But it’s also possible that you have some underlying undiagnosed psychiatric condition triggered or exacerbated by overuse of stims. You seem to have been a little more prolific than usual in your postings over the last month or so. I think I recall you saying that you are sometimes surprised the next day when you see all the thoughts and ideas you’ve recorded here in your blog and more recently other threads. I would not dare try and label you or diagnose you but I wonder if some of that posting might be done in a ‘manic’ state. If so, it’s pretty common for a manic period of days, weeks, or even months to end in a pretty serious crash even without the use of amps. Is it possible that your current amp/meth crash is concurrent with a non-drug induced depressive episode or somehow interacting with one?
What I really worried about was, the cognitive-setup in my blog, before like, 2014 I was working on an earlier version of it, "prototype" of sorts.
I realized in its prototype version it wouldn't render real results. My very functionality, ability to socialize, interact, have a personality, depends on that word/cue-setup so, following realization it wouldn't work, I had a nervous breakdown.
After that I got on meds and eventually re-initiated it with more thorough understanding of its "e-motion" nature, the basis of human communication, thus making it sustainable.
.......
Point being, coming off that meth dose, 200 mg, the feeling was incredibly similar to the feeling around the time I had that nervous breakdown in 2014.
Overwhelming melancholia.
Doom.
Feeling like life is over. Another poster characterized it,
"thought rumination, depression etc", emphasizing "
it's the meth, don' let it fool you to thinking you're having an existential crises".
It was hard to distinguish for sure if it was the meth but on day five, I was able to get out a little today and felt a little better.
Had a few tearful episodes but my real worry of whether it's my body/mind saying "your cognitive-setup won't work long term" and the associated feeling of DOOM that goes with that, that seems to be easing slightly.
Plus, when I was in the hospital on Monday, my behavior presentation was great, felt great interacting with the staff, the nurses were loving me and the Dr high five'd me on the way out, suggesting my cognitive/behavioural word-configuration is in fact good, the feeling of DOOM is in fact more associated with the meth come-down.
