Poking a hole in the condom: "Cardinal sin" or "Bold display of initiative"?

[JessFR]

Why risk ruining your life and that of a child who was the result of an "accident?" Children are smart and eventually figure out they weren't wanted or planned. Men should take charge of the birth control situation. Bring your own safely sealed condoms and/or get a vasectomy.

This is a very good point, this subject is actually very close to home to me since I AM the result of this kind of pregnancy. My dad still to this day doesn't know it was planned, didn't stop him trying to kill me, or abuse me, or eventually abandon me, which was one of his better choices since all he was was a source of pain for me.

I think my mom understands now that what she did was wrong, she desperately wanted a baby and admits what she did was selfish. But the fact is I wouldn't exist had she not done it.

She eventually told me the truth about my conception when I was about 16ish. I love my mom, but what she did was wrong. Having said that though, I blame my dad more than anyone.

My mom made a mistake, a big one that can't be excused. I can't imagine ever doing what she did, especially after how it affected my life, Regardless though I didn't ask to be born, I can't help that. It doesn't make it ok for my dad to do what he did. He may not have wanted a daughter, but he got one anyway. My mom was wrong for sabotaging her birth control to conceive me, but as far as I'm concerned if you're someones father, you have a responsibility. A real man takes care of their children, even if they didn't want them, even if they were forced into becoming a father. That's a potential consequence of having sex, don't have sex if you don't want to take that risk. And as for my dad, he's no man at all, apparently he was too pathetically scared that having a vasectomy would make him less of a man. Hated condoms. And pressured god knows how many women including my mother into having an abortion, and tried to kill me when she refused to have another one when I was conceived. That to me is far worse than what my mother did.

To all the men reading this, Regardless of HOW your children came into existence, once they exist as far as I'm concerned there is no excuse for abandoning them... or worse. It's not their fault. Any man who would abandon or hurt his son or daughter in any intentional way, is no man at all in my eyes. If you have sex this is ALWAYS at least a small risk, don't have it if you're not prepared for the possibility of conception. Don't take the mothers betrayal out on your kids.

Obviously this is a bit personal for me. 8)

 

[neurotic]

It would take more than a few days for a pin prick to dry it out. I had this "girlfriend" who had condoms keep breaking inside her. They looked normal and I didn't realize they had ripped apart until the end. Being naive and trusting and imagining that we were in love, I didn't suspect her having sabotaged them. In the end, I think she got what she deserved - a bloody miscarriage of around 3 or 4 months all over her bathroom floor. We were already broken up, so I didn't have to deal with it, except for the photos she sent me.

dude is that the chick who cried when you told her you got a vasectomy?? i assume not

all the ladies after your genes man you must be f in handsome

 

[socko]

dude is that the chick who cried when you told her you got a vasectomy?? i assume not

all the ladies after your genes man you must be f in handsome

No, that was a different one right after college, but before grad school. It really shook me up, and it was very eye-opening. I could not imagine marrying somebody with the kind of "morals" and personality taht makes her think it's OK to get pregnant that way. We only went out for a few months, and the relationship was already toxic. There were so many problems taht I would have been afraid for any safety and mental health of any child that was in her custody. It made me extremely careful and made me start thinking about getting a vasectomy.

I have no idea why I attract that type of female. My looks are only a little better than average, but I'm in shape if that could have anything to do with it. I'm kind to animals - maybe women like that.

JessFR, that must have been rough. In a way, I can relate. Although my parents got pregnant on purpose, they had a change of heart around the time I was born and they (both of them) made sure I knew they didn't want me. I think the only reason they didn't give me up for adoption is because they were on the dole and they got a bigger hand out from the government for having children.

 

[Clitnhawk]

@CContin & Others: The only WAY that would have been cool for her to "oops, I'm pregnant" is that they stopped using condoms.

@socko: I was originally going to say that the moment the condom had a hole in it, the packaging is compromised. There is AIR inside the package, so once there is a hole in it and you "open" the package, you should notice that is no longer has trapped air. But some of the cheaper condoms maybe vacuumed sealed or cheaper materials. LifeStyles and Trojans always have some air that you can feel. People should stick to the major brands. In my life time, I've broken 3 condoms and lost two. They are generally strong enough to put your fist or foot into... try it.

@socko who said "I have no idea why I attract that type of female. My looks are only a little better than average," : Its bad luck or maybe, subconsciously, those are the kind of women you are attracted to. I have a high ratio of picking up bisexual girls - even tho they weren't in a gay club or I saw them making out with other chicks, etc. Also, where are you meeting these girls? or maybe they have a club in which they are all following you And yes, women do like men who are nice to animals, it means "they will be kind to babies too", which there is some truth to that.

@JessFR: "She eventually told me the truth about my conception when I was about 16ish. I love my mom, but what she did was wrong. Having said that though, I blame my dad more than anyone." I'm going to disagree with you on that one. Sorry your "father", which wasn't a dad to you - was an asshole. There is no excuse in hurting you. Being absent forever is what he should have been. But no, the person most at fault is your mother. Why? Because she choose to sabotage a condom and have a child with an abusive asshole WHO didn't want to have kids. Maybe she did it for money and to have a roof over her head... maybe he was going to be rich? Maybe he turned into an asshole because he couldn't finish college and works jobs he hates because he had to make MONEY for a family he didn't want. She CHOSE the father of her child. Her actions are the results of the things that happened. He might have demanded and abortion which she refused. For all we know, we used to be a cool dude, until she changed him. YOUR mother could have and should have made a baby with some who LOVED your mother that wanted a family.

If that had happened to me, I would have dumped her - demanded an abortion, demanded an adoption. I would HATE the bitch. I would also not be involved with the child. I'd pay the @&*^#$ required child support. ie: She doesn't get the entire package. This has not happened to me. Of course I don't abuse children. An accidental birth is one thing, a sabotage birth is another. There are women I've been with - had my fun or we had fun, that I would NEVER want to have kids with or being in a serious relationship with.

You got dealt with a lot of shit, that YOU don't deserve. What has happened, is done. I know you are hurt in many ways. Me and my sisters never had much of a father, some of us took it harder than others. If you keep yourself down because your father is an asshole - then you are giving him power over your life. Say to yourself "Fuck him. I'll be the best I can be. I'll find and marry a real man, who will be a REAL father to my kid". I had to re-read you post. You "father" thought a vasectomy would make him less of a man? What a fucking idiot loser. He didn't want kids, hated condoms and all that shit? He isn't a man, he's a shit with a dick - and there are a lot of guys like that. So again, find a REAL MAN... be the best person you can be, so you can meet that kind of guy. Read more below with Socko pt3.

@socko (pt3) "they (both of them) made sure I knew they didn't want me." : That really sucks. In reality, most of us are born into this world as an "oops". Very rarely its "tonight, we're gonna fuck to make a baby". Some religious nuts do thou... imagine a married couple on only had sex 3-4 times and produced one kid... I've meet such people. ugh. What a horrible thing to do to a child... A lot of people shouldn't have children. Sorry to hear that. As I told JessFR: Fall in love with someone you want to have children with.

I had adopted a child from a friend (I am a man, btw) as I bonded with the baby and was a father figure. I meet a woman who treated my son like a mother as well as a loving GF. We got married and knew we couldn't have kids. But we did end up having a baby together. It was a shock and total surprise to both of us, totally unplanned of course and I sure didn't want to change diapers again. We love each other very very much and we got a beautiful baby boy who we love. We refer to the boys as brothers. They play and hug each other. We can honestly say, we treat our oldest son as our biological, we want the very best for both of them - to go to school and grow up happy and successful. I would be willing to die for my boys to protect them.

I've been with over 100 women before I found my *ONE*. We knew something special was there on our first kiss.

Don't give up, meet women a different places... maybe pick some new hobbies or sports. Live healthy, as much as possible. Try to not use drugs. Try to not drink too much. Get a gym membership, work out - get in shape (we all get old and flabby if we don't work out). After I post this - I'm heading out to the gym for a work out. $25 a month and I get a pool to swim in as well any day of the year.

Be the parent you always wanted. I am. I enjoy every new thing my baby does. His first crawl, his first walk. He sat on my lap while I typed this for a while then got his bottle and crashed. I love the hugs and snugs he gives me, same for my older son. Just have to find the right person who doesn't bring you down, who wants to be your partner in life. No lies, no bullshit (life is drama - so minimal drama as possible).

 

[socko]

@CContin & Others: Don't give up, meet women a different places... maybe pick some new hobbies or sports. Live healthy, as much as possible. Try to not use drugs. Try to not drink too much. Get a gym membership, work out - get in shape (we all get old and flabby if we don't work out). After I post this - I'm heading out to the gym for a work out. $25 a month and I get a pool to swim in as well any day of the year.

Surprisingly, I met "DeMonica" the Condom Breaker / Bathroom Floor Miscarriage Girl at my university gym. She was pre-med majoring in biochemistry. The female who got mad and cried when I got the vasectomy seemed stable too. (BTW, she knew that vasectomies are reversible, she is the product of a vasectomy reversal). She had a master's degree and was a school teacher. Neither of them did illegal drugs. At the time I thought they were both stable.

I think their problem is that they are both American Women. I've had bad luck with the quality of American Women I have encountered and have sworn never to date another American Woman or Americanized Woman or any woman whose first language is English. Which sucks because I'm American. I just did a blog entry about here on blyuelight: "American Woman RANT WARNING."

I know all American Women aren't bad, because that would be statistically impossible. But I haven't met any good American Women who I thought I had a chance with. I don't think my expectations are unrealistic. All I want is somebody who complements my own lifestyle and values. And I am extremely healthy. I do marathons, mountain climb, weight training, yoga, care about the environment, volunteer at an animal rescue organization, volunteer at a charity that fixes up and donates bicycles (and teaches children how to fix them) to children who live in the projects, and I eat well. My IQ is higher than 145, work in the field of health care, and I have a PhD at a top university, but just no luck with American Women.

American Women just don't seem to value anything beyond what is skin deep. Maybe I need to lure them with gaudy displays of wealth or somethign, but I couldn't live live with myself if I knew all I had was a gold digger. Might as well hire a hooker. At least hookers are honest about the fact that they expect money. I just did a blog entry about American Women here: "American Woman RANT WARNING." I've had much better luck lately with Asians, Middle Eastern, Eastern European, African, etc...