• LAVA Moderator: Mysterier

Spanking/smacking children

nephron said:
Fear never worked on me as a method of control. Pain never worked on me. What did work was understanding *why* the rules were there.

yeah good idea, when i have a kid.. i'll just let him/her stick a paper clip or whathaveyou in an electrical socket. They'll "understand" real quick why they're not allowed to do that.

People are right.. spanking is wrong. Waiving a gun around should get the same point across.
 
FunkyAlfonzo said:
All this rewarding kids for doing what they should be doing anyway is bullshit too . You think in the real world you're going to get a treat for being in work on time? No, you're going to not get fired....

Reward systems aren't a bad idea, in application to raising kids or in the work place, but they should be coupled with consistent punishment systems too i find. Understanding does come into play as well. I think relying merely on punishment (consistent or not), rewards, or understanding.. you're asking for trouble. I believe all should be applied.
 
I think relying merely on punishment (consistent or not), rewards, or understanding.. you're asking for trouble. I believe all should be applied.
can't argue with that.
 
i think it's fine. often enough i'll take the 'politically correct' side of things (though not to the extremes that the media seems to take them), but this is just fucking stupid.

there are very few options when a child is misbehaving very badly - most threats just end up being hollow, or the child will find a way to get around them, and anything else is just pointless.

what a parent needs to work on is disciplining when neccessary, and rewarding as much as possible. when i was little, i was punished a lot (basically i was a cunt of a kid and tried to do the wrong thing as much as possible :D), but even still, my parents raised me pretty well: every time i went to do the grocery shopping with mum, she'd tell me i could have a golden book (small kids' book) if i behaved well.

it didn't always work, but unless i behaved really badly, i was never punished. eventually i realised that good behavious was rewarding, rathen the bad behaviour being unrewarding, and i calmed down and tried to do the right thing.

not only did it help me to see the good side of good behaviour, but it also helped contextualise my own responses to any behaviour that i had or performed. eg., when i got to primary school i used to get in a lot of trouble, but i rarely (looking back through untainted eyes, i think) felt persecuted if i wasn't. when teachers had it in for me, sure, but mostly i just got in trouble because i enjoyed manipulating the teachers and seeing when they would decide i should be punished. eventually teachers got sick of this and punished me for just being an insolent prick, but the point is that i always understood their reasoning - something i wouldn't have been able to do if my parents hadn't have raised me the way they had. in short, my parents' upbringing of me helped me to view the real world.
 
There's no excuse for spanking your child. If you need to discipline your child, you can effectively do so without laying a finger on them. Just load your gun and start waving it around the house. Gets the job done every time and the child is completely unharmed.
 
spanking a kid on the ass in private is fine

if in public the kid should be forewarned of what is coming when they get home

i, having the stoical standpoint on pain since i was 2 years old, was immune entirely to any form of physical punishment

having to sit still for 5 minites however...oooooh the agony...
 
I actually don't have a huge problem with spanking but people I see doing it rarely do it in an appropriate way to get any sort of learning across. With any sort of punishment it should be used sparingly, and you should tell the child way beforehand if they do "x" then their punishment will be "y", and then if and when they do that thing, you tell them why they're getting the spanking and then do it. That's pretty much the only way you're getting an association out of it as you generally can't spank them immediately after whatever the event was.
 
Bullshit i can't, or wouldn't immediately whereever i was. And whoever tries "reporting" me for "child abuse, for simple discpline.. will be fucking spanked too.
 
While empirical research shows that light physical punishment (aka, spanking) can be effective and reasonably harmless when applied correctly, there are a couple difficulties with its application:
1. In order for positive punishment to be effective, it must be applied extremely consistently (e.g., not in anger) and with accompanying rational explanations for the impetus behind the punishment.
2. Positive punishment appears to be less effective than the reinforcement of desirable behaviors.
3. Do we really want to set the example that problems may be sovled via interpersonal violence and that hierarchy maintained through this violence is accpetable? I certainly wouldn't.

ebola
 
I think punishment and discipline are important in rearing a child. I don't believe in pain being utilized for that though. I mean, growing up in the southern US in the 70's I got my ass whooped all the time... by my parents, my parent's friends, the principle, the teacher... and just look at how I turned out. :D

Anyway, I think there is a fairly large body of evidence to suggest PAIN is a bad means of discipling a child. My sister uses 'time-outs' on her kid and that seems to work very well.
 
have any of you seen the new reality type show where the lady goes and shows people how to control their crazy kids?
 
when I was a kid I got the wooden spoon, and when smacking became an issue...I got black pepper poured in my mouth ( i now can eat tons and tons of pepper though! haha) or soap in my mouth (god that SUCKED)!
 
chrissie said:
have any of you seen the new reality type show where the lady goes and shows people how to control their crazy kids?

yes.

Super Nanny!

She is amazing, more parents should not lose control and let the kids control them. She teaches them that.
 
Some of you sound as though physical punishment is beating the shit out of a little kid. You don't have to hit them hard, they usually get the point.

My friends brother was fucking with and pushing his mom, so she turned around and cracked him on the back. Not only did he stop, it was hilarious.
Me and this same guy were both beat when we fucked up as a kid and we're no different than anyone who wasn't.
 
anyone who's ever seen a kid chase around their pet dog with a hachet and who pours laundry detergent into his parent's gas tank of their sports car.. will resort to spanking eventually. Trust me.
 
I don't think the Super Nanny is that amazing. She does the same thing every time...

1. sets up a schedule
2. teaches the parent how to talk to the child
3. makes a time-out corner/mat
4. teaches the parent to tell the child what they did wrong


it isn't that difficult.. my mom did all those things and didn't get a show for it.
 
well i think what's amazing is how out of control those kids are and how the same technique works for all of them.

i was raised in a house where if you did something bad, mom hit you with the spoon. if you did something real bad, you waited in terror for dad to get home with the belt. so i dont know any different when it comes to discipline. my father learnt from his father, and so on. the super nanny show gives me hope that i will be able to discipline (for the most part) without having my kids living in fear of me, my anger and my mighty belt. not to mention hating me for it and not really think about what they've done wrong, just that their bottom is hurting.
 
Am I the only native Southerner whose parents didn't believe in spanking (granted, they're not southern)?

I've always found it appalling. I don't think there's ever an excuse to hit a child. Some of my friends got beaten with belts (a couple times in front of me) and I think I cried as much as they did. My parents are far from pacifists, but they didn't believe in hitting children and neither do I.

There are two things I will never use as reinforcement with my kids if I ever have any: food and violence.

On one occasion where I have seen a public spanking, I almost got my OWN ass kicked because I called a woman who was beating her child senseless a disgraceful mother.

Spanking is one hell of a cop out, IMO, form of discipline. I hope whoever I have kids with is not a proponent of spanking, because there would be some pretty significant disagreements.
 
Ok people someone is going to have to explain what a 'time out' is

Is it simply making a child sit in one spot/still for a certain amount of time?

If so, what if the child flat out refuses? give them more time out? Or some other form of punishment?
 
I think the key is to be so hard-assed with them when they're young that they won't even think of mouthing off to their parents when they're older.

Really though, the when it comes to kids corporal punishment is largely a cultural phenomenon. There are some cultures that use it liberally, and who grow up fine; there are others who see it as tantamount to child abuse. Your mileage may vary.

Of course, I am drawing a line between spanking and truly beating the shit out of someone...
 
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