Elpatron69
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Nov 6, 2013
- Messages
- 21
So around six months ago, I had a bad trip on mushrooms. I had consumed about 3.5 grams at the time. Before I get into the bad trip itself and the aftermath, I want to provide some of the details of my drug history so you guys can help determine if it has all played a factor in the cause of my bad trip or maybe adjust how I can recover.
When I was 15, I had my first sip of alcohol. I never drank much in high school, just a few times a month, and never to the point of being truly wasted. Throughout college and up til the age of 20 (I'm 20 now), I drank heavily, and often to the point of blacking out.. Usually twice a week or so, sometimes even up to 5. When I was 16 I tried pot for the first time and only smoked a few times a month which gradually increased to multiple times a day in college. By the time I was 19 I had a slight addiction to adderall (popping generally 3 times a week, with dosages increasing as well as frequency) which had lasted about a year, and then stopped. I had tried cocaine a few times and also benzos. I had also shroomed twice before my bad trip.. But both those times were enjoyable and enlightening.
When I took mushrooms for the third time, I feel like my life had changed for the worse afterwards. I couldn't imagine any other drugs aside from psychadelics that could provoke such an immediate change in perspective.
Now here's the bad trip:
Before my bad trip on shrooms, my ego was through the roof based on drug use. I was mentally capable of taking any drug I felt like, and felt like I could take shrooms in any environment and under any circumstances. So me and my friend split a quarter of shrooms and enter this park at night. The trip is going well, and I experience intense visuals, especially after smoking weed. Then my friend starts having a bad trip it seems like. The look on his face seems frightened, and he tells me he wants to go home. I didn't understand why and didnt really care either. As soon as he drops me off about a block away from my house, I felt like I was gonna be okay. I felt like I could handle the trip alone for a while, and started calling friends. I didn't want to go home right away because I was tripping too hard. when I realize that nobody answered my calls, and after a few minutes of walking alone in the dark, things start to go bad. I didn't experience any visuals, I was just caught up in my own head and driving myself insane. I had paranoid and anxious thoughts. I thought I was going to be stuck in this insane world for the rest of my life. Once I accepted that the trip was going to end, i still questioned if I was ever going to be the same again. I even questioned if my dealer had purposely soaked the shrooms in acid just to purposely turn me psychotic. I tried thinking at some point in the trip, and couldn't think of anything. I felt like an invalid. Like every experience I had up to this point in my life was meaningless now. I forgot who I was and felt like Id never go back to who I was. I determined this to be ego death. I walked back home after about 30 minutes to an hour of walking in the dark by myself, and felt a little more sane when I laid in bed, more traumatized if anything. Then my friend picked me up and as we smoked some weed and I talked about what happened, I felt a little better. I went back home that night and couldn't really fall asleep. I woke up in the morning with my hands shaking. The ego deducing effects still lingered on to me quite a bit. I felt so stuck in my head that conversation was difficult with others and just having any sort of connection with someone else was too hard. These effects lingered on for about two weeks and got better as soon as I went to Europe over the summer. I had a good time in Europe and drank my ass off and felt like I was recovering from the experience. When I came back, I still didn't feel completely the same, but I was content with how things were going. It wasn't until I smoked some high grade marijuana that things began to go back to square one. As soon as I smoked, I felt paranoid, confused, and just plain retarded (I'm at a loss for better words to describe how I felt). It was like a little bad trip all over again. I felt like it was never going to end. I even tried cocaine after, and just experienced a panic attack. I feel like any drug aside from opiates and alcohol and benzos just make me crazy and paranoid. Now I've quit all drugs and turned to lifting weights and cardio every day. I feel lost again since I've come back from Europe. I'm constantly depressed and anxious and just don't feel like myself. Finding words to communicate with others is difficult, as I feel like I've lost touch with my ego and personality. This makes me avoid social situations more often, and I feel disconnected with everyone. I get derealization throughout the day. I want things to get better, is there any hope..? I am in constant fear that I've fried my brain permanently, which I feel is causing all of this trauma. These effects almost feel like something of PTSD. When I wake up in the morning, I dread getting out of bed and going throughout my day having to feel the way I'm feeling now
When I was 15, I had my first sip of alcohol. I never drank much in high school, just a few times a month, and never to the point of being truly wasted. Throughout college and up til the age of 20 (I'm 20 now), I drank heavily, and often to the point of blacking out.. Usually twice a week or so, sometimes even up to 5. When I was 16 I tried pot for the first time and only smoked a few times a month which gradually increased to multiple times a day in college. By the time I was 19 I had a slight addiction to adderall (popping generally 3 times a week, with dosages increasing as well as frequency) which had lasted about a year, and then stopped. I had tried cocaine a few times and also benzos. I had also shroomed twice before my bad trip.. But both those times were enjoyable and enlightening.
When I took mushrooms for the third time, I feel like my life had changed for the worse afterwards. I couldn't imagine any other drugs aside from psychadelics that could provoke such an immediate change in perspective.
Now here's the bad trip:
Before my bad trip on shrooms, my ego was through the roof based on drug use. I was mentally capable of taking any drug I felt like, and felt like I could take shrooms in any environment and under any circumstances. So me and my friend split a quarter of shrooms and enter this park at night. The trip is going well, and I experience intense visuals, especially after smoking weed. Then my friend starts having a bad trip it seems like. The look on his face seems frightened, and he tells me he wants to go home. I didn't understand why and didnt really care either. As soon as he drops me off about a block away from my house, I felt like I was gonna be okay. I felt like I could handle the trip alone for a while, and started calling friends. I didn't want to go home right away because I was tripping too hard. when I realize that nobody answered my calls, and after a few minutes of walking alone in the dark, things start to go bad. I didn't experience any visuals, I was just caught up in my own head and driving myself insane. I had paranoid and anxious thoughts. I thought I was going to be stuck in this insane world for the rest of my life. Once I accepted that the trip was going to end, i still questioned if I was ever going to be the same again. I even questioned if my dealer had purposely soaked the shrooms in acid just to purposely turn me psychotic. I tried thinking at some point in the trip, and couldn't think of anything. I felt like an invalid. Like every experience I had up to this point in my life was meaningless now. I forgot who I was and felt like Id never go back to who I was. I determined this to be ego death. I walked back home after about 30 minutes to an hour of walking in the dark by myself, and felt a little more sane when I laid in bed, more traumatized if anything. Then my friend picked me up and as we smoked some weed and I talked about what happened, I felt a little better. I went back home that night and couldn't really fall asleep. I woke up in the morning with my hands shaking. The ego deducing effects still lingered on to me quite a bit. I felt so stuck in my head that conversation was difficult with others and just having any sort of connection with someone else was too hard. These effects lingered on for about two weeks and got better as soon as I went to Europe over the summer. I had a good time in Europe and drank my ass off and felt like I was recovering from the experience. When I came back, I still didn't feel completely the same, but I was content with how things were going. It wasn't until I smoked some high grade marijuana that things began to go back to square one. As soon as I smoked, I felt paranoid, confused, and just plain retarded (I'm at a loss for better words to describe how I felt). It was like a little bad trip all over again. I felt like it was never going to end. I even tried cocaine after, and just experienced a panic attack. I feel like any drug aside from opiates and alcohol and benzos just make me crazy and paranoid. Now I've quit all drugs and turned to lifting weights and cardio every day. I feel lost again since I've come back from Europe. I'm constantly depressed and anxious and just don't feel like myself. Finding words to communicate with others is difficult, as I feel like I've lost touch with my ego and personality. This makes me avoid social situations more often, and I feel disconnected with everyone. I get derealization throughout the day. I want things to get better, is there any hope..? I am in constant fear that I've fried my brain permanently, which I feel is causing all of this trauma. These effects almost feel like something of PTSD. When I wake up in the morning, I dread getting out of bed and going throughout my day having to feel the way I'm feeling now