• HEALTH & RECOVERY
    Welcome Guest
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules Thread Directory 1 Thread Directory 2
    Mindfulness Links Addiction & Mind
    Sober Living Partner Program (SLiPP)
  • H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist | cdin | Lil'LinaptkSix

Detox Please Help w Detoxing

10, that's great they let you watch TV late. During my last two medical detoxes I think they locked the day rooms at 10:30. I know all of us would have stayed up late watching TV if we could because detoxing people tend to have wicked insomnia even in spite of the massive doses of sleep drugs they give you.
 
Not to hijack this thread, but all this talk of late nights in treatment reminds me--weird as it sounds--that I really miss my time in the hospital. It had really fucked up aspects. And there was a ton of awful shit on my plate. But having such a tiny world to deal with was a huge relief. And finding pleasure in little things like being alone late at night or chatting with my favorite nurse during shift changes...somehow it has a fond glow for me. Of course I don't even remember my first ~7 days there...nothing more than blurry flashes. But the last few weeks were a weird vacation from my demons.
 
My positive experiences with treatment have been very empowering. My negative experience have been very (very) harmful. Unfortunately I experienced more of the latter.

I think it is cool to reflect on what we find positive about treatment, as opposed to my tendency to focus more on the potential for harm (makes sense given my experiences, but it’s not the total picture). It is so useful to reinforce what makes treatmen a positive experience, as it gives us something to look for in professionals apart from just warning signs. Especially as the industry continues to grow, anything we can do to encourage professionalism, compassionate and humane conduct among providers is a good thing I think. The tough love bullshit mentality is still really really strong.

Thanks for letting us use your thread to reflect OP :)
 
I love hearing everyone's experiences. Remember-that time in my life was a huge turning point. I had been locked up for 6 and a half months and went directly to rehab. This time was one of those huge life lessons. It definitely got my attention to say the least.

As much as I am a kind and caring person, and treat others w respect --I observe people. Im.not easily swayed. When I was on my way to rehab --I was concerned that I was about to go to more hell. I decided I would try to make the best of it. But was anticipating crying in bed everynight. Thank.God it was a good experience. It helped that I was already detoxed. I would've, of course, preferred detoxing there but it didnt turn out that way.

So I encouraged, cheered on and re-assured my rehab friends. It was a time in my life I surely wont ever forget.

Please feel free to post whatever you want. I love hearing from everyone. ❤❤
 
Sim, I know what you mean. I almost went back to inpatient detox a few weeks ago for the reasons you outlined in your post (a "vacation" from your demons for a while), but I eventually decided against it because my BAC wasn't insane and it is a pain in the ass to be discharged because they strongly push inpatient rehab either there or somewhere else. Even though I had enough presence of mind to determine going would be counterproductive at this time, I know exactly what you mean and part of me wanted to go back.
 
It is a safe feeling Its kind of like that feeling (for me at least) when you are a kid and living w your parents. No worries about paying bills, grocery shopping, cooking, etc. All decisions were made. I could just be me. Not a wife that does everything and makes all the decisions.

And the choice about using/drinking/smoking your substance of choice is made for you. In my case, if I left I would've gone directly back to jail. But l didn't want to leave. Part of me did cause Jesus- 7mos prior I went to my probation appt and got detained and taken to jail. And it wasn't because I had a hot urine either. They wanted so many things done in a short time. I was really, honestly trying to do everything they asked. I tried my best and failed to please them.

But I digress. Rehab gave me a safe feeling. It was also nice that other people were awake all night. Its 4:14am, I"ve been awake since 2am watching Dexter reruns. I liked talking w the staff. They were really cool to me. I was treated w respect, kindness, caring. Amd beyond that - there were genuine connections as human beings.

There was one social worker I would hide from. Like literally. In the closet hide lol. And there was Jason, the accunpuncture guy that put a needle in my chest plate and ankle bone and was kind of a jerk too that I avoided.

But, on the whole, it was a great.experience.
 
Ok Guys and Ladies-

I fly home tomorrow at noon. There is going to be shit waiting. My husband wired money to the guy picking us up.

I don't want to trigger anyone
-so I'll just say he got multiple things. I cannot do stimulants anymore. For reasons unknown to me. Its a nightmare- i get all the negative side effects and none of the good. It may be due to taking Neurontin daily and for my chemistry it doesnt mix well.

I feel anxiety about it. I wish I could go to rehab straight from the airport. I doubt I'm going to be able to resist dope. I
At times, my husband does stimulants alone and I dont touch them. If I want to feel like Im going crazy for 72hrs straight-no thanks.

I'll also have to deal with him being awake for about a week-at least He went ham w the amount he got. I flipped out. And driving me insane. If anyone has been around someone on stimulants and you're not-? - you know exactly what I'm up against. I really wish I had money to fly to - Prague or something. I'd rather go to Prague than be around him on stimulants.

I don't know. I feel trapped sometimes.
 
Lol, you don't need a good reason to go to Prague except that it's there. It's one of the most beautiful cities in Europe. Except Prague is where I was introduced to absinthe or "the green fairy." I really wish you luck. If you feel like you need to remove yourself from the situation (you mentioned rehab), give it serious thought. As for my experience with stimulants, in college a girl I liked invited me to hole up in a fleabag motel room for a weekend of cocaine and sex. It was my first time and I didn't understand that cocaine makes your dick shrivel up and I felt like my heart was going to explode out of my chest. No thank you. Haven't done a stimulant since. Downers on the other hand...they are my best friends, unfortunately.
 
Last edited:
I want to go far, far away from that jackass when he's on stimulants.

He won't shut up. Then the weirdness factor starts on day 2-I wake up and he's staring at me. It freaks me out and pisses me off. He looks crazy.

I dont like coke if I snort it. But IV, its prob my favorite. But for some reason I have this insane tolerance. I have to use very dangerous amounts. I decided its too much of a risk and I won't do it ever again. My husband basically forbids it. It terrifies him watching me- even though Im ok and feel great--from the outside it doesn't look that way. But he has nerve. It makes me feel spiteful But thats stupid and dangerous.

Aih-im trying to think of where I could go. I have a friend in Hershey. Pa-she was my roommate in rehab. I may be able to stay there. Im thinking. ❤
 
I was going to ask if there's a friend you can hang out with until your husband gets out from under the stims. But I think there's also a serious question behind the scenes here...is your relationship such that you could ask him not to do that around you? (Or at least do it less.) I can see how this would be an awkward thing to ask. But if it makes you uncomfortable, it's totally within your rights to ask.
 
Sim-
Absilutely. I hold back nothing. I cant hide my emotions or fake it. My eyes dont allow it. Ive been told I have expressive eyes. Dammit. Its both good and bad.

Yesterday, we got into it. But we"re still at his mom's-so I have to hold back. I was so pissed when he told me but at least he told me. He can't hide it from me anyway-we've been to together a long time. He was getting vyvanse and meth behind my back a few months ago. I knew by how insane his eyes look and his behavior. Lile immediately. He knows I hate it.

I can ask him but he"ll do it anyway. I'm sure if I went nuts and gave him an ultimatum-he wouldn't do it. But I'd rather remove myself. Amy and I have wanted to get togethet for awhile anyway. So we'll see. I did threaten to get coke to be spiteful-and he said "No!!" As I said above it would be stupid and cert dangerous for me. I don't know. Its so goddamn stressful.
 
10YearsGone said:
Sim-
Absilutely. I hold back nothing. I cant hide my emotions or fake it. My eyes dont allow it. Ive been told I have expressive eyes. Dammit. Its both good and bad.

Yesterday, we got into it. But we"re still at his mom's-so I have to hold back. I was so pissed when he told me but at least he told me. He can't hide it from me anyway-we've been to together a long time. He was getting vyvanse and meth behind my back a few months ago. I knew by how insane his eyes look and his behavior. Lile immediately. He knows I hate it.

I can ask him but he"ll do it anyway. I'm sure if I went nuts and gave him an ultimatum-he wouldn't do it. But I'd rather remove myself. Amy and I have wanted to get togethet for awhile anyway. So we'll see. I did threaten to get coke to be spiteful-and he said "No!!" As I said above it would be stupid and cert dangerous for me. I don't know. Its so goddamn stressful.
Click to expand...

Hey 10,

I wish that you had better travel/living arrangements, but I know that it's not always practical. I live with my alcoholic father at the moment. It's not that his drinking tempts me (alcohol doesn't even make my Top 10 drugs of choice), but rather, I just can't stand being around him when he's drunk. Now that he's old and frail, he's not violent (or even mean) like when I was growing up, but still... I shouldn't have to babysit a 72 year-old!

I've had a love/hate relationship with amphetamines (first Adderall, then Vyvanse) for two years now that I am trying to break free from. Without going into specifics, I do enjoy them on rare occasions, but only if I have something like alcohol or benzos to "take the edge off", so it always ends up turning into a multi-drug binge.

Just remember: You can't always control your surroundings, but that doesn't mean you have to let them control you. (I just came up with that now! Pretty clever, huh?)

Peace, Love and faith,
Dreamflyer
 
You are so clever DF!!

My mother was a severe alcoholic. A blackout drunk. She fixated on me. Beating my ass regularly. Then denying it. It took me years to realize she blacked out. I didnt know about blacking out yet.

On top of it, she was a functioning alcoholic. She took care of herself. You could eat off of our floors. She was a. nurse. A great one. So, alot of her shenanigans got overlooked. She never believed that she beat the living shit out of me. She said I was being dramatic. (what?? Why??) Why would your child lie about something like that. She died an alcoholic. Not from alcoholism. And in spite of all that-I miss her. I understand your pain DF. I'm sorry you are under so much parental stress. I loved (still do) my parents w all of my heart. I know you feel the same. I hope you're well ❤
 
You are indeed of a wonderful intelligence DF :)

10years, that sounds horrible. I hear where you are coming from with how you now feel about your mom though. All in all, that is an amzing outlook. Being able to see the good and the bad, and still being able to tap into the caring, compassionate place in yourself.

I really hope you are able to manage your relationship with your partner. That kind of disparity between what you’re doing and what they continue to do is beyond difficult. I’m sure you guys have been through a lot together, but I do hope you continue developing your boundaries around your partner’s on going drug use. You don’t deserve that. Or need it. I’m not suggesting you break up or anything, just that it will be a lot harder for you to keep moving forward with that kind of shitty, extremely self centered behavior going on. Hardly makes for a caring, mutual relationship. Unfortunately, at the end of the day, you can only do so much but look out for yourself.

I really don’t even know... :(
 
That makes 2 of us TPD. I don't know either. He got dope too-cause you know how it goes w stimulants. So I'm kind of doomed.

It's 2am and Im packing still. Everyone is asleep except the damn dog and me. I still have to take a shower-and I have really long hair so its alot to do-get the tangles out-blow dry it. Ay yi yi. Fuck it. I'll twist it up wet. I have to leave in 7hrs. I honestly don't know.how Im going to fit all the crap I accumulated in my suit cases. Did I mention I hate flying? If not, I hate flying. I just stay in my seat w my seat belt on the entire flight.

After my mom died, I felt like I was allowed to love her. She was militant and could be almost malicious at times. So when she wasn't around to be mean anymore-I just felt able to freely love her. It was confusing at first. My dad also comes w his own story. I miss them very much though. I'm an only child so I don't have siblings to understand. I don't mind being an only child. I don't know any other way anyways.

My husband is a piece of work. I'm going to make plans to go see Amy for a couple weeks after I get home.
 
Hey 10, just wanted to let you know I'm thinkin' of ya. Hope you're doing okay.

My mom saw the gastroenterologist yesterday and now she has to schedule an endoscopy, colonoscopy and I think some other -oscopy. Now all I can do is sit back, worry and pray. I hate feeling so helpless.

My dad's a wreck too, so he's been doubling up on the wine, Ativan, Percocet, etc. A few days ago I found him unresponsive in his chair with his eyes wide open and rolled up into the back of his head. I smacked him five times in the arm with my baseball cap, so hard that the adjustment strap and clasp went flying across the room, before he finally began to slowly come around. He was barely coherent for a while, but my mom insisted that he was fine so I left her to babysit him!

Just another day in the life of Dreamflyer 8(

(Sorry, I didn't intend to make this all about me. I just re-read your last post about your family and figured I'd share. Thanks for listening.)
 
Jfc Dream, that sounds fucking horrible with your dad. Did he say anything about it after sober up the next day or after coming to?
 
toothpastedog said:
Jfc Dream, that sounds fucking horrible with your dad. Did he say anything about it after sober up the next day or after coming to?
Click to expand...

Ha ha, actually yeah... he was mad at me for calling my mom and said that I just "overreacted as usual"!!! :X:?8( Seriously, dude.
 
dreamflyer said:
Hey 10, just wanted to let you know I'm thinkin' of ya. Hope you're doing okay.

My mom saw the gastroenterologist yesterday and now she has to schedule an endoscopy, colonoscopy and I think some other -oscopy. Now all I can do is sit back, worry and pray. I hate feeling so helpless.

My dad's a wreck too, so he's been doubling up on the wine, Ativan, Percocet, etc. A few days ago I found him unresponsive in his chair with his eyes wide open and rolled up into the back of his head. I smacked him five times in the arm with my baseball cap, so hard that the adjustment strap and clasp went flying across the room, before he finally began to slowly come around. He was barely coherent for a while, but my mom insisted that he was fine so I left her to babysit him!

Just another day in the life of Dreamflyer 8(

(Sorry, I didn't intend to make this all about me. I just re-read your last post about your family and figured I'd share. Thanks for listening.)
Click to expand...

as bad as some of that is, I'm so glad to hear that your mom is getting treatment for her pain/illness. I'm sure your influence helped push in the right direction. Good on you, DF!
 
simco said:
as bad as some of that is, I'm so glad to hear that your mom is getting treatment for her pain/illness. I'm sure your influence helped push in the right direction. Good on you, DF!
Click to expand...

Thanks Sim :D

I'll try to keep everybody updated...
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top