the way things were and that I have the belief that I can beat this whether it takes another month or another year.

The biggest thing is learning how to stop triggering your own anxiety attacks - i.e. feeling a tightness in your chest and then thinking here comes an attack, then whatever other symptoms you experience start to come on because that's what your mind "believes" should happen. The hard part is ignoring it all, forcing your mind into thinking that nothing is happening, what you are experiencing now is just some fucked up brain glitch anyway and is nothing physical and that your brain should make these silly symptoms go away. I haven't got that downpat yet, but it takes lots and lots of practise to get it right, and I think it can be done. I'm coming to realise the true power of belief and the mind in healing, and it is amazing.

I've tried using herbal help (because as I've said earlier in this thread I refuse to use any perscriptions - I don't think my case is bad enough to need them), but it just doesn't work for me. I tried one of those herbal anti stress pills (valerian/passionflower etc) and that didn't really make me feel any different - but damn did I have a comedown off it. My anxiety kicked up and I started feeling distant from myself again, something I hadn't felt in weeks. Needless to say I haven't taken it again, I seem to be getting on fine the way I'm going.

It's a hard slug, especially when you consider that it was self induced. You can't sit there and feel sorry for yourself, or hate yourself for that matter because you did it. That's life for you, you have to take the punches as they roll, keep your chin up and keep on moving forward - otherwise you'll get trapped in a viscious cycle that becomes harder and harder to break out of the longer you are in it.
 
If you smoke dope smoke until your nauseous go lay down turn your head to the side(left side) and sleep and detox some thing with protine and its the orange juice that makes you feel like crap remember it is acid drink water or flat lemonade to ease your belly and replentish your sugars Good Luck
 
spoon_77: glad to see you making a recovery. Here is something else to help you - BELIEVE ME - I KNOW - I am living proof that what you are experiencing WILL go away. And how fast it goes away is only dependant on how much you beleive in what you KNOW.

Budhism is based on the fact that one can not have COMPLETE faith unless their mind is 100% convinced that it is logical and it "makes sense". This is unlike Christianity for example that teaches to have blind faith. ie. The reason one can never walk on water like Jesus is because one does not have 100% faith even if its 99.9999999%. But a Budhist would say "of course not" because one would have trouble convincing themselves that its remotelly possible.

BUT, who is to say that if you were *100%* utterly convinced that you can walk on water, you wouln't?

The moral? Once you KNOW you are fine and there is NOT a doubt in your mind - you WILL be fine. This of course is a lot easier to convince yourself when presented with my knowledge and common logic than the fact you can walk on water.

I am in the process of working on an exciting business idea, and it sends shivers down my spine every time I think how brilliant it is. During my dark times, such stimuli could have easily triggered an enxiety attack. But hey, I am 100% recovered :)
 
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