Regaining stability after heavy psychedelic use

[Psyched16]

hi all. This question is directed at heavy users.
To describe my psychedelic use; took acid for the first time at 16, tripped about 6 times in the next few years on shrooms, mescaline, and 2ci and -e. Between 18-19 I got in way overboard, tripping once a week for a few months and then 4-6 times a week for another month. The psychedelics were numerous amounts of al-lad, 2cb, lsd dmt, miprosin, lsa, mushrooms. It got to the point where my mind state didn't change while taking drugs, but I would continue to thanked them for their physiological and visual effects. During this time I became extremely estranged from reality, lost my home, kicked out of college, running thin on family and friends. I thought I had everything figured out, but when I came to any specific plan I was clueless. Oh her effects started showing, inability to finish sentences, 30 minute blank outs, paranoia, etc. Eventually, money ran out, drugs ran out, and after a couple nights on the street realized I had screwed up major.
I stopped tripping, got back on terms with my parents, got a job. It's been a year and a half and I've been able to function as a member of society, but am under extreme stress and constant anxiety. I feel alright on the surface but I'm constantly fighting back psychosis in the back of my mind. I wouldn't say that I'm depressed but I have very low confidence in my ability to progress my life. I can't relate to people, friends are now acquaintances, strangers completely alien. I can't think of anything without thinking of every single perspective, I can't hold opinions ore make decisions.

Has anybody that's been down this path and been able to regain a grip? I've made a lot of mistakes but I'm not a dumb guy and I feel like I can overcome this. Any advice would be appreciated

 

[OnMyWayHome]

I have been down a similar path, but I ended up following Furthur for awhile in 2012 and eventually just crash and burn. I still use psychedelics by the way just nothing like I use to.. The anxiety is a problem for me but it's hard to tell if it's from the drugs or not because I began smoking/tripping when I was 16 and never stopped for years!! So who knows maybe it was always there but I smoked and tripped it away?? (just a theory). Anyways I have seen a doctor because my anxiety was so bad after slowing down my smoking/tripping and they wanted to put me on antidepressants but knowing what I know about them I said to hell with that.

To get to the point I self medicate my anxiety with alcohol (beer), as I wouldn't recommend hard alcohol seeing as you seem to have an addictive personality. Which is also the truth with me, and I got real into whiskey for awhile and it was really bad. The benefit of beer for me is I cannot drink it fast enough to get too drunk, unless I really try It helps with my anxiety and also makes it so I am not on an antidepressant or benzodiazepine (which I know I would become extremely addicted to and not use it as recommended)

If you are looking to be off of all substances all together I would recommend a healthy diet, exercise, walking in nature (depending on where you live), and MEDITATION. Which is something I need to get back into like I use to.. Blah.
*If it gets real bad a nice hot shower or bath is always relaxing.
-Hope this helps, and btw I am doing a lot better than I was 2 years ago if that shines any light on the fact that it does get better..
%)

 

[perpetualdawn]

I've not trodden very far down that path so I don't know how much good my thoughts are, but I've flirted a bit in that direction with too much mushrooms and lsd too often, or maybe just taking it all too seriously, and feeling a fraction of what you describe.

You can definitely overcome this. i think you need to balance out the extreme you have gone to and lay off the pd drugs (and weed too probs) completely for a good long time, maybe 2-3 years, to focus on real life stuff: making friends, having conversations, making real life decisions, sticking to a plan. I think it's a good idea to throw yourself into social situations where you have to interact with lots of people so you can exercise that muscle. Volunteer, sports teams, a job, etc anything that gets you out and engaged in public. You've provably let your social muscle atrophy, and spent too long flying too close to the sun. You can definitely overcome this and you have already taken a step forward by reaching out.

 

[psy997]

I'd love more input on this as well. I feel the same as OP, able to function, but just not how I used to be.

P.S. Beer's not the way. I can't even drink beer slowly anymore unless it's an actual good beer.

 

[Thorns Have Roses]

I can't relate to people

Because you've been living a very different life, and thinking different things than other people. Continued exposure to, and engagement with, civilization ought to slowly improve things. That said, you can't unsee what you have seen, and you're going to have to integrate whatever can't be thrown out from your previous experiences into your pro-social self. We can't turn back the clock and become who we once were, our lives are in the future. You need to find a future that you can believe in and work towards.

Also, you need to take into your account that many people's mental illnesses manifest themselves in early adulthood, so this could be something beyond a direct consequence of your drug-use. You may have issues that psychiatric professionals, and their drugs, can help with.

 

[swilow]

^I like your post in general. Its actually quite painful, coming to that awareness, that the past is immutable and silent.

our lives are in the future

Or maybe not even there. Maybe ONLY now.

 

[DrGreenthumb]

Try meditation, walking, thinking & maybe learn a new skill, study something for a hobby. There's no need to get anxious about it. I did similar things 10-15 years ago, except for the homeless part. Just finished another little binge now. It does change the way I think, but I don't see it as a bad thing, there are benefits. Nobody in the world has everything figured out, you just realise you don't now. "I can't think of anything without thinking of every single perspective, I can't hold opinions ore make decisions." can be a good thing, depending on what I'm working on, it makes me more thorough & the slight paranoia really helps when I'm programming. Find a way to control your anxiety & build your confidence, you'll be great, you don't have much to worry about.

Healthy diet, fresh air, a little exercise, some meditation & learn something. You can be better tan you ever were.

Are you really fighting off psychosis or is it just anxiety? Do you hear voices? Hallucinate? Think you have supernatural powers? Think everybody is out to get you? If the answer to those is no, it's probably just a loss of confidence & anxiety. Usually if you think you're insane you're probably not, the really insane people think they're fine.

Tripping hard will change your brain & the way you think, every experience does. It's not something to be scared of, it's not worse, just different.

 

[transitionsynth]

OP what you need is a profession, a craft. Work on it everyday for a solid 4 hours. One step at a time. Find one thing you love and make it your reason for getting out of bed in the morning. This will begin to ground you, I guarantee it. It would be best to find something in a field where you can do it professionally, I would think. Many professions are quite tolerant of strange personalities. Academia is one such profession.

 

[snagglepuss]

As long you can appear nomal." Who really is anyway"..And u can hold it together ..The best thing i have found (like the poster above) for getting past,drug use mental issues is working..I had 2 years using ,not working...Re-integrating can be especially hard...even harder with or after drug use issues....You go through the whole "Can i do it" "What ifs" "confidence issues which for me were multiplied by my use...

Think of what u would like to do or woulnd't mind doing ...Then say .."fuck it" ..apply for jobs ....take the plungemake it happen.Regardless of what happens.Although its nice..not everyone is cut out to work for themselves..You may be .but if your not.Find something you think you may wanna do ..put on a face if you have to..(people do it everyday) and do it ..Your no father behind if something doesnt work out .
You've just had a experience ..and can correct for the next attempt.I didn't even have time to think about
my drug use or problems as soon as i started working.Your focus is shifted.. onto something else.

The key for me was no matter how i felt ,or what was going to happen bad or good with jobs or social
situations..Just keep pushing and don't stop until something happens.Bad or Good..If it doesn't work
make corrections do it again.

Sorry for all my rambling..this is what worked for me .When i had some of my hardest times with drug
problems / abuse...Im sure everything will work out great..u have lots of support from the bluelight
peeps....

 

[vortech]

There's really good advice here so far. Sometimes though people who have done too many psy drugs need something else to push them in the other direction..I hate to say it but you sound like someone who could possibly get some extra help from an antianxiety drug like benzodiazapines- xanax etc. Not so much that you tune out, just tune DOWN a little. Psys will open a lot of channels and people can get tuned on too much that it overstimulates their electrical systems.

Of course that has to be combined with the intentional lifestyle and mindset shifts as already mentioned.

 

[VitamaN]

You will cope... and not to be a downer but I never came back from what you're going through.
I did LSD til my mind went black. I know I had issues that the drug surfaced and I don't blame the drug, I blame me,
but I never really came back. I did cope though.

 

[HeadphonesandLSD]

If you feel the need seek help, but it doesn't sound like you're there yet.

As others have said time heals all wounds. Stay away from drugs for awhile, try to get out of the house, exercise and eat well. Find something to occupy yourself (job, hobby, whatever).

Focusing on it tends to make it worse and causes anxiety. The anxiety leads to symptoms like persisting visuals becoming worse. It creates a negative feedback loop. Some find therapy helps, some need medications to get themselves over the hump. I consider both options of last resort.

I've never been the same after my bouts of heavy drug use (both psychedelics and opioids), however I have been able to recover a bit and am able to function in society. I might be a bit of a space cadet sometimes but I find I can hold it together. Also, I find avoiding cannabis helps for me so if you smoke it might be a good idea to lay off of it for awhile.

 

[pupnik]

I think you are in the process of growing up
- you have youth going for you and that is a lot - believe me.
also you have an odd kind of perspective, slightly dissociated, so it would not be bad to start reading some Suzuki on Zen.
some of it will make a bit more sense to you than to the average person.
might as well put some of that post psychedelic consciousness to work for you.

you'll be great!

 

[Thorns Have Roses]

Its actually quite painful, coming to that awareness, that the past is immutable and silent.

I cried when I finally got this through my head. It hasn't stopped me from living in the past though. So it goes.

Or maybe not even there. Maybe ONLY now.

That's the truth on a whole different level.

OP what you need is a profession, a craft. Work on it everyday for a solid 4 hours. One step at a time. Find one thing you love and make it your reason for getting out of bed in the morning.

This is the best advice wayward young persons can get. IME, it's definitely positive and grounding when you can do something that let's ya see that you've accomplished something at the end of the day. It provides an anchor that those who primarily think or live inside their own heads might not have.

an antianxiety drug like benzodiazapines- xanax etc

I'd recommend trying some non-habit forming, or at least non-abusable options. Let us not forget that the goal of pharmacotherapy isn't to eliminate anxiety (GABAergics often leave one with the temptation to try to do so), but to get it down to a level that you can live with. And benzos come with a bevy of problems all their own.

 

[pmoseman]

Benzos can give a brief reprieve from imbalances and marijuana can perpetuate anxiety issues. There are a lot of things you can do to try and regain your sense of composure but nothing is really guaranteed to solve all your issues. In my case, the issues from drug use no longer dominate my life and the good and bad choices I made during that recovery period have stuck with me. Consider things holistically, that is, care for all aspects of yourself.