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Mental Health Really, really low...

Quickfixgrrl

Quickfixgrrl

Bluelighter
Joined
May 9, 2019
Messages
895
I'm in the midst of a prolonged and very severe bout of depression/ anxiety.
I used to be "normal". I could withstand anything. Now I feel like a pathetic nutcase. I wake each morning with instant dread, worry and despair. I'm not coping. The black dog follows me everywhere.. it never subsides.
I have chronic depression...
I think about dying a lot. I question the point of existence in general... what for? For THIS? For pain and mental torment? Why wait for death to take me when I can choose my own time to go in my own chosen surroundings under my own circumstances?
I am so bleak.

Yes... I'm on medication. 3 at once. Little to no difference.

So... anyone else as blue as me want to share a word or two? ?
 
Hang in there QFG, it will pass, I wish I could tell you it will be soon.
If you don't mind me asking what's brought on your recent bout ?

I know how you feel, I curse myself for waking up every morning, I suffer from chronic cluster headaches and spend a good 40% of my day in agonising pain, My anxiety levels are throw the roof, the thought of having another attack makes me want to step in front of a train, but I don't.
I'm sick of being so unhappy and in pain, nothing helps anymore
You have to find it within yourself to make some thing positive happen, nothings handed out on a plate i'm afraid.
Just admitting how pathetic I feel to others helps.

Keep safe and don't do anything crazy, i'm sure there's many people who would miss you if you were gone, it will get better!
 
It's okay to feel this way - you are not alone.

Tomorrow could be the best day of your life, and you'd never know if you didn't wake up to see it.

Do you guys like comedy? I find it always helps me when i feel bad. Comics have a way of making horrible situations funny, and they are able to laugh at themselves. Life isn't all that serious.

I also often make a list of the good things that happened throughout the day. Whether it be as simple as a good meal or a bird chirping by you window.

You guys are strong for sharing your feelings, and i'm always here to talk if you need it.

<3
 
Quickfixgrrl said:
I'm in the midst of a prolonged and very severe bout of depression/ anxiety.
I used to be "normal". I could withstand anything. Now I feel like a pathetic nutcase. I wake each morning with instant dread, worry and despair. I'm not coping. The black dog follows me everywhere.. it never subsides.
I have chronic depression...
I think about dying a lot. I question the point of existence in general... what for? For THIS? For pain and mental torment? Why wait for death to take me when I can choose my own time to go in my own chosen surroundings under my own circumstances?
I am so bleak.

Yes... I'm on medication. 3 at once. Little to no difference.

So... anyone else as blue as me want to share a word or two? ?
Click to expand...


I had years of feeling like that. I had a few grams of phenobarb in case I decided to kill myself (shooting a brick only serves to put me to sleep for a few hours.

I’m in a far better place now. In my case, the more substance-dependent and strung out I am, the worse I feel. And it takes a long time before things get better after reducing or ceasing use even though you want and e pact things to be better immediately.

I don’t know if you have any mental illness or other issues that make things even harder for you.

I’m just trying to say I feel it’s been worth it for me to persevere even when I get no enjoyment out of life.
 
Thank you for your replies.
I saw a doctor 2 days ago with the hopes of changing some of my meds (Lexapro 40mg, Mirtazapine 30mg and Lyrica 300- 450mg per day).
As I couldn't get in to see my usual doctor who knows me very well, this random doctor refused to mess with my medications and sent me off with a presription for Valium a referral letter for a psychiatrist and scribbled the number for the CAT team down for me in case I'm ever "feeling suicidal".
I can't find the time to see my normal doctor as my work clashes with the hours he's available and I can't get time off.
I'm not going to see a psych; been there, done that many times throughout my life and they can't seem to help or resonate with me ?
I have been taking the Lexapro for 3 years now and obviously it's not helping. I want to try another antidepressant but I'm not ready for a whole new set of potential side effects.. especially not when I'm in this frame of mind. But I know I need to change something.
 
Quickfixgrrl said:
Thank you for your replies.
I saw a doctor 2 days ago with the hopes of changing some of my meds (Lexapro 40mg, Mirtazapine 30mg and Lyrica 300- 450mg per day).
As I couldn't get in to see my usual doctor who knows me very well, this random doctor refused to mess with my medications and sent me off with a presription for Valium a referral letter for a psychiatrist and scribbled the number for the CAT team down for me in case I'm ever "feeling suicidal".
I can't find the time to see my normal doctor as my work clashes with the hours he's available and I can't get time off.
I'm not going to see a psych; been there, done that many times throughout my life and they can't seem to help or resonate with me ?
I have been taking the Lexapro for 3 years now and obviously it's not helping. I want to try another antidepressant but I'm not ready for a whole new set of potential side effects.. especially not when I'm in this frame of mind. But I know I need to change something.
Click to expand...

I’m not a doctor but I personally believe SSRI’s only work for a specific type of depression (typically the more pervasive and severe cases of depression) and tricyclics are actually superior in their ability to treat a wider spectrum of depressive states. Of course, they are far inferior in terms of side effects.

However, many patients will get next to nothing out of SSRI’s until they switch through enough of the different SSRI drugs until they find the dose and drug that works for them. An arduous process (fraught with side effects that is especially difficult for a depressed patient).

All that being said, I think you should try a different SSRI.

The main thing I preach regardless of the circumstance is that if you are not feeling well (physically, mentally, what have you), substance abuse will necessarily exacerbate your problems.

I don’t know your particular drug use/history (if any at all), but for me, that’s the main factor in everyone of the depressive states I’ve experienced.
 
Quickfixgrrl said:
I'm in the midst of a prolonged and very severe bout of depression/ anxiety.
I used to be "normal". I could withstand anything. Now I feel like a pathetic nutcase. I wake each morning with instant dread, worry and despair. I'm not coping. The black dog follows me everywhere.. it never subsides.
I have chronic depression...
I think about dying a lot. I question the point of existence in general... what for? For THIS? For pain and mental torment? Why wait for death to take me when I can choose my own time to go in my own chosen surroundings under my own circumstances?
I am so bleak.

Yes... I'm on medication. 3 at once. Little to no difference.

So... anyone else as blue as me want to share a word or two? ?
Click to expand...
Yes and I’m here to say it gets better over time. Trust me I used to work in the mental health field for a living saw these cases all the time and 99 percent of the time the people got better over time back to normal.
 
Bo1992 said:
Yes and I’m here to say it gets better over time. Trust me I used to work in the mental health field for a living saw these cases all the time and 99 percent of the time the people got better over time back to normal.
Click to expand...

Thank you. I sure hope so.
I was first diagnosed with anxiety as a child and saw countless child psychologists. Throughout my teens I knew that I felt "bad" but back then depression wasn't spoken about openly. It was always "it's all in your head, mind over matter" advice when I confided in my family. So I mastered the art of burying it and pretending that I was ok.
I had a good few years after my child was born and was extremely happy. I thought it had gone, that I'd outgrown it. But then it hit me again a few years ago. I had a nervous breakdown and started the rounds of doctors and psychologists again, to no avail. So for the first time in my life (early 30's at that point) agreed to start medication.
Before that point, I didn't want to take pills to feel better. Fast forward a few years, I've gone from hating the thought of medication to self medicating, sometimes abusing my meds just to escape this hell that is my mind.
I do well for weeks at a time, as in I stick to my prescribed dose for therapeutic benefits only; but then I have one shitty day and I just can't cope, I find myself popping Lyrica until I'm vacant.
Sorry for the novel ?
 
Quickfixgrrl said:
Thank you. I sure hope so.
I was first diagnosed with anxiety as a child and saw countless child psychologists. Throughout my teens I knew that I felt "bad" but back then depression wasn't spoken about openly. It was always "it's all in your head, mind over matter" advice when I confided in my family. So I mastered the art of burying it and pretending that I was ok.
I had a good few years after my child was born and was extremely happy. I thought it had gone, that I'd outgrown it. But then it hit me again a few years ago. I had a nervous breakdown and started the rounds of doctors and psychologists again, to no avail. So for the first time in my life (early 30's at that point) agreed to start medication.
Before that point, I didn't want to take pills to feel better. Fast forward a few years, I've gone from hating the thought of medication to self medicating, sometimes abusing my meds just to escape this hell that is my mind.
I do well for weeks at a time, as in I stick to my prescribed dose for therapeutic benefits only; but then I have one shitty day and I just can't cope, I find myself popping Lyrica until I'm vacant.
Sorry for the novel ?
Click to expand...
No quite the opposite thanks for being honest that comes a long way as you get back to normal.
 
madness00 said:
Don't give up on the meds. Finding the right meds takes a lot of time. It really does. Anyone happy on their first med just got damn lucky.

Thinking of you <3
Click to expand...
Yep I tried too many meds to count before I found one that was somewhat effective, so keep trying them and hopefully you'll find one that works for you
 
Hi Quickgirl.. I just came across your thread & wanted to check in and see how youre doing. My heart goes out to you & I can relate so much w what you're saying... I struggled for years to get the right combination of meds... eventually I found the right combo, but gosh did I suffer during that time... Life was f-ing hard... I just wanted you to know you are not alone and that things can and will get better. Keep your chin up... Please feel free to PM me if you want to talk- or just say hello... bc there's a girl up here in Canada who cares!
Be kind to yourself...
 
You’ll make it through this don’t worry. I’m no mental health specialist but everything in life is temporary nothing lasts forever remember that.
 
learn to make money and go enjoy your life?

This is the most common reason for depression.
 
@Sarah Marshall

You know a lot of people go way deep black into the subject, it's a genetical mistake or error call it whatever you want for people that didn't got throughout life. If you can't comprehend those sentence then it's your carnival, sweetie.
 
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