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Rough sex: where do you draw the line?

My partner and I were actually having this exact same discussion last night.

We have been quite experimental in this regard, and neither of us were sure as to how far we will end up taking it. We have pushed the boundaries quite a bit over the years, and neither of us feel close to our limit yet.

I look forward to the discovery process.
 
is $999 for a rimjob pushin ur limits? ;)
omg where have u been MEL it has been a long time
do u miss me yet


I think another thing to factor in is the loss of rationality that comes with being aroused.
Permanent injury should be avoided, cause once ur dick goes soft you'll realise being cut across your face wasn't the best idea, for example.

Plus, what about the flip side? Not only what you'd do to them, but what would you let your partner do to you to bring them pleasure?
 
Mel22 said:
My partner and I were actually having this exact same discussion last night.

We have been quite experimental in this regard, and neither of us were sure as to how far we will end up taking it. We have pushed the boundaries quite a bit over the years, and neither of us feel close to our limit yet.

I look forward to the discovery process.
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Usually people who feel the need to always find explicitly daring things to do sexually and unable to be satisfied with normal sexual relations tend to be trauma survivors.


How far would I go? Sex is not truth or dare. My limit would be my level of comfort.
 
Spoo said:
Usually people who feel the need to always find explicitly daring things to do sexually and unable to be satisfied with normal sexual relations tend to be trauma survivors.


How far would I go? Sex is not truth or dare. My limit would be my level of comfort.
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I met this girl a few days ago that wants to get down but she was like " if you're not bruising me, you're not hitting me hard enough"


:\
 
bass face said:
I met this girl a few days ago that wants to get down but she was like " if you're not bruising me, you're not hitting me hard enough"


:\
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What happens in women in whom were in some way abused is that they need alot more stimulation in the process of sex. At the point of abuse a desensitization occurs where violations violations of their body cause the anterior singulate and amygdala to be constantly activated and later in life this may expressed in frustration and difficult to arouse interest in an other-wise pleasured activity. Not only that, men and women express themselves sexually partly of how involved they are in the world, the level of control she has and how much is in her power to influence.
 
Spoo said:
What happens in women in whom were in some way abused is that they need alot more stimulation in the process of sex. At the point of abuse a desensitization occurs where violations violations of their body cause the anterior singulate and amygdala to be constantly activated and later in life this may expressed in frustration and difficult to arouse interest in an other-wise pleasured activity. Not only that, men and women express themselves sexually partly of how involved they are in the world, the level of control she has and how much is in her power to influence.
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I'm pretty boring.

Just regular old being dominant/rough in general once in a while is enough for me. I'll also go far to please my partner, but if she needs a dude to to take on submissive or feminine roles, I'm not the one...

I remember one girl I dated and sometimes while having intense sex, she would be indicating she was in actual pain, while at the same time being vulnerable + ambiguous about whether she wanted me to stop. Soon became kind of obvious that she was playing out a role, but I wasn't feeling that shit without straightforward communication.
 
Spoo said:
Usually people who feel the need to always find explicitly daring things to do sexually and unable to be satisfied with normal sexual relations tend to be trauma survivors.
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That's some mighty fine arm chair psychology there, but alas, I do not feel any such need.

When it comes to my partner and I, our (relatively) vanilla sex sessions are a lot more frequent than our blood orgy spit roasts are.

Vanilla sex satisfies me, but variety is the spice of life.
 
Spoo said:
What happens in women in whom were in some way abused is that they need alot more stimulation in the process of sex. At the point of abuse a desensitization occurs where violations violations of their body cause the anterior singulate and amygdala to be constantly activated and later in life this may expressed in frustration and difficult to arouse interest in an other-wise pleasured activity.
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Hmmm. I'm aware that there are known cases of individuals with a history of sexual abuse who are then able to sublimate their experiences into sexual play, and to reclaim a sense of control over experience - such as rape or sexual violation - by engaging in rough sex (because don't forget, in BDSM play the sub always has the power to make it stop). Having said that, all my friends who have been raped much prefer vanilla sex because rough play/bondage/SM are triggering for them. Correct me if I'm wrong but I'm not aware of any evidence for the claims you are making, and it's really dodgy to suggest people who are kinky must somehow have a history of abuse and are therefore "damaged". I've never been abused and enjoy BDSM (I switch but prefer to sub). I know several people who like BDSM and not aware of any of them being abused or raped - it's just play.

Going back to the original question: the furthest I've personally gone was rape play, knife play and being pretty seriously belted. But this was in the context of my previous relationship where we were seriously, probably unhealthily sexually obsessed with each other and went to all sorts of extremes. Funnily enough I don't feel the urge to do these things now, a bit of a handcuff-and-spanking-session every month or two with vanilla sex in between make me a happy bunny.

What I would agree about with Spoo, however, is that the excitement threshold might be different in the brain for people who are only aroused by more extreme sexual activities. But this also applies to almost anyone who has a fetish (I mean, many foot fetishists need to sniff a toe before they can get it up, etc) - and can also apply for people who have ADHD and require a higher level of intensity to maintain arousal... IMO it's simply a continuum of the fact that some girls need lots of foreplay or dirty talk to get wet, some are just ready as soon as the action starts. Some like rough, some like gentle.

I mean, what turns us on turns us on, I don't think it's helpful to pathologise it or jump to unfounded conclusions about people's personal histories...
 
Spoo said:
What happens in women in whom were in some way abused is that they need alot more stimulation in the process of sex. At the point of abuse a desensitization occurs where violations violations of their body cause the anterior singulate and amygdala to be constantly activated and later in life this may expressed in frustration and difficult to arouse interest in an other-wise pleasured activity. Not only that, men and women express themselves sexually partly of how involved they are in the world, the level of control she has and how much is in her power to influence.
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I do believe you're smarter than all these massive - and potentially offensive - generalisations you're making...cut out the trolling please.
 
Oh for pete's sake, DA Pagey. I paraphrased from Dr Drew Pinksy's book "Cracked." Knock it off, my intentions aren't malevolent.



Bass Face, do you have a topic as pertains to you or no?
 
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Spoo said:
What happens in women in whom were in some way abused is that they need alot more stimulation in the process of sex. At the point of abuse a desensitization occurs where violations violations of their body cause the anterior singulate and amygdala to be constantly activated and later in life this may expressed in frustration and difficult to arouse interest in an other-wise pleasured activity.
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can you support this sweeping generalisation with any studies?
 
Spoo said:
Oh for pete's sake, DA Pagey. I paraphrased from Dr Drew Pinksy's book "Cracked." Knock it off, my intentions aren't malevolent.



Bass Face, do you have a topic as pertains to you or no?
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Do you believe what you are saying though or just repeating what you have read? Rough sex can have a lot of meanings - physically hurting, scarring, burning, torture etc but it can also mean restraining, taking control of a persons breath, taking control over them living or dying. It's not 'rough' as in physical but way rougher than being hit on the but with a belt. I can honestly say that not everyone that participates in rough / dangerous sex (that I know) have been abused in the past and just love enjoying what they enjoy. Yeah statistically some of them have - but I would imagine that statistically more people that have been abused enjoy a caring, loving, cuddled up normal night.

I've been to certain venues where guys are chained to a wall, blindfolded, full of drugs and are open to be fucked by anyone - safe not safe, slap them about a bit or not, next day there in a suit and going about the day (normally walking a bit funny) but outwardly normal. There not seeking a new high, they are not seeking the next level of depravity - they could quite happily cuddle up on the sofa watching a movie etc.

I do not buy into that people that like rough / really rough sex have all been victims of abuse.
 
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There was this girl in one of the classes I was taking who sort of had a crush on me, and it just so happened that she roomed with a friend of mine. Well, she must have got really drunk one night because she called me and said, and I quote, "I want to suck your dick and I don't even care if I choke on it and die." Then she went on about how she wanted me to have butt sex with her and choke her; she was a strange one, and even though I had a girlfriend at the time, I'm not sure I could have slept with her and gone through with the whole choking thing.
 
I used to date a guy who liked to have his dick and balls chewed on. I don't mean lightly chewed either, he was into some serious pain. He also liked to be choked while fucking. One time he passed out and that was very scary for me. I don't mind inflicting pain as long as I don't have to be on the receiving end. Well, getting spanked is good but, I want to be able to walk later on.
 
other than permanent injury, I could do just about anything to please someone i'm really into, as long as I am told what is and isn't cool ahead of time. personally, I don't really get off to that kinda thing but i'm not against it if my partner is.
 
DJRolling said:
other than permanent injury, I could do just about anything to please someone i'm really into, as long as I am told what is and isn't cool ahead of time. personally, I don't really get off to that kinda thing but i'm not against it if my partner is.
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You know if your into a partner - you have been together for a few years and they say I want a tattoo on you. Its a permanent scar - would you say no? I personally love branding(burning a mark into flesh). Just about to blow and then - BURN / STING - is that rough sex? I honestly think being tied to an urinal and having a night club's worth of guys pissing on you as 'rougher' sex than having a beating/flogging with a belt - but where does that line get drawn? Rough sex comes with rules - each couple, group have their own idea on boundaries !
 
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