Questions on recovery and relapses

[jasperkent]

You shouldn't feel that way. I think you've internalised this idea that it's somehow a moral failing to take drugs, that it's inherently a 'bad' thing that makes you a bad person. But there's no society or time in human history that didn't have intoxicating substances. Even some non-human animals get deliberately intoxicated on various things. It's not exactly uncommon to enjoy altered states.

So now and again you fancy some, you indulge yourself, and then you stop again. You don't exactly seem to be ruining your life with it. It gives you pleasure but you're not letting it take over. (And presumably you're not stealing from relatives or hitting old ladies over the head to finance the stuff.) You should cut yourself some slack and allow yourself to have that pleasure without the guilt-trip.

^this^

After decades of self-destructive behavior I've finally gotten to the point where
I do drugs; drugs don't do me.

As always,  YMMV

 

[Lil'LinaptkSix]

You shouldn't feel that way. I think you've internalised this idea that it's somehow a moral failing to take drugs, that it's inherently a 'bad' thing that makes you a bad person

If drugs were free maybe it wouldnt bother me so, friend. I just feel the monies could go to a more nobel purpose, ya know?
It is not so much the occasional abuse of drugs that gets to me but the energy spent, money spent and the feeling the need to hide it and lying about what I am doing to my wife.
I get what you are saying and it totally strikes a chord but the "stealth" of using causes most of my self loathing.

I do drugs; drugs don't do me.

Yes I like this saying but the possibility of getting arrested and being removed from the board of life with SO and the needs of my family (includes kitties) is a risk that I take that I feel is most selfish and could pave the way to families sense of security.
I have given up a lot of drug use and worry that at some point this once in a while abuse will bring the sky down on us all.
The more I do not use the stronger my conviction that I have more to lose if using illicitly.
Its a paradox like everything else IMO but damn if I dont feel that this is something that I have the power to control... I really need to.
Love you all and sorry if this is a hijack.
Moving forward.

 

[TheUltimateFixx]

If drugs were free maybe it wouldnt bother me so, friend. I just feel the monies could go to a more nobel purpose, ya know?
It is not so much the occasional abuse of drugs that gets to me but the energy spent, money spent and the feeling the need to hide it and lying about what I am doing to my wife.
I get what you are saying and it totally strikes a chord but the "stealth" of using causes most of my self loathing.

This makes a lot more sense than what I assumed. This is why I have campaigned for years for a (strictly regulated) legal supply, where there's a state monopoly on production and distribution so quality can be guaranteed and consistent, there is consumer/user protection and taxes can be levied. There's no need to be criminalised for a victimless 'crime' that hurts no third person, there's no need for drugs to be anywhere near as dangerous as they currently are (heck, opiates of pharmaceutical grade correctly dosed because the strength is known would be among the SAFEST). Illegalization and the resulting social stigma and lack of product controls causes most of the misery. It's not so much a 'drug problem' as a DRUG POLICY PROBLEM.

PS and of course there'll always be individuals who can' t handle their substance, but under a legal situation those could be helped much more efficiently.

 

[TheUltimateFixx]

but damn if I dont feel that this is something that I have the power to control... I really need to.

You absolutely DO have that power, categorically. By which I mean there's no affliction from which you suffer which somehow forces you to use drugs, nor do drugs inherently contain an element of 'addictiveness' which can physically induce you to use them.

There IS learned habituation, obsessional behaviour, emotional attachment and conditioned reward, and I'm not saying for a second those can't be tyrants of the mind. I'm simply also saying there's no 'born addict' or 'inevitable addict for life'. You can have certain personality traits and life circumstances which make you more prone, and that's all. The question at any stage of how well you'll do according to the goals you've set yourself is how much you actually WANT to do it vs merely thinking you SHOULD want to do it. When you stack the negative possible consequences of your use against the perceived positive effects of using, how do those metaphorical scales tip -?...