If identifying as an addict is helpful, do it! But personally, I'd say your more human than addict (you're just, perhaps, the "addict" flavor of human; still more in common with those of us who choose to identify differently than not). Those kinds of thoughts that you mention along the lines of "what kind of things can I do to change the way I feel/accomplish/work hard, faster, stronger/etc" seem much more common than not.
Folks like us just learned to rely on drugs to accomplish said changes, as opposed to relying on other external or internal stimuli, and for whatever reason over time it became less of something that actually helped and more something that causing us harm - but like any deeply entrenched habits, we have struggled with regards to change how way we related to the world and replace them with healthier patterns of thought and behavior.
That said, it isn't like our substance use didn't, at least at some point, serve an important function in our lives (and in the case of some of us, if in modified ways such as with empathogens, continues to do so). And on this note, regarding ketamine, I came across this little gem in my inbox this morning:
http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads...-doctors-prescribe-it?p=14001309#post14001309
Dissociatives are extremely hard to describe the feeling of though. Most people seem to hate them, but some of us find them incredibility valuable. The way they can disconnect you from physically and cognitively feeling like you're in control of yourself or your world can be far to jarring for most (or at least that is my take on why most do not enjoy them).
That articles does a pretty good way of explaining it though. It is like a kind of empathogenic kind of dissociated (or disembodied) state, where the ego isn't nearly as present and chronological memory goes out with the garbage, forcing it's less judgmental/critical counterpart procedure memory to kick in in new and interesting ways.
Basically, if you are conditioned to overly judgmental, anxious and/or depressive patterns of thought, the use of NMDAr antagonists like ketamine and DXM offer an amazing, welcome relied from self hatred, negative self talk and/or shame. Not to mention the physical pain that is often associated with them, regardless of whether the pain is caused or the biological manifestation of such mind states (or associated with conditions like acute withdrawal and PAWS for that matter).
Like I said, the article describes their very general mechanism of action and its significant, at least as far as it is currently understood, pretty damn well for the lay person (myself included).
