As for the topic at hand, I think it's a good discussion. While forced drugging is just flat out wrong IMO, I have to agree with invega in a sense. After going through what I have went through with APs, I feel violated. It's kind of a feeling that you can only know if you have had it. Maybe not comparable to rape, but violated nonetheless. To be fair though, it did help me for a time.
Meds don't effect people in the same way. 10 bipolar people will all tell you a different combination of meds that work for them.
I agree completely.
After my hospital experience & the forced drugging combined with the destruction of my veins.
The forced straight catheters as opposed to using the Foley I requested.
As well as the numerous other lies & destructive things there were done to me;
I can agree with u that it is quite violating.
I now at 31 have to see a cardiologist & a thoracic doctor due to lung & heart damage.
As well as having most of my arm veins collapsed, damaged from caustic medications or worse.
I mean seriously I have permanent serious heart & lung damage from pneumonia complications?
Also the arm vein damage is just part of normal treatment?
I mean I used IV drugs for probably 3-5 years & didn't even have a track mark let alone any vein damage.
I practiced proper vein care, used microns, though sure sometimes if I had to I'd go old school.
Or I'll admit if we were ballin & there was no powder around I'd break down & use lemon/lime/vinegar.
As here in the states the exchange never carried citric acid packets so if all we had was hard
which was somewhat often as if was often higher quality than the soft;
& I usually wasn't the one purchasing I'd use the above.
That might have caused some very minor damage but nothing noticeable.
Now my arms look like hell & after finding out I was losing all my meds;
at the same time that I finally got to have my appts.;
That might find the root cause of my problems plus my disability hearing I'd waited 2 years for I lost it.
I ended up whacking a Dilaudid after years of not abusing anything or even thinking of picking up a needle.
I could never do it myself in the past, as I shake so bad I always miss.
I'd always hit then have someone register & push plunger so I could keep it steady & in the vein.
But now I just don't care after all the damage they've done, so I ended up poking myself 10 times.
Then I remembered to try a belt as at this point I no longer had a tourniquet.
I got lucky on #13 & managed to hit & somehow managed to not miss, but was underwhelmed.
Which is really bad considering how fast & how low the doses are they wrote me to taper off with.
Essentially it's not going to be possible to do, as they expect me to taper off the Remeron.
Which I requested & am happy to do, but want to do slowly enough to not have any w/d symptoms.
I sure didn't want to lose Morphine 60 ER x3 Daily, Klonopin 2mg x3 Daily, Valium 5mg x3 Daily;
Soma x3 Daily & Dilaudid 8mg x6 Daily.
They cut my Klonopin to 4mg daily & have me on a 1mg per week taper, thus 4 weeks to get off.
Ashton Manual (The Gold Standard) has it at 28-56 weeks.
With 28 having possible permanent damage 56 for no risk of damage.
Luckily I still had some extras, & there's tons of grey market benzo's.
Though I plan on using Phenazepam as I've had good luck with that in the past.
Apparently it's become kinda rare though on most regular internet vendors from what I've seen.
Luckily I found it just gotta acquire it, once I figure out this Bitcoin thing.
Speaking of which if anyone is familiar with Bitcoin;
PM me please as I don't wanna de-rail thread about it.
As for the opiates, they wrote me an 8 week taper, 15mg Morphine ER x1 or x2 daily, for 1 week;
cut by 1 per day per week.
Well first they wrote 20mg capsules which don't exist around here so I had 2 days with nothing.
Or so the doc thought, which would have meant a major health risk.
Also they are super expensive compared to tablets & he knows I have medicare & no money.
So basically tried to fuck me & my family money wise.
Ended up getting it switched to above 15's.
But had I not had stuff from before would have had nothing for 2 days.
Which is ridiculous as I'm sick as fuck constantly.
To top it off I have some form of internal bleeding.
Either urethral or prostate, or perhaps somewhere in GI as I've had dark stool;
with the coffee looking bullshit.
So quite likely prostate. He decided not to urine test or check it out & just wrote me Cipro.
Even though I'd just got out of hospital & had been on high strength antibiotics for weeks, oral & IV.
So that's kinda bullshit right there, not to mention the Cipro makes me sick as fuck.
So I'm supposed to withdraw from all those meds while sick from the Cipro;
& still go to Disability Hearing & my appts?
Remember that I've spent my whole life, well at least the last 10-15 years trying to get these appts.;
so I could have a chance at actually getting better & having a life worth living.
Now how the fuck am I supposed to do that if I'm sick as fuck & withdrawing to boot.
Also opiate withdrawals aren't normally fatal (though the benzo ones can be) but the opiate w/d's;
can also be fatal in those with heart/lung problems both of which I'm currently experiencing.
I mean hell they don't make you appts. for cardiology & thoracic for no reason.
Also my feet/ankles are swollen as all fuck & he didn't bother to pay attention to that either.
Basically everything on my life threatening list was ignored;
in favor of getting me off controlled substances ASAP.
Even if doing so puts my life at extreme risk & makes it so I can't do my appts.;
& possibly fucks my Disability Hearing.
Which he knew about & I mentioned, hell my mom tore into him about how he was trying to kill me.
But no he didn't give a fuck so now I gotta somehow get by with my old extras.
And what ever else I can get as if they drug test at hearing;
I gotta be sure I have just Morphine in system.
If they say I have to much of anything in system I can fight that.
As there's previous court rulings showing that with different metabolisms;
the amounts on a drug test are not accurate.
They can only say yes or no, not how much thankfully.
Just hoping they don't even test, as there's no reason I never abused shit.
Yet hospital put in records that I did.
No idea why as once I got into Pain Management.
I went completely straight as I have legit medical issues.
Only reason I was fucking around & the like was because that's what you have to do;
when your in the scene or else people don't trust you.
As I actually needed the shit to maintain, pain wise & health wise.
Just so pissed as I could lose my hearing due to sickness / possible red flag?
Also worried about my appts. as I can't afford to be sick & not on my A game.
To make sure I get proper treatments.
Plus I might need surgery if not multiple ones. WTF are they gonna do?
Make me w/d off meds then have surgery & w/d again?
Plus will they even give me pain meds after surgery?
As just the meds they use for the surgery will cause me to w/d again.
Even if they don't give me meds after.
So I have no intention of tapering off my opiates, I'll go back to streets or use internet if needed.
As I don't have a comp setup to fuck with the darknet ATM & not familiar.
Though I know computers wells so I'm sure I can figure it out.
But I can't have those appts. & there results get ruined by this.
Plus I'd rather not die from withdrawals & the resulting heart/lung complications;
as well as the issues from the Cipro.
Anyways I'm rambling but if anyone has any ideas on what I can do I'd really appreciate it.
PM me if need be.
As I'm ready to just end it, but I'm gonna at least wait till after the Disability Hearing.
As that's I believe the 21st.
I have a lawyer & what not & if I get that then I could get other benefits.
Then maybe I could afford to maintain pain meds.
It just sucks. Take a person who went 100% legit & turn em back to streets & the scene.
As well as force them back to the point s necessary.
As depending on B/A & cost sometimes I won't have a choice.
I hate that, I didn't want to have to deal with that shit again. I mean I was legit damn it.
I mean they did give me a pain management referral but that's not scheduled yet.
Regardless I'm supposed to be tapering in meantime & the referral is to a spinal injection specialist.
They do, do medication management but they told my mom
(figured she's old they'd be more honest) that it's rare.
That usually they just do injections.
So I gotta try to find a new Pain Management doc to get referred to if possible.
As I need medication management not spinal injections.
Also the Klonopin, if I'd actually cut 2mg's & started tapering;
I'd be having seizures & be half brain dead by now.
So I have to go to out patient counseling which does medication management.
But I still have to schedule it & have them actually write me what I need.
As opposed to anti-D's, anti-P's, etc.
All while trying to deal with withdrawals, sickness from Cipro, Heart/Lung problems.
As well as trying to prepare for & deal with Disability Hearing & my Dr. Appts.;
that I've waited so fucking long for.
What a mess. I tried so hard to do things right & they turn around & fuck me for doing the right thing.
The American medical system is a fucking joke. It's just plain evil.
I mean hell I also have to worry about the psych appt. trying to court order me to take shit & the like.
Though I could get 2nd opinion at a different psych.
However, there are only so many in my area that take Medicrap, er Medicare.
I mean how do they expect someone with major physical health issues;
& after hospital torture mental ones as well to deal with all of the above;
& still succeed with Disability Hearing & there Dr. Appts?
It's essentially impossible without me taking meds the way I feel I need to;
& avoiding withdrawals as best I can.
As I need to be able to think & as it is, it's so much stress & so much going on I can't think.
Let alone with withdrawals & being sick from Cipro, plus the Heart/Lung problems & the other issues.
Internal bleeding, feet/ankle swelling, blood tests I need done, oh & I'm not aloud to drive.
Though since I don't have a car ATM it doesn't matter. BTW Appts. are 3 hours away, 1 fucking way.
And I probably already mentioned earlier in thread that I can't urinate in public.
So that's at minimum 6-8 hours.
That hurts & isn't good for me, especially with all my other issues in those areas.
But I digress going on & on.
Just please if anyone can help my situation at all, PM me or post something.
Even if it's just encouragement it's appreciated.
Sorry to OP & others if anyone feels that I'm de-railing the thread a bit.
Also sorry if this is a bit long & hard to digest but I had to get it off my chest as best I could.
However I feel it seems to fit into the discussion that's been going on in the thread so I felt it appropriate.
Thanks again to anyone that can help in anyway.
Even if it's just to toss some good vibes/encouragement my way.
As I'm about ready to just call it quits at this point.
Again my apologies for the length of the post & if anyone feels it's off topic.