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Raw people, saying "I love you" (is it too soon?)

What 23

What 23

Ex-Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 7, 2013
Messages
3,906
This has come up, a couple of times now, for me. Perhaps more, but I have had a couple of experiences, where I have felt a feeling of emotion, that only love satisfies, about someone, and have wanted to tell them, even if I have only just met them. I find it hard to say to family members. I can say it, but it's more a statement of fact, most often, like it might become in a relationship, at times.

But these instances, I have only just met the girl... Or only know her mentally, or have caught a hint of their spirit, and I feel that to tell them I love them, is the only, and most pure form of energy that I want to convey. I fear, though. I don't know why I hold back on these occasions. At the times that I feel this way, it is true. I don't care if they leave after they hear it, not that that is what I want, but I have screwed up enough times and wished that they would know this true, raw, heart of things, instead of the fear, and insecurity, and walling off that happens instead. Just recently it happened again. I met a girl, online, and her words excited me. She called out to me, begging me to keep the ball rolling, make the next move, but the next move for me was telling her I loved her totally, that I wanted to marry her, even if it meant her marrying someone else... That I wanted love for her- her happiness, her excitement and fulfillment, and to not be an impediment to that. And this is one reason I don't say it. Because I know it will work. I know that that is what some girls, and people, want to hear. They, their intensity, wants to be matched, with that reality. But in truth, I don't know if I can keep up, and that's why I also have the feeling of "I want to marry you, even if it means to another"/"I want to fuck you, even if means you being fucked by another".

Anyone feel this way?

I don't know what to say. I just screw up because I worry too much/think too much. I delay, thinking about how I feel... And the girls that have mattered, that have actually made me feel, a day, an hour, a second is too long after the fact.

There's just no balance.

The most recent one, I met her, online. I tapped into her, got her, and she liked me. She told me she was a siren, and that men run from her, because she castrates them/kills them (kills their life before), but she includes that this needs to happen, to start a new life, new fantasies. To explore with someone. I have to admit that the castration, even though I got it, made me sit and say, "hmm", even though I wanted to tell her she can have my balls... Haha. And that she can eat me/kill me. She was an artist, and inspiring of imagination like no other.

After our first conversation/first night, after we connected, and perhaps after my first emotions of love for her and wishing for her fulfillment of enjoyment, etc.... After this, she changed her city to Portland. She already told me she's a "siren", when I asked why men run from her (something she says in her profile on a dating site), and now she's at port, calling me. I stupidly ask, "Did you just move to Portland?"- I was slightly confused. I get enough synchronicity in my life, and meaning with things, and doubt my sanity, enough. This felt personal. She was calling me, like a Siren does. Then she changes it to "Lyon, France". In my photos, I have a lion on my shirt in multiple pictures, or a chimera, or whatever it is called, a Lion with wings. She changed her profile multiple times, finally answering what kind of snake she was (a play with her profile, and something I asked her in the beginning, what kind of snake she thought she was, when she talked about being a snake), as in a Boa, because she'll swallow me. I was turned on. I wanted to be swallowed, enveloped. This girl was something, and I hope she finds her enjoyment. I want to say I probably made the right choice. As I'm a thinker. I feel a lot, but think about it, a lot.

Girls, I should have told her, even though I didn't know her, these thoughts/feelings? Not hold anything back? I hold a lot back. I think a lot. I circle islands for a long time, and then the krakens get me. .. The many thoughts.


And I guess it is insecurity. I live in filth. I haven't swept my apartment in over a year (it kicks up dust and ahh), and don't clean often. It's basically a cave. I don't have a place I want to bring them back to. I set myself up for this failure. I'm pretty much a failure. I'd do okay, I think, if I had a place to bring them back to. I'd be more forthcoming. I'd be more confident. I need a fucking maid. Seriously. Also, there's the fact that I feel sick around people. Until recently, I didn't know why. I'm allergic to fragrances, and women like to wear fragrances. I have reasons, I guess, but I'd still get laid a lot more... If I had a maid. I need to pay someone weekly I guess to come clean. So at least I can have a sex pad.


I had a visitor just after she disabled her account. She disabled her account, I think because of my inaction and waiting. It probably made her crazy. She lived only 45 minutes-1 hour away. Could have happened easily. Explored. Life. The visitor after, was a guy. I don't get any guys visit my profile. His only image was of Robert Downey Jr, and it said "Rules of Life: 1. Fuck. 2. Don't give a fuck. 3. Don't get fucked over..." And I recognized... I did everything wrong.

This is probably blog material. But again, women/girls/those of female sex... Do you want intensity? Do you want to know our feelings as soon as they happen? Are more guys like me fucking themselves over by not being forthcoming as soon as the emotions surface, no matter how, Oh my God I love you, totally, that they are? I kind of think so. So let me know.

Is it better to go face first into things, and experience them, and not care about the future, because if your heart is right, it'll be alright? Yea.. I answer myself.
 
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if you tell someone you love them shortly after meeting them its a red flag that tells me you cant tell love from infatuation/strong attraction.

when i meet someone new i get strong feelings of liking them but would i call it love? probably not though it has the potential to become love...
 
why cant you clean your own apartment?

i get the feeling you have experienced loneliness intensely in the past for a long time? if so. me too

i wear my heart on my sleeves as well, and i think the reason you want to profess love so early on in the game, is because you don't want to be alone anymore?

in order for you to not scare off girls you first meet, try be more in control of your own actions i guess, even if you feel intense love for someone and its the first night you've met them, its a faux pas for you to say you are in love with them and want to marry them (why would you want to marry someone you don't know?)

instead you can just try to get to know them better and take each day at a time, a big part of sex is foreplay and relationships have foreplay as well, saying you want to marry someone on the first date is like hooking up with someone and straight up just sticking ur dick in

maybe you need to do some soul searching to try and be more comfortable in your own skin, i can say from partial experience that once you really start digging urself, then its WAY easier to sell yourself to other people, which leads to more pussy + more meaningful relationships

listen to your heart, think with your head and speak with awareness :)
 
I think Mysterie's right here, seems like you have been feeling lonely and fantasizing about your dream girl. So when you meet internet people the fantasy is perpetuating and you're in love before you even meet in person.

Also you said that you feel sick around people. Do you think it might be some sort of social anxiety, or phobia? I ask because I cut myself off from relationships due to my disorder and I sometimes I can't even leave the house. People in my space make me want to jump out of my skin. But I'm trying to work on this.

Don't let the dirty house hold you back. Cleaning can be a chore, especially when you let it go for a while. Just like your cave thing, my place was a house of horrors but really it felt so much better tackling one room at a time. It's looking pretty normal again and you would be surprised the feeling of accomplishment it brings just getting your house in order. Hire someone if you can't do it yourself.

Once you meet a lady in person, you shouldn't be in a rush to say "I love you." There's nothing wrong with having these intense feelings but I think jumping the gun can wreck things. Don't put the cart before the horse, so to speak and try to relax a bit.
 
i’m entirely and utterly focused on him in my mind and body. playing and slithering around his mind and body (even if i’m not touching
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She wrote this the day she got off the site that we had talked momentarily on, after a day of communicating with me through her profile information, in ways, and me not knowing how to respond... The only words that kept coming (to mind) were "you are beautiful." and... i love you.

This is from a blog that I found, of hers. It is about me, I'm pretty sure, or I'm about it.

To be clear, I wasn't forthcoming about the feelings that I talked about surfacing, in here, to her. And when I talk about love, there's also a ground layer that I try to always have with everything, or everyone, of unconditional love, so it's not a stretch to actually feel it in various ways, for me. It's not new. But she was exciting. She turned me on in a way that I have not been turned on.

But I do need to clean, or hire someone to. That's something I can control, as far as why I am insecure with inviting anything to go forward in these matters.

Her voice

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1cQg0AvKLFH

I wish her well. I love her.
We should wish well (and love) everything/one (no matter). It all returns.
 
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skittlesxo said:
well....you should def not see any escorts....
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I have. They don't work (nor do I expect them to). I'm not exactly desperate for anyone. Many girls, not to sound some way, have shown me attention, and have pursued me, but I don't go for them, or just anyone. Though I say I can have love... this doesn't mean I engage it on this level or find it worth it to become involved. Thanks (this is sarcasm) for the insult, or attempt at light humor. But you aren't right.

Anyways, thanks for the responses that were actually thought out.

T. Calderone, I have been there about getting out. I don't really have that issue any more. I do have anxiety and phobias, but I've also become pretty relaxed about it all. About people making me ill, I have pretty severe phenol allergies. I can't handle the fragrances in anything they wear or have around- air fresheners, lotions, perfumes, their air fresheners, candles, their soap that they washed with hours ago. I say severe, though it has never brought me near death, it makes life miserable when I'm around others, with a giant headache usually, or other symptoms depending on how sensitized I am to that specific chemical.

I guess in that case, hookers are also not advised, nor are strip clubs, but sometimes I have accepted the pain for a short period of fucking. This is why things would be less complicated if I simply had a place to bring them back to- a pad. The time spent thinking on how to say things since the next step was hard to take, wouldn't be had, because the next step, meeting, would have happened.

It makes it hard to date, too. I have a complex because, it's complex. I can't take them to a restaurant, unless I just want to watch them eat or something. Basically it's something that I'm telling myself I just need to let go of (romantic life, and fulfilling this desire to connect), because of this illness, but I don't want to let go of it. I have gone through periods of acceptance, but then I actually become interested in someone, and it's crazy time.
 
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sounds like procrastination and anxiety with your cleaning of your apt.
Actually easier to 'waste' a few days cleaning and then feel good about yourself.


saying "i love you" ?
maybe if she needs/expects it
other than that she pretty much needs to be on family level for me to feel that
 
she just seemed like a really intense person.

after reading through her blog, however, i feel i acted realistically in withholding communication. i'm just not sure i can handle it... but still, i feel i would have justified my way into her had i had space for her, and maybe that would have been enough.

i actually felt like deleting my profile, less than 24 hours before she deleted hers, in response to how i felt. i went to the screen that asks you if you want to permanently delete it or just disable it and it will be here when you sign in next. i decided to avoid doing that at all, and stuck with it, even though i was speechless.

and that lack of being honest, led to her disconnecting, or something.
 
OMG, the first 3 responses made me crack up. And then the escort comment. ROFL. I didn't read the op, sorry.

But to make a comment in response to your title thread, it can definitely be a culture thing and a gender thing. Like, girls for example, say I love you to each other a lot.. even though you just met them. And first meeting my boyfriends family, they are all like, I love you. But see I'm like asian and we don't say I love you... at all.

If you're talking about dating a girl for less than 3 months, keep the "I love you" to yourself.
 
pofacedhoe said:
what does this even mean? at the least its unhelpful
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my deepest apologies.
next time, I'll shoot for a "What?" or "Fuck. The." or "tldr" (whatever that means....) since those answers seem to be deemed as helpful and acceptable.

to answer the OP:

you said "if your heart is right, it will be allright..."
I really liked that.
I think people in general hold back their feelings and emotions towards one another much too often for fear of rejection or odd reaction. I mean, why's it when people are on their death beds that they've all of a sudden got to tell somebody how they truly feel or have got to do something 'drastic' at the last minute? If you truly feel that way about someone, I think you should tell them.
I tend to have extreme reactions to people when I first meet them; I can either be madly in love with them after an hour, or despise them. I'm happy to tell somebody that I dig 'em right off the bat, but for me, "love" is a word that is reserved for very very few. There's definitely been a few people whom I have been very much in love with, but did not tell them. Although I wanted to very badly at the time, I am glad that I didn't.
Nothing wrong with sharing upfront and strong and honest feelings, I say - but choose the wording carefully, perhaps? If someone told me they loved me after 2 dates, I'd probably freak out.
 
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Lobbing an, "I love you" at someone. Wow. Yeah. Well, not being able to return that, and very little reasonable expectation that it would be returned; it's going to screw up a relationship before it really had a chance, isn't it.

I think one is only going to cause themselves hurt and heartbreak. Love is unmistakable, isn't it. It doesn't have to be said, only felt.
 
dude:

The most recent one, I met her, online. I tapped into her, got her, and she liked me. She told me she was a siren, and that men run from her, because she castrates them/kills them (kills their life before), but she includes that this needs to happen, to start a new life, new fantasies. To explore with someone. I have to admit that the castration, even though I got it, made me sit and say, "hmm", even though I wanted to tell her she can have my balls... Haha. And that she can eat me/kill me. She was an artist, and inspiring of imagination like no other.
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I invite you to read that again, and for that matter, your whole post. Properly. What does it mean for someone to castrate someone without physically castrating them? Precisely nothing. She's a mad bitch and you're even more insane for believing all of her bullshit. She reads her life from movies and books and you should not indulge her or whatever it is that inside yourself that is attracted to this. I'll be honest: to me, your whole post reminded me of the way I felt about someone when I was 17. I remember saying to her I thought she was the most conscious person I'd ever met, now I realise how self conscious she was, it was just her image was grounded in books of every kind and not magazines. It's still the same thing.
If you had this feeling about one girl out of hundreds I'd say fucking go for it mate - she's the one. But it seems to be less discriminate than that. Get a dog.
 
The get a dog comment could be left out. For one I don't like having pets in small spaces. For two I'm not that easy to stimulate positively/in a way that's positive for me. This girl, in part because of her raw, "madness", showed potential for that. Your judgment... Blah. Thanks anyways!.

Still, I am a bit more laid back, or desiring of the easy going, than I believe she was into. She is an "artist". I'd love to indulge her... but I'm not sure anything would work... Another reason I believe I held off.

I still am crazy for another that I met years ago... I liked her in part at least because she challenged me. I screamed in my mind "bullshit!" to her mad ideas, but couldnt help but to not be closed. Saw something.

I'm crazy/ mad... and that's part of the reason I think I'm attracted to these girls. Of course, we seek identity. But in reality I think I know what I need, and it is likely not her, or the one before. Someone more level headed. Someone who doesn't try as hard to be something. Not that we aren't all those things we try to be. But I need to relax. I need the middle road.

And again I come to my likely incurable disease... Or one that is really hard to cure. Unless a girl at this time wants to like me clean themselves using only baking soda (and not use lotions with scents or anything scented), I'll likely suffer to be with them... And they'd have to be pretty special for me to even consider it.
 
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buffalobillygoat said:
dude:



I invite you to read that again, and for that matter, your whole post. Properly. What does it mean for someone to castrate someone without physically castrating them? Precisely nothing. She's a mad bitch and you're even more insane for believing all of her bullshit. She reads her life from movies and books and you should not indulge her or whatever it is that inside yourself that is attracted to this. I'll be honest: to me, your whole post reminded me of the way I felt about someone when I was 17. I remember saying to her I thought she was the most conscious person I'd ever met, now I realise how self conscious she was, it was just her image was grounded in books of every kind and not magazines. It's still the same thing.
If you had this feeling about one girl out of hundreds I'd say fucking go for it mate - she's the one. But it seems to be less discriminate than that. Get a dog.
Click to expand...

This +1 except the get the dog part
 
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