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scared I'm about to lose the possible love of my life

I agree with the above poster - if somebody is having sex with somebody besides you, it means they aren't serious about and they don't intend to be.

I think as women we are raised to not speak about what we want from a relationship for fear of "scaring" a potential partner away, or appearing needy. It's that whole "don't act like you NEED a man thing". I really think in the early stages of a relationship communication is so very key so both parties understand expectations.

Hopefully next time you will see that you are worth somebody being devoted to YOU and only YOU and you can tell them EXACTLY what you expect so it doesn't end terribly. I hope everything works out for you. I've been on both sides of this and it's never fun - when I met my partner I was crystal clear about what I wanted and that set the tone for our relationship, and we've never had any problems in this area. It was the first time I spoke up in the early stages of a relationship and it paid off!
 
Thank you so much to the both of you jackaroe and dog nasher. I appreciate your words so much. It isn't even that he ended up with her. I knew in the back of my mind that it was a possibility. What pissed me off and hurts the most is that he didn't seem to care enough about my feelings our about the friendship we formed in the past year to tell me first for fear of upsetting me. It would have hurt a hell of a lot less hearing it from him
 
Well he just called me and tried to smooth things out which I appreciated. I told him I want you to be happy no matter who it is. He told me several times I'm so sorry I didn't tell you first I was just so scared and had no idea how to tell you. I told him how much I was pissed at him and he said you have every right to be pissed at me and so on. I feel a tiny bit better and appreciated him calling. Still pissed though. And that's where things are now
 
suzieq70s said:
I told him I want you to be happy no matter who it is. - I feel a tiny bit better and appreciated him calling.
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If you can actually mean that and make peace with the whole situation then you will move past it fast. Feeling better means something. Sounds like you care about yourself too and that is a good thing.

Don't stay stuck SuzieQ, I don't have to tell you putting all your happiness eggs in his basket at this point in time will lead to more unhappiness. That usually happens because deep down you know you deserve better. But if you can let go and trust you WILL feel better and happier. Better things come along. Take care of yourself and when you feel better take note and milk that good feeling!
 
I'm sorry. He seems like a bit of a wimp to not tell you, really. Just my opinion. I am sure you will find someone else anyway :)
 
JackARoe said:
If you can actually mean that and make peace with the whole situation then you will move past it fast. Feeling better means something. Sounds like you care about yourself too and that is a good thing.

Don't stay stuck SuzieQ, I don't have to tell you putting all your happiness eggs in his basket at this point in time will lead to more unhappiness. That usually happens because deep down you know you deserve better. But if you can let go and trust you WILL feel better and happier. Better things come along. Take care of yourself and when you feel better take note and milk that good feeling!
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I did mean those words that I said to him. And I'm working at letting the anger and hurt go. It seems to be fading fast (I hope) and I'm working on making peace with it and moving on. mostly right now I feel bummed that it wasn't me. But now I'm free to work on myself and figure out who I am and so on. Thank you for your words of wisdom
 
llama112 said:
I'm sorry. He seems like a bit of a wimp to not tell you, really. Just my opinion. I am sure you will find someone else anyway :)
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Until he called I was in my mind thinking he was a pussy for not manning up and telling me first before posting it on Facebook. The phone call did help. To me it showed he at least cared enough about us being friends for that year to call and say sorry and stuff
 
Ugh. This guy makes me so mad! I have had this happen to me before and frankly I think it's such a pussy way of ending things. You are so much more mature than I would be about it. :)

Suzie I really wish the best for you and I wanted to let you know I have read a lot of your posts and I think you truly deserve love, you have been through a lot. I know you will find it, too!

Hugs!
 
dognasher said:
Ugh. This guy makes me so mad! I have had this happen to me before and frankly I think it's such a pussy way of ending things. You are so much more mature than I would be about it. :)

Suzie I really wish the best for you and I wanted to let you know I have read a lot of your posts and I think you truly deserve love, you have been through a lot. I know you will find it, too!

Hugs!
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Thank you so much ☺ and thank you for taking the time to read my other posts. I feel like I've been already waiting 20 years to find love even though I was married for that time ? I hope I do too

And believe me there are soooo many mean and nasty things that were going through my head that I wanted to say. But ultimately I think to me I said to myself fine you want to have a relationship with her instead. It's you're loss. I hope you end up being happy with your decision

Best to put it behind me let go of the anger and move on with my life. Work.on healing myself. Figuring out myself. And finding someone who recognizes my worth ☺
 
"I just want to know if what we do (or maybe I want to know if I mean enough to him) to keep him from fucking anybody else while we're doing our thing "

You know thats your way of looking at things . For me there is no direct colleration about the quantity or quality of things we do with my girl that will decide if I am going to fuck somebody else or not. I might be wrong but this is just how many women think for evolutionary purposes so he is gonna be a good dad and stick with his wife and kid.

If it hurts you to fuck someone else , well so be it but that's another thing. You should understand that your man doesn't necesserily see a colleration between those too and if you push it too far with that of course he won't want to be with you anymore ( and you might think it was an excuse for him to break up but in reality it was your behaviour , since you didn't really say you are in a monogamous relationship).

Some guys can handle 10 kids and 10 wifes. Some can hardly handle one. If you think you are gonna make a person not want something from someone else because you fullfill that need and thats how you look at your sexual relationships then I suggest maybe you look inside you ? You seem to say that you are attached at so many levels with this guy and this probably means its all in your mind or you are indeed but you fail to his perspective about sex because of your ego evolutionary guards. He might as well playing a game but he seriously doesnt like it.

If you still want that monogamous guy, go for it. That guy is clearly not for you.
 
Have you talked to this guy about how you want a relationship/partnership with him, and how you're in love with him?
 
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