Punky .......... (a very stoned Ashke tells a story)

I love you Ashke! I love you so much for sharing yourself in such a beautiful way with us! Your words are so powerful Ashke I wish I could write my thoughts and feelings like that! I walked away for 10 minutes and cried my eyes out, thought I was done, sat down and cried some more, I think I'll keep crying throughout this post too. Like Pyro I'm not sure what I'm going to write here but here goes.

You more than anyone else personify what bluelight is all about. So many times you've poured you heart out to us and left us all speechless. Every bluelighter I've talked to always mentions you as her/his favorite person. You touch us all in so many ways, so often.

I know that I can't give you some profound words to make it all any easier for you to handle, or provide you with an insight into the truth - only you can do that for your self, but i can share with you what I have gained from your words. I can thank you for the things your words and the words of the others who have commented about this have given me. I know that I really have no right to go out on a limb and say these things about you since i don't really know if it is a truth about you, but I do know that it is the truth as I know it to be right now, and I hope it helps:

- I feel so connected to you, I sense more strongly than ever that you care very deeply about your friends and that you'll selflessly do anything to help them out if you feel that it will make a difference. More than anything else this explains why I have so much love and respect for you.

- You wonder if you are in fact strong after all. Ashke you are very strong, you kicked meth's ass in the end, and I know only one other person who did that on his own. Even he can't write or talk about it openly as you do, so your stronger than even he is in my opinion.

- I hope that you continue to intervene in the lives of people like Punky. I feel that if we dare to call someone a friend then it's our duty to do what we can to help them through this life. Even though we obviously can't make all the right choices for them or prevent them from harming themselves or others, we can try to make a positive difference. Sometimes just being there for a friend in the darkest hour is enough, and sometimes not, but it's the effort that counts - you said as much in your post.

- Your posting this wasn't just about sharing your grief for a friend, it is certainly going to make a positive difference for many of us who read it too, surely you know that. I'm proud that you have the courage and love within yourself to share this real life tragedy with us. Thank you!

I love you all so much!
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There's no need to fear, richierich is here
[This message has been edited by richierich (edited 09 May 2000).]
 
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since march 1, 2000 (the day i was born into bluelight) i have marveled at this glowing spirit who is ashke.
i will not even begin to say that throughout reading this post i understood what you must have felt. i can elude from the actual content of what you had intended to present while depicting punky only because i remain perplexed as to why such a lovely, magical, talented girl - YOU ASHKE - would want to be in anyone's shoes but your own. while i am sympathetic to her failure, i am at the same time applauding this demise for making you know that the way you felt about this girl is the way others feel about you...in awe.
you have reached inside the minds of so many of us by challenging our thoughts and opening our minds. we've all gotten lost in your beauty - on the surface and deeper.
if there's one bluelighter that i'd like to reconnect with in 10 years, it's ashke. girl, the world has been waiting for you...beauty, strength and compassion like this aren't handed out to just anyone. it continually pleases me to see you taking advantage of life.
much love and RESPECT to you.
MiNiMoWs
 
you un-nerved a few things in me with that post whitney. some pretty personal shit that i never think about. maybe ill post about it. maybe not. all i know is that im sitting here on a tuesday afternoon, being very unproductive, and now i gotta go watch some stupid TV comedy, or put on a funny cd, so that i can get back to normal. maybe thats why i luv people like you and sam so much. both of you, you just make me THINK about stuff. i take in your experiences, your words, your innocence, your lack of innocence, your overall beauty. you make me feel better about myself (usually), but more often than not, you have always got me thinking about something, thru no fault of your own.
well, there may have been no real point to this post.. that's just what came to mind.
-Spencer
 
Ashke,
Thank you immensely for sharing this story with us all in the masterful way that you did!
I have a friend who I am watching slip into drug/alcohol depths and so far I have taken the backseat and not tried to do anything about it. Your story inspired me to do whatever I can to help him back.
Thank you so much!
smile.gif

SKipp-E
*BUMP*
 
Man, I am at a lose for words! Just kidding, I love to write, read, and talk, so here it goes...Ashke, how wonderful you write, how brutally honest you are! You are a ray of light in my life and many others! Your story is so alive with life and yet so painful to read but yet, I was hanging on with every single word you wrote, scrolling my arrow to the right of my computer as quickly as I can to continue reading as fast as I do! You show such a care for all humans and all life on earth! You are a charm to me to look up to and learn from. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your posts. I have not been in bluelight for 4 days now because I have been swamped with work but at today's end, it is almost 5pm, I decided to see what was going on lately, and your thread was the first I went it and I am so glad I did. Enough said. Bye love, Renee
 
i'd have to say ashke, thatstory was moving! what was it about last summer?? was it not the greatest time of most of our lives?? it seems that way. everyone's changed. everyTHING's changed. nothing's really the same anymore. well, anyway, thanx for the insightful words. they'll keep me thinking for the rest of the night. P*L*U*R
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Lord, what fools these mortals be!
 
bump
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matt
"Your first time rolling is when you will see the world in a different light. Things that you have not understood previously, or had problems with understanding suddenly make sense. The first time you roll is when you will finally truely get a grasp on what the world should really be like. Of what living should be. When your rolling you will discover the potential in yourself..the potential in others......the potential in the world. When you roll...you realize "this is the way things should be".
 
wow that was amazing, as i was reading it i was continuously getting goosebumps, ashke, i love your writing.
 
ashke i melt into your stories... it is like you are right there talking to me.
about your friend, all i can offer is comfort. i truly feel for you and her both.
sometimes it is the people who appear strongest on the outside that are truly the most lost on the inside.
i hope this girl gets herself back on track.
peace
 
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Ok Before I say this I want to let every one know that ashke is a goddess. And I havent ever met her!!!! But I just wish that people who are close to me would kick meth out of their lives. It rips a hole in my heart to see people who were straight a students and good clean kids who didnt even drink turn to meth and ruin their lives. I watch them stay up 5 nights in a row and then decide that "oh its time to get some more" It makes me cry sometimes. I hate um for it. So I guess I can sort of kind of relate to you Ashke
wink.gif
You are a hero girl!!!
 
WOW! I will say that for Their is nothing elce to say... A very tragic rabit.
Roland
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A smile,
gental touch,
Kind words.
By such things are lifes changed.
-unknown
 
Ashke.. you have such a way with words, both on your posts and when I've talked to you in person. An old soul, so wise beyond the few years you've lived. You have alot to share with the world in your lifetime...
I personally had to watch my friend Rob, who had been going to raves for years, struggle with an addiction to smack... he was such an outgoing, beautiful person when I first met him. So smart and lively, Rob was always up to do something, even if it was merely sitting in Denny's at 4:30am drinking endless cups of coffee. He taught me all about raves, the drugs involved with them, things you'd see, everything I ever needed to know about his lifestyle... and I was captivated by it.. I wanted to experience his life... and I did.
I see him now, three years later, his face all pale and sunken... he looks so sad now... always so nervous and jittery... he has no life left in him. He merely sits and waits for the opportunity to do up his next bag... how I miss the old Rob.
Ashke... *hugs* Thank you for this heart warming story..
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"The whole room is crooked, but I feel straight."
 
WOW!! [now this my boys n' girls is called wisdom
smile.gif
] .. ur friend should be smiling when she reads this ... what honor u give her .. for all her strength and power ... coming from nothing .. building herself up to be respected by her village ... for those who come from loving homes, or just a home, with food, and clothing,shoes etc. ... it is such a struggle when u grow up without these basic needs met .. ur trying to find urself and u can't because .. well fuck ur stomachs growlin so loud the car alarms are going off
smile.gif
... sometimes things get too hard and ur choices are limited .. keep working ur ass off to do right and still get screwed over ... or give in to the downhill ride of self destruction ... no worries .. ya there is pain .. but there has always been pain .. nothing new ....................... it takes so much FURY to get off that ride ......
its like the FURY a mother has when protecting her child from harms way .... take back ur life with the FURY of a lioness!!!!!!
addiction comes in many forms
quote
... I think I should maybe look inside before returning to the false idol of strength I worshiped last summer. ...
 
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