• Life Advice & Visual Arts Welcome Guest
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    🌌 Share Your Dreams! 🌌
    📸 15 Years of Photo Contests 📸
  • LAVA Moderator: Mysterier

Problem with an employee.

M

Memeito

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 2, 2010
Messages
168
Let's say you are a manager working for a big company and you just hired a good looking secretary. The next day you are approached in the parking lot by a dude who appears out of nowhere and tells you this:
"Hey yo! Are you the boss of this girl? I have something to tell you man-to-man, you know... I'm her boyfriend, she is my woman and I don't want you to hit on her or try anything funny at the office. I never tried in my life to hit on somebody else's woman and I expect the same thing. So make sure you keep your dick in your pants 'cause if try anything with her, you will have to deal with me! You got that???!"

What would you do in this situation?
 
Last edited:
Chock it up to jealous BF syndrome, and don't blame the secretary. But perhaps mention it to her that you have no intentions of anything funny, and ask her to invite her BF into your office to explain the employer/employee respect/appropriatenesss relationship that is expressed where you work, either one on one with the guy or with the secretary as well to iron out the issues.

I know alot of good looking women that woudn't put up with that shit, and promptly dump guys that are overtly agressive about that kind of stuff, without provocation. Its just emotional baggage they don't want to have to put up with. Unless of course there was some inappropriate behavior involved, witch i doubt based on your post.
 
Give her a written warning and explain to her that if her boyfriend threatens any other staff member then she can find herself another place to work.
 
^This but maybe a verbal warning first. She may have no idea that her boyfriend is a pyscho and would be a tad harsh to go straight to written. But you're right 1000 words, by the letter of the law that is actionable by a formal written warning. I'm a softy with my underlings, let one of my reporters go home because she'd been on drugs at the weekend but I prefer the carrot rather than the stick. Totally justified written warning but empathy is my weakness. I would probably go for an informal chat first but make it clear that this is totally unacceptable behaviour but she may not be aware. Shouldn't have to pay for the sins of others.
 
Call the police. Guys like that need a lesson on how society works.
 
Last edited:
You need to talk to the girlfriend, in private, and make sure that she does talk to her boyfriend about his behavior. You're not going to blame her for his actions, this time. But if he continuously threatens him or any of the other employers, you will have to write her up and then next step would be possible termination.

Also sometimes the parking lot is considered part of the company so you make be able to call the police next time you see him loitering/harassing other employees if you believe he is a threat.
 
The problem with a verbal warnings are they can often be twisted and without solid evidence the next thing you are being accused of bullying or some other kind of harassment. A written warning at least is down on paper and there shouldn't be any confusion on what you are trying to convey. It doesn't have to be harsh, rather explaining to her what is expected as an employee of the company and that she has to take responsibility for the actions of her boyfriend.
 
rangrz said:
Call the police. Guys like that need a lesson on how society works.
Click to expand...

Yeah, 'cause we're a bunch of ignorant fucking children, unable to exist without essentially giving the right to kill, confine, and steal from us when we do something the state deems wrong, whether we agree with it or not.

OP, I would just let it go. He was probably just had to give you that "warning" and things will most likely not escalate, unless your employee ends up making up stories and telling him for some reason. By all means keep what happened in mind, but don't worry yourself too much about it IMO.
 
That's insane. If that was my BF, I would be so freakin embarrassed and probably dump him. Who does that? Jeez.
 
Lysis said:
That's insane. If that was my BF, I would be so freakin embarrassed and probably dump him. Who does that? Jeez.
Click to expand...

Why? I know some guys with hot girlfriends that whenever they met a new guy(at a party, at work,etc.) they warned them to stay away from their girls or there will be trouble. They would also ask sometimes out of the blue their colleagues or friends if they slept with their girl - you know...to be sure they aren't being cheated.

...................

Also, how would you deal with the following situations:
1) an over-protective mother who comes at the office, complaining that her son is too stressed and should be given easier work assignments.
2) another mother who comes complaining that her daughter is leaving the company and going to work for "those arabs"(a Dubai company) and blaming you, like you are supposed to be responsible for this.
3) a worried husband that is also a hard-core Jehovah witness that brings an elder with him and they both start to preach against the "immoral and sinful work environment"(some male employees have pictures with women in bathing suits on their desk, they sometimes make sexual jokes,etc. -however there's nothing too outrageous)

How should you handle these people?
 
Last edited:
Yeah, you have no proof of what he said so its your word against his (= no cops). Plus, its kind of a messed up thing to call the cops about anyway. I am a manager at a large company and if that happened, I would wait a few weeks to see if anything else happened with the boyfriend. If so, you need to tell him that his attitude is going to jeapordize his gf's job. If nothing else happens, I'd just drop it. Go find a punching bag and beat the hell out of it.
 
I would dump him simply because he doesn't have the brains to realize that he could get me fired and he'd be so socially inept to think that is acceptable at any level.
 
Memeito said:
Why? I know some guys with hot girlfriends that whenever they met a new guy(at a party, at work,etc.) they warned them to stay away from their girls or there will be trouble. They would also ask sometimes out of the blue their colleagues or friends if they slept with their girl - you know...to be sure they aren't being cheated.
Click to expand...

those guys are idiots. if you're that insecure, the last thing you need to do is broadcast it to the world.
 
One Thousand Words said:
The problem with a verbal warnings are they can often be twisted and without solid evidence the next thing you are being accused of bullying or some other kind of harassment. A written warning at least is down on paper and there shouldn't be any confusion on what you are trying to convey. It doesn't have to be harsh, rather explaining to her what is expected as an employee of the company and that she has to take responsibility for the actions of her boyfriend.
Click to expand...

This.

You say you work for a big company. Do they have an HR department? If so, I would ask for a meeting with whomever handles this sort of matter. Alternatively, an office manager? Perhaps that person could draft a memo (not a warning) asking the employee to ensure that this is not repeated. If it is, then that could be construed as harassment and a threat to your safety. If you have on-site security personnel, then perhaps they might appreciate a heads-up.

On a personal level, if I had a partner who approached my boss like that, I'd dump him. Good jobs are way more difficult to find than jealous boyfriends.
 
Memeito said:
Also, how would you deal with the following situations:
1) an over-protective mother who comes at the office, complaining that her son is too stressed and should be given easier work assignments.
2) another mother who comes complaining that her daughter is leaving the company and going to work for "those arabs"(a Dubai company) and blaming you, like you are supposed to be responsible for this.
3) a worried husband that is also a hard-core Jehovah witness that brings an elder with him and they both start to preach against the "immoral and sinful work environment"(some male employees have pictures with women in bathing suits on their desk, they sometimes make sexual jokes,etc. -however there's nothing too outrageous)

How should you handle these people?
Click to expand...

These people mentioned above sound like a bunch of loony tunes. Tell the mommies to let their kids handle their own problems. Just politely tell the Jehovah witnesses they need to leave if they're not employed there. The first guy seems obsessed with his girlfriend. I can see this turning ugly very fast. What will he do if she needs to work late? Come storming back and accuse her of cheating? He's already threatened you and if he shows up again, you have every right to call the police. Also keep an eye on her and see if she's talking on the phone with him a lot. That you would add to your written warning that she needs to keep her private life separate from work. It's sad for her because her boyfriend is so hostile and could be the sort to come in with a gun. What is her attitude about this incident?
 
One Thousand Words said:
The problem with a verbal warnings are they can often be twisted and without solid evidence the next thing you are being accused of bullying or some other kind of harassment. A written warning at least is down on paper and there shouldn't be any confusion on what you are trying to convey. It doesn't have to be harsh, rather explaining to her what is expected as an employee of the company and that she has to take responsibility for the actions of her boyfriend.
Click to expand...

Ok good point. I forget how litigitious you guys are in the States so yeah, a paper trail is probably a good idea if you envision it escalating. Thing is under UK employment law, there are statutory guildelines about when you can fire someone, including amount of written warnings (I think its 2 but not 100%). But might not be the same in on your side of the pond.
 
Memeito said:
Why? I know some guys with hot girlfriends that whenever they met a new guy(at a party, at work,etc.) they warned them to stay away from their girls or there will be trouble. They would also ask sometimes out of the blue their colleagues or friends if they slept with their girl - you know...to be sure they aren't being cheated.

...................

Also, how would you deal with the following situations:
1) an over-protective mother who comes at the office, complaining that her son is too stressed and should be given easier work assignments.
2) another mother who comes complaining that her daughter is leaving the company and going to work for "those arabs"(a Dubai company) and blaming you, like you are supposed to be responsible for this.
3) a worried husband that is also a hard-core Jehovah witness that brings an elder with him and they both start to preach against the "immoral and sinful work environment"(some male employees have pictures with women in bathing suits on their desk, they sometimes make sexual jokes,etc. -however there's nothing too outrageous)

How should you handle these people?
Click to expand...

Lol, you're so weird! He threatened you and you're defending him! Haha.

Guys warn other guys because they're insecure and feel the need to prevent any jealous issues. And that's okay, I guess... BUT in a work environment it's COMPLETELY unprofessional and can cost the gf her job. Especially stalking and harassing persons in a high position WITH authority to fire her. If she feels a male worker is making sexual advances toward her, she needs to go through the proper professional channels (HR hotline or whatever). She CANNOT have her bf threaten company employees.... It's illegal and just plain unacceptable!

Any person that comes into the company and harasses them is illegal. The nice thing would be to give a verbal, written, then termination.
 
Another idea you could do to protect from any more threats is use a videocamera or micro-recorder if he keeps coming back.
He sounds beyond insecure and you never can be too careful in volatile situations like this.
 
Memeito said:
Let's say you are a manager working for a big company and you just hired a good looking secretary. The next day you are approached in the parking lot by a dude who appears out of nowhere and tells you this:
"Hey yo! Are you the boss of this girl? I have something to tell you man-to-man, you know... I'm her boyfriend, she is my woman and I don't want you to hit on her or try anything funny at the office. I never tried in my life to hit on somebody else's woman and I expect the same thing. So make sure you keep your dick in your pants 'cause if try anything with her, you will have to deal with me! You got that???!"

What would you do in this situation?
Click to expand...

I would report it directly with your HR department. To ignore it is crazy and could/will come back to bite you on your ass - if you have 'just' hired her let her go after her trial period. Say she wasn't suited for the position (your a manager just do whats natural and lie to your staff :D)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top